Tag Archives: happiness

happiness

Somersaults and Bellyflops

Poor Ella had to spend most of the day yesterday in hiding. You see, there was a stranger in the house and she does not like strangers. I was ok with this stranger as in reality she is the lady who helps clean my house and keep some kind of order to the chaos. The issue for Ella (because she is as introverted as the kids and I are) is that she had to spend the entire day hiding in my closet in order to stay “safe”. This of course meant that she didn’t get to play fetch. So, we had to play double time today. Play, play, play all morning long. I was stretched out on my mat trying to undo some of the kinks and she’d throw the mouse into my hand, whack me on the head with it, or just put it beside me and howl. I was actually in a deeply relaxed pose following my recording of the healing light yoga therapy class from last weekend, and I’d have to pat my hand around and find the damn mouse for her (I kid, I love playing with her).

When I was done and sitting up, I threw the mouse out of the room so it went down the hall. She ran after it, grabbed in in her front paws and did an complete somersault over the mouse, landing on her back with her feet up in the air. she still had a hold of the mouse so she lay there on her back throwing the mouse up and down in the air playing with it.

When she finally brought it back I threw it and it went part way down the stairs. She bellyflopped down the first two stairs before landing sideways on the third one and on top of the mouse. Lay there for a bit all protective and proud of her kill before heading back to show me what she’d found.

Her happy face is my happy moment on day 31 of the 44 days of happiness.

  To add to my happiness moments, I’m on the elliptical and jenna sent me this text:





She’s got so much love and happiness in her. I’m so blessed

Since happiness is my thing right now – I came across this quote earlier today. I can keep looking and looking in certain places, but if happiness is not there it may not be found. The thing that made me lose my happiness is not the thing that is going to find my happiness. Externally I mean. Fortunately I believe that my little ray of happiness has always been shining inside me, it was just buried under a bunch of crap for a while. Getting rid of that crap helps. Once I started making a conscious effort to look for happiness it was amazing how many places it’s just there hanging out (like all of them).

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The Music Inside Of You

One of my favourite quotes these days is by Dr. Wayne Dyer “Don’t die with your music still in you.” It helps remind me that we need to do what we were put to do here in this life – and that we need to do it now. 

Watching this little girl, Ella, made me really think about the fact that we are also born with music already in us. It comes in many different shapes and forms. But all of us have music that is right inside of us from the moment we hit the ground.

So often we stuff our music up inside, press the mute button on our lives, ignore our songs. What if we all just gave it out like this little one does?

When Jenna was younger the only music that would make her stop crying in the car was Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas. It had to be played at top volume on repeat. Jenna was about the same age as this little girl, but she was in a front facing car seat (it was 8 years ago) and I got to watch her sing/dance to the song in the rearview mirror. She loved it. Totally inappropriate for such a little thing, but the Black Eyed Peas always put her in a happy mood.

Aside from the general cuteness, and her ripping out the music that is inside of her, another thing that makes my heart smile about this video is how fully she loves her dad, and how engaged he is with her. They both really seem to be enjoying this moment. She sure wants to share her song with him and he’s not too busy being an adult to hear her sing it. The world could use more of that.

I’ve been watching this video all day. I’ve made the kids watch it. I’ve both laughed and cried every single time I’ve watched it. If you don’t want to watch the whole thing, my favourite part starts at 4:10. This is my happiness moment for day 30 (30 days already!!) of my 44 days of happiness.

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Honouring the Introvert

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It’s taken me a lot of years to honour my introverted self. I used to get teased a lot for being shy, and in my teenaged years was stunned to find out that a lot of people thought I was stuck up and kind of a b!tch, when the reality was that I was neither. I was just a quiet, introverted person. I still get harassed by the extroverted people in my life for not being more outgoing, louder, more extroverted. But, it’s not who I am. Much as I can’t get those extroverts to be more quiet, to crave their alone time, to be more introverted, it’s not right that I be expected to be more like them. Of course being extroverts, they tell me loudly how I should be behaving, and being an introvert I usually just think my replies about how I wish they would zip it shut while retreating into my quiet. Neither way is better or worse, they’re just different ways of being.

