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44 days of happiness… starts now

Today is my birthday. The intention for this year is to follow my bliss, to be happy. To follow the path of least resistance by allowing good things to come into my life. What better way to kick it off than with 44 days of happiness? 44 days where I spend each day with the mindful intention of doing and finding things that make me happy. I got the idea from my daughter who seemed to turn turning 10 into a month long event, and also from a hight school friend who recently told me when she turned 40 she spent 40 days doing something special for herself.

So, these will be my 44 days of happiness. Or, the 44 days of Melissa.

Day 1 naturally was pretty easy since people always go out of their way to make sure that your birthday is a special day. But I also noticed I was happier in my soul today. I could feel it when I was out walking this morning. I felt it when I was working on my Ayurveda course. And I could feel it when I was hanging out with my kiddos.

The kids today get the credit for bringing a smile into my heart. They both made me a special card for my birthday. Jenna’s is here:

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The picture above is us holding hands under a rainbow. The poem below melted my heart:

I love you, I love you, I love you mommy

I love you, I love you, I love you so much

You’ve always been there for me

I am going to be there for you

i love you I (heart) you

so much mommy

happy 44 b-day

swoon. Takes my breath away to be loved so much. I love her that much too.

And from Jacob:

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He makes my heart so happy. I love them both so much and there has been no greater joy than being their mom.

To top it off, my Facebook feed was flooded with friends and family wishing me a happy day. I am so blessed that I have so many people in my life who are really good, decent, solid friends.

Happiness is off to a great start.

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Closing out 43

Tomorrow is the start of my new year. I know it’s more popular to make your new years resolutions for January 1 but since my birthday or “new year” is on the 26th I have found it makes more sense for me to focus on my intentions for the new year on that day. It’s not something I ever used to do, I preferred to wing it and focus on things as the desire hit me. But, when I turned 41 something inside me changed and I decided to make a concentrated effort to make who I am a better person.

41 was the year that I followed the philosophy “be the change you want to see in the world”. I decided that if I was going to live in a better world that the changes for the better had to begin with me. I started looking long and hard at how I was living and making changes that would make that life a better, happier and more balanced one.

42 was the year that I worked on “healing”. All the thought of the year before had made me realize how broken I was. I had stripped myself down to my core in the effort of rebuilding and that drained me completely. I started learning about Ayurveda, learning how to feed myself better, discovering the importance of a good nights sleep, learning to meditate. Learning to heal myself.

43 was the year that I worked on “strength”. I wasn’t healed yet, but I could feel inside that I was ready to get stronger. Right before my birthday I saw a picture of someone doing the dancer pose and decided that was something I wanted to be able to do myself. I worked on it all year. When I started (and I wish I had taken a picture) I couldn’t stand on one leg and pull my other leg up towards my bum to grab it with my hand. I had to use a yoga strap to pull that foot up. Tonight I had Jenna take a picture of my progress over the year:

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It’s huge progress. I’ll keep at it and post another picture next year.

44 will be the year of “my happiness” my happiness. Because I’ve learned that when I’m happy I spread happiness which makes the world a better place. I’m going to walk myself down my path of least resistance and consciously allow good things happen to me. Way too many times in my life I’ve had wonderful opportunities knock on my door and I’ve turned them down because I felt I didn’t deserve that kind of happiness. Now I feel not only do I deserve it, but it’s my duty to seek it out. We all deserve to follow our bliss.

My pose goal for the year is to be able to sit and stretch forward reaching my toes and have my body lie flat against my legs. I’ve never been able to do this. In junior high I used to do terribly at the flexibility toe touch. Although, while I’ve never been really flexible that way it did annoy me years later when I got married and we were comparing how we could touch toes. He could reach hands on the floor no problem. Then I realized that while he was taller than me his legs are 4 inches shorter. Which helped me let go a lot of the “I can’t touch my toes” insecurity of jr. high. I can touch my toes now. I love that yoga is noncompetitive – I need that.

Here’s my pose at the beginning of the year:

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I’m excited about this year. A whole year focused on happiness. I have a feeling that wonderful things are going to manifest this year.

~ namaste

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My heron, my river

My herons and my river have been a huge force in re-stabilizing my life here. The herons and I have an interesting relationship. I’ve noticed that they don’t pay a lot of attention to the other people on the path, but we seem to have a real attraction to each other. Maybe it’s because I’m one of the few people who actually stops and stares at them, but they really seem to notice me (even on days when I don’t stop and stare). I figure it’s fair enough if I’m staring at them for a while that they’ll get upset, squawk and fly away. But often they either fly right ahead of me and land on the riverbank or they pop up right beside me from the water’s edge and fly away.

