Author Archives: Melissa

happiness

Routine 

I will tell everyone I know how much I resent routines. I don’t like getting up and doing the school morning rush, I especially hate making lunches, I grumble every day as I go meditate, I usually don’t want to exercise, I often look for excuses not to go to church Sunday…. all of these routines that keep our lives organized I complain about. 

I want to be a free spirit and just do what moves me. Except that does not work so well and it turns out I do need a bedtime, consistent mealtimes, regular meditation, regular exercise, time set aside for spiritual practice. And so do my kids. 

I’ve had some pretty big nudges from the universe lately that have left me feeling a little like this:


And yet what choice do I have? Well I do.. you either pay attention and answer or you stand on the edge of the cliff forever. It’s funny, because this meme actually shows exactly what I’ve been describing to my close people lately about how I’ve been feeling. Stand and ignore or leap in faith. 

We had a bunch of activities happen today, all part of our routine – and the kids thrive doing these things. This lays the foundation for happiness. Breaking out of the routine and splashing in our massive puddle like the girl and her cousin did? That’s soul laughing happiness. It’s all part of the complete package. 

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The spring puddle 

Things are melting like crazy and our giant puddle appeared in the yard today. This puddle holds generations of memories of kids splashing and playing – my mom remembers playing in it, my generation did, and so do our kids. Maybe even my grandpa’s generation found time to sneak out and play in the puddle.

It means (hopefully) the end of the brutal cold is gone and we have survived another winter. I am ready to see things start to grow, the calves start to come, the swans return, and smiles come back to our warmer and happier faces. Spring… it is the promise of new life and regrowth.

I have been working on some personal development – funny how the dark times seem to generate even stronger bursts of learning and growing. The rainbow in the storm.

It made me smile today seeing the puddle come back. I will need to grab my boots and my kids and go outside and play in it a little bit. Happiness.

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Spring forward 

It was beautiful outside today – for the first time in what feels like forever it was actually nice enough to go outside for a walk with my Dotted Dog. When I don’t do it on a regular basis, I forget how balancing just walking outside in nature is for my spirit.

I walked a path that holds so many memories for me – memories of my childhood, my horses, my dad. Usually when I do this walk I am filled with emotions about times past, in the last couple of years it has usually involved some tears as I pass by the spot where we scattered some of Dad’s ashes.

Today though, there were the old memories sitting there like old friend, but there was also a lot of looking forward in anticipation for the future. I was thinking about all the new footprints we will be leaving here as little memory banks. We have been working so hard these last few years to remove the unpleasantness of the past, it is really nice to be able to have reached a place where I can begin to look ahead with excitement and hope.

I am understanding that Mr. X will always try and send as much hate, chaos, and fear as he possibly can my way. That is just how life is going to be. But, I am learning better coping mechanisms – I am building a better support system – and my reactions are lessening. That allows me to be able to look ahead with joy more often than looking over my shoulder in fear.

Happiness was watching my happy, happy dog running all over the place, happiness was standing in this place I love so much and feeling that there are joyful things coming ahead.

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Happier calm

It seems like we are coming back to a happier kind of calm again. I am learning that I need to be able to provide safety and peace in our home no matter what is being thrown at us. So it’s the learning process of keeping myself grounded and focused on what’s important. 

It felt like that today. Things are shifting inside and out. I feel new energy coming to me and the cold weather seems to finally have left us. All of that is happiness. 

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A day at the zoo

The kids and I went with a dear family friend to the zoo today. It was the first time in ages we had gone and seen the animals – I haven’t been since before the flood. It was kind of chilly but it actually made it perfect as there were barely any other people there. 

When the boy was little I used to take him a few times a week to the zoo – it was our thing and it has lots of good memories. I was kind of surprised at how much the kids still enjoyed it now. 


It was just simple happiness – together with our friend enjoying the day. One of the small happiness moments that make up the big happiness memories. 

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Derek with his crew 

This afternoon the girls and I went and visited Derek with his crew – it was the first time we had seen him in a while. 


He has grown – still cute but less like a baby. 

On our  way home we stopped and had a really nice visit with my aunt and uncle. I don’t do that often enough, but that was one of the things I missed most about home – impromptu visits. 

Happiness – Derek and his crew, us and our crew. 

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Feet on the ground

I spent a lot of time today taking about faith and life and other good, deep stuff. First with a cousin/life long friend and then with the boy. It was almost like one conversation flowed into the next one even though they happened hours apart – it was pretty cool. 

I need those kinds of chats that let me explore where I am in my faith and how other people see theirs. 

The boy summed up our anxiety issue well tonight. We were talking about horses and basketball and how they ground us and open our spiritual paths (horses for me, basketball and other sports for him). He said it’s true what they say – depression is worrying about the past, anxiety is worrying about the future. We need to find the  things that help put our feet on the ground right now in the present moment and live in it. 

Wise words from a 15 year old. 

That’s what today did for me, and what I’m working at balancing into – finding the things that keep my feet on the ground and focusing on the present moment. 

My tribe. It’s full of  awesome and wise people. Happiness. 

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You are really beautiful 

Tonight I had to take the girl into urgent care (again) because she was having some bad tummy pain. I swear we are their most frequent clients. 

The staff at the Cochrane urgent care are fantastic and always go out of their way to make sure my kids are well cared for and feel safe. 

The girl had to get some blood taken and she is terrified of needles. The nurse spent a lot of time talking with her and making sure she felt ok about what was happening. When she was done and we were talking, the nurse turned to my girl and said you are so beautiful, look at that face… just … wow…. look at you. You are so beautiful. 

On the way home my girl turned to me and said I was feeling so crappy and that nice lady told me over and over how beautiful I am. It made me feel so good. 

We got home and her brother wanted to know how she was feeling and what the doctor had said and all he got out of her was the lady looking after me said I was so beautiful. It made me feel so good. 

Little bits of kindness go a long way. Happiness. Love. 

(By the way she should be fine. It seems the stress of the last few weeks caught up with her and this is how her body displays it.)

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Couch potato

My girl is still sick, her poor tummy just won’t give her a break. 

We spent a good part of the day with her cuddled up next to me on the couch watching movies. I tried to multitask and get some studying done, but mostly just held onto her while she felt crappy. I consider it a huge blessing that I am able to be there for the kids in the many ways they need me. It’s been a rough couple of weeks emotionally and I’m sure part of this is the fallout from that. 

Eddie the Eagle (again), Peanuts Movie, The Goldbergs – she had some good for the soul couch time with her mama. Happiness 

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