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Over-stressed and over-scheduled

The kids had a 2 hour delay Tuesday, a full day Wednesday and a full day today of school. In the past two weeks that’s all the school they’ve had due to snow and ice. Our unexpected downtime has made me realize a lot of things (like how lucky I am to get to spend so much time with them, how awesome they are, how much we can entertain ourselves with very little available), but the biggest realization is how incredibly tired and stressed out my kids are. The reason for this stress is one word: school.

School has worn them out. The first year we were here the kids took the bus in the morning. The bus shows up at 7:00am. Which means they had to be up by 6:00- those mornings were hell. Fortunately by the next year I realized that if I drove them to school it gave them an extra hour to sleep in. That made a huge deal. But, still they are tired.

They go to bed at 7:30. Jenna is lights out then, Jacob at 8:30. it’s hours earlier than their friends go to bed, but they’re tired. The best way they can have those little brains learn and grow is to let them rest and rejuvenate at night.

Watching them rest and relax these past couple of weeks has made me realize how much all this being over tired and over stressed changes them. They turned into different people, they were more relaxed, funnier, more patient, happier.

This morning I had to wake them both up at 7:00 for school. It was tough, they were both sound asleep. They look so peaceful it goes against my instincts to have to wake them up. They need rest. They need to be happy. But, they’re school kids so I woke them. Both of them cried. I’m not exaggerating. They both sat up in their beds and burst into tears and said they were so tired and school stressed them out so much. That feeling sits in my tummy like a hard little rock.

We were driving through the parking line at Jenna’s school. She was turned sideways ready to get out the door and I heard her mutter to herself “when I get home I”m going right upstairs and getting into my jammies and bathrobe. The only time I’m getting out of them this weekend is when I have to change into new ones. It’s only one day. I can do this.”

Here’s a Facebook update from a friend of mine who homeschool’s her kids:

My sons had to fill out an email questionnaire for an Anatomy+Physiology class, and each was asked about their “career goals”. I was forwarded the responses:
G: “Whatever is the least stressful and pays the most.”
S: “None, I’m just trying to enjoy my youth.”

I’m finding it harder and harder to justify why I’m not homeschooling my kids (I’m a certified teacher but a stay at home parent).

My happiness moment for day 33 of the 44 days came this afternoon with Jenna. I’d just made her an after school snack and had just poured myself a cup of tea. She was sitting at the table and I was at the counter having just taken a huge gulp of my tea. I made eye contact with her and she gave me a bug eyed look and then did a fake finger nose pick while wiggling her eyebrows. Tea caught in my throat, throat closed up, stomach started laughing, tea spewed (Jenna said) like a sprinkler all across the kitchen floor. We laughed for a good 10 minutes after that. Belly laughs. They rock.

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Good Vibrations

The case I’m working on right now in my Ayurveda course is dealing with colds and flus – a good topic for this time of year. I believe this is the first year in a long time that the kids and I are going into spring season strong, well rested, and in general good health. If we can avoid being knocked flat by the seasonal illnesses that’s a blessed thing.

In Ayurveda there’s more emphasis put on the host body (me or you) vs. the bacteria, virus, or illness. That is to say that if you have a strong and healthy body there is no place for the virus to take root and grow. It needs a fertile ground in which to plant root and flourish. The reasoning is that if your body is healthy and in balance these dis-eases will not be able to stay.

Western medicine looks at illnesses as something external that attacks the body. In reality we live with millions of bacteria and viruses surrounding us. Not everyone who is exposed to someone who is sick gets sick themselves. It is not the pathogen so much as the state of the host that makes the difference. These viruses, pathogens, bacteria, won’t have a place to take hold in the body if the ground is not fertile. It needs ama (toxins) in order to take hold and grow.

Something else that either prevents or encourages the chances of us being ill is the energetic vibration that we are on. Everything comes from the field of consciousness – humans, plants, animals, bacteria, viruses… That bacteria or virus is a physical form of a nonphysical energy just the same way that we are here in a physical vehicle (our body) for our nonphysical selves. The vibration of these viruses is on a lower emotional field, and in order to resonate with it we must also be on this lower field. The field that they resonate on is the same frequency of fear. Being full of fear can open to the energy of the virus and harmonize with it, allowing it to take root and multiply. When our vibration is high and we don’t identify with the vibration of fear, we are better protected against getting flus and colds.

