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My fairy godmother. 

I am really lucky in the godmother department. When I was a kid, my godmother really was like a fairy godmother – always stopping by with treats, good cheer, and a twinkle in her eye. She is the standard by which godmothers are set. I’m afraid I’ve failed terribly in comparison in my appointment with my niece, but it is an incredibly hard act to follow. 

This afternoon, her daughter – my sister’s godmother- had us over for tea. Not your North American tea either please and thank you. High tea (they are Scottish) with scones and jam, little sandwiches, butter tarts…. you get the picture. 

We sat outside and visited – something we have not done properly in years. Something that was so important to do with these life long friends who are family. They have been an incredibly important part of my life and it was a very blessed happiness moment to get to spend the afternoon with them.  

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Old friends 

A huge bonus to coming home for good has been being able to meet up with old friends. For the past 10 years, trips home have involved rushed and intense visits with family that have left no time for friends. Now I get to reconnect with some of these people whom I have not seen in ages. Lifetimes as far as my kids are concerned. 

Today I had a visit with a high school friend. We haven’t seen each other since maybe 1990 (ugh. Too long ago) when we were in university. Over the years we have made attempts, but with us being so far away or us being busy it just never happened. 

How wonderful to sit down with someone I haven’t seen in 25 years and be able to just pick up with each other’s lives. Now, Facebook has helped with that as we kind of knew what the other was doing – but the friendship foundation from school was what tied us together. 

Fun too for my kids to see me interact with old friends. For their lifetimes they have only seen me struggling to make friends in new places. I love that they get to see what life long friendships look like as well. 

Happiness moment. 

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Hanging on the edge of a cliff. 

After posting yesterday about loving fearlessly I had a conversation with my mom about how I felt like I was also living clinging to the edge of a cliff. Generally I think I’m doing really well. I’m happier than I’ve been in years, I’m home surrounded by family in beautiful Alberta. I feel generally like I’m dealing with the fact that Dad died (I hate saying that) really well. 

Until something happens that makes me realize that even with all those wonderful things I’m living right now clinging to the edge of a cliff. I absolutely can not have anything more happen at this moment to the people I love. The mere mention of someone close to me having some kind of health problem is enough to send me into a free fall of tears. 

It actually does not even have to be someone I know. I was at Rogers yesterday sorting out my phone and a lady came in. She had just taken her husband to emergency and he had taken her phone leaving her without one. She needed to get something quickly so they could stay in contact. A huge stress purchase done under intense emotional duress. I wished the phone I was trying to hook up had ended up working and I would have just given it to her. But seeing her emotional pain was enough to send me to my car crying for a little while. 

I am respecting  the fact that I’m both in a really good and really strong place emotionally and at the exact same time in a really fragile place. The two places don’t seem like they should coexist but they are, so I know it’s possible. 

Two happiness moments today. We had friends from Virginia stop by for a visit. They were headed to a family reunion and went right by our place. It was so nice to see friends from one of our other homes. They’re a lovely family, a good reminder of some of the good things that came from our time away. 

  
The second happiness moment was getting Jenna’s phone hooked up today. She had my old iPhone but it got lost during the move so she’d been without one for about 3 months. Normally not a big deal, but without a home phone we need a way to communicate. Her grandma gave her an old flip phone that we hooked up. Jenna is so much happier with the flip phone. She says she loves the size, loves flipping it open and shut, and loves carrying it around. Impressive that it made her so happy when we have all been trained that smart phones are the way to go. I was proud that she liked this phone better because it was the best fit for her, not because it was what everyone said was cool. Smart kid!

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New to the area. 

We have moved many times in the last 10 years and every time it’s been a struggle to meet new friends and develop some sort of feeling of belonging. For sure some places were easier than others, but in every case it was about two years before we felt like we were beginning to have some kind of sense of having a life there. Interestingly, in Quebec it happened faster and in Virginia it was  much slower. 

This move home is different from the other moves in that, well, it is home. But still we have been gone 10 years. I am lucky because I have family here and all my childhood friends. For the kids, it’s a little tougher. They’re still the new kids even though they see people they know all the time and have a strong sense of belonging. 

Today Jenna went to a birthday party and I was at the door talking to the mom. She leads Jenna’s VBS group so I’d chatted with her before but never really had a conversation. She welcomed Jenna in and after talking to me for a couple of minutes said she’d love to go out for coffee with me sometime because she knows what it’s like to be new in town and how difficult it is to meet people. I explained to her that this was our move home to where we belonged and that we had family and friends around, but that I would love to get together with her and get to know her better. She’s a horse person so you know it’s a friendship made in heaven.  

