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The thunder rolls, and the lightening strikes….

Earlier this evening I had the unexpected pleasure of being alone in the house. I celebrated by happily enjoying a big ole piece of chocolate cake in front of the TV. Because sometimes such things need to be done. 

Suddenly the house felt like it was lifted up off it’s foundation and then dropped and shaken side to side all the while being completely lit up. Thunder and lightening hitting at exactly the same time. I could feel it right in my heart. I rolled off the couch onto the floor shaking, Ella’s eyes were bugged right out of her head and she was literally climbing the walls screeching rawwwwarrrrr over and over, Dottie was running wildly around the room whining so loud it was like a scream. 

I was lying there thinking what do I do? I’m going to die, what can I do? Oh right – Grandma would be furious with me for being so stupid as to have the TV on. I managed to turn it off and then looked outside to check the buildings. My cousin’s house was ok as was the barn and the other buildings. I tried mom but she was not answering. It was pouring rain by then so I didn’t run outside. The kids called from up at my cousin’s to say they were ok – shaken but ok. So I figured we were fine. 

Fortunately a neighbor was driving by because the lightning struck a fence post at the end of the yard. In the opposite direction of where I had been looking naturally. I was looking at buildings and tall trees – it decided to hit the fence post. The neighbor came in and started putting out the  fire. At the same time my cousin was coming home and saw the smoke. So it was the CL fire truck and fire fighters to the rescue. 

See that person in brown holding the hose? Same cousin I wrote about a few days ago who carried herself so elegantly at the Stampede. If I’m ever in crisis this is a person I want in my corner. 

The CL fire truck.  
 

My happiness moment today: the kids and I went and saw Minions. It was funny but no where near as good as Inside Out. Obviously I’m not used to going to movies in Calgary. The theaters were always almost empty in Roanoke, and they’re also pretty quiet in Cochrane. We walked into the theatre in Crowfoot a half hour before it started (very unusual for us. We usually arrive when they’re playing the commercials) and the only spots left were front row. We sat down in front and I looked back for Jacob – he had plunked down in a solo seat half way down – and a lady about a third of the way up started beckoning to me. She was there alone with four kids – bless her- and she pulled her kids up onto one row – so the 5 of them were sharing 3 seats- and gave us her other seats. I thanked her and we chatted a bit. She was from Cochrane and was waiting out the storm before driving home. This was the afternoon storm, not our electric explosion. 

I realize I get caught up sometimes by the jerk that cuts me off, the person who speaks rudely to me, or any number of other wrongs that can happen. But the world is full of wonderful, kind people and I am so much better to focus on them. Random acts of kindness are like rays of sunshine on a dark day and I’m grateful I got to experience one today. Happiness on a thunder storm day! 

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Inside Out

Last night the kids, mom, and I went to see the movie Inside Out. It was an excellent movie – but while I knew it was a movie about emotions I didn’t realize it would unleash a tornado of our own emotions. 

Jacob and I drove home after the movie and he had an emotion explosion. It included a few things, but high up there was his sadness at losing his grandpa. I pulled the car over and gave him a big hug and held him while I listened to him vent out his feelings. I had already vented out my feelings in the darkness of the theatre. Good thing I’m getting used to this public crying thing. Sigh. 

The really great thing about this movie is that it opened the door for us to talk more about feelings. 

Jacob and I had to go into town to do some errands today and on the way in he said well, anger and sadness really got away from me yesterday. It was like anger was pushing things full throttle while sadness was touching all my memories and making them sad. I think fear was hiding over in the corner crapping his pants. 

I really appreciated how the movie showed that sadness could touch happy memories and make them sad. We sure feel that way about the memories of my Dad. I’ll remember something fun we did and for a moment I’m happy and then I remember Dad is gone and my memory becomes sad. Jacob said he felt the same way. It was good to know also that sadness was an important emotion in working things through. 

My favorite part was when the teenage boy saw the girl and all his emotions freaked out shouting girl girl girl 

We went to the mall before going to the Farmer’s Market and he saw his emotions there:

Look mom, here’s my anger and sadness.    
My happiness moment was at the Market. There was a guy there with remote control cars and Jacob and I raced each other and giggled and played together. The guy gave us extra time so we had almost a half hour to laugh and enjoy doing something together. A rich happiness moment. 

 

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Jammin’ and the creek. 

I’m noticing that some of my happiness moments are also moments of sadness these days. The happiness outshines the sadness, but there is this bittersweet feeling that comes along with it. 

