I took the boy to comic con today. He loved it, it brings out his inner nerd. I enjoyed it because he was happy and I love him.
But then I discovered the mini donuts and had my own kind of happy.
Mini donuts remind me of the best parts of childhood. Stampede, sugar, laughter, safety, love- they’re all wrapped up in those little bags of grease.
It was the first ball game of the season, and temperatures hit at least 28C today – so it felt like winter has finally left us behind
Now, we have a high of 7 and snow in the forecast for tomorrow, but we won’t talk of that now.
It felt so good to sit in the sun, to watch my girl do what she loves.
I had to take the train downtown this morning. I wasn’t super excited about this – it wasn’t a fun errand, it was downtown, and there was a parade for comic con happening. But I put on a smile and went.
It actually wasn’t bad at all. The people I had to meet were super helpful and I got everything done quickly and painlessly.
As I was riding the train back home the driver came on and had this wonderful chat with all of us passengers. He told us how nice out it was, that it should be even nicer tomorrow, and wished us all a fantastic weekend
Again, these little moments of kindness brighten other peoples’ days. Most of the passengers had little smiles as the driver was chatting away. It’s nice to see people drop the stress of life and enjoy the moment. It’s happiness
The girl had ball practice tonight. This is her thing, just like how horses make my soul shine. I love watching her in her element.
Then we came home and she is mass producing Rice Krispie squares. She loves to cook and it’s something she hasn’t done often enough.
By slowing down we are reconnecting with what is important. It’s less about learning how to go 0-60 and more about learning how to settle to 0 from 60.
Life has been kind of hard lately. I feel like I should be healing from mom’s death – but in fact it seems like it’s getting harder and harder to accept. Maybe it’s because we are in the process of going through her things. Maybe it’s because there has been so much loss the last few years. Maybe it’s because it just takes more time.
I was sitting today on the couch doing some work when little Abu came and sat beside me. Once again I was faced with the fork in the road of love and fear.
We often refer to Abu as our therapy cat – I swear her only purpose in life is to exude love. She knows when we need her and she just comes and sits beside whomever is needing some love and just is. And soon we feel better – like magic.
On the other side, I was preparing some documents. It seems that the paternity of my children is being brought into question. I don’t know if it’s driven by Mr. X or his lawyer – but it’s certainly a financial thing. It’s hurtful, but it’s a fear tactic- I know that I wasn’t the one stepping out.
So I sat there – Abu beside me – feeling upset.
And I closed the computer and cuddled with the love cat and then did some inspirational reading.
Love has to be the choice. Always.
Abu cuddling her brother Aladdin.
Our 4H club had a potluck supper/planning meeting tonight for 4H on parade. The more I get involved 4H the more I like it – and our club is a real community which makes it so much better.
After an emotional couple of days of sorting out mom and dads things it was really nice and really needed to have an evening where people were laughing and just being normal. I really needed that balance. I say it all the time – but thank God for my tribe. I don’t know what I’d do without them.
Today was full of emotions – I’m exhausted. My sister and I worked at cleaning out some of mom’s closets which was so emotionally draining. Neither of us really have accepted that we lost both of our parents in less than three years. We had a couple of I’m not old enough to be an orphan moments. It’s just hard and really emotional to pack up their things and say goodbye again.
But I also know that they want us to live, be happy, love, enjoy life, and bring all of that to the house. So we will keep moving ahead, sharing memories, reminding our kids of who their grandparents were, and passing forward their legacy of love
We took a much needed break this afternoon and the kids splashed in the giant puddles that have shown up here as the snow melts. My sister and I played in those puddles, as did our cousins, aunts and uncles, and many other relatives. It helps to remind us we are part of a larger tribe – we aren’t alone – and that happiness needs to be found and celebrated.
The boy and I got reacquainted with the Will Smith tonight and watched some good old 90s tv. My favourite is when Carlton dances, but all these old shows are fun to watch. We’ve got some busy weeks ahead with work and activities and life in general – it’s nice to be able to stop and enjoy the slow moments too.
I was thinking this morning how I’m between two paths right now. I can turn right and be on the path of fear, destruction, and hate that Mr. X is on, or I can turn left and take the path with love, peace, friendship, and happiness.
I’ve been working on the left path for some time now, but sometimes Mr X yells and I get distracted by the path of darkness.
Somehow I have to balance the two. Based on discussions and recent events it seems I’ll have to take him back to court again for support issues. It is getting old and it’s frustrating, but my kids deserve to have me fight for them. It’s really difficult for them to see how he is choosing to be
But more than that I want us to be happy and at peace. So I need to walk in the path of light. And I need to bring the kids with me on that path. They need to know that they can choose happiness even when they have been badly hurt.
It hasn’t been easy. It took years before I could even see that there was a path of happiness available for me, everything was so dark for so long.
Somehow I will learn how to not only walk in the light, but to bring light to the darkness. Once I can do that the darkness will be gone.
When I picked up the boy from school today he told me his friends have commented to him that I always look so chill and happy when I pull into the parking lot after school to get him. Made my whole day. I often feel seeing out and like I have no idea what I’m doing. But I’m glad that’s the vibe I give off!
I seem to have developed a rather odd coping skill for mourning those people I have loved and lost. I adopt pets.
Today marks three months since mom died. And apparently I dealt with that by adopting a dog. We named him Bear and he’s a cuddly, fluffy, gentle, huge bear of a guy.
Our Dotted Dog loves him, the kids are over the moon about him, the cats tolerate his existence. Bear thinks he’s died and gone to heaven.
We need some happiness infused in our lives, it’s been a rough few years. All of us are animal people and they bring a kind of peaceful joy.
He is happiness
