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My Freedom Eagle

Twice while driving out to the ranch with Jenna we passed a bald eagle feeding on an elk carcass at the side of the road. On the last day of our stay I passed the same eagle again sitting on a fence at the far east edge of the ranch. As I drove past it our eyes locked and its head turned and followed me as I drove past.

I have always loved the time of the year when the eagles migrate through the ranch. Both the bald and the golden eagles are often found in the spring circling above the cow pastures and there have been countless times when I have stood out in the field and admired them.

This however is not spring time and this eagle should not have been there in late December, early January. So I was aware that I better pay closer attention to him.

I spent a little time reading up on the spiritual meanings of a bald eagle.

They have excellent vision and are able to see what they need at a great distance and have the timing to know exactly when to swoop down after something. Ah yes, the reminder that I need to stay focused on my calling. To keep my eye on what I want.

They are one of the largest birds that can fly, not only can they fly but they fly high and free far up in the sky. Freedom. Like expanding your spirit and soaring. Ah yes, to remember to stretch my limits. To embrace the freedom of my spirit. To drop away fear and fly.

When you see an eagle you are challenged to delve deeper into your spiritual quest. To collect those thoughts and dreams and bring them into reality. Ah yes, to chase my dharma the same way that the eagle focuses in on its prey and remains focused until it catches it.

It was believed that the eagle could carry prayers to the Great Spirit, that it could balance between the spiritual world and the physical world. Ah yes, this balance I’m working so hard to create and maintain. The easy connection to the Spirit. To do this just by existing.

A freedom bird. Making an unexpected and unusual appearance at a time when I am seeking my spiritual freedom. Coincidence? I think not!

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Raise A Little Hell….

Back in the day I used to be quite the hell raiser (sorry mom and dad). I don’t even know what it was about me that made me want to be a hell raiser, but I was. I lived by my heart and my gut and reacted strongly from both. This led to both wonderful situations and very difficult situations being created. For the most part though, I can say I lived true to myself, honored my own spirit and generally believed I was doing the right thing for me.

Somewhere along the way (actually I know exactly where) I sold myself out. I made the conscious decision to not be a hell raiser anymore. I decided to take the safe route, to try and not upset people, to make what society considered smart decisions – and as a result, to give up on what I believed, desired and wanted, I gave up on my bliss.

Stupid move eh? It was made with the best of intentions at the time. I had no idea then the effect it would have on the rest of my life. Ironically, I don’t believe it made anyone else any happier that I stopped raising hell, and I certainly paid a hefty price for giving up on who I was.

So, here I sit at 43 having spent the past couple of years reflecting on how the choices I have made have led me to this moment in time. Some of those choices have been awesome and I would not trade them for anything, some of them I certainly would have taken the left path instead of the right had I been aware of where that path was going.

The point is though, that I am here at this moment and place in time and no amount of what-ifs will ever change that. And the moment and place in time that I’m in is a pretty good one.

However…

I have discovered that I have a little hell left to raise. I have discovered that a really good part of me was lost when I gave up raising hell. I have also discovered that I have mellowed with age and that the hell I want to raise is not as loud and as abrupt as the hell I raised in my youth.

I watch my children grow up and start to raise some of their own hell. I hope they never lose that spark that makes them *them*. I want them to raise their own sort of hell as they figure out who they are and how they are going to live in this world. I want them to follow their own paths (even if it’s not the path I would choose for them). THEIR own paths – the ones they were put on this planet to follow and only they know how they will get there.

And if they’re worthy of raising a little hell to follow their paths of least resistance, then I am too.

This morning I was listening to Raise A Little Hell by Trooper. These lyrics pretty much sum up exactly where I am right now:

If you don’t like what you got, why don’t you change it?
If your world is all screwed up, then rearrange it?

Raise a little hell, raise a little hell, raise a little hell!

If you don’t like what you see, why don’t you fight it?
If you know there’s something wrong why don’t you right it?

Raise a little hell, raise a little hell, raise a little hell!

