Tag Archives: panic attacks

happiness

Sharing meditation

Both the boy and I have had some pretty intense bouts with anxiety. I decided a few years ago that I was willing to do anything I needed to in order to stop the constant panic attacks I was having (ironically that has lead to my living a completely different and happier life now than the one I was trapped in back then, funny how that works). I have had to learn many different coping skills, as has my boy.

One of the greatest things we both do is meditate. I hate it – I love it. Sometimes it is so very difficult to force myself to sit quietly with myself, with my Source for 20 minutes and just be. But after I do it I always feel so much better. And the more consistently I do it, the more it pays off in my every day life.

The boy texted me today that he was having some anxiety triggers come up. Before I could suggest anything he told me he was heading off to meditate. When he was done he not only told me how much better, calmer, more grounded he felt – but he sent me the link of the meditation he did on YouTube and told me that I needed to do it as well. I can’t believe that my 15 year old boy sends me meditation links. I love that. All of the work we have done to learn how to make ourselves feel secure and grounded is paying off. He knows how to identify the feelings of anxiety and is learning how to calm them.

I have been feeling a little anxious the last few days as well, and I have been doing much the same thing  – meditating, calming, grounding, laughing with friends.  It is a world away from the helpless feelings of panic and fear that I felt years ago. I still get fearful, I still want to panic, but I have this deep sense that I am doing exactly the right thing, I am doing what I need to do, following my dharma.

That is happiness.

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happiness

A mind – full meditation

My meditation practice is still a work in progress. Meditation is something that I have been drawn to and curious about since discovering that I love yoga. But it’s also something I’ve been hesitant to do and slow to love.

I flirted a bit with it over the years, but it wasn’t until I became a student of New World Ayurveda that it actually became a part of my daily routine. And, let’s be honest here, a lot of the time it only is part of that routine because it’s a graduation requirement. Sometimes I like it, a lot of the time I hate it, often I am bored by it, always I feel better because of it.

When I first started I was so filled with anxiety that I couldn’t do more than a few minutes before having a panic attack. My body and soul was in such distress that I couldn’t take that quiet time. It took a lot of time and a lot of determination to keep going and get through that.

Interestingly, now as a byproduct of all that hard work (and some other things learned through Ayurveda), I barely think about anxiety at all anymore. I’ve made such enormous changes in my life and I’m hardly ever anxious.

However, usually I still struggle through my meditation practice. I’ll be focusing on my mantra and then instead of slipping into the blissful state I feel I should be heading towards, my mind goes to….. hmmmm what should I have for lunch? Did I get the kids all the things they needed for school? Is the dog going through the garbage? She’s such a naughty dog. I should take her for a walk, I hear the cats moving around, is there a mouse in the house? I’m hungry. Is this almost over? Why am I not all blissful? And then some real life problems are always mixed in.

I meditate for 20 minutes at a time. When I’m getting ready to meditate, I wish that I could maybe only do 5 or 10 minutes… but the course says I have to do 20. Grumble grumble. But, it’s not until the last 5 or so minutes when my brain usually lets go of all its crap and I relax into a proper state.

Today’s meditation was a wild ride. Unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I’m focusing on letting go, allowing, trusting, loving, listening to my heart. It’s all very challenging for me as I have a hard time trusting and because of that a hard time allowing. Although I am also painfully aware that I never am able to actually accomplish anything positive by forcing and controlling. I know the only way to get where I want to be is by surrendering and allowing.

Today though everything just went into this beautiful space and I was able to let things go and find a lot of freedom and peace. It was a beautiful moment in time that created an incredible amount of healing and strength for me. That was my happiness moment today.

 

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Don’t worry, it’s only anxiety 

The other night I was sitting in urgent care dealing with things I know absolutely nothing about. But since we were there for hours and there’s really no privacy with just those curtains I had ample opportunity to listen in on the complaints of the woman in the bed next to us. 