Like most introverts I have a lot going on in my head and as a result I need a lot of quiet time to process all those thoughts. Don’t worry, it’s not crazy people voices chatting away in there. There’s just a lot of thoughts, a lot going on, a lot I like to process. Without the quiet times I can’t do that.

I was raised by introverts and I’m raising introverts of my own. Even my child who craves social contact (Jenna) has her moments where she runs into her room and says “Quiet time! Don’t come get me unless it’s an emergency!” Or often after a long day of playing with friends “That was fun, but I haven’t really had any me time yet today if you know what I mean.”

This didn’t really lead to a life of introverted loneliness before we started moving either as I was blessed to have been born into a very large extended family full of introverts. We could be at a large family function but everyone would be in their own comfort zone supported by other familiar introverts (and the odd loud extrovert).

Even if I wanted to (which I don’t) I will never be a really extroverted, outgoing person. That’s ok. There’s lots of wonderful extroverted, outgoing people out there, just as there are lots of wonderful introverted people. It’s all about honouring who we really are and letting that light shine.

Today’s moment of happiness (day 29 of my 44 days) came in a quiet afternoon. We were on yet another snow day but the roads were decent in the afternoon so I took the kids out to play with friends. I came home and spent a few hours on my Ayurvedic course work. It was quiet, but it makes me happy to be able to do this learning. It’s changed everything about how I live my life.

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10 Day Weekend – forced slow down

The kids are presently dancing in the upstairs hallway singing “10 day weekend! Never going back to school!” I’m not sure how funny they’ll still find it when they’re in school on Good Friday and also Memorial Day – but right now in this moment they think that school being cancelled again for tomorrow is the best thing ever.

After waking up this morning to an inch of ice covering the over 9 inches of snow we got yesterday we actually managed to leave the house this afternoon. For a few hours the sun came out, the earth warmed up and people started moving. We jumped in the car and drove to the library for an exciting adventure out of the house. Unfortunately the library wasn’t open (I’m assuming due to the weather), so we were stuck with trying to figure out what to do. Trips “out” have been few and far between this week and we weren’t ready to just turn around and go back home. We ended up doing a walk-about in TJMaxx and then going to two grocery stores (did we need to go to two? No. But again, it was part of that being out thing).

At our Co op we ran into a friend we’ve made who makes jewelry and sells it at the market downtown. We were catching up and I mentioned how much I was enjoying this week at home with the kids, how nice it was to see them totally relaxed. This was something I’d actually been thinking about earlier this morning. This is the first time in probably a year that I’ve seen both kids so well caught up on rest, so relaxed, so stress free. You see, the wonderful thing about not being able to go anywhere or do anything is that you are forced to slow down and relax. The good thing is the three of us are pretty good at hanging out with each other and  only moderately getting on each other’s nerves (sigh). We’ve all spent a lot of time together, so we actually can balance ourselves out pretty well.

We’ve played outside in the snow, played board games, told jokes, cooked meals together, visited, read books, had naps, gone to bed early, slept in, relaxed, laughed – lots of laughter, bonded, even watched a little TV (somehow in this I’ve been trying to keep up with my course work – but it’s been a slow week in that department). It has been one of the best weeks we’ve had in a long time.

Our other long breaks recently have been filled with travelling to Calgary or driving to Virginia Beach or other action activities. All of which have been lots of fun and filled important needs in other ways. But this is the first time in ages where we’ve had a significant amount of time to just be and do nothing. What I’ve discovered is we are all nicer, happier people because of it.

It has been such a blessing to have this down time. The power of recharging is immense. All of us carry a great deal of stress in our busy lives. I have set up our lives to be as simple and as nurturing as possible, but even so there’s always more than we can do. The ability to simply stop the world for 10 days and recharge has been amazing.

