Today was a beautiful day at the ranch. Inside this little tornado of stress that is happening in my life, there was this feeling of peace and calm as I looked out a the fields, the mountains, the view that I love.
Home is grounding, it is love, it is safety, it is peace.
It may sound stupid but after 20 years off of riding and then a big wreck a couple of years ago I’ve been scared to canter.
One of my favorite childhood memories is galloping across a field at the ranch praying my horse didn’t trip in a gopher hole. Even a couple of years ago I was cantering around in one of the fields with my Drishti. that feeling of freedom – there’s nothing like it.
There is that saying that you need to get back on your horse as soon as you fall off. There’s a reason for that. I did get on about a month after, but it was over a year before I could really ride again. Too long to let fears sit.
But the great thing about being human is that not only do we hurt, but we also have an amazing ability to heal. When placed in a safe, loving environment where you can trust and depend on those around you, it’s possible to heal from almost everything.
And so I cantered.
Not well, not elegantly, but I did it. And I’ll do it again. And every time I do it I will be stronger and better. Sometimes it won’t be graceful, sometimes it won’t feel like I know what I’m doing. But I’ll keep doing it. Because that’s how we keep healing.
I thought I was broken, but I think actually we are unbreakable. Sometimes we just need help to heal.
Mother’s Day is bittersweet still. It’s my second one without mom, I still expect to see her everywhere. But I also celebrate being a mom to these two amazing little turkeys who aren’t little (or turkeys).
We got some yard work done today, it was gorgeous out and it felt good to attack some of the chores we needed to get done. It’s just so nice to be outside and enjoying the warm weather.
Mother’s Day is still kind of a bittersweet holiday. I love being celebrated by my kids, but I sure miss my mom.
I was really grateful that my cousin and her family invited us over for supper tonight. My girl went over early and spent the afternoon helping cook the feast. She did her speciality – lobster bisque – and together they all put together quite the feast.
I am so thankful that we are part of this tribe
I have a few really good memories of my grandpa. I don’t have as many as I’d like since he passed away when I was 7, but the memories I do have really impress on me that he must have spent a lot of time with me when I was little.
I remember a few occasions when together we’d commit one of the biggest sins – driving on the lawn. Back then there was a carport where the garage now is, and sometimes grandpa would find a reason why, instead of backing down the driveway, we would have to drive forward over the lawn.
I have this memory of he and I giggling like mad men as he’d say boy is grandma ever going to be mad if she catches us and we’d race across the yard in his truck.
More than 40 years later I found I still have that same thrill as I had to drive across the yard this afternoon.
Grandparents are special. I’m so grateful my parents put in so much effort to build a relationship with my kids – those memories will carry them a lifetime as well.
The girl was all excited because they were making lemon bars in school today. When she posted the photo I said how good it looked and that I wanted her to save me a bite.
I was just kidding, but she chose one of the best pieces and brought it to the car for me after school.
That is love đź’•.
We had our 4H highway cleanup. Our club had been really lucky and we have a great (and quiet) highway to clean. And showing how awesome our community is, we had several non member volunteers come to help us out since we are such a small club.
The weather was less than ideal, but the kids were great sports about it, and we were actually done quite quickly.
After we joined together for lunch, laughs, and visits.
The slough on the way home was full of swans – happily swimming even though the snow made it feel much more like winter than springtime.
I feel so blessed to be part of this community.
I had a riding lesson today. I was tired, I had a crappy night sleep and I’ve got lots on my mind, but horses are my therapy and I knew I needed the healing time.
I was having a hard time holding him properly in the trot. On one transition I felt totally unbalanced, and basically like I was riding like a sack of crap. I tried to right it, felt myself getting off balance, it felt sloppy, I was annoyed with myself that it wasn’t going how I wanted, so I pulled him back to a walk.
My instructor got after me see, you dropped him and he fell into a walk. I said no, I’d felt like it was all falling apart, I couldn’t get it together, so I asked him for the walk so I could stop and get myself together.
She said you don’t get to stop to get it together, you need to get it together while you keep going. YOU ARE NOT A NOVICE AT THIS. The only way to actually get where you want to go is to keep pushing ahead.
And I was like
You have no idea how badly I needed to hear that.
My horse may be my therapy, but my instructor is like my life coach.
The boy had his first away game today – with all the snow we’ve had things were a bit wet but at least this last round of rain/snow/thunder held off until after the game.
His team tries hard, as goalie he works hard and feels the brunt of any time the ball goes in the goal.
I am always impressed with the heart of this team, they keep going and trying their best. It’s a good life lesson in not giving up. You may not be winning, but if you quit you’re for sure losing. There were no quitters in the field today.
But there was a guy carrying a lot of red flags which made me giggle. I need to learn to pay attention to red flags haha
