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On top of the world. 

   

As I was finally getting dressed today (I can’t even say this morning. Don’t judge, slow mornings are awesome and too rare), the song on top of the world by Imagine Dragons came on my playlist. I love this song and know it only because of my continuous play of a Pandora station when we lived in VA. 

As the song was playing I felt my spirit begin to pick up a little bit. I hadn’t been in a bad mood, but joy wasn’t radiating out of me. While I listened to the lyrics I realized that if I’m not now on top of the world, I’m climbing those last few peaks. 

Even with all the heartache and trauma of these past few months, I really feel like big changes are happening to me. I feel like I’m finally starting to hit my stride. 

I have paid my dues to the dirt, been waiting to smile, been holding it in for a while, and absolutely been dreaming of this since I was a child. I feel like finally I’m starting to live the life I’ve dreamed of. The one that somehow I felt I never deserved. I deserve to be happy (we all do). 

My happiness moment began at 5 am when I woke up. I looked outside to see a giant, orange, glowing, full moon peering in the window at me. It was beautiful. I carried that image with me until I stood on my cousin’s deck and we stared west to the mountains – each taking a big contented sigh as we expressed gratitude for where we live and the lives we have. 

These sunset pictures I took when we were here at Christmas time. I live in a place filled with such beauty and flowing with such love. The fact that we have been able to come full circle and restart in the house where my family truly started here over a hundred years ago is a blessing I am thankful for every day. 

I keep wishing dad was here to share all this with me. I know he’s around in spirit, but I sure could have used him around for more of the journey. 

 Lyrics for On Top Of The World By Imagine Dragons

If you love somebody

Better tell them why they’re here ’cause

They just may run away from you

You’ll never know what went well

Then again it just depends on

How long of time is left for you

I’ve had the highest mountains

I’ve had the deepest rivers

You can have it all but not til you move it

Now take it in but don’t look down

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

Waiting on this for a while now

Paying my dues to the dirt

I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ey

Been holding it in for a while, ‘ey

Take it with me if I can

Been dreaming of this since a child

I’m on top of the world

I’ve tried to cut these corners

Try to take the easy way out

I kept on falling short of something

I coulda gave up then but

Then again I couldn’t have ’cause

I’ve traveled all this way for something

Now take it in but don’t look down

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

Waiting on this for a while now

Paying my dues to the dirt

I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ey

Been holding it in for a while, ‘ey

Take it with me if I can

Been dreaming of this since a child

I’m on top of the world

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

Waiting on this for a while now

Paying my dues to the dirt

I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ey

Been holding it in for a while, ‘ey

Take it with me if I can

Been dreaming of this since a child

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down

And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground

Get up now, get up, get up now

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down

And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground

Get up now, get up, get up now

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

Waiting on this for a while now

Paying my dues to the dirt

I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ey

Been holding it in for a while, ‘ey

Take it with me if I can

Been dreaming of this since a child

I’m on top of the world

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The best days of my life 

Today was one of those big happiness days. We packed so much into the day, I’m kind of amazed I’m still upright- and it’s only 9pm. 

Jenna and I did a last hurrah road trip for the summer. We went to Waterton, which is one of my happiness places. 

On the way there we stopped in Pincher Creek and had lunch with one of my forever friends. I can’t remember meeting her, she’s just always kind of been there. I was probably around 6 though and we were on our ponies in Pony Club when we would have met. We have seen each other through almost every phase of life. 

This last phase (the holy crap we are adults one) has been a bit more challenging though, as we both have lived a bit of the gypsy lifestyle and moved all over the place – and usually in opposite directions. 

Thanks partially to social media but mostly to a solid foundation, we were able to sit down today after a 14 year absence and yack non stop the entire lunch – while Jenna sat there looking at is like we were aliens. Why are you guys speaking  in  two word sentences and then doubling  over in laughter? 

Because that’s how we have aways been. That lunch was a big happiness moment today. She was around for some of the best days of my life, and even with the difficult emotions of this year, I feel like I am back in the best days of my life. Happiness is growing all around. 

Jenna and I headed to Waterton after our walk. I’d read a blog by BettyLivin and took her advice about a trail towards Blakiston Falls. Of course, I hadn’t read her blog recently and thought I had a better memory than I actually do, so we ended up just walking to the Falls instead of the canyon I was searching for – which still was beautiful and a lot of fun. 

  

Then back to the town for some rock skipping at the lake. An important tradition. 

