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happiness

O Holy Night

 I’m making it to bed a half hour before midnight. Better timing than I had thought, all the things are laid out for a beautiful Christmas morning. 

We had a loving, family filled Christmas Eve. Brunch at my cousin’s place followed by supper and church at Grandma’s house.

I only cried once today and that was during Silent Night while we had our candles lit. I couldn’t help but think of Dad. Fortunately the church was dark and no one besides my kids saw (or pointed it out anyway). 

It’s hard without him, but we are going to have a good Christmas. There’s a lot of love in this house. 

Family time today – my happiness moment.  

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Ski time

  

I had three happiness moments today. First, I came home to find my daughter and my niece cross country skiing in the yard. How lovely that it was warm enough that they could play outside in the snow all afternoon. 

With the kids out of the house I was able to wrap presents, this has left me bit happy and relieved. 

And perhaps the greatest happiness of all is the fact that  for the first time since Thursday night, as of this evening we have running water again. I have no idea how my ancestors survived without it, but I’m sure it was with more patience and grace than I showed these past few days. I’m so thankful it’s up and running again! 

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Family Christmas Party

Today there was a family Christmas party hosted by my Great Aunt and her daughters. She’s the same Great Aunt who holds the annual family Canada Day Party, and these events are so important for us all as times to get together and visit and laugh and share.

I consider myself lucky because I come from a family that has mostly stayed in the same area since my great grandfather and his two brothers came out here in the 1880s to ranch. I think in many ways before we moved away,  I took for granted the strong community bond that we have out here because it was all I knew. It wasn’t until we started moving that I realized how many people are floating around out there without their tribe. I am so happy to be back in mine.

My happiness moment today was a long chat with an old favourite uncle. When I was a kid they used to hold Pony Club at their place – in fact they were known in the area for throwing the best “D” Rally and that was something we all looked forward to. I have memories of being somewhere around 5 or 6 and spending the week there sleeping in a silo at camp, and lots of memories of racing our horses around the cross country course.

In times when I need to dig deep and find some bravery, I think of my times there how they taught me to find that inner strength. Some of it was just out of sheer terror and not wanting to look like a big chicken, but that was only because I looked up to them all so much and  I wanted to be able to keep up with everyone.

When I was 9, I had a rotten (but really cool) horse named Snowflake whom I loved deeply but who had a terrible habit of rearing up when she was nervous. Uncle Harvey was the timekeeper that year and as he looked at me and said “one minute”, Snowflake reared up and I slid right off her bum and landed feet first on the ground. I walked around to her side, someone gave me a leg up, and without missing a beat Uncle Harvey started the countdown 10, 9, 8, 7…. and I was off on the course. I look back at that moment as a really special one in my life, he gave me wings to soar.  First of all, there was a very strict no helping the rider rule – so the fact that I was given a leg up showed that they were quietly supporting me. She was tall and I was small and I used to have to jump up, dig my knee into the stirrup and then climb my way up into the saddle. The fact that my uncle didn’t make a big deal out of what had happened meant that I also didn’t make a big deal out of it.  We ended up not only having a perfectly clear round, but coming in first in every class that day. It was one of my best days as a kid.

It was so lovely to be able to have a long chat with him today. I got to hear all about his family and how they’re doing and just chew the fat a little bit. Even though he doesn’t live that far away, I don’t see him all that often (last time was at the Canada Day Party) so it was a real treat. These family parties are so important for all of us. We need to remember that we are a part of something bigger than ourselves.

Another happiness moment (aside from the general joy in seeing family/neighbours) was seeing smiles on older relatives when they learned that we are living in the old house. Everyone has memories of coming to the old house and visiting, or sometimes living here. One uncle (the twin of my happiness moment uncle) said that his first real bath was taken in the footed tub in our bathroom here. I love that we are living in a home that has so many memories for all of our relatives. It’s a great way of feeling bonded and grounded.

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To Grandmother’s house we go

We don’t have water at our house right now, which is one of the side effects of living in an old house in the country (still wouldn’t trade it for anything, I love our home). Fortunately, what we do have is a hero in cowboy boots in the form of my cousin’s husband who has been working hard the last 2 days (in -15 to -20C temperatures) to rectify the situation. It all falls under that Life is an adventure thing. 

Because I don’t do well without showering (and OMG the smell of teens and tweens), we headed into Grandmas for a visit and a shower. She has an endless hot water tank so it was pretty sweet. 

Speaking of sweet, when I got out of the shower I walked into a baking extravaganza in the kitchen. Jenna was rolling and shaping shortbread 

   
On the side of the baking sheet is Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus. 

  Jacob walked right over to the fresh bread and made a grilled cheese. As he does whenever he’s in to see grandma.   
Not to be left out, he then jumped in and made gingerbread cookies. 