In the end it comes down to your thinking
And there’s really nobody to blame
When it feels like your ship is sinking
And you’re too tired to play the game

Nobody’s going to help you
You’ve just gotta stand up alone
And dig in your heels and see how it feels
To Raise a little Hell of your own

In that last verse I realized that that is exactly where I am. For years I looked for someone to help me. Finally in the past couple of years I realized that in fact I just had to stand up alone, dig in my heels and see how it feels to raise a little hell of my own! And here I stand.

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Sunrise over the mountain

Today is the 10th birthday of my amazing daughter Jenna. I’m sure she has brought so much more to my life than I have to hers. She has shown me pure love and true joy. I am thankful every day she chose me.

This morning I was sitting in the kitchen looking out at my beloved mountains being grateful for Jenna and thankful we are still home and can enjoy her first birthday here since her BirthDay. The mountains to the west became lit up in amazing colours reflecting the sunrise to the east and I sat down with my cup of tea to take in the beauty and joy God was showing in celebration of her special day

As I was sitting, the song “Sunrise” by Deva Primal came on my playlist. I’ve had the song a couple of years and I’m sure have played it many times but I never really heard it

Sunrise
Over the mountain
Spreading your light
Over the land

Sunrise
Another new morning
We celebrate
We are the new man

It was exactly what was happening at that moment and was such a beautiful song. I felt like I was suspended in time being showered with beauty and love. Which is exactly the spirit that is Jenna.

I am eternally grateful that this powerful spirit of love is in my life.

She is my sunrise spreading her light over the land. Happy birthday dear Jenna

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Living From the Heart… My Path of Least Resistance

Although yesterday began with a heavy heart as I said goodbye to family and headed to the airport with the kids to begin our long journey back to Virginia, the Universe provided for me as it always does when we are open to accepting.

We got to the airport knowing that one flight was delayed making a connection impossible but not knowing what that meant for our trip. What it meant was that we could get to Chicago but no further until Tuesday as all flights were fully booked. The other option was to stay in Calgary until Tuesday and fly then. Oh the happy dances the kids did right in the middle of the airport were pretty awesome. The poor girl was expecting frustrated and angry travelers and the change in her when we started laughing and dancing was pretty amazing as well.

So, we are happily still here in -30C weather and loving every minute of it.

Well before the New Year I had set my intention for 2015 – although to be more precise as my birthday is the end of January I change my yearly intention on my birthday. My intention for my 44th year is to follow the path of least resistance. Which for me also includes getting out of my head and following my heart.

Saturday I went and saw a dear childhood friend whom I haven’t seen in 15 years. Not only did I have a wonderful reunion and the chance to catch up on each other’s lives a little bit, but I also got to have my aura read. She had just opened up her shop in Cochrane – Spirit of Oneness Inc.

Among many of the things I learned from her reading was that I had a line disconnecting my head from the rest of my body. I guess I didn’t “learn” this as I am well aware of the ongoing battle between my head and the rest of my body for control – but it was interesting to actually see this division.

She guided me through a brief meditation which included asking me to open and breathe through my heart. Although this is something I used to do in my meditations it’s something I had apparently fallen out of the habit of doing without even realizing it. Probably lost focus in the ongoing battle between that head and heart (body).

But I do realize that my path of least resistance very much includes getting out of my head and living through my heart. When I truly want to know what the best thing for me to do my heart always has the answer while my head always justifies and makes excuses for why things should be a certain way.

My reading this morning (naturally) was a wonderful compliment to my intentions:

“When you have doubt, go into your heart space. Take a day and look inside yourself for the truth. No one but you knows your truth. Live from that truth and trust in it. If the way you’re pursuing your dharma is not working, then change direction. But I cannot emphasize enough that you must take the plunge.” (The Wheel of Healing, an Easy Guide to and Ayurvedic Lifestyle)

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The Sunset of my Trip

I’m lying here in my bed in the house I have known since before birth on the last morning of my visit. In two hours we will be in the car headed for the airport and back to our other life. These endings are so hard for me. I never want to leave, this is my home. This is where we belong. This is where our love and support is grown.