Bison paddock on the way home. They were only about 30 feet off the road. This was taken with my iPhone. It was a little too close for comfort. We were in our car and on the road, but I still sat there with my foot on the gas. I have no idea how the guy on a buffalo (who is a family friend) ever got on one of those. No thank you. 
   

I’m so grateful these best days of my life keep coming. I’m thankful for old friends I’m reconnecting with and new ones I’m making. For the feeling of stability and security. For the smiles of joy on my kids’ faces as they tell me how happy they are to be home. There is much that is right in the world. 

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Friendship. 

I had tea today with a dear friend. She’s a wonderful combination of friend and family – I have always felt so comfortable around her and we have always been able to talk about anything. We sat on out on her beautiful deck looking at the mountains and fields and sky and chatted for hours. I love the kind of friendship where you can talk about everything and nothing. 

She said something today that made me think about the effort I need to put into my friendships – even these easy ones. Maybe especially these easy ones. She didn’t say this in relation to me, yet it hit home. It was that some of us want to have friends, we complain about not having friends or spending enough time with friends – yet we don’t want to put in the effort that comes with having a friend. I’m so like that. I never get together with my friends. What? Go out tonight? But I’m tired. I want to go to bed and read.  It’s the unfortunate price of being an introvert. Yet when I’m out and with my friends I’m so happy. 

So, I need to stay mindful of putting in that effort because it brings me joy. 

Sitting with her and chin-wagging was a happiness moment. 

A bonus one was coming home to a bored little girl and doing this to entertain her:

   
   
Like a friendship, it took some effort – an hour to catch and tack up the horses – but so worth it. I actually enjoy the process of riding almost as much as the actual riding. 

I mentioned during my visit today that if I could pick what I wanted to be when I grow up that it would be what I’m doing right now. I love being with the kids, being a mom full time, working on strengthening all of our relationships. I am very blessed and grateful. 

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The Bar U 20th Anniversary. 

The kids and I took a trip to Southern Alberta today to attend the 20th anniversary of the Bar U Ranch being a national historic site. Because the kids are Albertans who were not raised in Alberta, I feel an extra responsibility to teach them about their heritage. 

I love the drive south down highway 22 and today was a beautiful, clear, sunny day which made it that much more enjoyable. 

I knew it was going to be a good drive when it started off with Don’t Stop Believin’ on the radio. The kids were chatting away and as soon as the song started they both stopped talking mid sentence and sang the entire song, then went right back into their chatter. 

I love our mountains. Enjoying the scenery made the drive go by so quickly. 

One of the first things we noticed when we were walking around the inside of the Bar U information centre was the brands that were lining the top of the walls. After a little hunting, we found our family ranch brand that had been placed in memory of my Grandpa. That was fun to find, and made the kids feel a bit more connected to what we were doing. 

   Because we were slow we missed the horse drawn wagon that was taking people down the the main ranch area. So we had to hoof it ourselves. An easy stroll downhill lookin at the mountains – what a hardship eh? 

We went into the blacksmith shop and he gave us a little history lesson on how the Bar U came to be and why it was such an important ranch in Alberta. 

  This was the highlight for the kids. Learning how to lasso. They were actually pretty good at it and would have stayed there all day if they could have. 

  I however, wanted to go watch the Blackfoot Dancers. They were amazing. I felt so honoured that they shared this with us. The best part was that at the end they invited the spectators to join them in a dance. It felt so good to move around with the drums beating and them dancing. 

  Of course as soon as they could the kids were back to lassoing. They actually went to the gift shop and bought their own so they could lasso each other. 

Jacob said I should go get one for when they weren’t listening to me and I could just yell and rope them. As the day went on this seemed like a better and better idea. 

  When we left the Bar U I took the kids a bit further west towards the place where my best childhood friend came from. 

First though we had to drive past the littlest church. It was just as small as I remembered it from days of yore. 

  And here we are, birthplace of Pirate Gold – aka my best friend aka my best pony buddy. 

  And honestly, no wonder I enjoyed the time I spent down here learning how to ride him. It’s so breathtaking. 

  By the time we reached Bragg Creek on our drive home we were hangry so we stopped for some Italian food and some intense giggles. I can’t remember when we have laughed harder at a meal. Thank goodness we were outside. 

