Author Archives: Melissa

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It’s who you are

I love it when my kids are faced with challenges that give them the opportunity to show who they really are. Both of my kids have a good, strong, honest, solid, character. I’m not just saying this because I wear mom goggles (although I freely admit that I do), but because time and time again when they face obstacles they overcome them with honesty and grace. I’m a better person because they are in my life. 

Jacob had two such opportunities today. He was in a group of boys on Monday who were goofing around in class and were supposed to come in today for lunch detention. Jacob has already told me about it, he knew he shouldn’t have been doing it – but sometimes these things happen and all we can do is go and make it right. 

Jacob and one other boy were the only ones out of the group who showed up today and took their punishment. Because of this, the teacher let them talk quietly and then let them go after lunch. She thanked them for their honesty in showing up. 

I told Jacob how proud I was that he’d gone and taken the punishment. It let the teacher know what kind of person he is. She now  knows that while he is a teen and sometimes gets to talking too much, he’s also honest and reliable. 

His second incident today was with a peer. 

Jacob keeps his hair trimmed very short – he alway has – and it looks good on him. It’s neat, tidy, and easy to care for. Some kid has decided to mock him for this look and call him Caillou (only in Canada would he be teased by being called Caillou). It’s been going on for a little while, and although Jacob generally ignores the kid, it does bother him. 

Today the kid came up and started calling him Caillou again and then started humming  the theme song  – worst song ever for being an ear worm by the way. Jacob said he looked the kid dead on and then started bouncing in time to the music singing Caillou c’est moi, je suis Caillou. He said it shocked the kid so badly he didn’t know what to say and just turned and walked away. 

So proud of him. He was in a situation that could have led to a big confrontation and instead he turned the other cheek. By remaining passive and not playing into the teasing, yet at the same time standing up for himself he diffused the entire situation. 

This is a great example of the character of my kid. This is who he is at the core of his being and I couldn’t be prouder that when it matters these are the character traits he draws from. 

Today my happiness moment is being shown what a kind, honest, respectful, happy kid I have. I’m lucky to have him  call me mom. 

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Birthday time 

Today we celebrated my Mom’s birthday. I won’t tell you the number but it was a big one. In the past 11 years we have only been with her for one other birthday celebration, so it was wonderful to get to actually be in person with her on her special day. 

My Mom has taught me so many lessons about life. She’s taught me how to love; fiercely and unconditionally. She’s shown us her love through all our trials and tribulations. She’s taught me to love even when that seems like a difficult thing to do.

She’s taught me about strength. She’s shown me that it’s possible to beat the odds time and time again. She’s a living example that just because people tell you  that something  can’t be done does not mean that has to become your own personal  truth. She’s shown me that you can have tragedies happen and you can still keep moving ahead and achieve greatness and happiness. 

She’s now also Nana and is playing a huge role in the lives of my kids. I always say it’s important to have grandparents because it gives the kids that buffer between generations. It warms my heart that my kids can run over to her place any time they want for a visit. 

I’m so thankful that she’s my mom. She’s my mentor and my friend as well and she’s shown me how to be a better person. 

My happiness moment today was being with her on her birthday. Lucky me!!

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The gift of health

One of my daily affirmations (when I remember, I’ve been lax lately) is that I’m grateful that the gift of health is keeping me alive. It’s amazing how even though I live with the intention of being grateful for my health, I don’t fully appreciate it until it’s not there. 

These past two weeks I’ve been knocked to my knees with a brutal cold. I’ve been coughing and using Kleenex nonstop. On top of feeling terrible, it’s been gross. 

It made me stop and really reassess my health. What can I be doing to look after myself better?

Since beginning my studies in Ayurveda my self-care has increased exponentially, but there’s always room for improvement. After moving back home last spring, I dove face first into a big piece of cake to soothe my sad feelings and it’s taken me a long time to crawl back out of that sugar hole. 

I’ve been eating too much sugar, and sugar makes me feel like crap. Correction, in the moment it makes me feel soothed, happy, safe, and loved. Not long after that it makes me feel like crap. My muscles are more tense, I’m more anxious, I don’t sleep as well… the list goes on. And yet sugar… it calls my name and it’s hard for me not to come running. 

