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Sisterhood

There is something special about a relationship with a sister that makes it different from any other relationship. Perhaps it’s the fact that we have known each other since our beginning here, we know each other’s flaws and those things that make each other great.

There no need to pretend to be anyone other than who we are when we are together. But, that part of our relationship is something that has come with time, maturity, commitment, and work. We have navigated our way through trying to be who we think each other thinks we should be, and who we think our family thinks we should be, and have finally settled into a very comfortable state of just being with each other.

here we are in a weird state of just being with each other… (I still have my monkey costume, both my kids have worn it)

Today we got to sit down and have a long and uninterrupted chat with each other. For the past 14 years one of us has had little kids or diversions that have kept us from just sitting and talking. She still has little kids, but somehow today things worked in the perfect way that gave us this opportunity to just sit and be together. We talked about everything, from our feelings about Dad dying, to our parenting skills, to what we think we will be like as little old ladies. It’s such a treasure to have someone to talk to where conversation is so easy.

I’ve written about it here before, but Mom reminded us today that this is when real life happens – in the little moments – and it’s so important to be able to sit down and take advantage of them when they come our way.

Today my happiness moment was that sacred time spent with my sister. I’m blessed to have her in my life.

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4 year old bliss 

  
One of the beautiful benefits of being back home is that we get to know my niece and nephew on a more regular basis. Seeing anyone once a year is never enough, but because they’re little they weren’t getting to really know us. 

Today’s happiness moment was an afternoon spent with my niece. 4 was a great age for my kids and she’s pretty awesome at 4 as well. It seems at this age there’s no shades of gray, things are either super great or end of the world dramatic. But, when they’re super great they’re so great. 

She painted a pumpkin for me this afternoon. So now I have a tangible reminder of the happiness. 

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Shifts and changes

It’s seems as though it’s time for changes both inside and out. There is no more ignoring the fact that the season has changed. The leaves are long gone, the grass has gone brown, there is frost on the ground and the car in the mornings, and now… as I mentioned yesterday, the swans are here.

it’s a terrible picture, but it was taken with my iphone as I ran after them down the ramp towards the highway. I didn’t want to upset them by getting any closer, and of course I didn’t have a better camera with me.

I have hundreds of photos that Dad sent me of the swans. He really loved it in the spring and fall when they would come stay at the slough for a while before continuing on on their migratory path.

So, it’s bittersweet. When Dad died the swans were still here, it was the beginning of spring, there was new life all around. It’s harder to see them now, but it is a reminder that life goes on, and I must too.

Even though it fills me with sad feelings of missing Dad, I still love the swans. I love them for themselves, the beautiful and graceful birds that they are. I love them because they fill me with happy memories of us all rushing out to see them and to stand and watch as they swam on the slough and flew in the field above us. I am happy because we can still do that and we can share it with each other now.

I’ve been doing lots of energy work, and am happy that I’m finally able to clear some pretty big energy blockages that I’ve had stored deep inside for a long, long time. It’s time to let things to, and to let flow and joy back into all areas of my life. It’s exhausting work sometimes, but I feel lighter and stronger and happier because of it. More and more I am seeing that I am attracting good things into my life.

My happiness moment today came when I finally understood a key part of my Ayurveda course. I’ve been struggling with this for ages and no matter how many ways I looked at it, it just wasn’t making sense. All of a sudden today *bing* something shifted and now I understand it. I had to do a little happy dance around – what a great feeling!

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It comes shining back 

I had to deal with the government again today about Jenna’s passport. Since Christmas, it seems as though every time I go to the passport office I burst into tears. This happened partly because I was in a weakened and emotional state, and partly because the man I was dealing with was pretty much a power hungry bully. This time however, I was going to a different office and dealing with different people so I had hopeful expectations. A few weeks ago, when I had first applied for her passport somehow our birth certificates had got mixed up and mine was sent in instead of hers. When they called to tell me this, we were heading into the thanksgiving weekend when everything was closed. The next week I went one time and forgot my reference number, I went again and was told they were 3 hours backed up and were closing in an hour and a half.

So, I tried again today. I’ve been really focusing on the intention of putting kindness and love energy into the world and I’m discovering in so many ways how it is coming back to me. I arrived at their office and was brought in to be helped in under 5 minutes. The lady was very kind and together we made sure everything was done correctly this time.

I walked out feeling a huge sense of relief and gratitude that something that previously had been unpleasant had now been reprogrammed in me as an easy experience.