Watching the sunset had always been my favourite part of the day. I’m sure it is because both my parents and my grandparents house has an amazing view west looking at the Rocky Mountains. I have a lifetime of memories of looking out those windows at the day ending over the mountains. It wasn’t until 15 years ago when I was living at the far west end of the ranch with an eastern view that I even appreciated the beauty of a sunrise.

So although I am not a fan of endings, I appreciate and love the beauty that is put into the ending of the day

(Photo courtesy of my Dad)

And even though the real sunset yesterday on my last day looked more like this:

when I think of our time here and the love and the sharing and the fun I think of the beautiful sunset. And something that beautiful has to have good things follow it.

So, even though we are leaving with sad hearts and unwilling spirits, I have faith that there is more beauty and love around the corner for us. We are so fortunate to have this big, beautiful, crazy, loving family and we pack all that love up in our hearts and continue our journey.

I am so blessed that I have two of the best and most loving souls to make this journey with. It is difficult to see the hurt on their souls as they leave the only place they truly consider home as well, but we have learned that we combine into a powerful source of love ourselves. We have learned as long as we stick together and love each other we are able to handle all the bumps in life’s road.

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My small life and my Big Life

Yesterday I was going to blog about something I came across in my morning readings. But instead I wandered out and looked at the barn, visited with my parents, went to town with the family, and then went to a party at my cousins house. When I rolled into bed last night I thought about how I hadn’t written anything and reflected on the fact that I was too busy living my Big Life.

When we are home I have family and lifelong friends to hang out with. Or a horse to ride. Or the ranch to just exist on. Everywhere I go there are pieces of me and my history. I feel like I’m living a Big Life. My spirit is happy, the loneliness is less. I feel like myself without having to think about who myself is.
When we are back at the place where we live, I live my small life. It’s not a bad life, but it’s a much quieter and lonelier life. I have to work hard to keep in touch with who I am. The kids and I have to work hard to combat the loneliness of living so far from our home. Too much working hard for things that should just *be*.

I am so happy that yesterday was filled with Big Living. It was filled with good visits and laughs and sharing of lives. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what it’s all about? Sharing my life and living and laughing with those I love is the true essence of my life.

I am so grateful that we are here right now in this moment, with these people, in this place, sharing our lives.

Xoxo

Big Life Fun….

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Boxing Day

My favourite day of the year – Boxing Day. The day when we all lie around in our Jammie’s, visit, eat leftovers, and play with our toys. No stress involved anywhere in this day.

Pretty much all I managed to do today was shower, dress and drive into town to pick up my son.

In between these three things were visits, showings of bugs bunny with the kids and reading a book my dad put together for me.

Another Boxing Day to look back on with a smile.

Oh, and I started my day with this view:

And ended it with this:

Life is so good!

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This Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve began watching Peewee’s Big Adventure. An embarrassingly loved silly old movie. This year I got to share it with 13 year old Jacob who also appreciated the hilarity of it.

We did our usual slow paced organizing for Christmas Day which included a drive into Cochrane to pick up last minute supplies. As a warm surprise, the best part of the day came here with Jacob and I barreling into town singing Christmas carols at the top of our lungs. It was a beautiful, joy filled moment.

In the spirit of finding more of the beautiful and joy filled moments, I paid attention to the second verse of “It Came Upon A Midnight Clear” at the evening church service (it seems I only pay attention to the first verses of carols, they’re the only ones I know).

And ye, beneath life’s crushing load
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow;
Look now! For glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing;
O rest beside the weary road,
And hear the angels sing.

Here’s to spending more time resting beside the weary road listening to the Angels sing. And to looking for more glad and golden hours. Like bellowing out Christmas carols on the drive into town and to being HOME for Christmas.

Merry Christmas

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The Path

We all have a path that we are on. As I’ve said recently I’m trying to now follow the path of least resistance. But even this new path is still part of the same path I’ve been following all my life.

If you had asked me 20 years ago where I would be on my life path, the future I had envisioned for myself then looked nothing like the reality of my future now. Even 10 years ago when I was getting ready to have baby number two and knew that we would soon be moving across the country I never thought that my life path would take all the twists and turns that it has.

