Tag Archives: peace

happiness

Mom’s rock and the mountains

We scattered some of mom’s ashes in her favorite places (the same spots where we scattered dads ashes three years ago).

When mom was a little girl she had “her” rock, her favorite place to sit on the hill and look over the creek to see the mountains in the background. After she got polio she was never able to go back to that spot again. In an odd way it felt really good to leave a little bit of her there at that rock.

While we were walking and crying and scattering we noticed that for the first time in weeks we could see the mountains. Like heaven was celebrating a little bit with us.

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happiness

Cloak of Protection

On Saturday when we were at the Cochrane Fair we had our auras read by a dear, old (not in age -she’s younger than I am) friend of mine. She read my aura in the winter of 2014 – just months before every single thing in my life started to change. It was amazing the difference between that snapshot of my energy vs. the one that was taken the other day. Granted, the auras can change in a matter of minutes; but my general energy, outlook on life, spiritual connection, and life is so different now from what it was then.

But the really interesting one was that of my daughter. Her aura was surrounded by bright red – my friend described it as a cloak of protection. Because it’s red it relates to her first chakra, the one that grounds us to the earth, that connects us, that makes us feel safe. Red isn’t the color my girl is normally drawn to, but when we were doing some back to school shopping it was the colour she picked out over and over. My friend (who knows  we’ve been through the last few years, but not all the specifics of my daughter’s life) said it was like she had wrapped a cloak of protection around herself, but it also showed she was depleted in the very thing she was using as protection – her base chakra. She needs to ground herself to the earth, make herself remember that she is here of this earth and replenish the lost energy.

My girl left muttering she doesn’t know me at all, but smiling because she knew my friend was spot on with her analysis.

The next day we went to church and the sermon was pretty much given explicitly for her. It was the story of Passover, and as he talked of the houses that marked their doorway with the blood of the lamb it became clear that he was talking about the same type of cloak of protection that my girl was using. The pastor had a door frame put up at the front of the church, and he stood inside it and explained how as he stood in the door he was completely covered and protected by the cloak of God. Then he took out some red paint and covered the doorway with the red cloak of protection – that would save his life.

I was watching my girl as he was talking and I could feel her energy change. My friend had told her that  however she was making the cloak to protect her was exactly what she needed at this time in her life. And as she listened to the sermon she began to see that the cloak that she had wrapped around her just may have come from a higher power.

I love it when God stuff happens like that.

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happiness

Facing fears by asking for help

Those of you who know me know that I have a tendency to be a little stubborn. I come by it honestly as there is a long and strong stubborn streak that runs in my family. It’s like a superpower and when it’s used for good it is unbeatable and creates some amazing results, but when it’s used for evil it can be pretty destructive (almost always destructive for myself as opposed to other people).

I’ve been having issues with my horse as many of you know. But in truth I’ve been having issues with myself not my horse. It’s been a year since I fell off and although I’ve been on him a few times, I’ve not really enjoyed it and basically been scared shitless. It has come to the point where I need to face my fear or get rid of my horse.

I don’t like giving up on things. That’s part of my stubborn streak. However, in the last few years I’ve learned that sometimes it’s not just better but essential that I walk away from certain things.

I have a friend who has stepped up and is helping me with my Drishti issue. He likes my horse and he’s known me my whole life, and he’s kindly jumped in and given me a hand starting to get my confidence back. He came out today and rode my horse so I could see that Drishti isn’t some crazed beast, but rather a horse with energy who has had a year off. 98.654% of the issues I’m having are because I spent too much time in my head getting freaked out.

But horses are my passion and I’ve waited years to have one back in my life. I got to the point where I had to ask myself what I wanted more – to not be afraid or to ride.

I want to ride.

So today after my friend rode my horse, I rode my horse. Not elegantly or well. In fact it took me about 10 minutes to force myself to get on, and then he had to lunge me – so I felt like I was safely on a leash – before he let us go free in the ring. But we did it. And I made myself ride until I no longer felt like I was going to crap my pants or throw up (I’m so elegant).

Everything I know about being brave I’ve learned on the back of a horse. The back of a horse then can’t be the one place I fear to be. It just can’t. Asking for help was the only way I could begin to face this fear. The problem with being stubborn is often I don’t ask for help when I need it. I’m slowly learning that we need each other to get through this life, and if we don’t ask for help people usually don’t know that we need it.

And so the journey begins. Being brave enough to ride will make me brave enough to continue to face whatever life throws at me. It’s my passion, but it’s also my greatest learning tool. That is a huge step on my happiness journey.

Here he is going cowboy style while I watch

The next stage is allowing him to help me.

And finally trying on my own while he watches.

None of this could have happened if I’d stubbornly plowed ahead myself and not asked for and allowed for help.

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happiness

Birthday Pie

When we moved to Virginia I began a tradition of having a birthday pie for the boy instead of cake. Peaches were in season there by his birthday time and since that’s my favorite – that’s what he got.

We missed the birthday pie this year. Actually the boy has had a few crappy birthdays which I’m trying to make up for.

Today though, we were at the market and someone was selling homemade Saskatoon berry pies. He has a serious Saskatoon berry addiction so I got him his belated birthday pie

It came two months late, but it was worth the wait. It was kind of fun to have an impromptu celebration.

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happiness

Remember the lady who fed us?

I walked in on a conversation with the kids about a neighbor. They were trying to remember the man’s name – and my boy said you should remember them, it was his wife who kept us alive last year.

After I broke my shoulder this kind and thoughtful neighbor, who I didn’t know well, came once as week and dropped off a huge meal for us to eat. She did this every single week for two months until I was more mobile.

It’s important to look for the kindness and the good in the world. What this woman did was the epitome of this. Because of her we had at least one amazing meal (but always leftovers) every week.

I believe most people are good. We need to remember to celebrate the good.

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happiness

51 years ago today

51 years ago today my parents were married. As difficult as this day is, the anniversaries mom spent without dad were harder. I miss them, but I’m happy they’re together again.

We spent some time working on the house this afternoon. There is a lot of comfort and old memories here. I think it’s cool that I have memories of my grandparents living here, and my kids have memories of their grandparents living here. There’s a lot of comfort and grounding in this home – that helps gives us the strength to spread our wings and fly.

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happiness

Letter from nana

The girl was cleaning her room this evening and came across a letter my mom wrote for her when she graduated from grade 6 last year.

It was full of the wonderful qualities nana saw in her, and the hopes and dreams nana held for her future.

What a blessing the girl has this love memory that she can look at whenever she needs a reminder of how incredibly valuable she loved she is.

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happiness

Ducks in a row

We had an awesome family afternoon at the creek. I didn’t realize how badly I needed to be there until we were at the water – this is by far my favorite place in the world.

It was a little emotional as we also scattered some of mom and dad’s ashes. It was one of their favorite places too.

We watched a family of ducks head down the creek in an orderly file, but scattered in chaos as they headed back up. The huge mismatched family reminded me of my own beautiful tribe.

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