We had a meeting of the kids today in Canmore. There’s never a for sure good time to do that – but the time was right and the day was perfect.
On the way home the kids expressed what an amazing family day it was. We certainly are our own complete family unit, but there is room for more love and for our family to expand as well. I’m feeling very grateful.
I have been living an exercise in broken trust. I was always of the belief that if my trust was broken – severely broken – that I would not be able to recover that relationship. It certainly proved to be true in the case of Mr. X, although he breaks trust and his word at any opportunity he is given so I figured maybe I was being too rigid in my thinking when applying this rule to other aspects of my life.
I realized this summer that my heart horse and I were in a serious breach of trust – he didn’t trust me, and I didn’t trust him. I enlisted some help and have spent the last few months working to rebuild our fractured relationship.
I realized today that even when I really, truly love someone or something, if my trust is broken – the relationship can’t be repaired. The added lesson was that just because I decided to be reliable and dependable doesn’t mean that my partner (horse/person – whatever) will also decide to be the same. And sometime the best thing that can be done for all involved is to just lovingly part ways.
I believe we either live with love or we live with fear. But there are certain relationships that just seem to organically evoke fear – to me that is my intuition telling me that the relationship isn’t the right one for me.
I used to believe love will fix everything. I still believe that -but I add to it
Love will fix everything, but the results may not be the ones we envisioned. Faith lets us know that it’s things are all happening for a greater good.
We went to our happy place this afternoon – we have decided to get back into the ritual of the Italian Centre on Friday.
I commented as we looked around the place, at how happy customers look when they are there. There’s just a happy feeling being around good food and smiling faces.
We have had the flu in our house the last couple of days, and while I’m glad we had the ability to shut down and get better, it has had an unexpected side effect. Stopping and being sick has given me the time to feel the tsunami of grief I have been holding at bay. I feel like there is a lot of mourning I need to do or haven’t done, but specifically now it’s for my mom. Things have been so busy and stressful since she died I feel like I can barely catch my breath sometimes. Then other times I feel like I should be further along in my grief process – like there is any set timeline for grief!
I have talked several times with a good friend of mine who lost her mom a few months before my dad died. She still gets emotional and says that she is having such a hard time processing the fact that her mom is gone. I guess sometimes the grief just hits hard and sticks around for a while. We are entering the time of the year when mom got so incredibly sick and things were so very stressful and scary. All these memories keep coming back and sometimes it’s just a lot to process – I look for distractions where I can but that’s not always a healthy thing to do either.
However, I look around as we are here – safely in our home. I have two of the most amazing rays of sunshine who live with me, and I know that life does indeed go on. They miss her, I miss her, but we have beautiful memories to share, and many new ones to make.
And having these feelings come up so strongly has made me realize that I need to honour them, I need to set aside time to remember my mom and the gifts she gave me. She was such an amazingly strong person and she taught me so much about myself.
We are enjoying a very lovely second summer. After the massive amount of snow we got the first part of October, most of us are welcoming this weather with open hearts.
The view today was stunning. I love these mountains so much. They bring me balance and help feed my soul.
We escaped for a quick mountain staycation since the weather is beautiful and our souls needed some mountain hugs.
I feel so grateful that Canmore is so close and easy to escape to. It absolutely is one of my happy places.
Today began the registration process for the boy’s post secondary. It seems like last year I was leaving him at preschool, and now he’s almost an adult.
How that’s possible when I’m still not sure I’m an adult, I’ll never know.
He was so excited. This is a big moment in his life. He’s beginning to make all his own life decisions and my role is moving more to love and support instead of guidance (or just plain telling).
But he’s an awesome human, he always has been – but as he gets older I see what an amazing man he’s becoming.
After 6 weeks of hard work and dedication, the girl and her dog graduated from obedience school. This dog has been the best thing my girl could have in her life these last few months.
Last year when life seemed quiet I signed up for a health coaching course. There were many moments over this last year when I didn’t think I’d finish.
But today I wrote my final exam and passed with 97% and I’m officially done!
I wrote an exam for my health coaching coure this morning – got 91% thank you very much! – and am so close to being done.
This course has been the epitome of working through it. I started last summer when my life was relatively quiet, but the next year saw my life completely shift and in many ways shatter. It makes me feel like I’m working through the change to be able to finish this course and begin building my new life. It’s time.
