happiness

Raindrops and Lasagne

After having a rather rough start to the day (there’s nothing quite like having those intuitions confirmed), the kids and I were treated to an amazing and loving evening provided by my cousin.

She started by giving us all a raindrop massage. If you’ve never had one, I highly recommend this blissful essential oil experience. After spa time, she fed us her homemade lasagne (which is a family favourite) and we sat and shared stories and laughed.

Having these blessed family moments is what it is all about. We spent so long floating around, isolated little bubbles. It’s so good for the soul to be back around our tribe and people who truly care for and love us, and whom we love and trust. What a happiness moment.

As a bonus happiness moment, I spent some time today tellingĀ my story. I have decided not to post it right now, but I am no longer afraid to tell it. You see, I realized that I am no longer stuck in an abusive relationship, I no longer have to not tell my story. There is a lot of freedom and relief that comes with that realization.

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happiness

The elephant on my back

I have this spot in the middle of my back, between my shoulder blades, where all of my sad emotions live. You may know the area, it’s the back of my heart chakra – although it took me a little while to put that together.

The first time I noticed it was 9 years ago when my beloved childhood pony Pirate died. I was living in Quebec at the time so I wasn’t able to be with him in his last days, but he was in very loving care with family back here in Alberta. After he passed, my back seized up, I felt the elephant arrive and step hard on the middle of my back. I ended up being bedridden with pain for a few days – not a good thing as I had small children to care for.

Since then every time something really sad happens, or I’m under incredible amounts of stress that elephant comes back. During the worst of the dark night of the soul, it was there as a constant reminder of how unhappy I was. Over the past couple of years I’ve been able to rid myself of that elephant except in the most dire of cases.

The elephant came back after my Dad died, but that time it sat on my hip and pelvic area for a couple of days making it almost impossible for me to move around. At least that time I was kind of expecting the elephant’s visit. I was feeling and flowing my grief emotions, but they were so intense I knew that there would be some kind of acknowledgement from my body as to what I was feeling.

I wasn’t sure how Christmas and New Year’s would be this year without Dad. This season has always been such an important family time for us, and over the past 10 years it’s often been the only time we have been able to be home and visit with loved ones. Christmas actually ended up being a delightful day, filled with laughter and love. Thank goodness for those children who let their love shine so brightly and lighten up the dark clouds of grief. My elephant stayed away and I was feeling so grateful for that. I’ve been really focusing on feeling and allowing all the grief to come through and then letting it pass on out.

That old saying pride goeth before the fall definitely is true for me, as the day before New Years Eve I woke up feeling horrible with a sore throat and that elephant perched firmly in the middle of my back. I home remedied away my sore throat (apple cider vinegar works wonders, I also used raw honey and dried ginger) in short order, but I couldn’t shake that darn elephant. Usually he perches on my back for a good week before I can get rid of that trampled feeling so I was pretty upset – there was still a lot of Christmas vacation things that I wanted to enjoy.

That day Jenna and I ended up going to the Apple Store to have them fix her computer that I had fried (it’s like doing a bad home dye job – I only will do that once and from now get the professionals to do their job), and we spent some time walking around. An aromatherapy store called Escents finally has opened at Market Mall and we went in to check it out. I’ve been using DoTerra for years (and love them), but I’ve had some difficulty changing my account to a Canadian one, and with our low dollar here right now I’m not in a huge rush to have things shipped from the States anyway. The fact that Escents is Canadian is an added bonus.

I ended up purchasing their Rescue Relief Gel on the faint hope that it would offer some relief.

 

When we got home I announced I was going for a nap and had Jenna rub some of the Rescue gel on my back before I laid down. When I got up an hour later I was amazed that I felt about 60% better. I could move my shoulders and I could breathe without it hurting. She rubbed some more gel on, and by the time I went to bed that night I was almost back to my old self. I have never ever had something work so effectively.

I’m now using it on my lower back and hip area where I store all my stress and fear in huge balls of painful muscle knots to see what it can do there.

I was so pleased to find something that actually helped relieve that damn elephant. It was a good indicator that I still have a lot of grief emotions that I need to deal with and release, but at least I don’t have to have the intense physical pain while I’m doing that.

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RaindropsĀ 

Today I treated myself to a Raindrop Oil Massage combined with some Reiki work and chakra balancing. It was my first time doing this, and not only was it relaxing and cleansing, but it was a heck of a good deal as well. The lady who did it advertised a special on our community Facebook page and I thought what the heck. With all the stuff that has been going on these past few months, I felt it would  be a nice treat and compliment to the energy work I was already doing. 
It was. 

An hour and a half of complete relaxation while someone massaged different essential oils into my back. I love essential oils and respond well to them. Even my kids come to my study in search of an oil instead of our nonexistent medicine cabinet for an aspirin. 

She also used crystals. 

  

I was to pick two and hold onto them during the massage. She had a little basket of them and I picked the first two that called to me. 

 

It was a happiness moment. A little relaxation vacation that took 90 minutes. We all need that little break now and then the fact that it helped strengthen my body and soul was an added bonus. 

It helped remind me that the path that I’m on is the right one for me and I need to have the faith and the strength to keep walking it. 

An extra happiness moment was driving into town with the kids. We had some extremely silly giggle moments. I love the summer versions of my kids. They’re so much more fun and relaxed. 

This morning an article by John Douillard about the movie Inside Out and Ayurveda showed up in my inbox. This movie has been of such benefit to the kids and I this summer as we sort out our feelings about my Dad dying. I loved the relations to Ayurveda and appreciated that someone else spent time espressing the deep meanings in the movie. I love this movie in case you can’t tell. 

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Doing the right thingĀ 

A few days ago I rented a rug doctor from our grocery store. I love the instant gratification of cleaning carpets. And with the rug doctor I get to choose what I put on the carpet. This time it was vinegar and my DoTerra Wild Orange essential oil. The house smelled so good after. 

Then the movers came. Now our house is dirty again and covered in boxes. Chaos. I can’t wait until it’s all sorted out again. Calmness. 

When I went to return the rug doctor everything seemed fine. After I was doing some shopping and the lady came and said the filter was missing. I knew I’d seen it when I put it in the car. We searched the car. Nothing. Went back in and said we’d have to go look at home. She was adamant we needed it (fair enough, it was a part of the vacuum). 

We went home and wham chaos for the next day and a half. There was enough big stuff going on there was no time to deal with small things. 

But in the back of my head kept playing the conversation I’d had with Jacob on the way home. About how frustrated I was. About how we’d already returned the vacuum and had our deposit refunded before she noticed it was gone. About Jacob chiming in that then it was her responsibility. That was not setting well with me. 

It may not have been my fault the filter was missing but it certainly wasn’t her fault either. 

What kind of example was I setting for Jacob? Aside from that it wasn’t sitting well in my conscience. Once the other fires were out I knew I had to deal with it. 

I called her today and apologized for not getting back sooner. Said (without any details) there had been a family emergency and I hadn’t been able to deal with it. That I’d looked and looked and couldn’t find it. That I would drive into town in a bit and find out what we needed to do to make it right. 

Thinking ughhhhh how much is this going to cost???

She called me back a little while later and said she’d talked to rug doctor and they’d agreed to just send a replacement. That family was the most important thing and my focus should be there not worrying about a silly filter. 

My happiness moment for today was the good feeling of knowing I did the right thing and the added bonus of being rewarded for it. 

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