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Family time. 

Today we celebrated Mom’s birthday with a family lunch. All of these firsts after Dad died are met with a little apprehension and sadness, but with a house full of family it felt like old times today. 

One of our struggles at a regular family meal is who has to sit in Dad’s chair at the table. It’s a mad rush by everyone to fill the other seats so no one has to sit in his place and be the reminder that he isn’t here. Today my uncle took one for the team and sat at the head of the table. It felt right. It was really nice to have all the seats filled and to have Dad’s filled with uncle dad. 

It’s important to keep the house and our lives filled with family, laughter, love, and happiness. It’s what will help us move ahead and find peace in our souls. 

I’m so grateful for the support and love we have here in our family. I believe Dad was here with us in spirit, happily watching us celebrate the birthday of his soulmate. 

My happiness moment today. Celebrating with family Mom’s birthday, being thankful for mom and all the light she shines into our lives. 

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Social Butterfly

A few years ago I was in Gaeta, Italy and I saw two older ladies walking down the street. They were arm in arm, swaying from side to side, laughing and talking and looking like kindred spirits. I remember stopping and staring at them and thinking I need to find a girlfriend like that. Within a day of seeing those ladies, I spent an afternoon floating in the Mediterranean with a cousin and we were laughing so hard we could barely stay afloat. It was one of those precious, kindred spirit moments.

Since that trip I have kept in mind that I need to surround myself with a good group of girlfriends, my tribe if you will.

For the past four plus years I have had no social life at all. It was a pretty lonely existence, and I used the time to strengthen my bonds with my kids and discover who I really am and what makes me tick (I used the silence to find myself). Now that I am home I’m finding my girlfriend tribe reappear and strengthen in ways I had been dreaming of. I am very fortunate in that I have a huge group of girl cousins, and they are the foundation of my girlfriend tribe.

Over the past few weeks I’ve noticed that the people I’m hanging out with are genuinely happy. I can see it when they smile, their smiles open up windows into their souls. I can see the happiness shine out of them, it’s lovely.  This past week I’ve had many chances to get together with old friends (and cousins), strengthening those girlfriend tribe bonds.

Today’s happiness moment was a two-parter. I went to the Calgary International Film Festival and watched a short animation film directed by my nephew (cousin’s son). He was supported by parents, grandparents, aunts, and cousins. That tribe. Later on I went out to a charity supper for STARS in Bragg Creek and spent the evening getting to know a second cousin and his wife a whole lot better. There were a bunch of happy people at my table and it was good to sit and laugh and enjoy being in the company of people who were joyful. The Law of Attraction, or your vibe attracts your tribe. It makes me believe that I’m on a happier and more positive vibe these days!

I believe I’m well on my way to creating the kind of life that will have me weaving arm in arm down a street laughing with a girlfriend in my old age. That is happiness, that is gratitude.

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An Unexpected Gift

The idea that instead of analyzing the darkness, we should bring in the light is a concept that has held my attention for the past few weeks. As I keep searching and reaching for happier feelings and thoughts, I really don’t want to get caught up in the black clouds that surrounded me during the dark night of my soul times.

And yet…

There’s a part of me that keeps saying that some of that darkness needs to be at least acknowledged. That it’s not going to go away until I honour the fact that it’s there and figure out how to let it go.

Today I had an appointment with my Ayurvedic Practitioner, Asrael. She’s awesome. I talked about this with her a little bit and she helped me look at if from an entire different perspective.

As many of us do, I had an episode happen that was so horrific that it forever changed who I am (it does not matter what this episode was – well to me it does – but so many of us have had that moment in time where something became broken inside of us, either by a loved one or by a stranger or some life event). On the rare occasions that I force myself to go back and look at it I can feel the hurt and anguish and pain all the way through my body. I have felt for years that it’s something that I will never fully heal from and be able to move on into a healthier pattern. It was, however, an episode that made me decide to change how I lived my life and made me start putting me as a priority instead of (literally) killing myself in order to make other people happy.

