happiness

Holding each other up

Today was the emotional day of making arrangements for mom. It’s amazing how exhausting that is – it seems like we were just in those offices making arrangements for dad.

However my sister, brother in law, myself and mom’s caregiver made the best of a stressful situation. I don’t know what we would have done the last couple of years without Heather. She quickly became part of the family and she’s become so important to all of us. I particularly appreciated her being there today and jokingly referred to her as my rented husband who I leaned on for support.

We all need to work through this grieving process together. Together it makes an unbearable situation bearable. It’s not joyful, but it’s deep seated soul happiness being surrounded by my tribe

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happiness

Dancing with the angels

Early this morning, Mom put on her riding boots and walked out to the pasture in heaven to grab a horse and go for a ride. I hope she’s dancing with dad, riding her horse, playing with her dogs, and having tea with her parents and all the other loved ones who have been waiting for her. She’s free, she’s saved, she’s at peace.

This has been an impossibly difficult couple of years.

For those of you who knew my mom, I don’t have to explain what kind of a woman she was. She was the strongest, bravest, kindest woman I knew. She defied the odds her entire life. The surest way to make sure she would do anything was to tell her she couldn’t. You will never walk again – walks. You will never be able to go to school – goes to Stanford. You won’t be able to have kids – has kids. All our lives we were taught to not let little things like that’s impossible  get in the way of anything.

Mostly she taught us what love was. She worked hard to give us the best life possible, and one of her greatest lessons was that my sister and I need to be friends, that we will be each other’s allies all of our lives.

All day long family and friends have been calling, texting, and emailing us. So many people loved mom, so many people love us. Thank God for this tribe. I had one cousin drop off a huge bag of chocolate to keep my energy up (haha), and another one invited all of us over for supper and a visit. I knew mom would be so happy to see us all coming together. Happiness, it’s found even in sad moments.

One of mom’s caregivers showed me this poem the other day. I keep thinking that as we were saying goodbye, there was a group of loved ones saying hello.

We love you mom.

Gone From My Sight

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,

spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts

for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.

I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck

of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, “There, she is gone.”

Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,

hull and spar as she was when she left my side.

And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me — not in her.

And, just at the moment when someone says, “There, she is gone,”

there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices

ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”

And that is dying…

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Unconditional love

I remember when I was younger I’d hear people talk about unconditional love and I couldn’t understand why they made such a big deal out of it.

It wasn’t until I was much older that understood that I had been raised in a house that was fueled and filled with unconditional love. I had the safety of knowing that no matter what I did or how I behaved I was loved. So it became the way I learned to express love as well.

And now as I sit here with mom I am thankful again for the gift of her love. When I came home and I was so broken mom gave me grounding so I could find my footing again. She gave me love so I could feel safe. She gave me support so I could look after my kids. She gave and she gave her love unconditionally and I will be forever grateful for her.

We did a family communion here at the hospital this afternoon. Those rituals being such peace and after we cried and smiled as we shared stories and memories of mom. She’s had quite a remarkable life. I am so grateful for the support of our tribe as they gather around us in person and virtually. It brings happiness and peace.

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You are not alone

The part of my brain that feels sorry for myself keeps yelling out omg why am I dealing with all of this all by myself?

But the part of me who really sees what’s going on says you are not alone

And I’m not

All day long people have been coming by, calling, or texting and saying just that. None of us here are alone. We all have each other. It’s why we need a tribe to get through this thing called life.

This morning I finally got around to putting up the calendar my cousin-in-law made and January’s caption seemed perfect for how I feel today

We need to turn our eyes to that which is unseen and rely on our faith.

Today has been emotional but it has also been filled with peace and love – and that is happiness.

Gratitude:

Mom’s amazing caregivers

My tribe

The kindness of my sister who is staying overnight with my mom.

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She’s a really good person

I drove home one of the girl’s friends this afternoon after their sleepover. My daughter has worked hard to very purposefully pick out kind, thoughtful, fun friends. As this girl got out of my car she said thank you for having me over. I really like spending time with Jenna -she’s a really good person. 

In these teen years that are so filled with uncertainty, drama, and angst for girls I thought how wonderful it is that she’s also got such good friends who not only see but bring out the best in each other. That is a gift that will last her a lifetime. That is happiness.

