Author Archives: Melissa

happiness

Grown up things and changes

Like a lot of us, I woke up this morning to the news that David Bowie had died.  In my morning stupor I thought about how I felt about that news.  I wouldn’t have described myself as his biggest fan, but you can’t be a product of my generation and not have had him have some kind of influence on your life. At least musically speaking.

The song of his that really spoke to me in my angst filled teen years was Changes. Although the song is as old as I am, the first time I heard it I was 14, living at a boarding school on Vancouver Island, and trying to figure out what it meant to be me. Putting a few hundred hormonal, confused teens together made adolescence seem even more intense, and we were full of changes. Of course since the Breakfast Club played every single weekend in at least one of the dorms, this:

   

pretty much became a part of our DNA by the end of the year. It was a song I came back to over and over through my teens, and then kind of got folded away in a corner memory box in my 20s and 30s. Something happened when I was in my 40s and started once again questioning who I am and how I want to live my life. Suddenly the song started playing in my consciousness again. That and my mantra song Don’t Stop Believin’.  I had a happiness moment as I listened to all the Bowie songs on the radio this morning and sat with all the memories they brought back. 

The reason I spent so much time driving this morning (and therefore could listen to the Bowie tribute) was because I was enroute for an annual adult activity (not that kind). Last year around this time I was standing in the bathroom, fresh out of the shower, drying myself wth an old spongebob towel. I decided then and there that since I was an adult and could do some things that made me feel happier and more pampered, I would purchase one new bath towel for myself every single year. 

This year I went to Homesense and bought myself a wonderfully soft Egyptian cotton towel. All for the big ticket price of $9.99. I am ridiculously happy about my new towel. 

 

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Pyjamas and house cleaning 

Today was a much welcomed quiet day. The kids spent the day in their Jammie’s until it was time to tub and get into clean Jammie’s and go to bed. I only got out of mine because I had to drive to town and get groceries. 

We got the house all cleaned up and are well rested and happily ready for a new week. That relaxed, content feeling is my happiness moment for the day. 

Plus, if you’re in the Calgary area did you see the sunset tonight? It was amazeballs. No photo as I was driving, but it was absolutely breathtaking. Reason number 487 why I am endlessly grateful to be back home. 

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And now she’s 11

  
A day filled with happiness moments. What a treasure she is. 

We celebrated her day with a huge fondue pig out at the Grizzly House in Banff and then home for Crave Cupcakes (those are addictive. Thank goodness for the mini sizes!)

A bonus happiness was being able to celebrate her with so many loved ones. 

This morning I posted a poem and some photos celebrating this beautiful ray of sunshine 

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Our beautiful Jenna

When you smile I can see

how beautiful life is

The sweetness of your laughter

brings joy to everyone around you

You show the world your beautiful sparkle

and it makes light in the darkness 

To think I was trusted to care for such a miracle,

What an incredible gift

There is nothing more beautiful than watching you 

grow into the amazing human you were intended to be

My wish for you as you continue to grow

is that you always remember you are a perfect child of God

and that you are deeply loved


 

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Big Bang monopoly 

We finally pulled out the game I was given at Christmas this evening and had a family game night at my Mom’s house. It was a great happiness moment to sit around the kitchen table and laugh and enjoy each other’s company. 

I feel so blessed that we are close enough to walk back and forth for visits and fun. 

As a bonus happiness moment, as of 8pm when we took a break for the night from Monopoly, I am not bankrupt and I’ve only been in jail once!  

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Connect 4

I come from a highly competitive family and winning is equal opportunity for children and adults alike. 

Today my happiness moment was beating Jenna over and over at Connect 4. For the past month every single time we have played she has wiped the floor with me (and we play a lot). 

I have to enjoy it because obviously she was just in a slump and I’m sure the next time we play I will not be winning. 

Mostly I just love playing games with the kiddos. That important together bonding time is when I really get to know who they are. 

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Hanging curtains

Today’s happiness moment is kind of a weird one. It was a moment that was filled with laughter, yelling, frustration, a sense of accomplishment, and a little bit of chaos.

It’s supposed to snow tonight, and I think also get colder again (I’ve stopped looking at the weather, it’s depressing). We have been so lucky that it hasn’t been super cold for most of the winter. There are a lot of drafts in our old house and I’m slowly trying to figure out how to stop any more of the cold outside air from coming in than is absolutely necessary (barring buying new windows and doors which I know would help immensely). We have been trying to get a little creative.

I found some pretty good weather blocking curtains at Walmart (of all places!) and have slowly been purchasing and hanging them up over the windows. We decided to get a couple of longer ones and hang them over the doors to outside to attempt to stop the cold air from leaking in.

I am not a handy person. Home repairs, fixing things, putting things together – none of that is in my wheelhouse. I once spent an entire night with a friend building a bookcase from Ikea and that was the end of my do it yourself home repairs. But, we are learning in this house how to fix things. This old house and I have a lot in common and I love it dearly.

My happiness moment was putting up the curtains over the door this evening with the help of the kids. It wasn’t a particularly enjoyable experience some of the time, but we managed to get them hung. We had the power drill going, measured the height, and figured out how to fix things when everything went sideways. The three of us putting our brains and brawn together to finish the job left us all smiling and feeling like we all had more ability than we realized.

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In the heart where the memories are

When I was a kid, Pony Club wasn’t for the faint of heart. You can tell just by the “high quality” of the trailers in the background of my photo that we were all a little more rough and tumble back then. I think that’s part of why those years were some of the best of my life. They weren’t always fun (sometimes they were downright terrifying), but they absolutely shaped me into the person that I am now.

