Tag Archives: love

happiness

Celebrate again

I feel like after a few pretty crappy years we are ready to celebrate again – the big and small things in life. 

This afternoon the kids and I had a danceathon to Lady Gaga and The Black Eyed Peas – who sang the songs of Jenna’s childhood. We laughed and shared memories and remembered that even in those dark and often scary times there were some good ones too. We need to remember the good memories of their younger days. 

We went for supper – our traditional sushi pig out which was fantastic 


And then went to my aunt and uncle’s house for a New Years party with some of the tribe. 

We are a very talented and musical bunch ​

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Laughing, eating, singing, playing, followed by fireworks (my family has a healthy fire obsession)

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I am so blessed to have this tribe – I never take it for granted. What a wonderful way to be able to celebrate life and celebrate all the hope that a new year brings. Happiness plain and simple. 

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A few of my favourite things 

We had another quiet day at home – it’s good for the girl’s concussion and good for the rest of us who are exhausted. 

I celebrated the end of a quiet day with a bit of The Sound of Music with my sister – one of the best Christmas traditions. 

Slowing down and enjoying family time is one of my favourite things about this time of the year. 

The boy and I are just sitting down to watch Austin Powers. Another favorite thing. 

Happiness. 

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Christmas 2016


We had our happy Christmas. Finally. There were ups and downs, and the girl did too much and her headache came back, but even so it was a happy Christmas. 

Our family was together. That’s huge. We had a massive gathering of the tribe at the hall for supper – it has been years since we have all sat together and the family has grown in that time. 

We had a Star Wars morning which was hilarious and fun 

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But mostly we celebrated the birth of Christ. Together. As a tribe. With love and laughter and joy. 

We are so incredibly blessed to have the family we have, to live where we do, and to walk safely in the arms of our God. Happiness. 

Merry Christmas everyone. 

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Balance between bliss and pain

I feel like I’m being split between two completely different worlds right now. In one world we are beginning joyous Christmas celebrations. After a few years of crappy Christmases, we have been so looking forward to this year. There’s fresh snow, our family is around, we are having a huge gathering tomorrow to celebrate the birth of Christ. We are home, we are safe, we are loved. In this world there’s joy, happiness, bliss and gratitude.

In my other world, my beloved godmother is dying. Her husband died on Christmas when I was a child,  and now her daughter is loving and caring for her with strength I can’t even begin to fathom. How she gathers the courage to keep loving even knowing what is coming, and that it could happen again to her on Christmas Day, is inspiring and overwhelming. This world is filled with pain, sorrow, grief, and loss. Yet, also strangely in this world is this amazing feeling of gratitude that I have been invited to share so intimately in such a spiritual and personal process.

This is how real life is though isn’t it? Maybe not as big and as polar opposite as what I’m experiencing right now, but life isn’t all happy or all sad. It’s always a combination of both – and often lots of other emotions too.

The price you pay for loving someone is always pain. It takes courage to love because one way or another there is always a goodbye. But the price you pay for not loving at all is so much greater, I will always choose to love my people.

We celebrated Christmas Eve at the candlelight ceremony at church with my (ex? how does that work? They’re still family) mother in law and sister in law. That was a happiness moment, it’s one of my favourite parts of Christmas. The extremely hot firemen that came in after the alarm was pulled, well that was just a Christmas Happiness Bonus.

Merry Christmas Eve.

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Dig deep… then dig deeper

I’ve had some pretty challenging days in 2016, some pretty crappy ones, and some ones that have just about kicked my butt. Today was the first day in the 5 years that I’ve been crawling my way towards a better life that I felt like just giving up and going to bed…. for days.

I lost the big present I bought for the boy, I’ve searched the whole house tying to find it – it’s gone. My girl had a catastrophic meltdown about some of the memories she stores about Mr. X yelling at and scaring her, I had to hold her while she cried out her pain. The dog got sick and vomited all over the house.

This was the point where I just wanted to give up. I have been so determined to make sure this is a good Christmas for the kids, a fun season for us. All that along with my frustration with recent divorce issues, the concussion, the broken arm, and other crap was just enough. I was totally overwhelmed and had nothing left to give. In fact, I said that. I’m done, I have nothing left, I just want to go to bed.

And because God is hilarious, about 5 minutes later I get a message that my beloved godmother is getting ready to transition to the next life.