Aside from that, I was grateful for the things I’ve learned over the years that help me get back to health. Allowing myself to stop and rest (this is a big one), honey and ginger, apple cider vinegar, rest, rest, honouring the fact that this is where my body is at right now. 

Today I feel closer to my healthy self than I have in two and a half long weeks. I’m certainly well enough to know I’m feeling better and to feel immense gratitude for my increasing health. 

Today’s  happiness moment is the joy of appreciating how well my body looks after me and how much better I feel as I return to a state of balance and health. 

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Family time. 

Today we celebrated Mom’s birthday with a family lunch. All of these firsts after Dad died are met with a little apprehension and sadness, but with a house full of family it felt like old times today. 

One of our struggles at a regular family meal is who has to sit in Dad’s chair at the table. It’s a mad rush by everyone to fill the other seats so no one has to sit in his place and be the reminder that he isn’t here. Today my uncle took one for the team and sat at the head of the table. It felt right. It was really nice to have all the seats filled and to have Dad’s filled with uncle dad. 

It’s important to keep the house and our lives filled with family, laughter, love, and happiness. It’s what will help us move ahead and find peace in our souls. 

I’m so grateful for the support and love we have here in our family. I believe Dad was here with us in spirit, happily watching us celebrate the birthday of his soulmate. 

My happiness moment today. Celebrating with family Mom’s birthday, being thankful for mom and all the light she shines into our lives. 

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Social Butterfly

A few years ago I was in Gaeta, Italy and I saw two older ladies walking down the street. They were arm in arm, swaying from side to side, laughing and talking and looking like kindred spirits. I remember stopping and staring at them and thinking I need to find a girlfriend like that. Within a day of seeing those ladies, I spent an afternoon floating in the Mediterranean with a cousin and we were laughing so hard we could barely stay afloat. It was one of those precious, kindred spirit moments.

Since that trip I have kept in mind that I need to surround myself with a good group of girlfriends, my tribe if you will.

For the past four plus years I have had no social life at all. It was a pretty lonely existence, and I used the time to strengthen my bonds with my kids and discover who I really am and what makes me tick (I used the silence to find myself). Now that I am home I’m finding my girlfriend tribe reappear and strengthen in ways I had been dreaming of. I am very fortunate in that I have a huge group of girl cousins, and they are the foundation of my girlfriend tribe.

Over the past few weeks I’ve noticed that the people I’m hanging out with are genuinely happy. I can see it when they smile, their smiles open up windows into their souls. I can see the happiness shine out of them, it’s lovely.  This past week I’ve had many chances to get together with old friends (and cousins), strengthening those girlfriend tribe bonds.

Today’s happiness moment was a two-parter. I went to the Calgary International Film Festival and watched a short animation film directed by my nephew (cousin’s son). He was supported by parents, grandparents, aunts, and cousins. That tribe. Later on I went out to a charity supper for STARS in Bragg Creek and spent the evening getting to know a second cousin and his wife a whole lot better. There were a bunch of happy people at my table and it was good to sit and laugh and enjoy being in the company of people who were joyful. The Law of Attraction, or your vibe attracts your tribe. It makes me believe that I’m on a happier and more positive vibe these days!

I believe I’m well on my way to creating the kind of life that will have me weaving arm in arm down a street laughing with a girlfriend in my old age. That is happiness, that is gratitude.

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An Unexpected Gift

The idea that instead of analyzing the darkness, we should bring in the light is a concept that has held my attention for the past few weeks. As I keep searching and reaching for happier feelings and thoughts, I really don’t want to get caught up in the black clouds that surrounded me during the dark night of my soul times.

And yet…

There’s a part of me that keeps saying that some of that darkness needs to be at least acknowledged. That it’s not going to go away until I honour the fact that it’s there and figure out how to let it go.

Today I had an appointment with my Ayurvedic Practitioner, Asrael. She’s awesome. I talked about this with her a little bit and she helped me look at if from an entire different perspective.

As many of us do, I had an episode happen that was so horrific that it forever changed who I am (it does not matter what this episode was – well to me it does – but so many of us have had that moment in time where something became broken inside of us, either by a loved one or by a stranger or some life event). On the rare occasions that I force myself to go back and look at it I can feel the hurt and anguish and pain all the way through my body. I have felt for years that it’s something that I will never fully heal from and be able to move on into a healthier pattern. It was, however, an episode that made me decide to change how I lived my life and made me start putting me as a priority instead of (literally) killing myself in order to make other people happy.