Think of all the hype that comes out every year about the cold and flu. Every year it’s the worst year yet for being sick. The media throws out scare tactics – we must be afraid of getting sick. Go stock up on medicine, get flu shots (sometimes there is value to these, but not for everyone), be afraid of getting sick. Everything except make sure your body is healthy so that viruses can’t take root and flourish.

I personally can attest that when my vibrational frequency is low I get sick. When I’m happy and healthy and on a higher emotional frequency I don’t get sick. The Law of Attraction follows the same beliefs as Ayurveda – what you concentrate and put your focus on you attract. Think about being sick all the time and you will be sick. Think about being strong and healthy and you push yourself up onto a healthier frequency.

For me, releasing black clouds of doom (mine and other people’s) has put me in a healthier place than I’ve been in years. I can feel my emotional vibrations getting happier and stronger, and I can see my health getting stronger.

I have two happiness moments today for day 32 of the 44 days of happiness. The kids were off school for snow (again) today. I was sitting cross-legged in my chair in my bedroom getting my iPad ready to do my healing light yoga therapy class (there are recordings from the Saturday class we can do during the week if we choose – I’m loving this class). I was hunched over focusing on getting to the right spot in the video when Ella jumped up on the chair beside me. She glared at me and meeeooowwwwed, then jumped up onto the top of the chair. Well, she landed with such force she flipped the entire chair over leaving me stuck on the ground wrapped in the chair much like a turtle flipped on it’s back. I was lying there yelling for help – however when help arrived it was in the form of Jacob laughing so hard he was unable to do anything. Finally I was able to roll myself out of my mess. Because of course as soon as the chair flipped, Ella was out of there. She ran into Jenna’s room and pretended she knew nothing about what was going on.

The second moment came this afternoon when I was driving to the library to pick up Jacob. I was winding down the backside of the mountain and came around the corner to see a boy about 12-14 out shoveling snow. What was fantastic was that he was using the shovel as a dance partner. He was jigging all around, twisting and turning with the shovel. It was such a happy, glorious sight. So wonderful to see someone “dancing like no one was watching”. Made me smile for a long time.

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Somersaults and Bellyflops

Poor Ella had to spend most of the day yesterday in hiding. You see, there was a stranger in the house and she does not like strangers. I was ok with this stranger as in reality she is the lady who helps clean my house and keep some kind of order to the chaos. The issue for Ella (because she is as introverted as the kids and I are) is that she had to spend the entire day hiding in my closet in order to stay “safe”. This of course meant that she didn’t get to play fetch. So, we had to play double time today. Play, play, play all morning long. I was stretched out on my mat trying to undo some of the kinks and she’d throw the mouse into my hand, whack me on the head with it, or just put it beside me and howl. I was actually in a deeply relaxed pose following my recording of the healing light yoga therapy class from last weekend, and I’d have to pat my hand around and find the damn mouse for her (I kid, I love playing with her).

When I was done and sitting up, I threw the mouse out of the room so it went down the hall. She ran after it, grabbed in in her front paws and did an complete somersault over the mouse, landing on her back with her feet up in the air. she still had a hold of the mouse so she lay there on her back throwing the mouse up and down in the air playing with it.

When she finally brought it back I threw it and it went part way down the stairs. She bellyflopped down the first two stairs before landing sideways on the third one and on top of the mouse. Lay there for a bit all protective and proud of her kill before heading back to show me what she’d found.

Her happy face is my happy moment on day 31 of the 44 days of happiness.