 
There’s something so special about the relationship kids have with grandparents. I have such fond memories of fun times with my Grandma, I am so happy they get to build memories of their own with their grandmas. I’m extra grateful they were able to make memories with my dad, they’ll cherish those forever as well. 

My happiness moment; hearing my son say life is good as he rolls out gingerbread while his sister hovers behind waiting her turn.  

Grandparents rock!

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The heated steering wheel

It started with a heated steering wheel. To backtrack a bit, this summer my sister was showing me her new Volvo and one of the features was a heated steering wheel. 

I had just come back after spending the last 4 years in Southern Virginia, and it was a warm spring day in Alberta so I’m afraid I didn’t fully appreciate how awesome the option to have a  heated steering wheel is. 

Today I had to take my car into the Volvo dealership for some maintenance and the courtesy car they gave me had (among many other exciting features) a heated steering wheel. Extra exciting since we woke up this morning to a pretty decent dump of snow.  It was a happiness moment keeping my hands warm while I drove on the cold road.   
While I was driving back home enjoying my new ride I got to thinking about my happiness journey and how this year has taken me in directions I never would have imagined. 

Years ago when I read Eat, Pray, Love I was mesmerized by her happiness journey, but with little kids and a crazy schedule I was also pretty bent that she could run away for three months and find her balance. 

Slowly I’ve come go realize that Elizabeth Gilbert could do that because of the things that made her uniquely her. 

The things that have come into my life this year to hold, support, and encourage my happiness journey have happened for reasons that make me uniquely me. 

Not many people have family who opens up a house for them when they are in crisis and needing help. Not many families have an old house that just happens to be empty and sitting there waiting for the right moment to be occupied. 

I called on a Monday and said we were coming home, and by the weekend they had the house ready for us. And I’d seen the place at Christmas. They went to a lot of work to transform it into the place we now call home. 

Likewise, not many people have a sister who steps in and gives them a car to drive (and a pretty nice one at that). She had her old Volvo at home  to gift to Dad, but after he died she turned around and gave it to me to use. Supreme kindness. 
 
I’m learning a lot from following other people’s happiness journeys, but I’m cognizant of the fact that what makes someone else happy may not be what works for me. Likewise, the tools that other people have available to them as they walk their path are different from what I have. 

I am incredibly blessed in my life and one of the greatest things about my journey for happiness has been a reminder of the wonderful life I have been given. 

Which is sometimes  made even sweeter by a heated steering wheel. 

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Feel the Force 

My happiness moment today was the look on Jacob’s face when we showed him the Yoda Santa Christmas lights that we had to get for him. 

I love it when something so simple can make someone so happy. 

   
 
Saturday will be a very exciting day in our house. Normally it would be regular excitement about the beginning of Christmas break, this time it’s all about going to see the new Star Wars movie with his cousin. 

Truly wonderful the mind of a child is (Master Yoda)

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O Christmas Tree

Yesterday we went out for our annual Family Christmas Tree Hunt  so today was tree decorating time. I realized when we pulled out what boxes I could find crammed in the back of the mud room (where I had stuffed them when we moved here last spring), that the last time we had used our decorations was likely in 2011. If we put up a tree in Virginia in the years since then I don’t remember it. We were always packing and coming home for the holidays and getting a tree for a couple of days enjoyment didn’t make sense, not when we were going out to get one here.

Because of that, it was kind of fun to find some of the old treasures we had forgotten about. Lots of ornaments that Grandma had given to the kids (she was smart enough to write on the back of each one who it belonged to… smart lady she is). There also were ornaments the kids made when they were little (a little wreath made by Jacob with a story written inside it about how Jenna ate an ornament when she was little).  Both kids really enjoyed the little trip down memory lane.

We cranked on the Christmas Carols and dressed up our tree. My favourite Carol may be Mary’s Boy Child (Jann Arden, why didn’t you put that on your Christmas album, I can only imagine how wonderful you must sound singing that one), but I had to fight for it to play over Jacob’s favourite O Christmas Tree and Jenna’s Feliz Navidad.

When we had put up all the decorations we could find we headed over to my Mom’s to decorate her tree. She had offered to get her assistant to put up the lights so we wouldn’t have to deal with them, but Jacob very strongly responded no, putting lights on the tree is part of the ritual. We are going to do it ALL. And do it all we did.

It was a different decorating experience without Dad there guiding us, and without my sister and her family helping. But, it’s a different Christmas and we are going to enjoy all the beautiful parts of it. I think we got the best tree we have had in years and it was really fun decorating it with Mom and the kids.