  One of those wonderful big happiness days. We are having more and more days filled with happiness. I know that this is because we are focusing on bringing happiness into our lives. Even amidst the mourning and the sorrow and the intense feeling of loss we carry about my Dad, we are still finding joy in the days. I know he would want that for us and that knowledge helps motivate me to keep seeking it out even when I want to just curl up in a ball. 

My happiness moment was when we were invited into the Blackfoot dance circle to join them. What an honour and how exciting to get to do something so different. 

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Take the step 

The more I walk on this path the more I believe that what I think about is what I attract. It’s a big part of why I have my daily happiness moments – to make sure that at least one time a day I’m actively seeking and attracting happiness into my life. 

Last night as I was falling asleep I was thinking of time I spent as a youth in Southern Alberta. My parents had bought me a pony from one of the ranches south west of Longview (Pirate, my best friend through my teen years and well into adulthood). A bonus of this purchase was some time spent over a couple of  summers at their ranch taking lessons and hanging out. It is one of the most beautiful places I’ve been to. Very similar to home and yet more rural and therefore a bit different. 

This morning I had a call from my cousin asking if I could pick up her daughter and a friend at their camp. Camp was about 45 minutes south of the same ranch I had fallen asleep thinking about. The law of attraction. 

Jenna and I enjoyed a beautiful backroads drive along the Rocky Mountains. It was a stunning day, and enjoying her company while enjoying the beauty of our mountains was indeed a happiness moment. 

  

Here we are up on the top of the mountain. You can see the road we had to travel off on the side. No safety net with this one – just a big drop off the side. 
  

We had to drive pretty much straight down this mountain. It’s a very narrow gravel road and there are no guard rails. I was more than a little anxious driving up the mountain – and we were on the side with the hill in that direction. I had no idea how I was going to get us back down. I am not a big fan of heights, and although my anxiety has calmed down incredibly- there is still the underlying fear that a panic arrack could rear it’s ugly head. 

I contemplated my choices – which were not many – and then bravely started driving down. Breathe deeply, breathe slowly, think with confidence, have faith that I can accomplish this task and that I am doing the right thing. 

Pretty much the same mantra I’ve been carrying for the past few months. It worked for me both in daily life and also to get down the mountain. Take the step, have faith that the next step will be there. 

Is this not seriously the most beautiful place that I am so fortunate as to call home?

The view from the top of the road. I kept my faith and the road rose up to meet me. 

 

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Banff for a day 

Happiness moment today was being in the mountains with my monsters and my mom. Being surrounded by the mountains hugs my soul and makes everything feel just a bit better. It rained a bit while we were there, which gave us the most brilliant rainbow as we drove out of the park. 

The kids with their candy loot from the candy store and Jenna’s toy. 

  
Added bonus was taking them to see the merman. They were less impressed than I’d hoped but I still think he’s cool. 

 

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Canada (boxing) Day in Waterton

Boxing Day is generally my favourite day of the year. It’s the day after Christmas, when we get to just relax and hang with family and enjoy everything we weren’t able to during the chaos of Christmas. 

I feel today like we took a Boxing Day for Canada’s birthday. A day just for the enjoyment of each other. 

The kids and I headed to Waterton – one of the most beautiful places on earth in my opinion. 

I woke up at 5:30 to this view from my bedroom window. When a day starts like this, you just know it’s going to be a good one.  By the way, that’s the moon hanging over the mountains. An amazing full moon.   

We arrived in Waterton and went through the bison paddock. There aren’t any shown in this picture, but the view….

Then off to the town to skip rocks. Part of our routine from last year. I love this lake.  

  

Next up: flower hunting. Last year we were too late, but this year was perfect. 

Here’s our provincial flower the wild rose. 
  

A stop on the way to Red Rock Canyon. I was looking for flowers, they were looking for the water to play in at the end. 

  

Yellow Paintbrish, it’s rare to find, but it was all over this meadow. Beauty. My spirit sings here. 

More of them. I got obsessed.   

  

Monsters still waiting to get to the canyon. 

At last the canyon and some water to cool off in. It was almost 30C and there was no wind. A big deal in a place where the trees grow sideways from the blowing! 

We had to drive up to Cameron Lake which was unfortunately very busy and we couldn’t rent boats. Fortunately though we came across tons of Bear Grass which is unique to this area. 

 A long drive home chasing the sunset (and being chased by the moon) and I feel like my soul has been strengthened and cleansed. I need these kind of days where we just stop and enjoy each other’s company and marvel at the beauty that is in the world. 

