Embrace your light

I was reminded this morning that I have forgotten how to breathe. Not in the OMG I’m not going to suffocate and die at this moment way, but that somehow I’ve forgotten how to breathe into my peace and bliss. Sometimes I get so caught up in life, running around trying to put out fires, that I forget that one of the best things I can do for myself is to just stop and breathe. Slowly, deeply, inhaling that healing breath. It never ceases to amaze me what an immediate difference that makes to my nervous system.

I was doing the first of the new series of Healing Light Yoga Therapy classes lead by my friend and mentor Asrael. I have done every series she has offered so far and it has been such an important part of my healing journey.

It surprised me (although it shouldn’t have) all the emotions that were brought up for me in that class. This journey I’ve been on has been about embracing happiness, but there’s many more emotions attached to it as well. Part of finding happiness for me has meant that I also have been able to acknowledge that other emotions flow through me – anger, sadness, grief, anxiety – and that they all need to be honoured. I never really knew what to do with those feelings so I would just stuff them deep down where they would fester and damage me. Now, I can allow them into my life and still know that I’m a happiness seeker because… well… those other emotions are part of life too.

Today’s special visitors were sadness and grief. Those are ones that I’ve worked very hard at pushing away. The past few years have had so much loss in them. On top of losing my dad, I’ve had to give up the dream I wanted for my family. There’s a lot of good that is coming from that, but it still carries so much pain and sorrow that my kids won’t have the family I dreamed for them and neither will I. I’ve already grieved losing that person, but the sadness from giving up that dream still sneaks up on me. This type of yoga helps all of those emotions move out of my body. It’s tiring, but so healing.

I seem to keep coming back to discovering the gifts that God has given me and figuring out what I am supposed to do with them. Understanding that I need to listen very carefully to my heart and my intuition is going to guide me along the path of this part of my life. That is being told to me very clearly in everything I do lately.

It was a beautiful, sad, blissful, grieving, peaceful happiness moment as I worked at embracing my light this morning in my yoga class. We all have this light we need to shine into the world. I feel like I’m finally finding mine.



Letting that Light Shine In

At church today we were celebrating the beginning of Advent. Pastor had the kids come up for the children’s sermon and she talked a bit about the meaning of the new season and why the church had different colours and some different decorations.
She showed everyone the Advent log that was at the side of the altar, and told us all that when the acolyte lit the first candle on the log we were going to sing a hymn about the Light of God.
Well, no sooner was the candle lit and the congregation singing about God’s Light than the dim church was lit up by a brilliant ray of sunshine blasting through the stain glass windows up top. Jacob and I looked at each other and ohhhed and ahhhed and I thought maybe it was just us who noticed that God in fact was making sure we knew that He was shining light in. I asked the kids during Children’s Chapel and every one of them had noticed the same thing. Their responses went from “cool” to “creepy” but they all noticed how our church was brightened when we were singing about letting the Light in.
I thought it was a pretty cool reminder of how brilliance, light and love can be found everywhere. Sometimes you have to look a little harder to find it, and sometimes (like today) it’s put right out there in the open, in the literalist of ways for you to find.