I tended to be more timid as a child (a trait I still am working on to this day) and when the other kids were excited to race their ponies over the biggest and scariest jumps I was always at the back of the pack hoping something would happen so I wouldn’t have to do it. And yet, always so happy when I did.

Part of the reason for being afraid was that I was younger than a lot of the other kids, part of it was just my nature. However, those big kids seemed to follow the rule “leave no man behind ” (or blubbering child as the case may be) and there was no way I was going to be able to bypass any of the jumps out on the cross country course.

I remember sitting on my pony Snowflake, crying my eyes out because I was so scared, and my cousin (in the photo with me) racing by on her horse yelling to stop being such a coward and to get in and join them. Then, the next girl tearing by, whose last name was Coward yelling that they’d better find a better name to call me since she was going over the jump. Not wanting to look like a total wimp, and not wanting to get left behind I sucked up all the courage I had and raced after them. And of course, ended up having the time of my life.

Being able to find courage when facing a terrifying situation is something that has helped me immensely in my adult life. Not turning away from something I wanted to do, or being afraid to join the fun was also an important life lesson I learned.

I remember watching her flying around the cross country course, smiling from ear to ear, hanging on for dear life aboard her horse Monkey (well named considering how they were together) and knowing that soon my turn was coming. Just about everything I know about having to dig deep and then soar I learned with this girl out in these fields.  

You just never know where your path is going to take you in life, or how chapters are going to be written in your book. This incredibly strong, funny, amazing, brave, fierce woman has had most of her memories stolen from her by one of those cruel twists of fate. It’s horrible at any age, but she is just too young and too full of life.

I went to visit her today, for the first time in about a year and a half. I was touched to the core of my being that she remembered who I was, and thrilled that there is still some of her old spunk shining through her eyes. That spunk that propelled me through much of my childhood.

These memories are precious. They are ones that I will carry in my heart for the rest of my life.

My aunt picked me up to go in to town and visit my cousin (well really she’s a second cousin, and my mom and her dad are first cousins – but it’s all the same to me) I was touched that she would bring me in.  I’m sure a lot of it was to make sure I wasn’t uncomfortable and that the visit went smoothly. We ended up having a wonderful visit. I also hadn’t seen her in a year and a half, and it had been many years gone by before that. We visited a little about old times, but mostly it was about things now – family, life in general, some about my cousin.  We did a lot of laughing. Full out, head back, laughing. That was my happiness moment for the day, new memories and old memories all being stored in the heart.

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Unbroken 

There have been events over the past few years that have almost broken me. I have had people whom I trusted smile to my face and then turn around and attempt to break me without a second thought. At the worst of the worst I was just-about-broken.

Then I had a realization that I still had some choices. I could stay as I was or I could start reaching for a better and happier life. It’s been a long haul and some unpleasant and really sad bumps on the road, but I’m a much better and stronger version of myself. I believe along this journey that my kids have become better and happier versions as well. We certainly laugh a lot more.

I had someone break a trust with me recently, nothing too serious, but someone whom I put my faith into lied to me and that left me hurt, mad, and upset. Fortunately it’s not someone that I have to have any further contact with and I can take this as a life lesson and move on.

What it has left me with though, is an appreciation for how wonderful those people who are in my inner circle, in my tribe, are. I am surrounded by people whom I can trust and depend on. I have people to laugh with, people to cry with, and people to share my life with.

In the shadow of this one unpleasant experience I have had many other beautiful ones shine though. I spent New Years Eve at a community party and visited with a lot of extended family that I haven’t really had a chance to see since we moved back home. I was amazed at how they went out of their way to include me, drawing me out of my shy, social awkwardness to share stories and laughter.

There certainly are a lot of wonderful, beautiful people in the world. I’m blessed to be surrounded by so many of them. I may have been just-about-broken but now what I am is unbroken.

My happiness moment was driving Jacob home from school today. We were laughing and he was sharing things that had happened during his day. We came around the corner on the road to be astounded by the sunset. I had to pull over to get a better look and Jacob said mom, I can’t believe we live here. It’s so beautiful. We are so lucky. And I totally agree.

Whenever I see the sunset or the sunrise I am reminded that there is a strong, loving force out there looking after us. Being here and looking at these mountains will make me happy for the rest of my life.


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The last day…

Typically this weekend is a sad one. We are usually heading to the airport, crying, and saying goodbye to family. Sometimes we are lucky and a winter storm in Chicago or the East Coast cancels flights and we get to have an extra day or so. But, our hearts always know there is a sad goodbye coming.

This year we don’t have to go anywhere but down the road to our home. We have spent a lot of time this weekend talking about how nice it is to be here to stay and not have all that emotional upset of having to say goodbye to everyone.

I’ve been going over some blog posts from the beginning of this year and what really hits me is how brutally lonely we were back then. I am so grateful that we don’t have to be so alone anymore. Whatever other turmoil the past year brought us, I am thankful that we are back home.

We took the kids out for one last run on the sleds before we are back to the grind tomorrow. I think they had fun….


Hearing the laughter as they flew past me howling in joy was my happiness moment for the day. What a great start to the year. I have felt very held in love by those around us these past few days. It’s so easy to get caught up in negative thoughts, it has been very good to remember that there are loving, kind, fun people to share laughter and life with.

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