I was thinking after though, what an act of kindness. Having moved to an area where we were not welcomed at all and where no effort was made to get to know us (the onus in this area was on us to constantly be the ones reaching out), how lovely to have someone reach out because they know the feeling of being new. 

That was my happiness moment for the day. An act of kindness by hopefully a soon to be friend. 

This happiness moment was followed up by taking Jacob out for gelato and running into my cousin sitting kicking a fine with her kids. Impromptu visit. Awesome. And yes, we also went to Mackay’s for ice cream yesterday. It’s summer and 30C out. It was heart happy. 

Jacob told me on the way home how he feels so grounded and safe here. We all need to be safe and secure. 

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The Red Tent 

Today was a Red Tent kind of day. After Dad’s funeral, lifelong family friends came up to me and said that we needed to get together, all of us girls, and have a Red Tent moment. A time where we would join together in our sisterhood in a safe and comfortable conversation. These two ladies lost their mother a couple of months before we lost Dad, so we are all on the same journey.

I was thinking on my way to meet them today how interesting our family relationship is. These two families who have been so intertwined through the years. I can’t remember not knowing them, and they can’t remember not knowing our family. 

Dad was their go-to person when they had an issue they didn’t know how to deal with. They talk about Dad with mad respect, and I have always had mad respect for these two entrepreneurs who are also strong and kind women. 

But, mostly when we sat down today and talked it was just three ladies laughing and catching up on each others’ lives. We hadn’t really visited in years, yet because of our shared history, instead of it being awkward we ended up not wanting to leave and needing more time. 

There was a statement made by one of them near the beginning of our visit that this was a safe place and that we should be able to share anything we wanted with each other. What a great friendship rule! I said that in the last few years I’ve realized that I need to really work on surrounding myself with a good tribe of women friends. You should always be safe with your good friends. In that moment I felt so blessed to have these two friends re-enter my life. 

I lived on that friendship high all day, then tonight got to ride it a bit higher as we joined together to celebrate my cousin’s birthday. More strong and safe friendships, more laughs, more reasons to be grateful. 

My happiness moment today was the celebration of my women friends. Those who are family and those who feel like family. Having that tribe is so important for me – it holds me and makes me stronger. 

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VBS friend 

My happiness moment today was at the kids’ VBS. I dropped Jenna off with her older cousin and she wasn’t there 3 minutes before one of her friends from school showed up. Neither girl knew the other would be there, but what a nice surprise. Happiness in the fact that already when she goes places she has people she knows and isn’t the new kid. It’s good to be home. 

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Cheers

One year at our church in Roanoke (well, actually the church was in Salem but close enough) we had monthly family potlucks. They were a wonderful way for families to get to know each other better and share some good times. Some of it was spiritual leadership and some of it was just visiting and relaxing. 

One of the exercises we had to do was fill out the words to the theme song from Cheers 

Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got

Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot

Wouldn’t you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to go – where everybody knows your name

and they’re always glad you came

You wanna be where you can see – our troubles are all the same

You wanna be where everybody knows your name

You wanna go where people know people are all the same

You wanna go where everybody knows your name

The point of the exercise was for us to realize that the church was our Cheers and that it should  be the place where we could go where everybody knows our name.  What the exercise did was make me homesick for the place where I actually knew people. I appreciated what they were doing but ohhhhh it made me miss the place where people know my name. 

Today I had to take the car into the dealership for a tune up. The dealership is in the southwest part of town – if I actually have to go to Calgary I try and stay at the outskirts. While this wasn’t downtown or East Calgary or anything, it was off my normal path. 

I sat down in the waiting area and saw a neighbor/family member/friend whom I haven’t seen in a few years. We chatted for a while and got caught up on each other’s lives a bit. After she left I sat and thought about how blessed I was that in a city of over a million people I still could run into someone I know almost every time I go out somewhere. Even if that somewhere is off my beaten path. 

After the dealership I went to the natural foods store which is up in the north west. There I ran into a friend I haven’t seen in at least 8 years. I also got to see her boys who have gone from toddlers to young men during that time. We stood in the produce section and chatted for almost an hour. 

How blessed are we to be back in the place where people know our name. Where we are no longer strangers floating about unseen. My happiness moment for the day. 

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Bored outta my mind 

Since having kids I have spent hundreds of hours sitting and waiting for them while they’re participating in one activity or another. If this sounds like complaining, it’s not. My mom spent probably thousands of hours driving and sitting while she watched me swim, skate, play tennis and badminton, and by far the biggest time vacuum – horseback riding (which included brutally early mornings and brutally cold weather a great deal of the time). Sitting and watching my kids is my gift to pass down to the next generation. 