  To add to my happiness moments, I’m on the elliptical and jenna sent me this text:





She’s got so much love and happiness in her. I’m so blessed

Since happiness is my thing right now – I came across this quote earlier today. I can keep looking and looking in certain places, but if happiness is not there it may not be found. The thing that made me lose my happiness is not the thing that is going to find my happiness. Externally I mean. Fortunately I believe that my little ray of happiness has always been shining inside me, it was just buried under a bunch of crap for a while. Getting rid of that crap helps. Once I started making a conscious effort to look for happiness it was amazing how many places it’s just there hanging out (like all of them).

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The Music Inside Of You

One of my favourite quotes these days is by Dr. Wayne Dyer “Don’t die with your music still in you.” It helps remind me that we need to do what we were put to do here in this life – and that we need to do it now. 

Watching this little girl, Ella, made me really think about the fact that we are also born with music already in us. It comes in many different shapes and forms. But all of us have music that is right inside of us from the moment we hit the ground.

So often we stuff our music up inside, press the mute button on our lives, ignore our songs. What if we all just gave it out like this little one does?

When Jenna was younger the only music that would make her stop crying in the car was Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas. It had to be played at top volume on repeat. Jenna was about the same age as this little girl, but she was in a front facing car seat (it was 8 years ago) and I got to watch her sing/dance to the song in the rearview mirror. She loved it. Totally inappropriate for such a little thing, but the Black Eyed Peas always put her in a happy mood.

Aside from the general cuteness, and her ripping out the music that is inside of her, another thing that makes my heart smile about this video is how fully she loves her dad, and how engaged he is with her. They both really seem to be enjoying this moment. She sure wants to share her song with him and he’s not too busy being an adult to hear her sing it. The world could use more of that.

I’ve been watching this video all day. I’ve made the kids watch it. I’ve both laughed and cried every single time I’ve watched it. If you don’t want to watch the whole thing, my favourite part starts at 4:10. This is my happiness moment for day 30 (30 days already!!) of my 44 days of happiness.

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10 Day Weekend – forced slow down

The kids are presently dancing in the upstairs hallway singing “10 day weekend! Never going back to school!” I’m not sure how funny they’ll still find it when they’re in school on Good Friday and also Memorial Day – but right now in this moment they think that school being cancelled again for tomorrow is the best thing ever.

After waking up this morning to an inch of ice covering the over 9 inches of snow we got yesterday we actually managed to leave the house this afternoon. For a few hours the sun came out, the earth warmed up and people started moving. We jumped in the car and drove to the library for an exciting adventure out of the house. Unfortunately the library wasn’t open (I’m assuming due to the weather), so we were stuck with trying to figure out what to do. Trips “out” have been few and far between this week and we weren’t ready to just turn around and go back home. We ended up doing a walk-about in TJMaxx and then going to two grocery stores (did we need to go to two? No. But again, it was part of that being out thing).

At our Co op we ran into a friend we’ve made who makes jewelry and sells it at the market downtown. We were catching up and I mentioned how much I was enjoying this week at home with the kids, how nice it was to see them totally relaxed. This was something I’d actually been thinking about earlier this morning. This is the first time in probably a year that I’ve seen both kids so well caught up on rest, so relaxed, so stress free. You see, the wonderful thing about not being able to go anywhere or do anything is that you are forced to slow down and relax. The good thing is the three of us are pretty good at hanging out with each other and  only moderately getting on each other’s nerves (sigh). We’ve all spent a lot of time together, so we actually can balance ourselves out pretty well.

We’ve played outside in the snow, played board games, told jokes, cooked meals together, visited, read books, had naps, gone to bed early, slept in, relaxed, laughed – lots of laughter, bonded, even watched a little TV (somehow in this I’ve been trying to keep up with my course work – but it’s been a slow week in that department). It has been one of the best weeks we’ve had in a long time.

Our other long breaks recently have been filled with travelling to Calgary or driving to Virginia Beach or other action activities. All of which have been lots of fun and filled important needs in other ways. But this is the first time in ages where we’ve had a significant amount of time to just be and do nothing. What I’ve discovered is we are all nicer, happier people because of it.

It has been such a blessing to have this down time. The power of recharging is immense. All of us carry a great deal of stress in our busy lives. I have set up our lives to be as simple and as nurturing as possible, but even so there’s always more than we can do. The ability to simply stop the world for 10 days and recharge has been amazing.