Day 28 of the 44 days of happiness came while we were sitting at the table playing the Train board game. We were laughing and arguing and being silly and each trying to outdo the other. The joy of a simple game brought us all great happiness because we were rested enough to enjoy the moment.

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Healing light yoga

Today was the second class of my 6 week healing light yoga therapy series. I’m taking them through New World Ayurveda –  I love these classes. They’re live and online so I don’t have to go anywhere or organize anything for the kids. I just have to show up in front of my computer ready for some bliss (well, it’s not always bliss – but it works towards bliss). This series works on releasing habits, addictions, and attachments. Oh, how I have things stored up in me that I’ve had a difficult time letting go of. I know all those beliefs, habits, attachments etc. that I’ve held on to for so long must have served me – they probably were necessary in the past in some way, shape or form – but I don’t need them now. Easy to say – harder to just let go of. This class is so enlightening and I love the way Asrael guides us along. In fact her voice is so calming and soothing I tend to completely lose myself in the class. One minute I’m working on the healing breath and then next thing I know moments have gone by that I can’t account for – where I’ve just gone somewhere in my bliss.

Sometimes when I’m done I feel fantastic, sometimes when I’m done I feel upset, angry, sad. It all works towards happiness and bliss. But, sometimes that letting go can be a bit gucky. I’m pretty sure that was what my anxiety was about from the other day in fact. Holding on..letting go..allowing.

My routine was a bit different this morning since the class is later than I normally do my yoga, so Ella was already off doing something else when I rolled out my mat. But, as soon as I had it out and was in my chair getting the computer ready for the class these eyes appeared on my mat:

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She ran back and forth between the mat and the chair and several times when Asrael was talking peered up on the table to get a good look at her. You can see other participants on the screen – and I was amazed at how many of them had their cats sitting there with them waiting for class to start (Including Asrael’s cat).

We did two asanas (you hold them for a long time and do some breathing work). The first one was supported child’s pose. So, I’m lying there doing my breathing, listening to Asrael guiding us, and I start feeling *whack* *whack* *whack* on my feet. Ella had her mouse and was beating at my feet with it. Then she’d run around my body a few times mewing, then back to the feet *whack* *whack*. We took a little break after this for questions and Ella ran out of the room. But when we moved into the next pose – fish pose- she was back *whack* *whack*. Then she took her mouse, sat right above my head and tore that poor mouse apart. I’m doing my breathing and I can hear *riiip* *scraaaatttchhh* *puuuuurrrrrrrr*. Here’s the poor mouse after yoga class:IMG_3107

What can I say? She truly is a yoga cat!

We are stranded in the house again. 9 inches of snow came down by 3:00 this afternoon. For a while at 6:00am there were 3 inch round disks of snow falling out of the sky. It looked like giant snowballs. I’ve never seen anything quite like it. I did force the monsters outside for forced family fun time. IMG_3123

Day 27 of the 44 days of happiness came later on this afternoon when we sat down and played some board games (or “we’re bored games)” Spontuneous is a new game for us and it was a hoot! I will never, ever be able to play it with anyone besides the kids – but oh man did we have a blast. It involves a lot of singing – and since I am more than a little vocally challenged it made it both fun and painful.

I got this card on my last spot – complete it and I would win the game:

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I jumped up, huge grin and said “country music! This is awesome! Are you ready? I’m going to do it with the actions and everything”

Then preformed the entire chorus (with actions) to Fishin’ In The Dark. Sad that the kids didn’t even bat an eye at it – like it was completely normal. Which I guess it was – normal for us…not normal for other people.IMG_3127

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Yoga Cat

Our cat Ella has a very strict rule that she likes to be “close but no touching”. She likes to be in our space, but as with any decent cat, she lives life on her terms. So, with the exception of Jacob, her rule is that she will be close to us, but please don’t try and cuddle, pick up or generally touch her. Jacob (whom I might add does absolutely nothing to help look after her) is allowed to carry her upside down, over his shoulder, like a baby, and about any other way you can imagine. She crawls into bed with him and curls right up into his armpit purring away while he talks to her. If Jenna or I even try and pick her up she meow-screams and tries to wriggle away as if her life depends on it. By the way, this is why I also have to have a dog. Otherwise my self esteem would be completely shot.

