happiness

At the swing set 

We spent part of the afternoon outside in the yard playing at the swing set. It was sunny and warm, a perfect Saturday afternoon. I love that I’m getting to know my niece and nephew on a more regular basis instead of only seeing them once a year. 

Hearing little girl squeals of push me higher auntie Melissa was my happiness moment today

  
As she was coming inside, my niece got very upset that her mommy had shut the door and was worried she wasn’t going to be able to get in. 

My sister and I laughed at that thought – she said: like I’ve ever not been there when she’s needed me I said: I know. She knows she can trust you completely and yet there’s such great doubt. Which is when I had to look upwards and say ahhhhh get it God. That’s how You feel when I doubt You. Point taken. Have faith. 
Lift you hands lift your eyes in the storm is where you’ll find Me. And where you are I’ll hold your heart, I’ll hold your heart. (Casting Crowns)

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happiness

Unbroken 

There have been events over the past few years that have almost broken me. I have had people whom I trusted smile to my face and then turn around and attempt to break me without a second thought. At the worst of the worst I was just-about-broken.

Then I had a realization that I still had some choices. I could stay as I was or I could start reaching for a better and happier life. It’s been a long haul and some unpleasant and really sad bumps on the road, but I’m a much better and stronger version of myself. I believe along this journey that my kids have become better and happier versions as well. We certainly laugh a lot more.

I had someone break a trust with me recently, nothing too serious, but someone whom I put my faith into lied to me and that left me hurt, mad, and upset. Fortunately it’s not someone that I have to have any further contact with and I can take this as a life lesson and move on.

What it has left me with though, is an appreciation for how wonderful those people who are in my inner circle, in my tribe, are. I am surrounded by people whom I can trust and depend on. I have people to laugh with, people to cry with, and people to share my life with.

In the shadow of this one unpleasant experience I have had many other beautiful ones shine though. I spent New Years Eve at a community party and visited with a lot of extended family that I haven’t really had a chance to see since we moved back home. I was amazed at how they went out of their way to include me, drawing me out of my shy, social awkwardness to share stories and laughter.

There certainly are a lot of wonderful, beautiful people in the world. I’m blessed to be surrounded by so many of them. I may have been just-about-broken but now what I am is unbroken.

My happiness moment was driving Jacob home from school today. We were laughing and he was sharing things that had happened during his day. We came around the corner on the road to be astounded by the sunset. I had to pull over to get a better look and Jacob said mom, I can’t believe we live here. It’s so beautiful. We are so lucky. And I totally agree.

Whenever I see the sunset or the sunrise I am reminded that there is a strong, loving force out there looking after us. Being here and looking at these mountains will make me happy for the rest of my life.


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Uncategorized

Friendships

Including the weekend, the kids have had 5 days off from school. It’s cancelled tomorrow as well so we are sure of at least 6 home days. They’ve been good days to relax and recharge, but by today Jenna (my social child) was getting a bit bored and anxious to see someone who wasn’t well… her brother or me.

Fortunately there is a girl her age whose grandparents live across the street and she was visiting them today. This girl lived with the grandparents for the first few months that we lived here, then they moved away until this past fall. It’s fun to watch their friendship. They were good friends before this other girl moved, and even though they didn’t keep in contact at all while they were apart, they’re still good friends now.

These girls played outside in the cold weather and the snow for a good 5 hours today. Sledding, building forts, running around and basically having a good time.

This place has been a lonely one for all of us and it warmed my heart to see Jenna out there having so much fun with a good friend.

It got me thinking about my friendships. When we moved to Quebec I was extremely fortunate and I met an excellent group of ladies who became close friends of mine. It was the first time since I had my group of riding friends when I was younger where I had this larger base of people I was close to, but not related to. In Rhode Island I had lots of friends, although not as close. And here –  very few friends, more acquaintances – not close – fortunately, one that I’d call a real true friend (although, to be fair one good friend is all I need).

I made a conscious decision about friends when we moved here. I realized I was not attracting the types of people I wanted in my life. I was bringing in people who weren’t bringing out the best in me, not making me want to be a better person, and some of them were just plain mean and hurtful. I understood that in order to have better friends, I needed to learn how to be a better friend. So I stopped. I withdrew for a long period of self reflection. I picked out the things that I really wanted in friendships, and I started working on making those aspects stronger in myself.

I can tell it’s working because my lifelong friendships with friends and family back home have strengthened substantially. I’ve worked really hard to put efforts back into those relationships and grow and strengthen them. The relationships I have with my kids have strengthened in ways that bring me joy on a daily basis. I can see that finally I’m becoming the friend I’ve always wanted.

Years ago we were in Italy for my cousin’s wedding and I saw two little old ladies wandering arm in arm up the street. They were weaving from side to side because they were laughing so hard, and they were arm in arm to hold each other up as they dissolved in giggles. At that moment I decided to make it a mission to make sure I had a friend like that to grow old with.

I’m lucky because there’s a strong *girl power* influence in my extended family. With a sister and numerous girl cousins (I have some pretty awesome boy cousins too), I am fortunate to have a girl tribe back home that will always be my dear friends.

I also been deepening my friendships with childhood friends, old riding friends, friends from school. Friendships I had neglected for too long, but finally have enough *good* stuff to put back into a relationship to make it functional. I’ve also let go of that need to try and present a perfect front. You are my friend then you get me warts and all. It makes for more honest relationships and trusted friendships. It’s so important to have people you can deeply trust in your life, and to be a person who can be deeply trusted.

Today, day 24 of the 44 days of happiness, I dedicate to the joy and happiness found in dear friendships. They are such an important part of life.

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