While my happiness moment today was decorating the trees with the family, we had a little side happiness moment while walking back and forth to Mom’s. It’s a beautiful, clear, bright night tonight. The moon is small, but shining strongly, there’s enough snow to really reflect those moonbeams, and my cousin has lit up the yard with their Christmas decorations (which I love) so the walk was amazing. We stopped part way and looked up at the constellations. Both kids can find the big and little dipper, we all need to work on a lot of the other ones. It was a beautiful time in nature, so healing for the soul.

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Christmas tree hunt 2015

Going for the annual Christmas Tree hunt is a big deal in my family. It’s a tradition dating back  before my time, and one I’ve participated in every year that I’ve been home for the holidays. This year we were extra lucky because it was really nice out. I think back on years when it has been -30 and we have shivered through the fields trying to find a tree as quickly as we could.

This year we only had to worry about being done while there was still daylight, it was pretty sweet to be able to slowly walk around and check out all the options.

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As you can tell, everyone was busy looking in different directions for their perfect tree. Somewhere along this ridge they looked at me and said that they would see this moment in my blog as the happiness moment (it’s like these people know me or something).

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It was so nice to have so many great tree options to choose from. I think everyone got their own perfect tree this year.

The girls were looking for little Charlie Brown trees. Jenna picked this little one out to sit in the sunroom at her Nana’s. Photobomb courtesy of Echo the dog.

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Jacob not only picked out the tree for our house, but with a little help from his uncle he cut it down as well. He was the saw man last year too. I’m more than happy to pass that torch over to him.

The tree

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Photobomb by Jenna

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It was so lovely to get out on the ranch and breathe in some nature (and the Christmas-y smell of the trees) and spend some time with family. I am so grateful that we are home again. I love it here, it’s a heart happy place for me.

My happiness moment, being in a place I love surrounded by people I love. We are blessed.

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An Abominable Evening

It feels colder outside today, and when we got home (in the dark) we were hangry and tired. Hungry is bad enough but the hangry combo of being so hungry you are angry can be quite scary!

I made our supper as quickly as possible. I had started a veggie curry soup in the slow cooker this afternoon, so there were just bits and pieces to add to it – the kids each had a steak because they were having a red meat craving. While we waited for supper to start I reminded Jenna that we had some Christmas shows that we could watch at some point.

With a vote of 3-0 we decided to opt for supper in front of the TV tonight and choose An Abominable Christmas. Apparently the kids had seen it before but it was new to me. It didn’t make my list of favourites, but it was cute.

Part way through supper my parental guilt kicked in and I said “tomorrow we will have to sit properly at the table and have a fancy supper to make up for this one.” To which Jacob responded “mom, you’re lucky I’m wearing pajamas.” So I looked at him closely for the first time and realized that somehow he had managed to sit and eat with  only the pajama bottoms on (sadly this is a reoccurring theme in our house). I appreciate his wit though.

I love these Christmas shows – partly because they’re cute and funny – but mostly because it means that we stop what we are doing, cuddle up on the couch, and spend some time together watching a movie. To tie down a teen and a tween for forced family fun time can sometimes be a challenge and I’m grateful that they also look forward to this time. My happiness moment.

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Mary’s Boy Child

I’m finding this Christmas season a confusing one emotionally. I keep looking around for Dad to do my getting ready for the season things with and then remembering that he’s not here. I miss him so much I am left with a sad tinny like taste in my mouth. How can it be that he’s gone?  Then on the other hand,  I’m so happy that for the first time since 2004 I’m either not coming home for the holidays and pretending to be ok with that, or packing up all our presents and fly home as soon as the kids are done school (lots of work).  We would decorate our house, but not get to fully enjoy it, and by the time we arrived home there would be only a few days before Christmas so we were behind the game there too.

So, I’m so happy that we are here, settled in one place for the holiday season. We have more things to decorate than we have time for. The kids and I can bake cookies and make hot cocoa whenever we want. I found the recipe by the girls who own Crave Cupcakes for their shortbread cookies (the article includes an interesting story on how they became Crave) and we made cookies tonight. They are supposed to be for Jenna’s school tomorrow, but we may have eaten enough of them I’ll have to make another batch. Totally worth it though, they were melt in your mouth delicious. It’s a great recipe!

I have had my Christmas Carol playlist going for about a week now, but somehow I forgot all about Mary’s Boy Child, it’s one of my favourites. It came on the radio today and when I got home I had to pull out all three of my versions: the Anne Murray one (which reminds me of childhood and home and good feelings), the Boney M one (which is the one I always heard on the radio) and one that was on a kid’s mixed cd. We sang the carol over and over and ate too many cookies.

My happiness moment was an evening of cookies, carols, and then a cuddle with my girl while we watched a bit of Home Alone.

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