I was thinking about paths yesterday as I was walking across the cattleguard into my parents’ yard. Now that is a path I can walk at 2 am in sheer ice (as I did early Saturday morning) with the same confidence that I know where I am going as I walked it as a toddler. As far back as I can remember I have memories of crossing that cattleguard. Running and jumping over it with Buster, noticing the day that my feet were big enough that I could walk over the boards and no longer had to balance on top of them, walking my horses around through the gate, driving over it with grandma and grandpa and my parents, finally being old enough to drive over it myself, helping my children walk over it, watching them run and jump it. That path into that house holds a lifetime of memories for me.

It’s a part of my path. And what I love so much is it is a part of the path for so many others whom I love. Grandparents, parents , sister, cousins, kids, horses, dogs, cats. Generations have walked that path and it holds memories for us all.

The warmth of having those loving ties is invaluable. My heart smiles when I walk that path and it embraces all the new experiences we are making, but it also smiles back on all the old memories that have already been made there.

There truly is no place like home. And I feel so blessed to be here ,

No matter where my path leads me (and I’m learning to let go and enjoy discovering where that may be), I always end up back here where my heart is

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Extreme Frustration + Power of Intention = Christmas Miracle

Despite our best efforts we have been sick here in our house. Jenna had it first – 5 days of fever finished up with a couple days of runny nose. Jacob had 2 days of fever followed by 10 days of intense, spasmodic coughing. I am finally able to swallow again after strep.

To say I was frustrated would be putting it mildly. We have worked so hard to be healthy and look after ourselves, and just like that we were brought to our knees by these viruses. With our trip home looming just ahead of us it was getting more and more urgent that we all get healthy and stay that way.

Jenna recovered a couple of weeks ago and has been totally fine since (thank goodness). I knew that my throat would run its course and I’d be fine.
What was causing me concern was Jacob and his cough. It was the same nasty cough he had last spring that lasted for 3 weeks. Harsh, deep, dry coughs that were relentless. Non stop, all day and night with no relief.

We tried everything. Every Ayurvedic medicine I could get my hands on, all my essential oils, all the western medicine the doctor suggested. Nothing was giving him any relief. He lay in bed coughing and coughing and coughing.

Finally last night I broke down. I was so frustrated, upset, annoyed that nothing we were doing was working. I knew with the way he was coughing that there was no way we would be able to travel. Against my better judgement, in my frustration, I told him that there were only a few more days left and with him not getting better there was a good chance we would not be able to go. I was just so frustrated and upset and I didn’t want him to find out the day of travel that we would not be going.

Of course as soon as I said it I wished I could cram it back in my mouth. But the three of us sat there and cried for a little bit and then they went to their rooms to get ready for bed.

I sat on my bed and thought about what had just happened. Then I thought about the work I’d been doing with my positive intentions. About how I was learning that nothing on the outside of my life will work properly unless I’m properly balanced and aligned on the inside. About how all the work and action that I *do* don’t matter unless I’m coming from a place of peace and balance on the inside.

I realized that we all had been *doing* things to try and get Jacob better. But one thing we hadn’t done was set our intention inside ourselves that he be healthy. The kids know this setting of intention as prayer.

We got back together and I told them that we were the strongest, most stubborn, most willful people I knew and that we were going to use all those traits to look deep inside ourselves and find feelings of love and health and peace for Jacob. We sat there and prayed and put in our hearts that he was just going to be better.

When I went in to tuck him in he wasn’t coughing – when I asked him why, he said because every time he wanted to cough he thought of healthy thoughts and of all the fun he was going to have at home and he stuffed the cough away.

Well, he woke up this morning and was healthy. No coughing. He went from spasmodic coughing that was relentless yesterday to no coughing and going to school today.

A Christmas Miracle. Brought on by our positive intentions (prayers), fueled by a little frustration meltdown.

The Sattvic Life

A Happiness Blog. Breathing into a blissful balance.

Category Archives: Uncategorized

My Freedom Eagle

Raise A Little Hell….

Sunrise over the mountain

Living From the Heart… My Path of Least Resistance

The Sunset of my Trip

My small life and my Big Life

Boxing Day

This Christmas Eve

The Path

Extreme Frustration + Power of Intention = Christmas Miracle