Tag Archives: single mom

happiness

Heal yourself

I feel like in the last three years God has just kicked the shit out of my life. All the earthly foundations I had come to depend upon have been shattered with the deaths of my parents and a financially ruining divorce. But you know, maybe I needed my foundation to be destroyed so that I could build a new life from the ground up.

The thing about starting from 0 means that I get to recreate my life. I get to stop and think about who I really want to be for this next part of my life.

My experiences with my parents really helped me understand I need to strengthen my spiritual connection and that has become my mission.

I’m discovering that while most of the pain inflicted on me and the kids wasn’t my fault (and for a long time I believed him when he said it was), it’s my responsibility to heal from it. That has totally changed my perspective on things.

It helps me step out of being a victim, and into a role where I can actually make a change – not only for me but for the kids too.

I can’t change him, I don’t want to, and I don’t have to. But I have to change myself. I have to keep working at living from love instead of living from fear.

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House full of love

I had some of mom and dad’s old furniture hauled away today. It was ugly stuff from the 70s (why was everything orange back then?) but still, it was parts of my childhood – and reminders of the safety and security my parents provided for my sister and I.

Whatever else they did wrong – I mean we are human and no one is perfect – they both loved my sister and I so much. It was evident in the things they taught us, but mostly in the time they gave us. They were both busy, tired people – but they always made time for us and made sure we knew we were loved and important to them.

That’s what I try and pass on to my children as well. I may not have the things to give them like we had when I was married – but I can give them a house full of love and that is the best kind of happiness.

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Highway cleanup

It was the annual 4h highway cleanup today – the more I do with our club the more I not only like 4H but appreciate how awesome our club is. We seem to have avoided the politics and bickering and just really work together and get along. That’s a huge gift – I’m grateful for all the friendships I’m making or deepening.

And today was absolutely beautiful and we had a great stretch of highway

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I am Groot (again)

The girl and I went and saw Groot and Tony Stark – and whomever else is in the Avengers movie- tonight. My second time in a week since it worked out to take the kids separately. I actually liked that because it gave me some one on one time with each of them.

We have been watching these movies for a few years – Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, Captain America – so it is awesome that they’re tying together. Even if it was super sad – both times.

Family time. It’s important.

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Base race

The girl and her team played an awesome game of ball. At the end (they lost by one run) the other coach asked if they wanted to do a base race.

All the girls groaned and complained except for one. And that one got everyone else excited enough they all ran out to the field

It was awesome. The girls, the parents, the coaches, everyone, was cheering and jumping and yelling. Base race takes cool teen girls and makes them kids again. I love that

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Crocuses and peanut buster parfaits

A friend sent me a photo of crocuses growing in his field this morning. Spring! I have such great memories of crocus hunting with my dad and sister. Then to celebrate the sun being out, the girl and I stopped in for peanut buster parfaits – because sometimes you just have to do these things.

We are all content. This is good.

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Soccer and ball

Spring sports are going strong in our house, one kid had soccer, the other softball. I love it, they’re doing what they love, but I have to say my hands are frozen solid after sitting at the field for a few hours.

We brought Bear to the game, he loved all the attention, and the boy took him for a little walk. He’s brought a lot of happiness to our little family. I love these little moments, they’re what make up the big memories.

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Seeking peace

I am sitting in a sunbeam watching my boy play soccer – this is a new sport for him this year – contemplating my life.

When I started this happiness blog over 3 years ago, I was so completely unhappy. I was living in an unsafe marriage, scared for myself and my kids, thousands of miles from home, with no idea what was coming next.

Now the only part of my life that is the same is I don’t have any idea what is coming next.

I have however realized I have refined my search for happiness quite significantly.

I started by looking for happiness from the outside. I’d see Henry the Heron on a walk, the kids would say something funny, I’d visit with a friend, and I’d say that makes me happy. And that would be my happiness moment.

With the deaths of both my parents and a brutal divorce in these last three years, my concept of happiness has changed. I started to go inward and really began to understand happiness comes from within.

Since mom died and for the first time in years I’m not in crisis and trauma, I’ve realized I’m no longer seeking happiness as I first understood it.

Now I’m seeking peace.

Instead of fleeting moments of happiness here and there, I crave a life that is grounded in love, peace, bliss, and faith.

Seeking peace right now means I have to close the parts of my life that cause chaos. It means I have to embrace love no matter how scary that can be. I have to find forgiveness no matter how much I resist it.

The study of Ho’oponopono is helping me surrender and allow more peace into my life. Simple words, powerful results.

Namaste 🙏🏻

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