Tonight I introduced the boy to Arrested Development. I see a binge watch in our near future. I love these quiet nights at home.
Tag Archives: alberta
Highway cleanup
It was the annual 4h highway cleanup today – the more I do with our club the more I not only like 4H but appreciate how awesome our club is. We seem to have avoided the politics and bickering and just really work together and get along. That’s a huge gift – I’m grateful for all the friendships I’m making or deepening.
And today was absolutely beautiful and we had a great stretch of highway
Bear in the mountains
We took Bear up to the mountains today. I’ve waited for years to have a dog I can take places – this guy is so chill and happy it’s awesome.
It was a perfect sunny afternoon. As we were walking I realized this was the happiest I’ve been for a long time. For a couple of hours there was no stress, everyone was getting along, and we had the happiest dog in the world. This is what I’m working towards as our normal state of being.
Bear scared of a bear statue. 
So we had spring
Today was actually an unwinter-like day. It was sunny, things were melting, the animals all looked happier, and I know we felt happier.
Good thing it happened on a Sunday and we were able to enjoy spring. They’re expecting 10-20 centimeters of snow tonight.
The three of us are solar powered. It was sure nice to take in some sun today. Happiness
Think Gingerbread Houses
The kids and I took a much needed mental health day in the mountains – it’s a place that grounds us all and life has been so emotional lately we really needed a mountain hug.
My lesson from A Course In Miracles today was to look for happiness wherever I went. Today was the perfect day for that lesson as we seemed focused on finding the light.
We wandered around Banff for a while this afternoon and finally sat down for my first ever Beavertail. I’m not sure I need a second one, but at least now I can say I’ve had one. As we were waiting the kids started each playing solitaire on their phones. The boy allowed me to watch him and for a few seconds I did just that – watch. It wasn’t long though before I was giving suggestions, then pointing, then telling him where to line up his cards.
The girl looked over at me, wiggled her eyebrows, and said think Gingerbread Houses, Mom. Oh. Crap. See, when we do gingerbread houses I have to buy an extra one for myself because I have this tendency to totally interfere with their creations. I can’t help it. I don’t even make good gingerbread houses (think drunk toddler art), but I just can’t stop myself.
So I pulled out my own phone and started my own game of Solitaire. I guess it’s all in the name – a game for one person.
We went to a Wrinkle In Time tonight. I loved the book and it was fun to experience the movie. As with all of these types of movies the kids had to process their feelings of their missing father on the ride home – but they seem to be making peace with that in their own ways finally. The movie actually was a good reminder of how important it is to focus on the light instead of the darkness.
There is a lot of light out there, we need to let ours shine too.
The old pony club days
Some of my best memories are of Pony Club at Buckley’s in the ’70s. There weren’t a lot of us English riders in this ranching area- but the few of us who were rode together and had a blast. It was in the days when safety was less of an issue so the fact we are all still alive is kind of a miracle.
Seriously though, I have found the strength to get through some of the most difficult times of my life by pulling strength from those old Pony Club days. They also are filled not only with memories of terror and walking through fear, but of laughter and friendship and fun.
We had to get an assessment of the house done for probate and a lady who said she was familiar with the area came out to do it for us. As I was showing her the house she said she used to do Pony Club at Buckley’s which made us both stop and stare at each other. Because we had to have ridden together.
Turns out I rode with her younger sister. The first year (when we were about 5) she and I and one other girl slept in the grain bins at camp. My aunt had to take us in and bathe us and give us special food because she felt for us being so little out there. It still is one of my favorite memories.
I love how connected we are. She looked at an old photo of my sister on her Shetland and said oh Peanuts- I remember her. It’s amazing how many of my people know Peanuts from her previous owners. I mean this was like 40 years ago. Peanuts left an impression.
I had such a happy soul feeling – out tribe stretches through time
Here’s 9 year old me on the hill at Buckley’s at the D Rally. Good times.
Warm Plates
The kids and I spent some time today sitting in the kitchen, Grandma’s kitchen, and visiting while I folded laundry. I talked about how the room used to be set up when I was a kid and we would come over for a visit. I love that my childhood memories and their childhood memories, and the childhood memories of my uncle and aunt are all held in that room.
I loved it when we would have supper at my grandparents’ house – always roast beef, mashed potatoes, and whatever vegetable. Then something yummy for dessert – homemade canned cherries, or pie, or ice cream – always so good.
But the best part of the suppers was always that when we sat down Grandma would open the oven and set out warm plates for each of us.
It took me years to fully understand why it was the warm plates that I loved so much. I mean, sure they keep your food the right temperature, but more importantly it was one extra act of love.
It takes a great deal of thought and love to cook a whole meal for a family, so to take the extra step and put plates in the oven for us so we could have a little extra bit of comfort? That was an extra dose of love put right into our meal.
The outside world can be hard, home should always be your soft place to land. That is what that kitchen holds for me. I am very grateful for that.
Another new normal
We had a family meal at the house tonight – moving into another new normal now that mom is gone. That house needs laughter and family in it, to me that is what our home is all about – a gathering place for our tribe. It was good to feel life in it again – good to have people who love us and love that old house together. We need to continue to build memories here, we need to continue coming together.
I spent some time this afternoon in gratitude for the tribe, for the family we have here. The kids and I are so blessed to be surrounded by these people who love us – whenever I feel like we are so alone all I have to do is look outside and see imprints of generations of our people, or I look at the walls of this family home, and I am almost overwhelmed with how lucky I feel that I have these roots.
Energy boost
Today started week two of our 90 day transformation program – this week we are working on energy. Good timing too since I feel like all I say lately is I feel like I am tired to the core of my soul. We all have our action plans and it will be interesting to see how the week progresses – I’m really excited, we all need a little life boost.
I keep falling back to thinking it’s too much ama or not enough ojas, but really I think it’s mostly just total depletion.
In celebration of Family Day I took the girl and her cousin out for what likely is the last toboggan ride of the year. It was so pretty out (and at close to 0 not unbearably cold), and I loved hearing the girls scream in laughter. They have so much fun together, and I love watching the cool teens revert back to little kids as they fly across the fields. I love my family dearly and it’s nice to have a day just to enjoy them, but family time is important to us so we do spend a lot of time together in real life.
There is happiness to be found in every moment if you remember to look for it.
Love letters
I was looking for printer paper in the filing cabinet at my parents’ house today and I came across some unexpected treasures. Apparently my parents wrote each other little love notes over the years, and they kept them in a file next to where the paper was stored. It was so unexpected it took my breath away and I had to stop and spend the next hour looking through their messages of love.
My parents had their issues like every other couple did, but at the heart of it they were two halves of a whole. They loved each other fiercely, and as a result they loved us all unconditionally. I’m so grateful for that because it taught me how to love fiercely and unconditionally as well.
As I looked at their photos and little love moments I was reminded that although I miss mom terribly, in many ways it feels more “right” that they are back together again.
Today was one month since she died. I can’t believe it’s been so long, I can’t believe it’s been only a month.
I went to my cousin’s for supper tonight and as the family laughed as we played Apples to Apples I thought how fortunate I am that we are surrounded with love.
Laughter makes everything seem so much more bearable – it’s the perfect antidote to sadness. I’m lucky I’ve got someone who makes me laugh, who is helping bring my smile back.