So, what if instead of this being a moment of horror and terror and pain, instead it was a gift? A gift in the beginning of my new life. At that moment I had a choice as to how I was going to move ahead. I decided to put the oxygen mask on myself and start reaching for better things in my life. It was my moment of rebirth in a sense.

It has helped me begin to push out some of that lingering darkness that I didn’t know what to do about and bring in more light. Today I had the first (huge) step in the process of healing a hugely deep hurt and that is my happiness moment for the day.

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Morning soul warmth. 

I need to add a happiness moment to my post from earlier today. 

As we were getting in the car to head to school this morning I looked east and saw this sight:

  
The sun rising over the hill while the cattle were grazing.  Every single second I count my blessings that not only are we home, but that we are home. Nestled right in the heart of our family, where our roots are planted, in the house where it all started, with views like this as a way to start the day. 

We are incredibly blessed and fortunate people. 

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Those extra moments

I have to admit, I was a little concerned how we would fill all the extra time we have this year before and after school. Jacob’s school starts and ends an hour after Jenna’s school; not enough time to come home in between, too much time to just sit there and do nothing.

In the mornings Jacob and I usually go to Tim Horton’s, buy the cheapest drink we can, soak up their free wifi, and visit with each other. It’s been interesting how this has evolved into a special time that we both look forward to. We have got hooked on the iPhone version of connect4 and challenge each other to tournaments. This usually involves a lot of cheering and happy dancing on the part of the person who wins.

My happiness moment today was sitting by the fireplace at our local Tim Horton’s, sipping on a tea, playing connect4 with my teenager. These extra moments are more and more precious the older he gets. I’m grateful he wants to spend time with me and that we have this quiet time to visit and catch up on each other’s lives.

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Don’t feel like dancing

I love it when what I think is my happiness moment for the day morphs into a different yet somehow related happiness moment of extended bliss. 

This morning Jacob and I had to go into the drug store to get me some cough drops (still. Hack. Hack). Their radio was playing Don’t feel like dancing  by the Scissor Sisters. 

Jacob and I hid in the back corner of the store and danced around a little bit giggling so hard I snorted. I couldn’t believe he actually let me do that in public (the dancing and the snorting). Afterwards he shook his shoulders and said so that just happened. And then we went back to pretending to be normal. 

Obviously that was my happiness moment. It’s so wonderful to just let loose a little bit. The fact that I could do it with him was that much better. 

When we lived in Quebec, the Scissor Sisters had a link on their page where you could go make photos of people dance to their song. Little 4 year old Jacob and I spent hours pasting our faces onto the bodies and watching them dance around to the video. It was entertainment for days. 

I thought about that this morning and I thought about the friends I had in Quebec. I managed to surround myself with a really amazing group of women in the time I lived there. It was a pack of girlfriends unlike any other I’ve had in my life. 

A great thing about being home again is I get to retrieve old members of my tribe. Friends I’ve had from long ago but haven’t had a chance to spend time with in years. 

This afternoon I met two old friends for lunch. They are ladies I met 14+ years ago at our birth and babies class. Being able to reconnect with these friendships is so important to my soul and my happiness. It was a great lunch – 23C out so we sat outside on the patio, lots of catching up and smiles and sharing. An extended happiness moment. As a bonus we discovered the Canadian 100$ bill really does smell of maple syrup (Canada you are awesome). 

The song may be Don’t Feel Like Dancing, but it left me feeling the happiness rhythm all day long. 

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Bonus Mother’s Day gift 

I had one of those rare moments this morning as a mom where I got a pat on the back for what I do. I do what I do because I love them deeply, and for no other reward, but the odd good job mom is always appreciated. 

This morning Jacob looked up at me over his bowl of cereal and said I’m so happy you’re our mom. I mean,  you’re always looking for fun stuff for us to do. I’m glad we are with you. 

I said thanks buddy. Tears welling up. 

He said I mean it, we are so lucky. We have such a great life here and I’m happy you’re looking after us. Plus you never try to hold us back from doing the things we really want. 

That made me so happy. I always waht to be their safe spot and have them feel that I encourage them in all they do. 