Yesterday I walked by Henry Heron (yes, I’ve named them) and as soon as I got beside me he flew away. I was sure he was gone, but instead he flew about 30 feet upstream and landed on a rock right by the edge of the water in a prime heron watching spot. This picture was taken with my iphone, I was maybe 20 feet away.

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He stayed there the entire time I stood watching (and taking pictures). As I continued up the path I came across the second heron (Heidi Heron). She was standing right beside the water on my side of the river – usually they’re on the far side of the river away from the people. She flew downstream right beside Henry. Then they both turned and flew upstream past me. Henry stopped a little farther up and Heidi took off. I figured she was off fishing somewhere else for the day.

I continued on my walk and as I crossed a narrow bridge in an area where there are NEVER herons I saw this: (can you see her? she’s hiding in the top right part of the picture)

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A most unusual place for one of the herons to be. Dottie the Dotted Dog and I stood on the bridge for a long while and watched her march up and down the water.

So, what do these herons mean? They make a point of making sure I notice them when I’m out walking. Why are they so insistent that I see them?

On purely a personal level, for a long time they helped ground me and bind me to home. I’d take a picture of Henry or Heidi and text it home to my dad. He would go out on a walk and take a picture of the heron that lives on the slough near their house. It helped remind me that no matter how many miles apart we are, we are still bound together. They were my birds of un-homesickness.

Spiritually, herons remind us of self-reliance, self-determination and independence. They remind us to go with the flow of life (ha! a big one for me now following my path of least resistance). A lone hunter with the ability to stand steadily on it’s own (amazingly long) legs – a reminder that one does not need a large amount of support to have the ability to stand on one’s own.

The Heron symbolizes balance – the ability to be strong and secure on the ground yet fly with grace and ease in the sky. They will wait patiently by the water but when they see what they want they go after it with no quickly with no hesitation. They represent the need for solitude as well as the one to explore (which is a big part of my morning walk). Herons are able to walk into deep water with no fear knowing that they will remain balanced on their own two feet.

So, pretty much exactly what the goal of my river walks are – to ground me, to remind me that I can stand on my own two feet. To encourage my self-reliance, to know I can walk into the water and remain balanced.

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A spiritual being having a human experience

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

~

The last few days I’ve been doing different readings and this quote is showing up everywhere. Even randomly on my Facebook feed. My dad and I had a conversation somewhat along these lines over the holidays. It seems to be something that I really need to pay attention to.

I find it so easy to get hung up on being a human being. The physical experience. How does my body feel today. How does my body look. I walked along the river this morning and thought about the fact that I am a spiritual being having a human experience. I felt my body resist this thought (whaaaat? No you’re not. Feel me, I’m here). And at the same time my spirit feel joy at this thought (thank you for finally noticing I’m here. When that body is gone I’m still going to be here, you know).

Being a spiritual being reminds me that we are all gifts from God (even those people who annoy me, I need to especially remember that those people are). We are all here with a Divine purpose and it’s our job to figure that out and live blissfully in it. Find our dharma and live it with joy.

Remembering that I am having a human experience reminds me that any struggles are temporary. This physical aspect is but one part of the entity that makes me me.

That little light that shines in all of us? That is our spiritual being. Shining with love and bliss and brilliance.

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Sunrise over the mountain

Today is the 10th birthday of my amazing daughter Jenna. I’m sure she has brought so much more to my life than I have to hers. She has shown me pure love and true joy. I am thankful every day she chose me.

This morning I was sitting in the kitchen looking out at my beloved mountains being grateful for Jenna and thankful we are still home and can enjoy her first birthday here since her BirthDay. The mountains to the west became lit up in amazing colours reflecting the sunrise to the east and I sat down with my cup of tea to take in the beauty and joy God was showing in celebration of her special day

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As I was sitting, the song “Sunrise” by Deva Primal came on my playlist. I’ve had the song a couple of years and I’m sure have played it many times but I never really heard it

Sunrise
Over the mountain
Spreading your light
Over the land

Sunrise
Another new morning
We celebrate
We are the new man

It was exactly what was happening at that moment and was such a beautiful song. I felt like I was suspended in time being showered with beauty and love. Which is exactly the spirit that is Jenna.

I am eternally grateful that this powerful spirit of love is in my life.

