Tag Archives: law of attraction

happiness

Staying connected

It seems that often in the darkest of times we see the most beautiful rays of light. People are calling each other and checking in. People are using Facetime and Skype to visit and catch up. We are able to spend more time with our families if we live with them, or virtually if we are not.

Of course, this is a more dangerous time if you’re living in a house that was unsafe to begin with and I am mindful to say prayers for those people often.

I’ve got a cousin who is on lockdown in Rome with her family, and over the last few days we’ve been sending videos back and forth instead of texts. All pride goes to the side as we stop caring how our hair looks or what we are wearing, and just send our faces and voices back and forth sharing little moments of our lives.

That human connection is important, and while we may feel isolated in our homes we are so lucky that we have other ways of communicating with each other and we need to take advantage of that.

As an introvert I often find going out of my way to socialize uncomfortable, but I’m discovering that for my extraverted friends being forced to stay at home is the same level of discomfort I experience at loud parties or busy places. These extraverts in my life I’ve allowed to “adopt” me and look after me in stressful busy life situations, and I feel now that it’s the job of us introverts to adopt our extraverted friends and show them how we live life on the inside.

I love all of you, my friends and family. I’m so gratfeful to have a strong circle of love support.

Everything will be ok ❤️

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happiness

Checking in

This morning the chaplain at the school the girl goes to called home to make sure she was doing ok and to let her know that she could call at any time if she wanted. We all ended up talking to her for a good 10 minutes and when it was over the mood of the house was much more peaceful. I’m sure part of that is because she goes to a smaller, Catholic school, but part of that is that their chaplain is just really awesome. My kids have both always spoken so highly of her. But to think of the time she gave to call all of her “kids” just to make sure they were doing ok – that’s a pretty exceptional teacher.

And actually, one of the boy’s instructors from SAIT set up video calls with each student individually, and when he got off his the boy said it also was a mental health check in. He said the instructor didn’t talk about class, but wanted to make sure he was doing ok

I’ve been seeing some really beautiful things in this, people reaching out, people really sharing. I’ve had many of my people check in on me (virtually), and I’ve been trying to do the same. There really is a lot of love in the world and it seems as though that light shines even brighter in this darkness.

Everything is going to be ok ❤️

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happiness

Tea in a teacup

I’ve been trained so that when there is a crisis I make a pot of tea. In my family tea time was a regular occurrence every afternoon at grandmas table, it was a drink we had with dessert, and it was a drink we had when we were stressed. In fact, years ago after finding a rather large tumour in my neck, my parents took me directly from the doctors office to the Palliser for tea.

So this morning I opened a new box of Murchie’s tea – Canadian Breakfast, which has a maple flavour- and had a real cup of tea in a real teacup from my favorite tea set. Somehow tea in a real tea cup tastes better.

Everything will be ok ❤️

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happiness

Silent Movies

We’ve been feeling the effects of being shut up here only seeing each other. Some of these effects are quite good, actually – it feels like sometimes the sun shines brighter through the dark clouds.

For the last few nights we’ve had forced family fun time and played various card games. It’s been a really good mental health break and we’ve done some laughing and sharing, which makes life feel a bit more normal.

Tonight we put on some old music from the 1930s and pretended to act out silent movies. I’m sure it’s just a step further down our descent into madness, but it brought a lot of laughs and lightened the mood of the house. We all need to keep our spirits up and look for our moments of happiness.

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happiness

Costco shopping

I headed out for our weekly grocery trip to Costco. In all honesty, I was very anxious about going – to the point where I was having mini panic attacks as I was getting myself organized (we have a process for disinfecting whatever comes into the house).

When I got there I was so impressed with how they’ve made things as safe and enjoyable as possible. We lined up outside so they could keep track of how many people were inside shopping. They had staff around the store to remind about social distancing, and to wipe things down.

But the biggest thing was how welcoming and kind the staff was. We were all greeted with big smiles and staff was helping customers wherever they could.

After almost a week of being at home, watching things change daily, it was so heart warming to go out and have such a warm greeting. Especially considering the risk these people are putting themselves at every day to make sure we can buy food and essentials.

There truly are a lot of genuinely good and kind people out there. We all get to choose how we want to be. Choose to be kind.

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happiness

Social Distancing – ranch style

I got myself out for a drive today. The last few days have given me a lot of insight as to how mom must have felt most of her life- not able to go out and be with people with out a lot of planning going into it (not that I’m actually seeing people, that was her – but I’ve been able to understand a lot better now how she felt). Granted her reasons were different, but it was a virus related (polio) illness that changed her life.

However, as far as isolation goes, we are socially distanced at one of the best places in the world in my opinion. As I was driving, I looked at the cows getting ready to calf, the snow, the mountains, the mud even. I felt an appreciation for things that I haven’t felt in a while. God really gave us a beautiful world to live in and to look after.

The Homestead
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happiness

Day 9 from Grandma’s kitchen

We’ve been practicing social distancing since last Wednesday which makes this day 9 of being home (we did go out twice quickly to get groceries which was an experience).