But, more than that, I really enjoy doing things with my kids and I love watching them have fun. I think one of my favourite kinds of happiness isn’t one that’s centered around my own happiness, but the kind of happiness that comes from knowing I facilitated happiness in someone I love. 

Today we celebrated Jacob’s birthday. He and Jenna went with their two cousins (aka partners in crime) to Shakers – which is a family fun centre. They spent the day go karting, rock climbing, playing laser tag and messing about in the arcade. They laughed, ran, giggled, sweat, and everything in between.  I sat and watched them and read my kindle. We were there over 5 hours. By the 3rd hour I had hit boredom, but I was so happy watching them have fun that it didn’t matter. The happiness I felt giving them the gift of the joy they were experiencing was so uplifting and gratifying. I love my little monsters and they have brought me so much love that whatever I can give back I am happy to do so. I am so grateful for the time I have to share with them. 

Today’s happiness moment. Listening to those four kids laugh and watching them run and have fun with each other. That’s what it’s all about. 

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New year, old friends 

 Today my baby turned 14. Considering the fact that I’m still having trouble adjusting to the fact that I may actually be an adult it amazes me that I have a kid who is 14. Old enough here in Alberta to have his learners license. He went and took the test and even though he’s studied hard he will need to go back and write it again. 

Last night Jenna was so excited that her brother was turning 14 she stayed up late and crafted him some birthday decorations. 

  

His dad called first thing this morning and we were all able to participate as he opened his presents. He was surprised with some new headphones. You know, the kind of things that are important at 14. Who am I kidding? I’d be happy with these headphones at 44. 

As a wonderful birthday bonus he was able to run across the yard to Nana’s house and see her first thing in the morning. Of course it made me miss Dad even more, but I hope he was watching down and smiling today as Jacob takes one more leap towards becoming a wonderful and kind man. 

  

After attempting his drivers license we went to see his Grandma for some birthday hugs and to pick up his present. How grateful we are to be back around our people. Then zipped back home for sushi with Nana 

  

After supper we were joined by a cousin for cake. Because having a friend makes any occasion more fun. 

Celebrating this day with Jacob was a happiness moment without a doubt, but I had a completely different happiness moment as well today. This morning I met up with an old friend for tea and a visit. I’ve known her ever since I was little; little enough that I don’t remember meeting her. We did Pony Club together for years and years. Then we hit our party girl years (oh my) at the same time, in a small town, so we ran together then too. But it’s been at least 25 years since we’ve seen each other. We’ve both grown up (kind of) and are married with kids, which we both found hysterical. 

The excellent thing was that it was like no time at all had passed. We talked about old days, caught up on parts of each other’s lives that we’ve missed, laughed, and shared gossip about people we both know. Before I knew it three and a half hours had passed and I had to leave to take the kids out for Jacob’s special birthday lunch. 

I can’t remember when in the last 15 years I’ve sat with one person for three and a half hours and just talked. What an incredible gift to be able to share that kind of time with someone. And someone that knows me so well that although we had to learn about the newer parts of each other’s lives, we knew all the basics already. I am so grateful for that time and it ranks high on my list of happiness moments. Hopefully there are many more of those to come. 

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Denial. 

This morning at 4:30 I woke up in a panic from a nightmare that Dad had died and we were getting ready for his funeral. It was only a couple of seconds before I realized that this was not just a sleeping nightmare. 

Somehow it’s supposed to get easier. 

I was told to be grateful that I had all that time before to be with him and tell him I loved him. I am thankful for that – but let me tell you that it does not help with the big, aching hole in my heart and in my family. 

I just keep thinking it can’t possibly be true. This can’t have happened. I still have a journey to walk with him. We still had things to do. Jacob still needed him. 

Today happiness moment was a silly, funny happiness. I went to get my hair done. Since last fall I’ve had subtle purple highlights in my hair. Well, today they came out hot pink. My stylist and I just looked at the hot mess and laughed and laughed. Because what can you do? I figured at least I would  be able to embarrass the kids with it, but they think it’s awesomely cool and want me to leave it like this. It’ll be back to boring old purple tomorrow. Funny moments. They’re good. 

I also had a cousin stop by for a visit while getting my hair done, and when I was finished I ran into an old friend I haven’t seen in 20 years. It is good to be home. That’s a happiness moment all by itself. 

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