She is my sunrise spreading her light over the land. Happy birthday dear Jenna

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Living From the Heart… My Path of Least Resistance

Although yesterday began with a heavy heart as I said goodbye to family and headed to the airport with the kids to begin our long journey back to Virginia, the Universe provided for me as it always does when we are open to accepting.

We got to the airport knowing that one flight was delayed making a connection impossible but not knowing what that meant for our trip. What it meant was that we could get to Chicago but no further until Tuesday as all flights were fully booked. The other option was to stay in Calgary until Tuesday and fly then. Oh the happy dances the kids did right in the middle of the airport were pretty awesome. The poor girl was expecting frustrated and angry travelers and the change in her when we started laughing and dancing was pretty amazing as well.

So, we are happily still here in -30C weather and loving every minute of it.

Well before the New Year I had set my intention for 2015 – although to be more precise as my birthday is the end of January I change my yearly intention on my birthday. My intention for my 44th year is to follow the path of least resistance. Which for me also includes getting out of my head and following my heart.

Saturday I went and saw a dear childhood friend whom I haven’t seen in 15 years. Not only did I have a wonderful reunion and the chance to catch up on each other’s lives a little bit, but I also got to have my aura read. She had just opened up her shop in Cochrane – Spirit of Oneness Inc.

Among many of the things I learned from her reading was that I had a line disconnecting my head from the rest of my body. I guess I didn’t “learn” this as I am well aware of the ongoing battle between my head and the rest of my body for control – but it was interesting to actually see this division.

She guided me through a brief meditation which included asking me to open and breathe through my heart. Although this is something I used to do in my meditations it’s something I had apparently fallen out of the habit of doing without even realizing it. Probably lost focus in the ongoing battle between that head and heart (body).

But I do realize that my path of least resistance very much includes getting out of my head and living through my heart. When I truly want to know what the best thing for me to do my heart always has the answer while my head always justifies and makes excuses for why things should be a certain way.

My reading this morning (naturally) was a wonderful compliment to my intentions:

“When you have doubt, go into your heart space. Take a day and look inside yourself for the truth. No one but you knows your truth. Live from that truth and trust in it. If the way you’re pursuing your dharma is not working, then change direction. But I cannot emphasize enough that you must take the plunge.” (The Wheel of Healing, an Easy Guide to and Ayurvedic Lifestyle)

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My small life and my Big Life

Yesterday I was going to blog about something I came across in my morning readings. But instead I wandered out and looked at the barn, visited with my parents, went to town with the family, and then went to a party at my cousins house. When I rolled into bed last night I thought about how I hadn’t written anything and reflected on the fact that I was too busy living my Big Life.

When we are home I have family and lifelong friends to hang out with. Or a horse to ride. Or the ranch to just exist on. Everywhere I go there are pieces of me and my history. I feel like I’m living a Big Life. My spirit is happy, the loneliness is less. I feel like myself without having to think about who myself is.
When we are back at the place where we live, I live my small life. It’s not a bad life, but it’s a much quieter and lonelier life. I have to work hard to keep in touch with who I am. The kids and I have to work hard to combat the loneliness of living so far from our home. Too much working hard for things that should just *be*.

I am so happy that yesterday was filled with Big Living. It was filled with good visits and laughs and sharing of lives. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what it’s all about? Sharing my life and living and laughing with those I love is the true essence of my life.

I am so grateful that we are here right now in this moment, with these people, in this place, sharing our lives.

Xoxo

Big Life Fun….

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Sore Throat and the Path of Least Resistance

Yesterday afternoon my throat decided to get sore. It was a rainy, cold day and I was already feeling kind of <meh> because of the weather, so it took me a while to decide that I actually should do something about said sore throat.

Thinking about dealing with my throat made me reflect on my Ayurvedic studies which I’ve been struggling with lately. I wasn’t exactly sure why it seemed so difficult lately and it was causing me a great deal of frustration. Over the last day or so every time I do some reading, look at my Facebook feed, or even do my morning meditation, I am being told that they way to abundance and to getting what I want is through the path of least resistance.

I am a longtime, hard-core resistor of the path of least resistance. If there’s an easy way and a hard as hell way to get somewhere, you can bank on the fact that historically I’ve been struggling part way down the path of most resistance. Looking over at the path of least resistance wondering how I missed the turn onto that path and how the F do I get there? Wait, maybe I’ll just push ahead a little more, struggle some more and then I’ll find that easy path? Sometimes I’ve even been on the path of least resistance and jumped over to the path of most resistance because I thought it was too easy, I should be struggling more, I didn’t deserve to be this happy…..

