happiness

Tea by the window

I find myself spending a quiet afternoon in Canmore with a cup of Murchie’s Christmas tea, a new book, and a window with a spectacular view. Life has been hectic lately – good but hectic. These moments of quiet are precious, it’s what allows my brain to relax and the anxiety monster to quiet to the background of my mind.

Christmas was good, it was lovely in fact, but there’s a twinge of sadness that accompanies it now. Loss of people no longer with us, loss of people who have chosen to leave, loss of the life that was expected. And yet there’s a lot of hope, hope for a brighter future for all of us, hope for joy, hope for peace. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last few years, it’s that it is as important to feel the yucky feelings as it is to feel the good ones. They all need to be absorbed and processed, keeping hold of the happier ones, making sense and letting go of the sadder ones.

And so I sit here, looking at the mountains, hearing kids run about and laugh, and I think – how fortunate we are. The good, the bad, the ugly, we are still so incredibly fortunate. Our pastor talked about how in moments of chaos you often see the light of God shine the brightest, and I feel this has been true for us. Sometimes it’s hard to see, or easy to doubt, but it’s always been there.

I’ve been so busy with life and especially with school that I’ve let my spiritual connection lapse, and I really am feeling the consequences of that. It is what grounds me, what keeps me focused, and what provides my hope. It’s almost like I needed life to get to a point where I understood how much it was missing from my life so that I could stop and refocus my priorities.

So here I sit

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happiness

It’s genetics

I’ve really been missing my parents lately, I find the season change seems to make grief reappear in ways that are just as raw as at the beginning. Grief is not at all like how I expected it to be, it’s not something you get over, more something you learn to live with.

I was looking through some old photos and came across one from when my family came to visit us in Roanoke the first Christmas we were there. One day we all went out for lunch and then walked the streets of Salem window shopping. I was walking behind the family when I noticed my dad and my son doing the exact same walk.

It’s a photo we’ve talked about often, but one I hadn’t been able to find. My dad meant a lot to my boy, he was his role model and father figure, and it broke my boy’s heart that dad died right after we moved home.

But I see my dad in my son all the time, they’ve got the same build, the same mannerism, and the same insane sense of humour.

Those genetics are strong.

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happiness

Laughs and love

We had supper with my cousin and her husband tonight. It’s such an easy friendship to have with someone I’ve known my whole life – all my cousins are such a gift in my life.

I was really grateful for a few hours of laughter and sharing stories. We get so caught up in the day to day that often one forgets how important it is to maintain friendships and to enjoy the moment.

I had a good friend remind me today how vital it is to focus on the present moment instead of stressing about the past or the future.

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happiness

Beverly Hills 90210

I’ve introduced the girl to 90210 this week and she’s already hooked on knowing what happens with the gang. For me, it brings me back to my 20s when I lived for the night when I’d find out the latest with Brenda and Dylan. And then Melrose Place after – those were the days!

TV sure has changed a lot. I love that my kids enjoy the older, more family friendly ones as much as I do.

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happiness

Mutton bustin’ and trick riding

We went to the fair in town today – it was a beautiful summer day and I was so happy to have a forced family fun day – everyone gets so busy.

My girl fell in love with the trick riders

And who wouldn’t. It’s amazing to watch these girls hang all over their horses. The ultimate in trust.

I of course love the mutton busting. Those little kids are so darn cute

I realized today how great it is that I’m back doing this daily, tracking my gratitude has made me grateful for even more things.

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