So, a choice had to be made. Go to bed and cry (really wanted to), or go to the hospital and see her, see her daughter – who have been family to me my whole life.

I decided to go.

As soon as I got in the shower all the lights went out – power gone. We were having a massive snow storm and the highway was a mess, maybe it was a blessing I was slowed down.

I stopped and got in my pjs and cried again, really angry with God this time.

Power comes back on, back in the shower, and I soon head out on the road.

There’s something about a crisis that brings one to the most raw, authentic part of one’s being. We were like that. My godmother slept and her daughter and I sat and talked. We shared really deep things, and we talked about the most superficial of things. We really got to know each other in a way that we never have before. There is a blessing in that.

I left this evening and headed to a cousin’s place for the end of a family Christmas party. I still got a few good visits in, ate some good food, and had a few laughs. On the way home we chased some cows in a line down the road. Jacob said Santa may have reindeer in front of him, but I’d rather have these cows, On Hamburger, On Steak, On Roast!!!! Man I love that kid.

We need a tribe. I know I say it all the time, but we do. We can’t do any of this alone. We aren’t made to. My happiness moment is knowing that with the good times and the sad ones we have this amazing group of people in our lives.

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She’s smiling

Today brings a day when my girl seems so much more like herself. It’s been a long 10ish days as she’s been dealing with this concussion. It’s fantastic to see smiles and sparkle come back to that face.

I wrapped Christmas presents finally, and she sat under the tree and shook and inspected them. She’s in that tween phase where sometimes she’s super cool and other times she’s still a little kid. I love that Christmas brings out more of the little kid.

We’ve had a rough couple of Christmases (rough couple of years to be honest), but this year I’m really looking forward to it. We’ve got a big gathering of the tribe, we’ve got so much to be thankful for, we are safe, we are home, we can celebrate the birth of Christ with our loved ones. That is happiness.

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Home alone – again

The girl and I watched Home Alone tonight, kicking off our season of cult classic movies. It’s a fun part of the Christmas tradition. 

The last couple of Christmases have been a little more difficult (to say the least) and I am determined that this year will he awesome – even if we have concussions and banged up wrists! We are happier, safer, and although we will always miss my dad – it’s not quite as raw. 

It was fun to sit on the couch and giggle with her tonight. She’s one of my favourite people. This time is precious. It’s happiness. 

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What matters most 

Nothing is as important to me as the job I hold as mother of my kids. I’m flawed in it and certainly learn from it every day, but it is the biggest blessing and most rewarding thing I have ever been trusted with. I still look at them daily and can’t believe that God gifted them into my life. We are one tight little triangle 

In keeping with full moon weirdness, I made two trips to urgent care today – one for each kid. Different injuries doneat different   times, and they’ll both be fine, but it was a long and tiring day. 
In all of that I thought to myself thank God that I can be here for them. They have this solid foundation to fall back on, they know I’ll always catch their fall. I’ll move heaven and earth to make life as safe and happy as possible for them. It’s a process, but it’s getting better all the time. 

My happiness moment… knowing what matters most and being there for it. 

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Catch a glimpse of joy. 

Catch a glimpse of joy. That was the theme of the sermon in church today and also was the theme of my day. 

Our ladies group sponsored a family for Christmas. The mom came and picked up the items today and seemed filled with many emotions.  The lady who has been helping me with my own project gave me a little hug and said it’s like seeing what your dream is going to gift people isn’t it?  And it is, my little dream is different but hopefully will bring happiness to  lives in small ways. 

After that we shared some of our needs for prayer requests. Sharing is important – for the support and to remember that everyone has  their crap they’re dealing with. It’s a really special group of ladies I found at that church. God guided me well. 

The youth group did their Christmas celebration and it was full of glimpses  of joy. It was fun to see the kids so fully engaged and enjoying themselves. I sat with my uncle and aunt which was a moment of happiness in itself. 

And then the joy of the afternoon when we did our family Christmas tree hunt. It’s one of my favorite events of the year. This  year we had a good sized group and the weather kind of behaved itself. A million layers helped. 

I talk about it all the time, but I am so grateful for my tribe. I don’t know what I would ever do without them. It’s so heart warming to know that we come from this family filled with so much love. 

This is what happiness looks like:

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