The only time she changes this “close but no touching” rule with me is when I do yoga. As soon as I roll out the mat she comes running from wherever she is and is all over me. Sometimes she even drives me so bananas I’ve tried locking her out of my room. This does not end well for me as she lies on the other side of the door with her paw sticking underneath it while she meows mournfully until I give up and let her in. I always start with some forward bends. So as soon as I stand and stretch up into mountain pose before bending down, Ella runs and lays at my feet on her back with her belly exposed. She does this because she loves having a belly scratch. Every time I bend down I have to stay in that stretch and give her a good old belly rub. This lasts about 5 minutes.

Then I go on to table position and she jumps onto my back. She stays there while I do cat/cow pose and goes along for the ride when I go back into child’s pose. Sometimes she even stays on after that while I go up into downward dog, climbing up onto my butt to sit for a while before jumping off. At this point she usually buggers off for a while, leaving me alone to do the rest of my poses. Until I get to the last one, which is the reclining double leg twist. I have my arms out to the sides at this point and she comes and lays in a similar pose to me with her head on my right hand and purrs while I scratch her face.

When I’m done my yoga I do 20 minutes of meditation. My back’s been a bit yucky so I’ve been meditating lying down with my legs up on a chair. Ella comes and either sits on my chest, staring at me while purring (this doesn’t last long – it starts to hurt) or she wraps herself around my head and purrs the entire time.

Then, I’m done. She knows it. And we immediately return to our regular routine of “close but no touching”.

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Scratch my belly, minion.IMG_1302

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My moment of happiness on day 26 of my 44 days came with Ella this morning. Every morning we play fetch (seriously) with her toy mouse while I eat my breakfast and have my tea. Sometimes she likes to hide her mouse in my slippers if I’ve taken them off. This morning she came over to me with her mouse and she was playing with it when I looked away for a few seconds. She started meowing and pawing at my slipper and then looking up at me – very clearly telling me the mouse was in there. I felt around inside and got nothing. She still insisted it was in there. I picked up both slippers, shook them around – nothing came out. I put them back down in front of her and told her that the mouse was gone. She continued looking at me with her big eyes, insisting it was in the slipper.

Suddenly she leapt straight up in the air about 2 feet. As she went up, her body circled so her legs all met in her middle. I watched as she grabbed with all 4 legs the mouse that she’d been hiding under her belly the whole time. She ended up taking it in her front paws, throwing it, and then chasing it when she landed. Little sneak! She totally did it on purpose just to mess with me. I swear she was cat-laughing when she was done.

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Anxiety and happiness

Today when I was driving Jacob to the library I suddenly got hit by a huge wave of anxiety. I think these are the ones that I despise the most – the ones that just hit out of the blue for no good reason. It had been a decent morning, nice and slow as there was no school. I’d had breakfast and walked on the elliptical for a bit. Then just *whamo* out of nowhere this damn anxiety hits. I stayed quiet, tried to focus on my breathing, tried to just work through it.

I was still feeling kind of anxious and *off* when I got home after dropping him off so I made myself go right upstairs and do some yoga and meditation. I didn’t mind the yoga, it took a lot of convincing to do the meditation. Which is interesting because I know that the meditation really helps settle my mind, but when there’s anxiety running in it my mind yells ‘don’t leave me here in the quiet where I have to be with myself’. So there’s that battle.

But, I did it. I meditated. I hated it. It was good. Interestingly there weren’t anxious thoughts running in my head. You’d think after a huge episode with anxiety I’d be thinking about all those little things that snowball into a big thing to make me anxious. But no. What my brain kept running to was this: ‘I’m hungry (it was 10am), maybe I should stop and go make an early lunch. I wonder what I should eat. Go back to the mantra. Gawd, I’m starving. Maybe I should take Jenna out to Panera for lunch. But then I’d have to shower, and well.. I’m hungry. Go back to the mantra. I’m getting hangry (hungry/angry). How long have I been at this? Should I open my eyes and look? I’m starving, what should I eat.’ Seriously, I had 20 minutes of that. I wasn’t even all that hungry when I was done.