As soon as I heard her listing her symptoms I thought I know what her issue is. She was in convinced she was having a heart attack or something similar. Chest pain, dizziness, shaking, feeling off, difficulty focusing mentally. As she was listing these symptoms I remembered a time where I too sat alone in urgent care convinced I was dying. 

It’s a terrible feeling. 

Panic attack. 

The nurse gave her some ideas of how to deal. Cut back to one cup of coffee or tea a day. Herbal tea is fine. She asked about green tea and was told that was fine too. That was when I wanted to leap through the curtain and talk to her. Because green tea is not herbal and that caffeine is enough to trigger more anxiety.  She finished with and lose 5-10 pounds   That will help with your high blood pressure. Which, while that may be true isn’t what you need to hear while in the middle of a panic attack. 

When I started studying Ayurveda I was one hot mess of anxiety. It wasn’t pretty and I was barely able to function. Over the past couple of years I have turned into a better version of myself (Melissa 2.0) and have been able to handle things I never thought possible. 

Here’s what I would like to have said to that poor lady. 

Sleep. Make sure you’re getting a good night’s sleep. Even if it means giving up doing other things you like to do. Get to bed by 9. Be asleep by 10. Sleep until at least 6    It’s when your body heals and restores itself. Honour this time. 

Nap. Napping isn’t generally recommended in Ayurveda, but there are certain circumstances when it is encouraged. When I was in the worst of my anxiety I was so run down I had no reserves left. I used to have a cup of tea every afternoon when I would crash. I switched that for a 20-30 minute nap during my healing phase. It was a game changer. 

Caffeine.  Give it up. Seriously. After a while you won’t miss it (as much). I really noticed how it triggered my anxiety. While you’re at it give up booze. It tricks you into feeling like it relaxes you when really it causes more anxiety. 

Get out in nature. My daily walks along the river in Roanoke literally saved my life. It was a peaceful, quiet time with no distractions. I went electronic free and just relaxed into enjoying the water, the birds, and my dog. 

Be picky about what you put in your brain   I used to love watching Law and Order and other crime shows. About 4 years ago I started being much more careful about the types of shows I watched and the types of books I read. While in anxious mode it was much, much better to be putting happy thoughts into my head. Hence my current obsession with The Golden Girls. 

Clear the toxic people out of your life. I know, easier said than done. But sometimes there are people who seem to feed off your anxiety. Who seem to feel a stronger sense of power when you are anxious and insecure. There are people who are carrying so much of their own baggage they are happy to dump their negativity on you. People with no boundaries who would rather bring you down than lift you up. Be a good friend, surround yourself with good friends. 

Find your bliss. Easy right? Maybe for some people. I’m 44 and still wonder what I’ll be when I grow up. But a few years ago I read a book by Steven Cope (from Kriplau) called The Great Work Of Your Life   It started me on the path of actively finding my bliss. I find it in my Ayurvedic studies, in my yoga, in my writing, in my time with my kids. It hasn’t made me a millionaire yet, but I’m sure a lot happier following my heart. 

Listen to your intuition. How many times in life I’ve done things that go against what I believe is right to try and make someone else happy. In the end, without fail, it not only makes me miserable – but the person I’m trying to please is never satisfied either. 

Breathe. Seriously. Just stop and breathe. But the best method I’ve found for an instant anxiety cure is alternate nostril breathing. Use your thumb and ring finger to cover each nostril. Release the thumb, breathe in, cover nostril again. Release the ring finger, breathe out. Breathe in on the same side, cover nostril. Keep alternating. Do it for a few minutes or until you feel calmer. I’ve done it for a good 20 minutes before. It’s very relaxing. 

Have faith that you are worth it. My pastor continuously says you are a loved child of God. No matter what your beliefs understand that you have value and you are ok just the way you are. 

Happiness moment of the day: hiding in the corner of the grocery store with the kids pretending to look at cake and giggling while downloading and updating our mobile devices. This is what happens when you finish shopping before updating. Life without wifi makes one resourceful.

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