This afternoon when I picked up Jacob from school he handed me a card. He said “here, this is for you, you’re in trouble” and smirked. Great…. what is this???? I opened it and it was a thank you card signed by all the students and the teacher because I went and helped supervise on a field trip last week. Never in all the times I’ve volunteered have I received a card. It was so thoughtful and touching. I was really impressed.

Then I realized how all the positive energy I’ve been focusing both inwards and out into the world are starting to shine their way back into my life. I’m so grateful for that. It’s nice to be smiling in the light instead of crying in the darkness. My happiness moment today.

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Fondue Fun

  
Tonight we had an unconventional family meal. We set up Inside Out on the Ipad (because we love it), and watched it while I prepared our meal – then because we were into it we watched during the meal. I had picked up a small roast earlier today because the kids were asking for “real roast beef sandwiches” and I’m all for finding something besides luncheon meats for their sandwiches. Turns out what I thought would give them supper tonight and sandwiches tomorrow was not big enough – I still am not used to teenage appetites – but they sure enjoyed it.

We made an unexpected stop at the cheese shop on the way home and fondue cheese was on sale, and my willpower is weak around cheese… so….. we had cheese fondue and roast beef for supper. Ok, well, I may have just had copious amounts of fondue… so good… cheese… Not exactly on the Ayurvedic plan I follow, but sometimes a girl’s gotta eat cheese.

I love the whole act of the fondue. Dunking your bread chunk into the melted cheese. The silly mess of the whole thing. Drooling up long strings of cheese. And, anyone who knows me knows that usually this kind of eating grosses me out (gag), so the fact that we have so much fun at it speaks volumes. I love just being able to relax and be silly and eat fun good and giggle.

It was a much needed laughter break at the table. I’m grateful every day that these two like spending time with me. They are my greatest blessings and it brings me such joy that we all truly enjoy each other’s company.

My happiness moment today. Fondue fun(due).

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Rock the vote 


For the last 8 years we have been residents of the USA. Residents, but not citizens as we maintained our Canadian citizenship. For most things this didn’t really affect me – but when it came to voting it was a constant reminder that I was not living in my own country.

It used to drive my kids nuts when an election would come and I wouldn’t go out to vote. As they got older they could better understand the fact that since I wasn’t a citizen I wasn’t allowed to vote. But, they were so well taught in school that your vote matters it still upset them (and me).

Well, today I was able to vote in our federal election because I’m in my home country, where I am a citizen,  and am allowed to cast a vote. There was no way after all the struggles that the women before me went through so that we could vote that I was not going to head out to the polls.

It does not matter (it does to me) who I voted for, the point is – being able to vote is a big freaking deal. Being able to have a say in how we want our country run is one of the things that is so wonderful about Canada. I am so proud to be a Canadian and I am proud to say I voted today and tried to make a difference. My happiness moment.

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Halelujah, Mr. Bean

We decided today was the day to start church shopping. It’s only taken us 6 months to get to this point, but better late than never I suppose. There are many reasons why it took us so long (laziness, summer, not sure where to go, wanting to sleep in….) but the one reason that had truly held me back really came to light today in service. It was hard for me to be in the house of God and talking about heaven and not think about Dad being there. Which is fine (no it isn’t) except for the sudden outbursts of tears I am prone to, and I wasn’t really excited about bawling my eyes out in front of a bunch of strangers who could ask me what was wrong. Because having to explain all that is just difficult.

So, I did go to church with a little anxiety today. I’m already socially awkward and I really didn’t need anything extra to have to worry about. Not too far into the service the minister started talking about heaven and God being there and loving us,  and my eyes started leaking. I can’t help when it happens, and once those tears start rolling they don’t want to stop. Actually, sometimes I think I really need to stop some afternoon and just have a good cry. I think I would probably feel better after it.

Fortunately God took pity on me and decided to break things up a little bit as the next hymn was All Creatures Of Our God and King. Beautiful hymn, but all I could think of was Mr. Bean singing in church and I couldn’t stop smirking. I really hope no one was looking very closely at me as I’m sure they would think I was prone to violent mood swings.

It was exactly what I needed though. Mr. Bean is awesome. But, aside from the much needed humour he brought to me, I needed the reminder that we are all awkward and “uncool” and weird at times. I was all blury eyed not really able to read the hymn words, but like Mr. Bean as soon as the Halelujah’s came along I could sing them loudly and with meaning. Then back to blahhhh blaaaahhhh blahhhh.

