Tag Archives: home

Uncategorized

Morning soul warmth. 

I need to add a happiness moment to my post from earlier today. 

As we were getting in the car to head to school this morning I looked east and saw this sight:

  
The sun rising over the hill while the cattle were grazing.  Every single second I count my blessings that not only are we home, but that we are home. Nestled right in the heart of our family, where our roots are planted, in the house where it all started, with views like this as a way to start the day. 

We are incredibly blessed and fortunate people. 

Standard
Uncategorized

Those extra moments

I have to admit, I was a little concerned how we would fill all the extra time we have this year before and after school. Jacob’s school starts and ends an hour after Jenna’s school; not enough time to come home in between, too much time to just sit there and do nothing.

In the mornings Jacob and I usually go to Tim Horton’s, buy the cheapest drink we can, soak up their free wifi, and visit with each other. It’s been interesting how this has evolved into a special time that we both look forward to. We have got hooked on the iPhone version of connect4 and challenge each other to tournaments. This usually involves a lot of cheering and happy dancing on the part of the person who wins.

My happiness moment today was sitting by the fireplace at our local Tim Horton’s, sipping on a tea, playing connect4 with my teenager. These extra moments are more and more precious the older he gets. I’m grateful he wants to spend time with me and that we have this quiet time to visit and catch up on each other’s lives.

Standard
Uncategorized

Don’t feel like dancing

I love it when what I think is my happiness moment for the day morphs into a different yet somehow related happiness moment of extended bliss. 

This morning Jacob and I had to go into the drug store to get me some cough drops (still. Hack. Hack). Their radio was playing Don’t feel like dancing  by the Scissor Sisters. 

Jacob and I hid in the back corner of the store and danced around a little bit giggling so hard I snorted. I couldn’t believe he actually let me do that in public (the dancing and the snorting). Afterwards he shook his shoulders and said so that just happened. And then we went back to pretending to be normal. 

Obviously that was my happiness moment. It’s so wonderful to just let loose a little bit. The fact that I could do it with him was that much better. 

When we lived in Quebec, the Scissor Sisters had a link on their page where you could go make photos of people dance to their song. Little 4 year old Jacob and I spent hours pasting our faces onto the bodies and watching them dance around to the video. It was entertainment for days. 

I thought about that this morning and I thought about the friends I had in Quebec. I managed to surround myself with a really amazing group of women in the time I lived there. It was a pack of girlfriends unlike any other I’ve had in my life. 

A great thing about being home again is I get to retrieve old members of my tribe. Friends I’ve had from long ago but haven’t had a chance to spend time with in years. 

This afternoon I met two old friends for lunch. They are ladies I met 14+ years ago at our birth and babies class. Being able to reconnect with these friendships is so important to my soul and my happiness. It was a great lunch – 23C out so we sat outside on the patio, lots of catching up and smiles and sharing. An extended happiness moment. As a bonus we discovered the Canadian 100$ bill really does smell of maple syrup (Canada you are awesome). 

The song may be Don’t Feel Like Dancing, but it left me feeling the happiness rhythm all day long. 

Standard
Uncategorized

Bonus Mother’s Day gift 

I had one of those rare moments this morning as a mom where I got a pat on the back for what I do. I do what I do because I love them deeply, and for no other reward, but the odd good job mom is always appreciated. 

This morning Jacob looked up at me over his bowl of cereal and said I’m so happy you’re our mom. I mean,  you’re always looking for fun stuff for us to do. I’m glad we are with you. 

I said thanks buddy. Tears welling up. 

He said I mean it, we are so lucky. We have such a great life here and I’m happy you’re looking after us. Plus you never try to hold us back from doing the things we really want. 

That made me so happy. I always waht to be their safe spot and have them feel that I encourage them in all they do. 

My happiness moment. I love those two humans from the depths of my soul. They have made me a better version of myself. 

Standard
Uncategorized

The morning rush 

Simplify. Simplify. Simplify. Having been a fan of Thoreau for almost 30 years I have read those words over and over. Yet the actual concept of being  and living a more simple life is often one that I struggle with. 

I don’t want to be all high maintenance, yet I know I kind of am –  I like nice things. My body does not want to sleep on a wood palate, I like nice clothes and tasty food. I have purple streaks in my hair that take more time a month to get touched up than I care to admit. 

When we went to Waldon Pond a few years ago I had a better understanding of what Thoreau meant. Simplify was an easier concept when I stood in the beauty of that pond and saw what it was he looked at every day. And he didn’t live there in isolation either, he was constantly back in town visiting. Simplify and deprivation have very different meanings and I think I’d been confusing the two. 

