happiness

Another trip around the sun

Today is my birthday. Two years ago I started this happiness journey with 44 days of happiness. The life I was living was completely different from the one I have today. We were living in SW Virginia, I was so unhappy, scared, alone, fearful, anxious, and lost. I decided to start looking for something every single day that made me happy and since I was turning 44 I would do it for 44 days.

When I started it was really difficult. Some days the only thing that I could find that made me happy was seeing the heron on my morning walk. There was not a lot of joy in my life and I had to work really hard to find any kind of sunshine. After the 44 days I felt a lot better, but knew I had much more work to do to get to where I wanted to be. So, I kept up with my happiness seeking – looking for a moment of happiness in each and every day.

The last two years have seen huge changes in my life both externally and internally. The kids and I have come home, we are safely and happily living back in the middle of our tribe. We still have struggles, but we have a grounding that I could never manage to create before. It may be a slow pace, but I feel us all moving ahead on this journey of healing and discovering.

Every year I have set an intention for the upcoming year. For 46 my intention is to believe – to have faith and trust that what I am doing is the right thing, to listen to God to know that I am on the right path, to believe in myself.

Also to remember that I gave all of my fucks away in 2016 and that I no longer have any more fucks to give. I am not going to spend hours stressing over things that could happen, things that are happening, things that have happened. I’m just going to let it be (and if you know me in real life and are laughing hysterically right now – remember this is an intention. I am a work in progress).

My happiness moment today: I had supper with my kids and my mom which was special and I treasure that. I don’t mean that lightly, after 10 years of being away to spend my birthday supper in grandma’s kitchen with my family is a big freaking deal.  After, as we were munching on our cupcakes, we shared memories of my childhood and of the kids’ childhood. We seem to have broken into this space where they want to talk about happy childhood memories and that brings me a lot of pleasure. For a long time no one wanted to talk about anything from the past, I’m glad that we can bring back some of the happy times. It’s also the best day of the year to be on Facebook and I was humbled and flattered by all the friends who sent me well wishes. I am a very blessed person.

Standard
Uncategorized

Living with blinders on

  

So, this anxiety thing. It’s mostly fear based. Worrying about what’s going to happen in the future. Worrying that things in the present aren’t the way I had wanted them to be. Being afraid to breathe into that moment. Trust me, I had the ability to find anything to be anxious about. 

I had lots of real things that caused me to be fearful and anxious. But there were also a lot that were just made up in my head. Things that I was afraid of that never happened but that I wasted a lot of energy on. 

Ever since I returned home I feel like a pair of blinders have been put on me. Like I’ve been placed in a bubble and all I can focus on is what is happening at the present moment in my bubble. 

Being with these blinders does not protect me from fear or anxiety and it does not block me from happiness and joy. In fact I have felt every emotion you can imagine lately and I’ve felt them all intensely. 

But, all I am able to focus on is what’s happening right now. There is no fear based anxiety about the future or things that could happen. Somehow The Universe has decided to put blinders on me and only allow me to be right here in the present moment. 

That is a gift. 

Happiness moment was picking Jenna up from school and seeing the parrot she’d been  making as a beading craft at school. They’re going to donate them to the Children’s Hospital. I love it when she discovered a new craft. She loves to create. 

Standard
Uncategorized

Living From the Heart… My Path of Least Resistance

Although yesterday began with a heavy heart as I said goodbye to family and headed to the airport with the kids to begin our long journey back to Virginia, the Universe provided for me as it always does when we are open to accepting.

We got to the airport knowing that one flight was delayed making a connection impossible but not knowing what that meant for our trip. What it meant was that we could get to Chicago but no further until Tuesday as all flights were fully booked. The other option was to stay in Calgary until Tuesday and fly then. Oh the happy dances the kids did right in the middle of the airport were pretty awesome. The poor girl was expecting frustrated and angry travelers and the change in her when we started laughing and dancing was pretty amazing as well.

So, we are happily still here in -30C weather and loving every minute of it.

Well before the New Year I had set my intention for 2015 – although to be more precise as my birthday is the end of January I change my yearly intention on my birthday. My intention for my 44th year is to follow the path of least resistance. Which for me also includes getting out of my head and following my heart.

Saturday I went and saw a dear childhood friend whom I haven’t seen in 15 years. Not only did I have a wonderful reunion and the chance to catch up on each other’s lives a little bit, but I also got to have my aura read. She had just opened up her shop in Cochrane – Spirit of Oneness Inc.

Among many of the things I learned from her reading was that I had a line disconnecting my head from the rest of my body. I guess I didn’t “learn” this as I am well aware of the ongoing battle between my head and the rest of my body for control – but it was interesting to actually see this division.

She guided me through a brief meditation which included asking me to open and breathe through my heart. Although this is something I used to do in my meditations it’s something I had apparently fallen out of the habit of doing without even realizing it. Probably lost focus in the ongoing battle between that head and heart (body).

But I do realize that my path of least resistance very much includes getting out of my head and living through my heart. When I truly want to know what the best thing for me to do my heart always has the answer while my head always justifies and makes excuses for why things should be a certain way.