Sigh.

I’ve been doing this with my studies as well. I told myself that I’m already behind the ball because I didn’t have any knowledge about Ayurveda when I started (and it seemed like everyone else did), and so being intimidated I felt like it was a struggle. Ironically when I manage to just close these thoughts off, don’t think about what I know and what I don’t know and go with what my gut says is right I’m always on the right track. Which, of course, is true about everything else I do in my life also.

After 43 years of intensive research on the path of most resistance, I can assuredly tell you that it’s not a path conducive to success and long-lasting happiness. I can also tell you that the few times I’ve been able to really let go and relax into the path of least resistance that it is a path to success and happiness. So, considering it’s called the “path of least resistance” because it means that it’s the one that you should have to put the least amount of effort into – why is it so bloody hard to do sometimes? It should be a welcome, joyful path to follow all the time. With Unicorns and rainbows on it.

So, lying on the couch resisting the fact that I was having a sore throat and struggling and suffering with it and the knowledge that I knew of an easy way to solve it – I finally got up and took my cure-all for my throat.

Big ol’ gulp of Bragg’s Apple Cider Vinegar. Nasty…. but it works. Throat’s already almost completely better.

So, I’m setting my intention that I will be making a concentrated effort to look out for that path of least resistance and following that towards the things that I want and the things that make me happy. Because true happiness is unselfish, loving, blissful, peaceful and easy. When you are happy doors open and that makes life so much easier than having to stop and try to open all those doors yourself.

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I ain’t missing you at all….

This morning I was listening to John Wait’s Missing You which apparently led me into a morning of self-reflection. The kids have been sick the past couple of days and as a result we have had the opportunity to completely slow down, which has given me time to reflect and read and work and play. Listening to this song this morning made me think of who-I-used-to-be. I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about who-I-really-am and how do I get to living that authentic life on a continuous basis. Lately I’ve realized that who-I-used-to-be and who-I-really-am are actually pretty close to the same thing.

In my mid 20s I made 4 major decisions that altered the course of my life. It doesn’t really matter what those decisions were – they were made long ago and with the best of intentions for my future, but as a result of those choices I went from a life on purpose to a life on default.

What does that mean? I used to be a dreamer, I had ideas of doing fun-filled and exciting things with my life. They were always a little unconventional, but being a bit different was something I used to embrace about myself. I may not always have been 100% sure about where the path I was on was going to take me, but I always was certain that I was enjoying the ride there.

When I switched to a life on default, I gave up on my dreams, I decided to take the safe route and choose stability over dreams and fun. Although I had no idea at the time, the result of this meant I was no longer being authentic to myself. Instead of being the star of my own life I chose to become a supporting character in other people’s lives. So, instead of writing my own life story on purpose the things that happened in my life happened in a supporting role, on default.

The result of this is that I have become one of those women in their 40s sitting with a basket full of unfulfilled dreams. The good thing is that I have now realized that I am the author of my own life story and that it is not only possible, but necessary for me to live a life on purpose. To realize that I can live with intention and passion and joy because all of that is my birthright.

I took the kids home this summer for our longest trip back in 9 years. Those 9 years have been fun, busy child-raising years – but they also have been difficult and unsettling years. We have moved several times – across Canada and to two different states. I really wanted them home for an extended time for many reasons, but one of them was that I wanted them to get to see who-I-used-to-be. I felt that they only knew a stressed out and unsettled mom and I thought it was important that they knew that I used to be a fearless badass. The unexpected bonus of this trip was that *I* remembered who-I-used-to-be and realized that that still is who-I-really-am.

If I could rewind time I would go back and do the opposite of those 4 choices I made. But, there are many things about the life that I live now that are wonderful and beautiful and fun and I would never, ever trade them for the world. So, I will live with the life I’ve created quite happily. However, it’s wonderful to know that I now also have the ability to create my own future.

I thought taking the safe route would lead to security and stability and in reality it did exactly the opposite. Which, as I was singing badly but happily (even more happily when the kids started covering their ears telling me to stop, because that is funny) to my song this morning, made me think “If I had followed those dreams earlier in life I probably wouldn’t be in any worse shape than I am now, except I would have known that I tried.” Instead of that being a sad thought it was actually quite empowering. What do I have to lose now by following dreams? Seriously.

I think it’s freaking awesome that we all get to write our own life stories and that we can choose to live our life on purpose!

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