Over the past few months the kids and I have learned how to simplify. We have gone from the big flashy house to the old in need of love house. We are now living in about a third the size of house, with a third the amount of stuff and on a much stricter budget. 

We have to be simpler. 

And here’s the interesting thing. We are all happier in the old in need of love house. I can see it in the kids’ smiles, in the way they run outside and yell at me to come see something that has caught their eye, as they’re running across the yard to play with cousins or to visit nana. A happiness that has come from simplifying our lives.  

I’m thinking that maybe simplifying does not mean giving up what I love and going without so much as it means figuring out what is really important and only keeping those things in my life. Getting rid of excess and clutter has lessened my anxiety and brought me back to balance and happiness. 

We turned onto the road today and I looked west. The moon was hovering so perfectly over the mountains we had to turn off into the neighbors’ driveway to look at it.   
Then as we went down into the valley, the sun was peering up from the other side. 

  And as we came out across the valley the moon showed itself to us one more time before we turned the corner and headed into a huge wall of fog coming up from the river. 

I said to the kids how lucky we were that what made us slow on our drive to town today was that we had to keep pulling off the road to admire the beauty of the morning. 

So many people started their day rushing and anxious and tired. We are so blessed that we started it in amazing nature of Creation. It blesses us, grounds us, nurtures us, and brings us incredible joy and happiness. My happiness moment today.  

Standard
Uncategorized

Harvest time 


The garden this year has been a very emotional space for me. It was planted with the supervision of mom and dad on Mother’s Day weekend by my sister’s family and the kids and I.

Gardening was something we always did with dad. He always had a plan as to what he wanted to grow and where. It was difficult to say the least this year, him planning out what he wanted planted and then hearing  him acknowledge that he wouldn’t be around to watch it grow.

It has brought us a lot of joy over the summer. The weeds got wayyyy beyond me, but the looks on the kids’ faces as they’d run out to the garden to grab a carrot or check for peas was one of the highlights of the summer.

Tomorrow it will be four months since dad moved forward on his journey. Enough time for the garden to grow and then to be harvested. I’ve done a lot of personal growth during this time as well,  and I have my dad to thank for pushing me to reach forward in my spiritual journey.

It has been a year with a lot of change and amazingly through all the heartaches there have been a lot of smiles. I know for a fact that I’m a better person now than I was at the beginning of this year. And I have a lot more compassion and a lot more faith in myself and in my strength.

My happiness moment was pulling carrots in the garden with Jenna, my mom, and my sister and her kids. I know dad was there enjoying it with us too.

Standard
Uncategorized

Jump into fall

I took a cold induced nap this afternoon. When I went to sleep it was rainy and gross, when I woke up it was warm and sunny. Welcome to Alberta.

After I rolled off the couch and assessed myself – coughing less, breathing easier, thankful for that  – I looked outside and saw some of the family up at my cousin’s trampoline.

I headed across the field and spent a wonderful chunk of time watching kids (and once my sister) bounce and flip and generally have a great time defying gravity.

I’m loving the beauty of fall this year. This is my favourite view on earth. The view from home.

My happiness moment. Standing outside watching our kids – cousins- spending time together. We are so blessed that they are getting the chance now to grow up knowing each other. Standing in the beauty of the place I love so much. Happiness really does begin at home.

Standard
Uncategorized

Opening the gates

One of my favourite childhood memories is of grabbing my horse and heading off through the fields for the day. It wasn’t until I started learning about meditation and the importance of connecting to Source (or God, or Nature) that I realized that this is what I was doing as a kid. Riding has always been a very spiritual activity for me and I have been blessed to have been able to ride for miles and miles in quiet freedom with the companionship of a beloved pony.

I haven’t come across a lot of really difficult gates in my adulthood – either they’ve made them easier to open or I’m not heading into difficult fields, I’m certainly not venturing as far on horseback as I used to. But, when I was a kid there were some incredibly difficult gates. I’m sure part of it was my age and size, but a larger part of it was those gates were made from insanely tight barbed wire – they were made to stay closed. Once in a while I’d be lucky enough to come across one that had a stick wrapped around the wire for extra pull – or I’d get really lucky and it would have that metal snap that went over the top. But, often I’d be stuck at some gate that was just barbed wire wrapped around a pole.

