Tag Archives: kids

happiness

Cranberry juice

We were grocery shopping this afternoon and I had a loud request for cranberry juice. Mom always kept the stuff by the gallon here when she was alive, it was her favourite drink, and so it was also that of my children. The boy (as he was pleading for me to buy some) said that one of his first memories was of sitting in the chair and Nana bringing him a glass of cranberry juice so they could sit and watch Mary Poppins.

The closer we get to this final internment the more I realize how far I have still to go in the grieving process for my mom. I mean, I’m still in the middle of grieving my dad. Yet here we are, and I’m glad they will be buried together as they belong together. I’m also glad we have all of these memories to share of the love they blessed us with.

Because it was so much more than cranberry juice. It was the gift of time and love that she gave the kids (and us). She loved having us all around, she loved sharing time with her grandchildren, she loved how they enjoyed doing things with her.

I’ve been thinking a lot about love, unconditional love, true love, lately. Whatever ups and downs, bumps in the road, or issues we had – I always knew that my parents loved me unconditionally. It’s a rare gift to grow up knowing that you are loved no matter what, and one that I am able to pass onto my kids because I know how to do it, because I was shown it and I was taught it. And the kids have the memories of that in little things like cranberry juice.

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happiness

Crazy snow, crazy games

We had an unbelievable dumping of snow today – probably a foot and a half – and of course even though I live in Alberta I wasn’t ready for it. No snow tires meant a snow day at home which was awesome. Girls were playing in the snow, the boy and I hung out, the dogs jumped and had a blast, it was beautiful and we were lucky to enjoy it without having to go out.

Then he came over for dinner, braved the roads to join us, and after supper we drank tea and played games. When he left the boy said he hadn’t laughed so hard in over a year, and also pointed out that while I am supposed to be dating a man like my dad, it turns out I am dating a man like my son. I’m ok with that – both my dad and my son are fine examples of what a man should be. I think the boy really feeds off the male energy, and we all seem to balance each other really well. Funny the gifts God sends you when you least expect it, but wow am I filled with gratitude.

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happiness

For a few hours

Today for the first time in over 6 months I had more than 3 hours where I didn’t have a kid attached to me. They’ve needed me and I don’t regret giving things up to be where I was needed. But it’s been exhausting and it was nice to have a bit of a normal day.

The better thing about this is that both monsters were also settled and content today as well.

It may be baby steps but it is always in the right direction.

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happiness

loving notes

I had an emotional moment in church today. I feel like when I’m there, and we are talking about love, and singing songs about hope and faith, it makes all the strength I’ve been faking melt away and I get very vulnerable. I was holding in my tears (badly) when the girl passed me a note she’d written. She wrote of how people come and go but the love is eternal. It was so sympathetic and genuine it made my heart smile.

I’ll be glad in some ways when we have done this final internment, but it also feels so…. final at the same time.

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happiness

Good boy

The girl and her dog completed week three of obedience school tonight. It’s amazing how much progress they have made in such a short time. Similar actually to the progress my Drishti has made in the last few weeks with some training.

I’m really understanding how important it is to be reliable, predictable, dependable, and consistent. In a word trustworthy.

If you’re going to be in a partnership with anyone – an animal or a person – you need to be trustworthy. It’s the only way it will work.

Watching their trust bond grow is awesome

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happiness

Solo drive

The boy went for his first full out solo drive today. It’s a big deal – I remember that sense of freedom I had the first time I drove by myself and although I don’t feel like he’s old enough – he’s more than old and responsible enough.

Things change so fast, babies grow up in the blink of an eye (such a cliche but so true), but they are such amazing humans I couldn’t be happier with the people they are becoming.

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happiness

Healing breaths

I understand the concept that while what happened to you may not be your fault,you are totally responsible for healing it. Sometimes though it feels like the healing process goes on and on while the person who caused the pain skips through life with no consequences

Today it was necessary to stop and take a few healing breaths. It feels like sometimes it is the only way to catch enough air and rest to continue on with the journey

Thank goodness we are able to stop and rebalance at times.

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happiness

Held together by duct tape

I’ve discovered that since the kids have gone back to school, I’ve gone back to crying in the car when I’m driving alone. It was pretty much how I spent 2015 after dad died, and I have to say I’m almost glad I’m processing mom’s death the same way finally. So much happened right after she died I had to put my grieving process on hold. Which was fine, but I do need to work through those feelings.

I was driving through town on my way to pick up the girl, still crying but trying desperately to stop. While I’m totally fine with my car crying grieving process, I’m not a huge fan of being the crazed bawling mama at school. As I was waiting for the lights to change I looked at the car across the intersection from me.

This car was a minivan, a little bit older but generally in good shape – except for the front. The entire front of the van was held together by huge strips of duct tape. Some of them looked like they were barely hanging on, others like they totally were keeping the car together.

I started laughing through my tears because omg, duct tape really does fix everything. The image of that car was enough to change my mood and I was smiling by the time I pulled into the school parking lot.

The girl and I spent most of the rest of the day driving around doing errands together. Teen life seems like it’s in constant change, but in this exact second it’s pretty good. It warmed my heart to see her smiling, and to share the deep conversations that we had while we laughed and sobbed together about the weirdness of life.

I am so grateful for this life.

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