Tag Archives: introvert

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Well, you can stick around… But I’m outta here!


My happiness moment of the day today is also the thing that consistently keeps me in balance. My walk. It’s supposed to be my daily walk but lately, for one reason or another, it hasn’t been every day. Some days I haven’t gone for a good reason and other days the reason has been too tired or too windy. Although in my defense, those Chinook winds can be brutal and my blood is still set to Virginia temperature.  

Today though was a wonderful walking day. The sun was warming my soul. The wind wasn’t bad. The mountains were beautiful. Things are slowly greening up. 

When we got back, Dottie bolted around the back of the house in hot persuit of something. I assumed it was the deer who stare in my windows at me every morning. But when I followed her, it was my parents’ cat Flower in his alter ego state of Killer   Not sure who should have been more afraid. 

This evening we were driving into town and we were talking about what superpower we would want. I wanted to be invisible so I could vanish when people annoyed me and  both kids wanted to fly so they could get away from annoying people (introverted family you think?). 

Then Jacob said you know how it is when you just get tired of being in a conversation and you want to leave but you can’t – so then your brain goes to your body “well, if you want to stay here that’s fine, but I’m outta here”.
That is the story of my life. I find myself in conversations I don’t want to be in anymore and my brain just walks out and leaves my body behind. 

I’ve been giggling about it all night. Love that kid. 

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A social solitude walk 

 
My walks are a very spiritual time of the day for me. I need that solitude in nature to connect with the Universe and to connect with my inner being. 

I’ve always craved a certain amount of solitude although our years in Roanoke taught me that there absolutely can be too much time alone.  It’s all about finding that balance to satisfy my introverted self. 

My solitude walks along the road by our house seem to be balancing this perfectly. For example, today I headed out with my Dotted Dog and about half way through ran into my aunt. She pulled over and we had a nice chat. I decided I should turn around because I was going to go for a drive with my dad and the day was slipping by. On the way back my nephew and a friend blew past me in their truck. Soon after that a cousin stopped and we chatted for a while. I kept walking and ran into my aunt again who was pulled over visiting with another cousin and Jenna who were headed off to check calves. Chatted again and then kept on walking home. My nephew blasted by once more  and yelled out the window holy Auntie Melissa, are you ever a slow walker. Because of course by then all the people I’d been chatting with were gone and it was just me again. 

Solitude and companionship. Both are so important to feed my soul. My happiness moment for the day was that I got to perfectly balance both.   

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A shy introvert 

I have always struggled with the double whammy of being both  shy and of being introverted. It’s only been recently that I’ve really begun to explore the differences between what it means to be shy and what it means to be an introvert. For ages I thought they were different versions of the same thing and something I needed to change about myself in order to be a settled member of society.

Now I’m realizing that the two things, for me anyway, are completely different. I’m an introvert. It’s how I’m made. I like quiet and I like to retreat into my own head and into my own space – there’s always a lot going on in there. I get overwhelmed when I’m in big crowds and things are too loud. Being an introvert is something for me to celebrate. It’s a wonderful part of myself that should be nurtured.

Being shy is attached much more to my self-esteem. Being shy means not speaking up when I should. Not participating in activities I want to because I am feeling anxious or not good enough (whereas the introverted part of me is completely happy to go home, curl up with a good book and enjoy a cup of tea in the quiet). There’s a big difference between not going out and doing things because I don’t want to (introvert) and not going out and doing things because my self-esteem holds me back (shyness)

Or to put it another way, my introverted self never has FOMO, but my shy part suffers desperately from it.

id love to hang out but

Today I was reading about the third chakra in the book  Wheels of Life. In case you cant’ tell, I’m kind of obsessed with my third chakra lately. In the past week I’ve written about it here and here. She’s talking about raising kids and teaching them how to “fit in” or “conform” to society.

Social cooperation is certainly necessary; however, if it occurs through domination, it hardly deserves the term “cooperation” at all. It is then cooperation without desire, vitality, or the spark of fire characteristic of the third chakra. It becomes submission, which dampens and cripples our sense of power and will, and damages our self-esteem.