For example, today I had two happiness moments. I had bought flats of fruit yesterday. Blackberries (the best I’ve had in years), blueberries, strawberries, and cherries. So, today I had to deal with them. Dad always made the best freezer jam, my favorite being strawberry. He showed me how to make it, and I’ve made a few batches over the years. I’d kind of given up recently as it seemed every time I made a nice batch we would move and I’d have to give it all away. Last year I made what would end up being my last batch of jam with Dad while we were home for the summer. Today’s jam making was a happiness moment because I love jam and I love the memories of making jam with Dad. It was sad because it made me miss him oh so much. 

Since I was missing him, I kept on going down my emotional berry journey and made a blackberry pie. When my sister and I  were kids and we would go to Vancouver Island, Dad would go blackberry crazy and we would be out in ditches with buckets picking away. We then had to drive all the way back to Calgary with flats of blackberries in the back of the car (a 12 hour drive). One of the smells of my childhood is blackberries. Blackberries and horses…

  
It was over 30C here today. My car said 37C while I was driving around town. Hot hot hot. After we were done errands, I took the kids down to the creek. One of the best places on earth. 

  
Another happiness moment. One of the best summer moments is at the creek. We are so blessed that we can head down there when we want to cool down or just relax and enjoy the beauty. I have so many memories of being down at this spot. I used to ride my horse down there when I was a kid. Dad would take us swimming there, in the winter we’d skate down the creek. One of Dad’s favorite walking places is the ridge above, and we used to go look at wild flowers along the buffalo jumps. The last thing we did last summer before flying back to Virginia was go to the creek with Dad. I’m so grateful we had those creek moments last year. Again, bittersweet because it kicked me in the gut and made me miss him so. 

The kids were happily running towards the water while I stood there and bawled behind my sunglasses. 

But, the happiness outweighs the sadness. I’m thankful for all the fun memories and thankful we are still able to enjoy happiness. Dad embraced life so completely , I knew he spoke be happy to know that we were enjoying happiness moments that reminded me of him. 

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The garden 

Today was a much quieter and more mellow day. Today’s happiness moment was this evening while I was tending to my (overgrown) garden. I haven’t had a garden like this in 10 years – the entire time we were away. I am so happy puttering around with my flowers and vegetables.  It brings me such peace and happiness.

Today it also brought me some delicious lettuce, and Jenna and I sampled the tiniest carrots that have ever existed. Tiny as they may have been, they still were excellent. And that lettuce. Oh man. What can I say. Fresh food grown with love is unlike anything else. 

Happiness comes in small moments like the one today and big moments like all of yesterday. Those big moments stand out more, and make for great memories, but life is made up of the little moments. So, I’m thankful for today’s little happiness moment as well as the entire day yesterday of big happiness moments. 

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Canada (boxing) Day in Waterton

Boxing Day is generally my favourite day of the year. It’s the day after Christmas, when we get to just relax and hang with family and enjoy everything we weren’t able to during the chaos of Christmas. 

I feel today like we took a Boxing Day for Canada’s birthday. A day just for the enjoyment of each other. 

The kids and I headed to Waterton – one of the most beautiful places on earth in my opinion. 

I woke up at 5:30 to this view from my bedroom window. When a day starts like this, you just know it’s going to be a good one.  By the way, that’s the moon hanging over the mountains. An amazing full moon.   

We arrived in Waterton and went through the bison paddock. There aren’t any shown in this picture, but the view….

Then off to the town to skip rocks. Part of our routine from last year. I love this lake.  

  

Next up: flower hunting. Last year we were too late, but this year was perfect. 

Here’s our provincial flower the wild rose. 
  

A stop on the way to Red Rock Canyon. I was looking for flowers, they were looking for the water to play in at the end. 

  

Yellow Paintbrish, it’s rare to find, but it was all over this meadow. Beauty. My spirit sings here. 

More of them. I got obsessed.   

  

Monsters still waiting to get to the canyon. 

At last the canyon and some water to cool off in. It was almost 30C and there was no wind. A big deal in a place where the trees grow sideways from the blowing! 

We had to drive up to Cameron Lake which was unfortunately very busy and we couldn’t rent boats. Fortunately though we came across tons of Bear Grass which is unique to this area. 

 A long drive home chasing the sunset (and being chased by the moon) and I feel like my soul has been strengthened and cleansed. I need these kind of days where we just stop and enjoy each other’s company and marvel at the beauty that is in the world. 

  
The great thing about it being light from 4:30 am until 11:00 pm is that we sure can pack a lot into a day. 

This was a much needed break.  I’m so thankful that I had this day to nourish my soul and fill up my heart with happiness. 

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Summer vacation. 

I have the best job in the world (for me). Ten and a half years ago when I gave birth to Jenna I left my career as a teacher and became a full time mom. My husband and I made an agreement that he would pursue his career (and he’s got a great one that  provides wonderfully for us) and I would be the full time parent. It’s certainly been a job full of challenges – babies crying, sleepless nights, having a single income family, supporting kids emotionally through many moves – but I truly believe it was the job I was put on the planet to do. Being their full time mom has without a doubt made me a better person. 

