We had another meeting at the hall to see where they are at on our steps towards historical designation.
I’m not sure yet where it will lead, but it’s been fascinating learning more of the history of the building and the community. I love this community and the people in it – I feel fortunate all the time that this is my tribe. And that hall is full of generations of our memories.
We had a family discussion today about the photo incident of a couple of days ago. I wasn’t going to say anything but it came up and it seemed better to talk about it.
The issue with recovering from trauma is there’s so many triggers that can set you off. Instead of asking how the kids are, or offering support (emotional or the court ordered financial), they pick off a picture to look at.
The boy was really upset. I apologized and said it was my fault for putting up a picture and that I wouldn’t do it again. I explained that it was nice to share how he looked with my friends and family but that I should have been more thoughtful.
The girl piped up from the back seat I don’t care. You can post all the pictures of me that you want. Let them see how much happier I am without them in my life.
It was a powerful statement. It took her from fearful victim to empowered survivor. She’s been working so hard at healing and I really saw the result today.
We are moving to a place where we aren’t afraid and won’t be intimidated.
That is happiness.
I have a friend who understands that the way to make me happy is to feed me chocolate. Tonight he made me homemade lava cake as part of a trial experiment – one I was happy to be a guinea pig for. It was awesome.
Its a good reminder to find happiness wherever you can. My heart is heavy today knowing my cousins lost their mom last night. Life is short. Live in love.
In my riding lesson today my instructor was trying to explain to me how to keep my hands at the right angle and height, my toes in, my legs bow legged, my lower leg on, and remember to stay on at the same time.
I said I had a hard time multi tasking and if I thought about my hands then my leg went to Shit, and vice versa.
She told me to simplify things in my mind, to just make it all a pattern I followed.
I then had the best ride I’ve had so far. Everything came together and he was round and on the bit and happy.
After she asked me what I was thinking that made it so different.
I said I wasn’t thinking at all.
She responded by rolling her eyes and saying she wasn’t going to ask me questions anymore.
I clarified and said, well what I did was clear my head. I stopped thinking and just started feeling.
She jumped up and down and said yes that’s it exactly.
Life is so much simpler when I feel instead of think.
On another note, I was included in a group photo share of a picture of my son that I had shared on here. A big reason why I didn’t blog last year was because my kids wanted the window to their lives closed to Mr X and his family. Lesson learned. I will no longer include photos of the kids on this blog and I will concentrate on my own personal happiness and growth. It’s a challenge since my kids are one of my greatest sources of joy, but honoring their wishes comes first. Relationships take work and time and commitment. You don’t get to bail on that and watch how their lives are going through my window. Not anymore.
My cousin and her crew are visiting us for a couple of days. It’s awesome because I hardly ever get to see her and it always amazes me how easily family bonds. Even though we didn’t grow up together we have enough shared memories that it’s never awkward
We went to the zoo and saw the tigers, the lions, the pandas, and tons of other animals. I hadn’t seen the panda exhibit before and they were enchanting
When we got home, my cousin’s son played his violin for us, and I was amazed at how talented that kid is. As someone with no musical skill at all, I have mad respect for people who can put a tune together. He did that and then some
We are very blessed with this tribe. I am so fortunate.
I finally got a bunch of paperwork off to my lawyer today. It doesn’t sound like a happiness moment, and in general nothing to do with my divorce is happy, but I really needed to deal with some of these issues.
I don’t need to prove anything to him, but I need to remind myself that he can’t break me. So even if he won’t do his part, I need to make sure I’m doing mine.
I’m so grateful that my years of being a junior high student are way behind me. Watching my girl go through them makes me remember just how brutal that time of life is. But, I listen to her – and even with the struggles and issues that girls bring up at this age, she’s so strong in her soul. She stands up for her friends, she stands up for herself. Not always, but certainly a lot more than I ever did.
She also has a couple of really kick ass friends. They have each other’s backs no matter what is going on. That makes everything else bearable, it all comes down to our tribe.
We attacked the house today – specifically the mountain of laundry, but also the mountain of pet hair (it’s a thing) and the mountain of junk.
Step by step we are getting sorted and organized in this house. It’s been a challenge, moving into a house that has had generations living in it before. There’s lots of stuff, but what makes it slow is the memories. It’s easy to get lost in the memories as we sort through things. Fortunately it’s mostly good memories (mixed with sad missing people emotions) and it’s been fun to share with my kids memories of my grandparents and of their grandparents.
We are so blessed to be here.
The boy and I came across Parks and Recreation on Prime today and amused ourselves with Ron Swanson. The whole show is funny, but that man constantly cracks me up.
Considering it’s -40 it seemed like the most appropriate way to spend the day.
Tonight for the first time in forever we all had plans with friends and went our separate ways
I’m grateful for the closeness we share, but I’m happy they have friends they want to go hang with too. I feel often like all we have been through in the last few years has prevented them from being “normal” teenagers. And maybe that’s a good thing. But I’m happy they’re doing regular teen things now too.
And I’m also grateful for a parenting free night.