Day 28 of the 44 days of happiness came while we were sitting at the table playing the Train board game. We were laughing and arguing and being silly and each trying to outdo the other. The joy of a simple game brought us all great happiness because we were rested enough to enjoy the moment.

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Healing light yoga

Today was the second class of my 6 week healing light yoga therapy series. I’m taking them through New World Ayurveda –  I love these classes. They’re live and online so I don’t have to go anywhere or organize anything for the kids. I just have to show up in front of my computer ready for some bliss (well, it’s not always bliss – but it works towards bliss). This series works on releasing habits, addictions, and attachments. Oh, how I have things stored up in me that I’ve had a difficult time letting go of. I know all those beliefs, habits, attachments etc. that I’ve held on to for so long must have served me – they probably were necessary in the past in some way, shape or form – but I don’t need them now. Easy to say – harder to just let go of. This class is so enlightening and I love the way Asrael guides us along. In fact her voice is so calming and soothing I tend to completely lose myself in the class. One minute I’m working on the healing breath and then next thing I know moments have gone by that I can’t account for – where I’ve just gone somewhere in my bliss.

Sometimes when I’m done I feel fantastic, sometimes when I’m done I feel upset, angry, sad. It all works towards happiness and bliss. But, sometimes that letting go can be a bit gucky. I’m pretty sure that was what my anxiety was about from the other day in fact. Holding on..letting go..allowing.

My routine was a bit different this morning since the class is later than I normally do my yoga, so Ella was already off doing something else when I rolled out my mat. But, as soon as I had it out and was in my chair getting the computer ready for the class these eyes appeared on my mat:

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She ran back and forth between the mat and the chair and several times when Asrael was talking peered up on the table to get a good look at her. You can see other participants on the screen – and I was amazed at how many of them had their cats sitting there with them waiting for class to start (Including Asrael’s cat).

We did two asanas (you hold them for a long time and do some breathing work). The first one was supported child’s pose. So, I’m lying there doing my breathing, listening to Asrael guiding us, and I start feeling *whack* *whack* *whack* on my feet. Ella had her mouse and was beating at my feet with it. Then she’d run around my body a few times mewing, then back to the feet *whack* *whack*. We took a little break after this for questions and Ella ran out of the room. But when we moved into the next pose – fish pose- she was back *whack* *whack*. Then she took her mouse, sat right above my head and tore that poor mouse apart. I’m doing my breathing and I can hear *riiip* *scraaaatttchhh* *puuuuurrrrrrrr*. Here’s the poor mouse after yoga class:IMG_3107

What can I say? She truly is a yoga cat!

We are stranded in the house again. 9 inches of snow came down by 3:00 this afternoon. For a while at 6:00am there were 3 inch round disks of snow falling out of the sky. It looked like giant snowballs. I’ve never seen anything quite like it. I did force the monsters outside for forced family fun time. IMG_3123

Day 27 of the 44 days of happiness came later on this afternoon when we sat down and played some board games (or “we’re bored games)” Spontuneous is a new game for us and it was a hoot! I will never, ever be able to play it with anyone besides the kids – but oh man did we have a blast. It involves a lot of singing – and since I am more than a little vocally challenged it made it both fun and painful.

I got this card on my last spot – complete it and I would win the game:

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I jumped up, huge grin and said “country music! This is awesome! Are you ready? I’m going to do it with the actions and everything”

Then preformed the entire chorus (with actions) to Fishin’ In The Dark. Sad that the kids didn’t even bat an eye at it – like it was completely normal. Which I guess it was – normal for us…not normal for other people.IMG_3127

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Anxiety and happiness

Today when I was driving Jacob to the library I suddenly got hit by a huge wave of anxiety. I think these are the ones that I despise the most – the ones that just hit out of the blue for no good reason. It had been a decent morning, nice and slow as there was no school. I’d had breakfast and walked on the elliptical for a bit. Then just *whamo* out of nowhere this damn anxiety hits. I stayed quiet, tried to focus on my breathing, tried to just work through it.