My reading this morning (naturally) was a wonderful compliment to my intentions:

“When you have doubt, go into your heart space. Take a day and look inside yourself for the truth. No one but you knows your truth. Live from that truth and trust in it. If the way you’re pursuing your dharma is not working, then change direction. But I cannot emphasize enough that you must take the plunge.” (The Wheel of Healing, an Easy Guide to and Ayurvedic Lifestyle)

Standard
Uncategorized

Sore Throat and the Path of Least Resistance

Yesterday afternoon my throat decided to get sore. It was a rainy, cold day and I was already feeling kind of <meh> because of the weather, so it took me a while to decide that I actually should do something about said sore throat.

Thinking about dealing with my throat made me reflect on my Ayurvedic studies which I’ve been struggling with lately. I wasn’t exactly sure why it seemed so difficult lately and it was causing me a great deal of frustration. Over the last day or so every time I do some reading, look at my Facebook feed, or even do my morning meditation, I am being told that they way to abundance and to getting what I want is through the path of least resistance.

I am a longtime, hard-core resistor of the path of least resistance. If there’s an easy way and a hard as hell way to get somewhere, you can bank on the fact that historically I’ve been struggling part way down the path of most resistance. Looking over at the path of least resistance wondering how I missed the turn onto that path and how the F do I get there? Wait, maybe I’ll just push ahead a little more, struggle some more and then I’ll find that easy path? Sometimes I’ve even been on the path of least resistance and jumped over to the path of most resistance because I thought it was too easy, I should be struggling more, I didn’t deserve to be this happy…..

Sigh.

I’ve been doing this with my studies as well. I told myself that I’m already behind the ball because I didn’t have any knowledge about Ayurveda when I started (and it seemed like everyone else did), and so being intimidated I felt like it was a struggle. Ironically when I manage to just close these thoughts off, don’t think about what I know and what I don’t know and go with what my gut says is right I’m always on the right track. Which, of course, is true about everything else I do in my life also.

After 43 years of intensive research on the path of most resistance, I can assuredly tell you that it’s not a path conducive to success and long-lasting happiness. I can also tell you that the few times I’ve been able to really let go and relax into the path of least resistance that it is a path to success and happiness. So, considering it’s called the “path of least resistance” because it means that it’s the one that you should have to put the least amount of effort into – why is it so bloody hard to do sometimes? It should be a welcome, joyful path to follow all the time. With Unicorns and rainbows on it.

So, lying on the couch resisting the fact that I was having a sore throat and struggling and suffering with it and the knowledge that I knew of an easy way to solve it – I finally got up and took my cure-all for my throat.

Big ol’ gulp of Bragg’s Apple Cider Vinegar. Nasty…. but it works. Throat’s already almost completely better.

So, I’m setting my intention that I will be making a concentrated effort to look out for that path of least resistance and following that towards the things that I want and the things that make me happy. Because true happiness is unselfish, loving, blissful, peaceful and easy. When you are happy doors open and that makes life so much easier than having to stop and try to open all those doors yourself.

Standard
Uncategorized

Love thyself as thy neighbour

Sunday morning I was meeting for coffee (or tea in my case) with a wonderful friend of mine. We try and meet up every Sunday morning before church and visit, check in with each other and also discuss our spiritual goals. We each pick something we want to work on for the week and then discuss how it went the following week. Although on the surface the two of us are completely different (she’s a math teacher and loves to run. When I finished high school the best moment was realizing I would never have to take math again and I’m much happier as a walker than a runner), we actually have a lot in common on our spiritual journeys.

About a year ago I was reading an article that was talking about the quote “love thy neighbour as thyself” and how today it needs to be reversed. My friend brought up the same idea last Sunday and it got me thinking about it again.

I think that although we should always be showing and sharing love towards others, that applying the phrase “love thyself as thy neighbour” is one that would have great impact on many of us if we implemented it in our lives.

Now that I’m paying more attention again to my self talk I realize that I say things to myself that I would never ever say to someone else. Sure, someone may have called me fat (that’s my trigger one), and it may even have been someone whom I considered a friend, a trusted person, but the “fat” that I called myself thousands of times after that were much, much worse than some other person’s opinion of me. Because really, what they think or feel about me does not matter nearly as much as what I tell myself about myself. I’m the one who has to live with me, grow old with me, share every moment with me. Why on earth would I be saying mean things to myself? I’m the one person who should have my own back, always be in my corner.

And yet, for some reason, I’ve allowed myself to say some really hurtful things to myself. Not even intending to. Just that idle background chatter that goes on quietly underneath everything. Like a song on repeat playing quietly in the background.

But, what if the myself I was talking to was one of my kids? Would that song on repeat say “you’re never going to lose that 10 lbs you talk about, gawwwwd you should at least do your hair, those jeans make your butt look fat, eat a cupcake – it won’t make a difference anyway”? No the song on repeat if I was inside their heads would be “you’re a perfect child of God, He made you perfectly, you’re such a good friend, look at your beautiful smile, I love being around you, you bring joy into the world, you’re so smart (and maybe – I came as close to perfection as exists when I made you, I can’t believe I made you with my body).

But, if I love myself as my neighbour I would be saying those things to me all the time. I can guarantee I would be a much happier, healthier person if that was the soundtrack playing in the background of my life.  Not only would I be in a better place inside myself, but I would be sharing that joy and love with the rest of the world making it a better place to. Which I think should be a goal of all of us – to bring joy and happiness to the world.

So, that is my intention. Pay attention to that inner soundtrack, put on some happier tunes, and love myself as my neighbour.

Standard