My happiness moment. I love those two humans from the depths of my soul. They have made me a better version of myself. 

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The morning rush 

Simplify. Simplify. Simplify. Having been a fan of Thoreau for almost 30 years I have read those words over and over. Yet the actual concept of being  and living a more simple life is often one that I struggle with. 

I don’t want to be all high maintenance, yet I know I kind of am –  I like nice things. My body does not want to sleep on a wood palate, I like nice clothes and tasty food. I have purple streaks in my hair that take more time a month to get touched up than I care to admit. 

When we went to Waldon Pond a few years ago I had a better understanding of what Thoreau meant. Simplify was an easier concept when I stood in the beauty of that pond and saw what it was he looked at every day. And he didn’t live there in isolation either, he was constantly back in town visiting. Simplify and deprivation have very different meanings and I think I’d been confusing the two. 

Over the past few months the kids and I have learned how to simplify. We have gone from the big flashy house to the old in need of love house. We are now living in about a third the size of house, with a third the amount of stuff and on a much stricter budget. 

We have to be simpler. 

And here’s the interesting thing. We are all happier in the old in need of love house. I can see it in the kids’ smiles, in the way they run outside and yell at me to come see something that has caught their eye, as they’re running across the yard to play with cousins or to visit nana. A happiness that has come from simplifying our lives.  

I’m thinking that maybe simplifying does not mean giving up what I love and going without so much as it means figuring out what is really important and only keeping those things in my life. Getting rid of excess and clutter has lessened my anxiety and brought me back to balance and happiness. 

We turned onto the road today and I looked west. The moon was hovering so perfectly over the mountains we had to turn off into the neighbors’ driveway to look at it.   
Then as we went down into the valley, the sun was peering up from the other side. 

  And as we came out across the valley the moon showed itself to us one more time before we turned the corner and headed into a huge wall of fog coming up from the river. 

I said to the kids how lucky we were that what made us slow on our drive to town today was that we had to keep pulling off the road to admire the beauty of the morning. 

So many people started their day rushing and anxious and tired. We are so blessed that we started it in amazing nature of Creation. It blesses us, grounds us, nurtures us, and brings us incredible joy and happiness. My happiness moment today.  

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Harvest time 


The garden this year has been a very emotional space for me. It was planted with the supervision of mom and dad on Mother’s Day weekend by my sister’s family and the kids and I.

Gardening was something we always did with dad. He always had a plan as to what he wanted to grow and where. It was difficult to say the least this year, him planning out what he wanted planted and then hearing  him acknowledge that he wouldn’t be around to watch it grow.

It has brought us a lot of joy over the summer. The weeds got wayyyy beyond me, but the looks on the kids’ faces as they’d run out to the garden to grab a carrot or check for peas was one of the highlights of the summer.

Tomorrow it will be four months since dad moved forward on his journey. Enough time for the garden to grow and then to be harvested. I’ve done a lot of personal growth during this time as well,  and I have my dad to thank for pushing me to reach forward in my spiritual journey.

It has been a year with a lot of change and amazingly through all the heartaches there have been a lot of smiles. I know for a fact that I’m a better person now than I was at the beginning of this year. And I have a lot more compassion and a lot more faith in myself and in my strength.

My happiness moment was pulling carrots in the garden with Jenna, my mom, and my sister and her kids. I know dad was there enjoying it with us too.

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Jump into fall

I took a cold induced nap this afternoon. When I went to sleep it was rainy and gross, when I woke up it was warm and sunny. Welcome to Alberta.

After I rolled off the couch and assessed myself – coughing less, breathing easier, thankful for that  – I looked outside and saw some of the family up at my cousin’s trampoline.

I headed across the field and spent a wonderful chunk of time watching kids (and once my sister) bounce and flip and generally have a great time defying gravity.

I’m loving the beauty of fall this year. This is my favourite view on earth. The view from home.

My happiness moment. Standing outside watching our kids – cousins- spending time together. We are so blessed that they are getting the chance now to grow up knowing each other. Standing in the beauty of the place I love so much. Happiness really does begin at home.

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