I was still feeling kind of anxious and *off* when I got home after dropping him off so I made myself go right upstairs and do some yoga and meditation. I didn’t mind the yoga, it took a lot of convincing to do the meditation. Which is interesting because I know that the meditation really helps settle my mind, but when there’s anxiety running in it my mind yells ‘don’t leave me here in the quiet where I have to be with myself’. So there’s that battle.

But, I did it. I meditated. I hated it. It was good. Interestingly there weren’t anxious thoughts running in my head. You’d think after a huge episode with anxiety I’d be thinking about all those little things that snowball into a big thing to make me anxious. But no. What my brain kept running to was this: ‘I’m hungry (it was 10am), maybe I should stop and go make an early lunch. I wonder what I should eat. Go back to the mantra. Gawd, I’m starving. Maybe I should take Jenna out to Panera for lunch. But then I’d have to shower, and well.. I’m hungry. Go back to the mantra. I’m getting hangry (hungry/angry). How long have I been at this? Should I open my eyes and look? I’m starving, what should I eat.’ Seriously, I had 20 minutes of that. I wasn’t even all that hungry when I was done.

But the big deal is that when I was done I was no longer anxious. All those yucky feelings were gone. So worth it. Obviously something else was happening while I was sitting there beside my mind trying to tell me I was going to die of starvation in those 20 minutes.

Tonight Jacob asked if he could make supper. He wanted burritos and wanted me to show him how to make them. He did everything himself while I supervised. And he was so happy. It made me all warm and fuzzy inside just watching him enjoy creating so thoroughly, and then to be so proud of what he’d created.

I realized as I was laughing with him that for me anyway – happiness and anxiety can’t coexist. I can’t be both authentically, blissfully happy and also have feelings of anxiety. What if I hadn’t made myself settle into my meditation and yoga practice this morning? I would have missed all of this fun.

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Jenna suffers from FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and had to make dessert for everyone. As much love and enjoyment went into this as went into the supper preparation. IMG_4935My happiness moment today for day 25 of my 44 days of happiness was laughing with and being with my kids as they created meals. My gratitude is that I was able to be truly in the moment and enjoy this small moment with them.

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The small moments

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We are still snowbound. Not that that’s a bad thing – it’s still quite nice. The great thing about being snowed in is that it forces us to just slow down and be. There’s nowhere to go, nothing to get done, no housecleaning to stress about (because if we can’t get out, no one is going to be able to get in to want a showing). We just are. Just us hanging out at home with each other. And we do weird things, simple things, fun things together because of that.

Well, first I did make them go out and shovel the driveway again. But because they didn’t grow up in Alberta like I did, it wasn’t a feared and despised chore like it was for me. They were actually excited to go out and do it. Go figure. With the three of us working together it actually was, dare I say, fun!

Helps that it wasn’t -30 and there wasn’t ice.

We also had a small comedy break as we watched the mailman drive up the unploughed hill in his Jeep. I have no idea how he kept going, but he made it all the way up and down. Although he was stuck at our driveway for a good 5 minutes while we stood there and watched. He was laughing and laughing and when he got out next door he said this was “one of those slow days” and got back in, drove back down part way and then raced back up the hill. I think there may have been more fun than work for him today. Good day to have a Jeep. Good day to be out with a positive attitude.

Yesterday I talked about finding the small things, today was all about living in the small moments. All those small things that happen that don’t really seem like much, but that actually make up life, that ground and form our relationships, that give us memories. Those are what happens in the small moments of life. I feel sometimes like we get so focused on the big moments of life, or the worrisome moments of life, that we forget the small moments. That’s where the longterm bliss lives. We can have those big happy moments like going to Disneyland, but if you don’t have the grounding of the longterm small moments already, it won’t impact the same way.

Today we had small moment fun. Small moment joys. Small moment bliss.

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Shhh, don’t tell anyone, but we did a couple runs down the road before they ploughed it. They were the best runs of the day. 🙂

IMG_3052Tomorrow’s another snow day, but since the roads are now ploughed, I think we will likely venture out just for a small change of scenery (and to replenish groceries – my word these children eat a lot!)