  
The great thing about it being light from 4:30 am until 11:00 pm is that we sure can pack a lot into a day. 

This was a much needed break.  I’m so thankful that I had this day to nourish my soul and fill up my heart with happiness. 

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Canada Day

This is the  second  year in a row that we have been home to celebrate Canada Day. Already we have started making new traditions. My sister and her kids, me and my kids, and my cousin’s kids start the day off by driving up to Canmore to watch the parade. I hadn’t been right in the mountains since last summer and it felt so good to be in the warmth of them and receive a mountain hug. My spirit is drawn to those mountains. I find peace by being in them. Today we also found candy, clowns, and water guns in them.  It was awesome. 

  
After the parade we go to the annual Canada Day party at my great aunt’s house. Here I got to visit with old aunts and uncles that I don’t get to see often enough. Today I had a long visit with my uncle Harvey. He and my aunt held the Pony Club at their place when I was a kid and a lot of my best childhood memories are from that era. It was also the place where I learned to be courageous and brave even when I was terrified. Amazing the bravery you can find trying to keep up with those really brave big kids. We did everything from sleep in silos to jump terrifying cross country jumps. Loved every minute of it. It absolutely helped shape me into who I am today. 

Of course before we left, the kids and I had to run out in the field and take out annual weird picture at aunt Irene’s. 

 
I am so glad incredibly thankful to be back in the fold of our tribe. I am even more thankful for the fact that we have this tribe. My happiness moment s for today was celebrating Canada’s birthday with my family. 

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An over-eating CATastrophy

Today I had to head into town to buy clothes for the kids and me to wear to Dad’s funeral. Clothes for the kids because – well – they’re kids and they grow. clothes for me because apparently all I’ve done over the past couple of weeks is stress eat and nothing fits me anymore. So, now not only am I in mourning but I’m fat as well. Excellent.

I’ve consoled myself with the thought that Dad was one of the few people who loved me exactly as I am, no matter what, and he would understand why I’ve put on the pudge. Nothing else should matter (sob… pass the cake please).

During my time of over-eating, I’ve had a strange binging buddy. My cat Ella has been stress eating right along with me. Her food consumption has almost tripled over the past couple of weeks. My cat who prefers the method of being “close but no touching” has decided that she can’t leave my side. She follows me everywhere, she reaches up with her paw and grabs my hands and brings them to her if I’m not paying her enough attention. This morning while I was on the elliptical, she jumped up on the freezer which is right beside it and pawed at me the entire time – rolling on her back for a tummy rub every time I put my hand out.

She knows something is up and she’s my constant soul companion when I’m home.

My happiness moment came today when I was having supper that had been prepared by my mother in law. We have been so well cared for by our tribe. Last night was supper at my cousin’s place. The night before that we were at the funeral home when I realized that we didn’t have anything for supper, I texted a different cousin and said “remember how you said anytime and anything we needed? we are hungry and don’t have supper”. When we came home she was standing in our kitchen heating up supper for us. We are so well loved and cared for.

I had a secondary, quieter happiness moment today that was more along the lines of yesterday’s flower walk. I didn’t get a picture of them – but today the mountains were amazing. It was one of those rare, perfect mornings where things were still and clear. The mountains looked like they were right on our doorstep. I had to stop and stand still for a while and take in their beauty. Grateful happiness. The kind of bliss that comes only from standing at home looking out on “our view”. I could feel Dad standing with me. Which was good and hard. Every day seems to get harder instead of easier. But, that moment made it easier and that made it a happiness moment.

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Catch my fall 

The happy moment today was at Mackay’s in Cochrane. Ice cream with family we haven’t seen in ages. The really cool thing about family is no matter how long time passes or how little time is actually spent together, there is this bond of love and shared history.   

The sun went down tonight with a beautiful farewell. 

  
So needed on a day filled with emotion. I was thinking today as I helped Dad move to a chair how many times he’s held me up. The little bit of support I gave him to help him move was needed, but it was so small compared to the support he’s given me over the years. The tough times he’s helped me through. The good times he’s celebrated with me. I have been so blessed to have a father who always has my back no matter what, who has always stood firmly in my corner. The knowledge that he’s always there as a parachute when I’m falling has given me such comfort over the years. It’s an honour to be able to give him some support now. He’s got an amazing tribe of people around him. Family who love him, friends who consider him family, a tribe he has built by being a loving, strong man of integrity. 

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