My happiness moment was sitting in church with Jenna beside me, Dad in my heart, and Mr. Bean in my brain. We all need each other, no one can walk through this life alone.

Yesterday I wrote about how beautiful the sunsets are here, and how I prefer them over the sunrises. Well, this morning when I woke up I was treated to this view out my front door:


Just a simple reminder that both the beginning and the end of things are beautiful and important.

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I said “good day”

I keep learning about the spiritual importance of sunrises and logically I understand why watching one is good for the soul. However for me and where I live, it has always been about the sunset. There’s something about watching the light disappear behind the Rocky Mountains that captures my heart. No matter how the day has been, if I can stop and spend a few minutes watching the sun go down I know that all is right with my world. If ever I’m filled with doubt or questioning myself or my relationship with the Divine,  all I have to do is look at what God is shining at me and I know that I’m loved and I’m safe.

We had a perfectly quiet moment (a big deal on a Saturday night) and I got this shot of the mountains and the sky reflected on the slough.

  The view to the west. No wonder I am always drawn to the mountains. 

I know I’m creating my own happiness, but at times like these, I have a pretty clear reminder that I do in fact have some help and that I’m not alone in this. The Universe is shouting with joy, reminding us of the amazing world we live in. I had a happy day and this was like happiness icing. It just topped it off!

My happiness moment today was working with Jenna as we pulled the last of the carrots and the beets out of the garden while Mom visited with us. The garden is officially done for the year and I’m grateful for all it has brought to us, not only produce, but memories of Dad and of how things were. It also reminds me that things keep changing and growing and that’s something to be embraced as well.

I am sure Dad was enjoying the sunset along with us tonight.

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Like old times. 

Today I reconnected with a dear old friend (well, not old since she’s younger than I am and I’m still not old) and I got to join her while she did what it was that we used to do all the time  back in the day. 

That thing that makes my soul sing….. I watched her riding lesson.  
There’s a lot to be said for a friendship where we haven’t seen each other in probably 18 years and yet when we get together it’s still comfortable and easy. Aside from a lifetime of catching up, it was like no time had passed. 

I feel so blessed to be back here and able to pick up lost members of my tribe. I am closer all the time to being those old ladies laughing on the streets of Italy. 

The best thing about the old tribe I am reconnecting with is that I don’t have to pretend to be anyone but myself. They all have seen me at my best and my worst, and I have done the same for them. And yet, we still like each other. None of that judgement BS that happens so often. It just is. 

Happiness has always been just being in the company of a horse. Today’s happiness moment was extra special because I got to be with a friend and a horse. 

They say your thoughts create your reality, and I can tell that I truly am reaching for better thoughts because my reality is getting better and better. Because I am shifting my thoughts I’m creating a better and happier life. As a bonus of that. I’m creating a better and happier life for my kids. 

It’s great because when good things happen it makes me want to think even more happy thoughts. It’s a very conscious walk though. I often have the choice to be either happy or upset and stressed. And I have to keep making the right decision. I don’t always, but I’m getting better at it. 

As a bonus happiness moment, I am sitting in a movie theatre with Jenna, waiting for Hotel Transylvania to start. With our Scene points we got in for free, and I get to spend the evening with one of my favourite people.  

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I have a dream… I hope will come true…

  
I think Lava has captivated me as much as Inside Out did this year. I’m kind of obsessed with both. Inside Out has helped the kids and me process through so many mixed up emotions in the past few months. Some really heavy, sad, mad, glad, weird shit. It has given us the tools to talk about our emotions and feelings in a way that we didn’t have before. 

I’m so thankful this movie came out when it did. It was brought into our lives at the exact moment that we needed it. In fact, that entire time when I had no choice but to surrender and let go and let God the Law of  Attraction made some powerful changes in our lives. 

It’s out on video now so I can watch it to my heart’s content which makes me full of joy. 

I’ve been discovering some incredible ways to let go and shift out of my body some really crappy, hurt, sad, angry emotions that I’ve been keeping held in for too long. The further I move on the path of my journey of happiness, the more I’m finding that I’m attracting the right people and the right keys to let go of those things that no longer serve me.  I’m reaching for a better and happier life for all of us. 

My happiness moment today was walking through the parking lot with Jenna. The sun was shining down on us and it was a beautiful and warm fall afternoon here in Alberta. She snaked her arm around my back and pulled me in for a big arm squeeze. Then she looked up into my face with her big, innocent, loving eyes and said I love you mom. 

Things like that are the the little moments that string together to make for a happy life. I am blessed. 

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