Day 23 of 44 days of happiness comes from the joy of the small moments and the blessing of being able to slow down and live and breathe in those small moments.

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Snow Day!

We are totally and completely snowed in. We have probably a foot and a half on the ground now, and they expect the greatest amount to fall between now and midnight. Which means by tomorrow we will have a total winter wonderland outside.

I mistakenly thought that once we moved to the South I was leaving winter behind, but apparently I was wrong. What amazes me is how much the kids love the snow. As soon as it started coming down they both dressed up and ran outside to catch snowflakes on their tongues, play with the ice and run around like maniacs. They were even excited both times that I suggested we go out and shovel the driveway (good old Jacob even went next door and helped the neighbours do their driveway).

They are loving being snowed in and having time to just relax. Actually, today was a much needed break after all of us were so stressed after yesterday. Jacob and I even had naps. I had to have a nap since he came in and bounced on my bed at 5:00am to let me know there was no school (I knew this the night before but hadn’t told him – well I paid the price for that), and Jacob crashed this afternoon – it took all of my strength not to go in and jump on his bed and wake him up *just because*.

My happiness moment for day 22 of the 44 came to me  while we were outside shoveling. First of all, I was happy simply because we were all outside enjoying each other, the kids were having fun shoveling (I was discovering that I have control issues with how I think it needs to be done which the kids found even funnier). I firmly believe that life is lived in the small moments and being able to live the small moments with them is one of the great joys of my life. The other was a huge feeling of happy gratitude. I’ve spent so many years being so run down and trying so hard to build myself up (with the forcing more then the allowing) and finally this year I was able to be outside and play and have fun and have the energy (physically and spiritually) to enjoy being in that moment.

Happy, blissful, peaceful, snow day xoxo

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Stress is wasted energy

I feel like this week has been full of wasted energy. Sprinkled in with some really good uses of my energy. It’s all that worrying, stressing, wasted mind energy on things I can’t change that I’ve really struggled with. As I’ve said before, I waste a lot of energy stressing about things I can’t do anything about. They’re real, and they’re scary, and they cause me to be upset, but there is no action I can do to change any of it (I get that there is action I can do to change my reaction to it – that’s what I’m working on).

Today was a really good example. We had an open house. I’ve worked hours and hours this week on the house trying to keep it looking really nice so that someone will come buy it. Even though it was the coldest day we’ve had yet this winter and I was pretty sure it would be a quiet day here I worked and worked and stressed and stressed getting the house ready. Not only is it stressful for me this whole emotional thing of moving, but it’s really stressful for the kids. So, I have to moderate my stress and try and love and nurture them to help diminish their upset feelings as well. It takes a real toll. Even though we all want to move, and are looking forward to the move, it’s still very emotional having people come through the house, living in limbo, waiting.

One thing I have learned as I’ve been building myself back up is how completely emotionally and physically depleted I was. So, the reality is I only have so much energy to give to certain things – even if I choose to spend all my energy on something. It does not take a lot to drain me right now. I’m so much stronger than I once was, but not nearly as strong as I want to be (and as I was before).

I wasted so much energy stressing about things this week that while they are influencing my life, I can’t do anything about, and I certainly can’t make better by stressing about them. All it does is make me tired and anxious and less me.  I want to be a better me, have more fun with the kids, be a better friend, enjoy life, find happiness. Wasting energy on things that I can’t change does not do that.

I can still feel huge energy shifts from my yoga class yesterday which I think is a good thing, but has me more emotionally exhausted than normal. But, I can feel that stuff shifting on out. Lots of emotions moving.

My happiness moment for my 21st day of the 44 days of happiness came at our library. We have the best library, it has lots of books, an amazing mountain view (with huge windows), a coffee shop, lots of computers, an awesome teen room (where my monsters go and play on the computer, or on the x-box, or hang out with the other kids, or *shocking* read a book. We went there today during the open house. It was so uplifting and enjoyable and free. Lucky us!

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