And I completely agree. She is a really good person.

My gratitude:

the special souls who provide me with a safe place to land

My Drishti

My sister and the strength we draw from each other.

 

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It’s a girl party

The girl is having her sleepover party to celebrate becoming 13. She has purposefully and carefully selected her friends – she’s slowly building her tribe. I love having a house full of kids. It makes me happy that they want to be here and on glad we can all celebrate this awesome girl. Happiness.

Gratitude :

Quiet time with the boy

Giggling girls

Free baklava

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The foundation of the community

Our community hall has been the hub of our community for generations. We celebrated the 90th anniversary of the building last year, and as a board member it’s been an interesting year to reflect on the importance of the hall to our community.

As a kid I remember going up for lunchbox socials (my grandma always made my lunch so people would actually want to buy it), there were dances and us kids were allowed to go for the “early part” before people went crazy, and then there were the Christmas parties complete with Santa. Our hall holds the memories of the pioneers who settled here so many years ago. They are kept alive by all of us here – the descendants of these people.

I love that there are still so many people here who love what the hall offers to us. It brings us together still, and it seems to be more difficult now to make time for our friends and family – when really that’s what life should be about.

I came home from our monthly meeting tonight with a deep sense of peace and gratitude. I am so grateful I’m part of this community, part of this tribe. Happiness.

My gratitude for today:

I’m grateful for the hall and the community brings together

I’m grateful for found money

I’m grateful for the warmth of my house in this freezing weather.

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And now she’s a teen

My baby girl turned 13 today. I have no idea how she went from the little girl wearing a tutu and playing in the mud to this smart, beautiful young lady- but here we are.

I am so incredibly proud of her and consider her to be one of my greatest blessings.

Her day began as the boy and I sang happy birthday loudly and badly to her. It ended at our 4H meeting with the club having a pizza and cake celebration for her (singing was better this time).

And now she’s in a different phase of life. I know she’ll navigate this with love, grace, and determination – the same way she has approached everything so far in life.

The years I’ve spent being her mom have been some of the happiest of my life.

It has been suggested by my awesome friend and mentor Asrael that I choose three things every day for the next month to be grateful for. So today for day 1 they are:

1. I am grateful for Jenna

2. I am grateful for this safe and loving house in which we live

3. I am grateful for my tribe.

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Birth sister/soul sister

Today was a day that had a lot of anxiety attached to it right from the start. It’s so frustrating to get anxious about things that we can’t change, but sometimes that happens, sometimes (always) things are out of our control, sometimes life is scary.

However as I started this day, I was walking across our yard and noticed the beautiful full moon hanging over the mountains, barely visible through the trees. I love Alberta – I love it much more now that it’s not -50C, but it’s home, and it’s where my people are.

I had a really good quiet moment with my sister this morning. Both our lives are busy and even when we are together usually there’s kids and chaos – which is all good but sometimes it’s important to stop and really check in with each other, and I feel like we did that today. It was much needed and appreciated.

This evening I did much the same thing with my soul sister. We shared supper and stories, laughs and heartaches – she has been a huge support for me through my divorce and all the fallout from that and I’m forever grateful.

I feel like we have created a culture where independence is celebrated – where needing someone is a sign of weakness and we are supposed to be brave and strong all alone all the time. It’s not how I can function. I need my tribe, I wouldn’t have been able to pick myself up and be building a new life for the kids and I if I didn’t have the unconditional love and support from my people. That is happiness.

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Frozen In

Yesterday with the windchill it was -48C which is an absolutely unbearable temperature. So much so that my car decided it was done with being an Albertan and died (well the battery died). My very kind brother in law tried to help me out yesterday to no avail and a second attempt by me and my son today achieved the same results. I put in calls to AMA and also to Volvo On Call to come rescue my poor car. AMA said it was still a 16 hour wait and the other said about 12 – this is what happens when it’s so cold and also the holidays.

There’s something kind of nice about being forced to stay home. Life gets so busy and I usually put on at least 100km/day which makes for a lot of driving and a lot of time on the road.

Today I got to spend cleaning the house a bit, visiting with the kids, and setting intentions for the next year. As a bonus, only a few hours after I called Volvo sent out Big Hill Towing from Cochrane and they rescued me by starting my car.

2018 – Our year for peace and happiness.

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