They were so hard to open. I’d stand there with my patient pony beside me pulling and struggling at the gate. Harder yet was when it would open and we would go through, because closing those tight gates was so much harder than opening them ever was.

For some reason it never occurred to me to just not go through the gates. I was busy exploring the ranch and if there were places I needed to go, then I needed to get to them.

Today when I was driving into town I saw a man come out from one of the fields where they are shooting a movie. He was standing at the gate trying in vain to close it. He didn’t have the technique down at all – the posts and wire were only half way up as he was trying to snap the gate closed – and I knew he was going to be there for a while. As I drove past he turned and looked at me with a face of frustration and impatience. I actually thought of stopping to help him, but there were a few other men standing around and I figured surely one of them would help him out. I was late for kid pickup, and things have changed just enough that I’m not comfortable stopping on back roads to help strangers the way I once was.

It made me think though, as I continued to drive to town, how much time I used to spend struggling with those gates. I would have been out all by myself, and have opened the gate so there was no option but to close it. I had been well-trained in the rule that if you come across a closed gate you alway, always, close it after you go through.

I am grateful for that part of me that felt like quitting was never an option. When I come into struggles in life now I think back to how I was as a child and I used to just keep moving ahead. Even if it seemed impossible, if I had a goal in mind I just kept working at it until I reached it. I think about it now as I’m on the quest to be the best me  which has involved stripping myself down and looking at the deepest and darkest parts of my soul. Walking away from that is also not an option. I can’t turn away from that anymore than I could have turned away and left one of those gates open. There’s certain tasks that need to be completed.

Sunrises seem to be my happiness scene these days. I started the day off looking at this:


The sun rising over the barn where I spent so many hours of my childhood. There are bits of all of my family’s souls in this building my grandfather built. It brings me constant happiness to be able to look out my kitchen window and see the barn. My happiness moment today was watching the barn be awoken by the sun this morning.

Standard
Uncategorized

Terry Fox Run

Today Jenna did the Terry Fox Run at school. When I picked her up she was wearing her name tag that said she ran the run in memory of John Ramsay. Which of course made me burst into tears in front of the school. This public crying thing……

I was so proud of her for thinking to honor her grandpa in this way. Even though I write and talk about his death all the time I still spend an inordinate amount of time believing he’s still alive. So it always catches me off guard when someone does something  in memory of him. 

When I was Jacob’s age I was in grade 10 and going to a boarding school. We also had to do a Terry Fox run. Except ours went like this:

We were put in groups according to our dorm. My group took a turn off the road and hid in the woods where a bunch of kids took out their cigarettes and everyone sat around talking (and smoking – it was the 80s and apparently trying to tell a bunch of teenagers smoking caused what we were running to raise awareness of was pointless) for a while. After that we headed out to the road, walked a ways and then decided the fastest way to get back to school was to hitch a ride. Fortunately no one picked us up. 

Obviously these things are better supervised these days. It is a funny story to tell now, but if Jacob did this I would lose my mind. You would not believe the things that innocent and wide eyed me learned at this school. 

My happiness moment today was Jenna proudly running in memory of her grandpa. With a bonus giggle memory of being young and stupid. 

Standard
Uncategorized

The road I know 

A whole season has come and gone in the 4 months minus 6 days since Dad died. When he left to go to the hospice (the day before he died) the blossoms were brilliant on the trees and the birds were singing songs of spring. 

Now the leaves have turned and are starting to fall. They’re beautiful now but we all know we are one big wind away from them all coming off. All the more reason to celebrate the beauty of now. 

We have been missing Dad more the past few days. Jacob is talking about him a lot on our drives. I’m thinking of him as I’m walking through the yard. Jenna got in the car this afternoon and burst into tears because I miss grandpa. He always would do things with me.  I miss doing things with him. 

He was always so good about joining us in whatever activities we were interested in. And in doing it with enthusiasm. 

But, this is the road we are on now.  

It’s weird because we have come full circle and in some ways are back on old roads. Old roads with some new twists and  turns. 

I think often how blessed we are to be back where we belong. Where, out here, every road I roam has bits of past Melissa left on it. It’s very comforting to be surrounded with memories and with familiar landmarks. Pieces of my soul live out here. Pieces of Dad’s do too. There is also a lot of comfort in that. 

Today’s happiness moment was looking at the mountains as we drove to and from school. Everything is so crisp and brilliant. I feel like we are mourning the loss of one season and celebrating the turn of another (even though fall here lasts only a hot minute). 

  

I celebrate driving down the road I know
 

Standard