OMG, that is me. I made a conscious decision years ago to stop fighting the fight, to stop being different, to try to just fit in and be who it was I thought others thought I should be. You know, basically the last time I felt like I was really living my own life. I listened to voices that were louder than mine. I was young and didn’t really realize the power that decision would have over my life (thank goodness I’m older and wiser now and I can reverse such things). But, that was it – I gave up my personal power and became submissive to the needs and wants of others.

I struggle with this with the kids. I want them to let their lights shine, to be the best “thems” they can be. But there are certain rules in society we must follow aren’t there? Just the other day I snapped at Jacob and when he snapped back at me I pulled the “you can’t talk to me like that, I’m your mother – show some respect.” He came back with “I just talked to you like you talked to me”. Ugh. Totally called me on that one. Worst of all, he only spoke to me like that to show me how it felt. Point taken. I want them to become who they are not who they’ve been forced into being. I want the same thing for myself.

So, I will continue to honour my introvert, and continue to encourage the shy part of my being. Engage that powerhouse and see what kind of light shines out of it.

Happiness moment on day 37 of the 44 days of happiness came this morning. I went for a very chilly walk. When we lived in Rhode Island I was often so cold in the winter that the only way I could warm up was in a hot shower – the chill went right to the bone. This morning after our walk I felt the same way – just couldn’t get warm <As an aside, I thought I was moving to the South and that things would be warm here>. I went and had a shower. Part of being a mom seems to be being available and accessible to the kids when they need me – and nothing makes them need me like being in the shower. But, this morning no one was home. So, I stood in the steaming hot shower until all the hot water was gone. I can’t remember when I have last done that. Didn’t have to worry about anyone else needing water – no one else was there. The cat did get a little bent out of shape that I was so obviously enjoying something that she couldn’t come sit on or walk over. But even her angry face at the shower door didn’t take away from the bliss of showering until all the hot water was gone.

Angry Ella face waiting for supper

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Honouring the Introvert

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It’s taken me a lot of years to honour my introverted self. I used to get teased a lot for being shy, and in my teenaged years was stunned to find out that a lot of people thought I was stuck up and kind of a b!tch, when the reality was that I was neither. I was just a quiet, introverted person. I still get harassed by the extroverted people in my life for not being more outgoing, louder, more extroverted. But, it’s not who I am. Much as I can’t get those extroverts to be more quiet, to crave their alone time, to be more introverted, it’s not right that I be expected to be more like them. Of course being extroverts, they tell me loudly how I should be behaving, and being an introvert I usually just think my replies about how I wish they would zip it shut while retreating into my quiet. Neither way is better or worse, they’re just different ways of being.

Like most introverts I have a lot going on in my head and as a result I need a lot of quiet time to process all those thoughts. Don’t worry, it’s not crazy people voices chatting away in there. There’s just a lot of thoughts, a lot going on, a lot I like to process. Without the quiet times I can’t do that.

I was raised by introverts and I’m raising introverts of my own. Even my child who craves social contact (Jenna) has her moments where she runs into her room and says “Quiet time! Don’t come get me unless it’s an emergency!” Or often after a long day of playing with friends “That was fun, but I haven’t really had any me time yet today if you know what I mean.”

This didn’t really lead to a life of introverted loneliness before we started moving either as I was blessed to have been born into a very large extended family full of introverts. We could be at a large family function but everyone would be in their own comfort zone supported by other familiar introverts (and the odd loud extrovert).

Even if I wanted to (which I don’t) I will never be a really extroverted, outgoing person. That’s ok. There’s lots of wonderful extroverted, outgoing people out there, just as there are lots of wonderful introverted people. It’s all about honouring who we really are and letting that light shine.

Today’s moment of happiness (day 29 of my 44 days) came in a quiet afternoon. We were on yet another snow day but the roads were decent in the afternoon so I took the kids out to play with friends. I came home and spent a few hours on my Ayurvedic course work. It was quiet, but it makes me happy to be able to do this learning. It’s changed everything about how I live my life.

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