So, what if instead of this being a moment of horror and terror and pain, instead it was a gift? A gift in the beginning of my new life. At that moment I had a choice as to how I was going to move ahead. I decided to put the oxygen mask on myself and start reaching for better things in my life. It was my moment of rebirth in a sense.

It has helped me begin to push out some of that lingering darkness that I didn’t know what to do about and bring in more light. Today I had the first (huge) step in the process of healing a hugely deep hurt and that is my happiness moment for the day.

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Morning soul warmth. 

I need to add a happiness moment to my post from earlier today. 

As we were getting in the car to head to school this morning I looked east and saw this sight:

  
The sun rising over the hill while the cattle were grazing.  Every single second I count my blessings that not only are we home, but that we are home. Nestled right in the heart of our family, where our roots are planted, in the house where it all started, with views like this as a way to start the day. 

We are incredibly blessed and fortunate people. 

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Those extra moments

I have to admit, I was a little concerned how we would fill all the extra time we have this year before and after school. Jacob’s school starts and ends an hour after Jenna’s school; not enough time to come home in between, too much time to just sit there and do nothing.

In the mornings Jacob and I usually go to Tim Horton’s, buy the cheapest drink we can, soak up their free wifi, and visit with each other. It’s been interesting how this has evolved into a special time that we both look forward to. We have got hooked on the iPhone version of connect4 and challenge each other to tournaments. This usually involves a lot of cheering and happy dancing on the part of the person who wins.

My happiness moment today was sitting by the fireplace at our local Tim Horton’s, sipping on a tea, playing connect4 with my teenager. These extra moments are more and more precious the older he gets. I’m grateful he wants to spend time with me and that we have this quiet time to visit and catch up on each other’s lives.

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Don’t feel like dancing

I love it when what I think is my happiness moment for the day morphs into a different yet somehow related happiness moment of extended bliss. 

This morning Jacob and I had to go into the drug store to get me some cough drops (still. Hack. Hack). Their radio was playing Don’t feel like dancing  by the Scissor Sisters. 

Jacob and I hid in the back corner of the store and danced around a little bit giggling so hard I snorted. I couldn’t believe he actually let me do that in public (the dancing and the snorting). Afterwards he shook his shoulders and said so that just happened. And then we went back to pretending to be normal. 

Obviously that was my happiness moment. It’s so wonderful to just let loose a little bit. The fact that I could do it with him was that much better. 

When we lived in Quebec, the Scissor Sisters had a link on their page where you could go make photos of people dance to their song. Little 4 year old Jacob and I spent hours pasting our faces onto the bodies and watching them dance around to the video. It was entertainment for days. 

I thought about that this morning and I thought about the friends I had in Quebec. I managed to surround myself with a really amazing group of women in the time I lived there. It was a pack of girlfriends unlike any other I’ve had in my life. 

A great thing about being home again is I get to retrieve old members of my tribe. Friends I’ve had from long ago but haven’t had a chance to spend time with in years. 

This afternoon I met two old friends for lunch. They are ladies I met 14+ years ago at our birth and babies class. Being able to reconnect with these friendships is so important to my soul and my happiness. It was a great lunch – 23C out so we sat outside on the patio, lots of catching up and smiles and sharing. An extended happiness moment. As a bonus we discovered the Canadian 100$ bill really does smell of maple syrup (Canada you are awesome). 

The song may be Don’t Feel Like Dancing, but it left me feeling the happiness rhythm all day long. 

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Bonus Mother’s Day gift 

I had one of those rare moments this morning as a mom where I got a pat on the back for what I do. I do what I do because I love them deeply, and for no other reward, but the odd good job mom is always appreciated. 

This morning Jacob looked up at me over his bowl of cereal and said I’m so happy you’re our mom. I mean,  you’re always looking for fun stuff for us to do. I’m glad we are with you. 

I said thanks buddy. Tears welling up. 

He said I mean it, we are so lucky. We have such a great life here and I’m happy you’re looking after us. Plus you never try to hold us back from doing the things we really want. 

That made me so happy. I always waht to be their safe spot and have them feel that I encourage them in all they do. 

My happiness moment. I love those two humans from the depths of my soul. They have made me a better version of myself. 

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