Full time motherhood has led me to search for who I really am as well as what I am here to do (my dharma). The kids still look to me for Love, for answers, for support, and guidance. Being able to fulfill those needs for them has lead me to have to have a much better understanding of what my core values are and how I want to help guide them as they become adults. 

Perhaps the biggest drawback of my job is the financial insecurity. As in the fact that my paycheck each month is a big fat zero. Even though if you asked me what I want to do or be when I grow up (ha!) it would be exactly what I am doing, there is huge financial risk involved. Then I think about my spirit and how this job that I’m doing is making me a better person, a kinder, more loving, and deeply spiritual person. And how at the end of the day that’s a huge reward in itself. I tell myself to continue to have faith in the knowledge that I’m doing what I was put here to do in this moment and time, and to be grateful that I can do it. 

We have finally started summer vacation and in my opinion this is when the rewards of my job are the greatest. I get to just hang with the kids instead of rushing to school or some activity. I get to see how funny and kind they are as they relax into summer mode. 

This is the time when I get to see who they really are. And I have to say, I love hanging with these monsters. Even when they drive me bananas. I love being with them.  

Dual monster happiness moments today: went to town with Jacob for his haircut. We rarely get time where it is just us so I really cherish those moments. Jenna and I cooked dinner together. She made her famous vegetable smiley face tray. Happiness. I am blessed and so thankful this is what I get to do. 

  
There’s carrot eyeballs under those long pepper eyelashes 🙂

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The basket of love

Dad used to talk about how he felt like he was being carried in a basket of people’s love and prayers. In a different way, and with different love and prayers, I have felt the same way about the kids and I over the past few months.

We landed here with our bags, knowing we were here to stay, but knowing that everything else was not only out of our control, but scary as hell. Before  my uncle met us at the airport we were held in our own basket of love. My uncle, aunt, and cousins had worked like mad getting the old house ready for us. This wonderful, perfect for us, old house.

Dad was sick and in the hospital, but he got well enough to get released and to give us two more very precious months with him. Months that changed me forever and although they were painful, I am a better person for walking through this.

God picked up my kids and carried them to the perfect school for us. Not only is it a Christian school – faith being something we all have desperately needed to carry with us lately, but it is small, and we have members of our tribe there. I was able to leave my kids with them with the knowledge that they were safe and loved. And actually, the way they were loved and held onto there when their world here was so sad and uncertain was absolutely amazing. It’s left me with gratitude I can’t properly express. They were safe and they were loved. Not only that but they had fun and learned stuff too!

That basket of love has served us well.

My happiness moment today was sitting out in my yard visiting with my mom. It’s a beautiful day here, the birds are singing loudly, my flowers are beautiful, the vegetables are coming up. The kids were running between houses with their cousins laughing and playing. It’s a perfect summer day. I’m so thankful I get to have visits with my mom. We have been away too long from our tribe. I’m thankful every day we are back in it.

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Branding 

Every year out at the ranch  they have community brandings. As a kid I remember looking forward to them for many reasons – the baking and getting the afternoon off of school ranking high among them. Now I look forward to it as a way to spend some time visiting with  family in the community. As the years have gone by, I am no longer as excited to get right on there and wrestle the calves – in fact today I took a great deal of time selecting my outfit  which included completely unpractical sandals so that I would be able to remain on the outside. 

Jacob and Jenna however were right in there. The last time we were at a branding was when I was pregnant with Jenna and Jacob was almost 3. I was commenting to someone that it was Jacob’s first time and as soon as the words were out of my mouth men were called into give them a hand and explain how things were done. 

  

They got it. 

  

Help was always close by, but they did their job. 

  

Jenna’s job was to mark the calves after they’d had their shots. 

 

It’s a pretty special family experience and a part of their heritage. I was so thankful there were all these patient adults who stepped in showed them how to do things. Including the adult who called out the other adults trying to be lazy saying: don’t you be taking any more of those smaller calves. You need to save those for the kids. Come on!! Be fair man. And then a few good natured hand gestures after that. 

My happiness moment today was being back in the fold of the family, watching the kids learning the same way I had as a child. I stood with my childhood branding partner (my cousin) and we relived our memories of being in the corral trying desperately to grab a hold of a calf (and how rarely they left the small ones for the kids in those days). We had some good chuckles remembering out adventures. 

I missed having my Dad standing beside me taking pictures – I had to actually remember to take some myself. But, I think he would have been happy that we were out there with friends and family having a fun and normal day. 

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