But the big deal is that when I was done I was no longer anxious. All those yucky feelings were gone. So worth it. Obviously something else was happening while I was sitting there beside my mind trying to tell me I was going to die of starvation in those 20 minutes.

Tonight Jacob asked if he could make supper. He wanted burritos and wanted me to show him how to make them. He did everything himself while I supervised. And he was so happy. It made me all warm and fuzzy inside just watching him enjoy creating so thoroughly, and then to be so proud of what he’d created.

I realized as I was laughing with him that for me anyway – happiness and anxiety can’t coexist. I can’t be both authentically, blissfully happy and also have feelings of anxiety. What if I hadn’t made myself settle into my meditation and yoga practice this morning? I would have missed all of this fun.

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Jenna suffers from FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and had to make dessert for everyone. As much love and enjoyment went into this as went into the supper preparation. IMG_4935My happiness moment today for day 25 of my 44 days of happiness was laughing with and being with my kids as they created meals. My gratitude is that I was able to be truly in the moment and enjoy this small moment with them.

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Friendships

Including the weekend, the kids have had 5 days off from school. It’s cancelled tomorrow as well so we are sure of at least 6 home days. They’ve been good days to relax and recharge, but by today Jenna (my social child) was getting a bit bored and anxious to see someone who wasn’t well… her brother or me.

Fortunately there is a girl her age whose grandparents live across the street and she was visiting them today. This girl lived with the grandparents for the first few months that we lived here, then they moved away until this past fall. It’s fun to watch their friendship. They were good friends before this other girl moved, and even though they didn’t keep in contact at all while they were apart, they’re still good friends now.

These girls played outside in the cold weather and the snow for a good 5 hours today. Sledding, building forts, running around and basically having a good time.

This place has been a lonely one for all of us and it warmed my heart to see Jenna out there having so much fun with a good friend.

It got me thinking about my friendships. When we moved to Quebec I was extremely fortunate and I met an excellent group of ladies who became close friends of mine. It was the first time since I had my group of riding friends when I was younger where I had this larger base of people I was close to, but not related to. In Rhode Island I had lots of friends, although not as close. And here –  very few friends, more acquaintances – not close – fortunately, one that I’d call a real true friend (although, to be fair one good friend is all I need).

I made a conscious decision about friends when we moved here. I realized I was not attracting the types of people I wanted in my life. I was bringing in people who weren’t bringing out the best in me, not making me want to be a better person, and some of them were just plain mean and hurtful. I understood that in order to have better friends, I needed to learn how to be a better friend. So I stopped. I withdrew for a long period of self reflection. I picked out the things that I really wanted in friendships, and I started working on making those aspects stronger in myself.

I can tell it’s working because my lifelong friendships with friends and family back home have strengthened substantially. I’ve worked really hard to put efforts back into those relationships and grow and strengthen them. The relationships I have with my kids have strengthened in ways that bring me joy on a daily basis. I can see that finally I’m becoming the friend I’ve always wanted.

Years ago we were in Italy for my cousin’s wedding and I saw two little old ladies wandering arm in arm up the street. They were weaving from side to side because they were laughing so hard, and they were arm in arm to hold each other up as they dissolved in giggles. At that moment I decided to make it a mission to make sure I had a friend like that to grow old with.

I’m lucky because there’s a strong *girl power* influence in my extended family. With a sister and numerous girl cousins (I have some pretty awesome boy cousins too), I am fortunate to have a girl tribe back home that will always be my dear friends.

I also been deepening my friendships with childhood friends, old riding friends, friends from school. Friendships I had neglected for too long, but finally have enough *good* stuff to put back into a relationship to make it functional. I’ve also let go of that need to try and present a perfect front. You are my friend then you get me warts and all. It makes for more honest relationships and trusted friendships. It’s so important to have people you can deeply trust in your life, and to be a person who can be deeply trusted.