Last Wednesday I had a messenger chat with my cousin in Rome and began to understand what was on the way for us here in Canada. I let it roll around in my head until Thursday morning when I kept the kids home from school and headed out to get groceries (not to hoard, but for our weekly supply). And then we stayed home.

When things were at their worst in my marriage and our lives were in danger, this was the place I wanted to come to. This kitchen, this house, is my safe place and it always has been. So in the midst of global chaos it remains where I feel we are safest.

Which does not mean we aren’t missing the outside world. Even as an introvert I’m starting to miss the company of others. But I strongly feel we have a social responsibility to keep each other safe.

This kitchen that I feel so safe in – it was built after mom had polio and fell walking into their old kitchen using her crutches. So while it’s a safe and happy place, it’s a reminder too of what a virus can do and how it can alter a life forever.

In the midst of this uncertainty I’m working to remember all that I’m grateful for. I’m thankful for our home, our family, the people working at the grocery stores, truck drivers, doctors, nurses, our government, all the people staying home to let the virus pass. Humans have an infinite ability to show love and kindness.

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happiness

Pink blankie

Some of you may know that I started off my life with a beautiful blue blankie. Much like Linus I took that thing everywhere – it was my security and comfort. Until one day when blankie was stolen from our hotel and never seen again.

It was traumatizing. Seriously. I was 5. My poor parents had the hotel on high alert and even drove back the next day to look for him. But blankie was gone.

Mom tried to give me her old pink blankie that was the same style, and a few of her old stuffed animals, but nothing did it. I have mourned the loss of blankie my whole life.

About 9 years ago I bought a huge, fluffy pink blanket for the girl’s bed. It turned out that while she didn’t care much for it, that it quickly became my comfort. I’d take it to curl up on the couch, to lie in bed, and it even went on a couple of road trips.

The last few years it’s been a much loved tv watching couch blankie. The other day I noticed that it really wasn’t looking great and I had this strong sense that it was time to let pink blankie go.

But I didn’t get it out of the house right away and it ended up on the floor. Turns out that while I thought jasmine liked to cuddle with me, that she really liked pink blankie. And she’s got her own set of issues to deal with so maybe she needs a blankie too.

I think I’ll make her a little pink blankie pillow

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happiness

Strauss

I ended up in a coffee shop today to do my studying. It wasn’t the plan, but sometimes you have to roll with what life gives you and that’s how the day played out. I really wanted some quiet time to try and understand this course and I was kind of hesitant about being somewhere in public that could be loud.

But as it turned out, I was exactly where I needed to be. There were a few other people hanging out, visiting, there was a child playing with some toys, and Strauss was playing in the background. I had forgotten how much my soul loves Strauss. I became obsessed with his music in my early 20s and discovered at that time that my music hating grandma loved him too. She was in her earlier stages of dementia and having a lot of dis-ease about her memory (naturally), and we used to sit here in Grandma’s kitchen for hours and listen to the waltzes. This kitchen has seen a lot, she looked after everyone here in this room, and in later years we all helped look after her in the same spot.

Now that I’m back home again and finishing up my work, I have Strauss playing quietly in the background, and I feel content.

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happiness

Never give up

I started the day out in tears. I saw that there was finally a posting of payment to MEP for our support (that was due by the first). It is $3,000 below his required payment for the month, so as you can imagine is not enough to pay the bills, buy the groceries, and do the other things that the kids need. This is on top of the over $75,000 he is in arrears for.

So I cried. I cried for me, I cried for the kids. What it says to them is how completely unimportant they are to him, how little their safety, security, and futures matter, and how his own enjoyment will always be the top priority. Just like it always has been. I cried because while the courts make orders, they aren’t enforcing them, and are thereby allowing and encouraging his behaviour. I cried because it affects my ability to do my school, to build a new future where I am able to look after us, to regain what I lost. I cried because it feels like God has forgotten about us.

On the way to school this morning we took the backroad like always, and laughed at how drifted over it was. About half way we stopped laughing and started to wonder if we were going to get through. My girl said it didn’t look that bad when we started. And I laughed and said that’s what I say part way through all my bad ideas.

And then we noticed the biggest drift of all, with a car off the road, a school bus stuck in it, a truck behind that (not stuck) and trucks on the other side. And we were stuck figuratively. We couldn’t go back because I wasn’t sure we could turn around, forget make it through the drifts again, we couldn’t go ahead until the road was cleared. So we had to wait.

We sat, watched, laughed, called the school to say she’d be late, and just were. Then finally the bus was pulled out, the truck got through, and it was our turn. There is no way my car should have made it, but we barrelled through and made it to the other side laughing. The tow truck driver waved us over to tell us how amazed he was at our car.

And just like that I thought – never give up– that’s my motto for the year. It needs to be applied to everything I set my intention to. He will not win in destroying my family, my future, my dreams. I will not give up. I don’t know how it’s going to happen, but I will keep trying until my kids and I are where we need to be.

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