Today, day 24 of the 44 days of happiness, I dedicate to the joy and happiness found in dear friendships. They are such an important part of life.

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The small moments

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We are still snowbound. Not that that’s a bad thing – it’s still quite nice. The great thing about being snowed in is that it forces us to just slow down and be. There’s nowhere to go, nothing to get done, no housecleaning to stress about (because if we can’t get out, no one is going to be able to get in to want a showing). We just are. Just us hanging out at home with each other. And we do weird things, simple things, fun things together because of that.

Well, first I did make them go out and shovel the driveway again. But because they didn’t grow up in Alberta like I did, it wasn’t a feared and despised chore like it was for me. They were actually excited to go out and do it. Go figure. With the three of us working together it actually was, dare I say, fun!

Helps that it wasn’t -30 and there wasn’t ice.

We also had a small comedy break as we watched the mailman drive up the unploughed hill in his Jeep. I have no idea how he kept going, but he made it all the way up and down. Although he was stuck at our driveway for a good 5 minutes while we stood there and watched. He was laughing and laughing and when he got out next door he said this was “one of those slow days” and got back in, drove back down part way and then raced back up the hill. I think there may have been more fun than work for him today. Good day to have a Jeep. Good day to be out with a positive attitude.

Yesterday I talked about finding the small things, today was all about living in the small moments. All those small things that happen that don’t really seem like much, but that actually make up life, that ground and form our relationships, that give us memories. Those are what happens in the small moments of life. I feel sometimes like we get so focused on the big moments of life, or the worrisome moments of life, that we forget the small moments. That’s where the longterm bliss lives. We can have those big happy moments like going to Disneyland, but if you don’t have the grounding of the longterm small moments already, it won’t impact the same way.

Today we had small moment fun. Small moment joys. Small moment bliss.

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Shhh, don’t tell anyone, but we did a couple runs down the road before they ploughed it. They were the best runs of the day. 🙂

IMG_3052Tomorrow’s another snow day, but since the roads are now ploughed, I think we will likely venture out just for a small change of scenery (and to replenish groceries – my word these children eat a lot!)

Day 23 of 44 days of happiness comes from the joy of the small moments and the blessing of being able to slow down and live and breathe in those small moments.

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Snow Day!

We are totally and completely snowed in. We have probably a foot and a half on the ground now, and they expect the greatest amount to fall between now and midnight. Which means by tomorrow we will have a total winter wonderland outside.

I mistakenly thought that once we moved to the South I was leaving winter behind, but apparently I was wrong. What amazes me is how much the kids love the snow. As soon as it started coming down they both dressed up and ran outside to catch snowflakes on their tongues, play with the ice and run around like maniacs. They were even excited both times that I suggested we go out and shovel the driveway (good old Jacob even went next door and helped the neighbours do their driveway).

They are loving being snowed in and having time to just relax. Actually, today was a much needed break after all of us were so stressed after yesterday. Jacob and I even had naps. I had to have a nap since he came in and bounced on my bed at 5:00am to let me know there was no school (I knew this the night before but hadn’t told him – well I paid the price for that), and Jacob crashed this afternoon – it took all of my strength not to go in and jump on his bed and wake him up *just because*.

My happiness moment for day 22 of the 44 came to me  while we were outside shoveling. First of all, I was happy simply because we were all outside enjoying each other, the kids were having fun shoveling (I was discovering that I have control issues with how I think it needs to be done which the kids found even funnier). I firmly believe that life is lived in the small moments and being able to live the small moments with them is one of the great joys of my life. The other was a huge feeling of happy gratitude. I’ve spent so many years being so run down and trying so hard to build myself up (with the forcing more then the allowing) and finally this year I was able to be outside and play and have fun and have the energy (physically and spiritually) to enjoy being in that moment.

Happy, blissful, peaceful, snow day xoxo

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