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The path of least resistance

Thanks to the incredible generosity of Jacob, Jenna and I have spent the day sniffling into kleenex and croaking through sore throats. The Great Cold of 2015 has officially swept through our house – hopefully to pass out just as quickly.The good thing is that we were all able to stop and rest and allow ourselves to get healthy again.

With this time on my hands today I’ve taken the opportunity (when not engaged in a Golden Girl’s marathon with Jenna) to observe how Aladdin functions in our house. His passiveness, or constantly choosing the path of least resistance is something I’ve noticed about him since the day he came to live with us. He came to us a couple of weeks after I’d gone and listened to a sermon by a cousin of mine on forgiveness. In this talk, she mentioned turning the other cheek and how it is possible to “win” a confrontation by being non-aggressive and non-confrontational.  I understood the concept, but still had some difficulty imagining it working in real life.

Until I met Aladdin. He is a real life lesson in how this is possible and how it works not only for him, but for those who engage with him.

One of his first confrontations was with Dottie the Dotted Dog. She has been well-trained by Ella the Cat that one does not chase the cat. She knows not to chase the cats at my parents’ house, but she was taught by the other dogs here (and her willing spirit) that the barn cats are fair game. When Aladdin came downstairs for the first time he was greeted by a very excited and curious Dottie. Her ears perked up and she bolted over towards him with body language that said cat, cat, I’m going to chase the cat. Run cat, I’m coming for you! Instead of running, which would have been my natural reaction, he simply lay down and rolled on his back.

Dottie didn’t know what to do. She bounded up to him and he just lay there, paws waving in the air, belly exposed. She stood and stared at him, sniffed him, and then backed away with a confused look on her face. The one and only time she’s ever tried to chase him – he ended it by being a pacifist and choosing the path of least resistance.

What the heck?? 
Dottie does not understand this at all   
 He does this wherever he goes. If something startles him instead of growling or hissing or running,  he stops where he is and lies down. He is not a coward at all. In fact I think he’s quite a trusting and  brave (not so) little guy. Both he and Abu had a rough first year and lived in a lot of uncertainty and fear (I know how devastating those emotions can be on a soul). Instead of being a fraidy cat or being an angry cat he just keeps living his life. He’s social and wants to be around us, so he comes out and hangs with us and deals with whatever that situation throws at him. He has decided that he trusts us and so he does, completely and whole-heartedly. I admire that, it takes a great deal of strength to just keep on being who you are and not retaliating to difficult situations with anger and fear.

By watching him I am learning how to deal with situations without using fear, anger, or aggression. He knows how to diffuse a situation by seeming to submit when in reality that is the last thing he is doing. When Dottie approached him it appeared that he submitted to her by lying down and rolling over. What he really did was gain his power in a non-violent manner by diffusing a difficult and stressful situation in an unexpected way. It not only stopped her from chasing him, but in the process he gained her (an my) respect.

I got to spend a lot of time cuddling on the couch with him (and Ella, who has also decided that since he just cozies up to her purring that she may as well be friends with him), while Jenna cuddled with Abu and Dottie ran back and forth. It was a good sick day and we are both feeling a lot better for the fact that we could take the time to rest and get better.

  
Happiness moment was lying on the couch cuddled up with cats and kid watching Golden Girls. As always I am grateful for the time I spend with them and love that the kids want to share their journey with me.

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Beacon Hill… discovered….

Tonight the kids and I were up in Royal Oak – a neighbourhood in NW Calgary. Back when Jacob was a little squirt – 12+ years ago – his dayhome was in this (then) new area. I worked in a town north of Calgary and knew all the back roads. Well, the city has changed. I know this, but sometimes it takes me driving somewhere to really understand how much it has changed.

We finished up in Royal Oak and were headed to Crowfoot (about 5-10 minutes away) and I missed the turn onto the main road. No problem – there’s the jail… there’s the dump… I know where I am. We will just follow this back road and we will get there.

Nope.

So, we ended up in an area called Beacon Hill. Never heard of it. Although it’s where the Costco is and I did know there was a Costco around. There’s tons of shops! Of course we got lost driving around the shopping centre and couldn’t get out for a while. Then a few more wrong turns and 20 minutes later we were in Crowfoot.

The entire time we were driving the kids were cracking jokes and laughing so hard they were hiccuping and snorting. Silly crazy happiness moment in the car today. I love those two.

Bonus happiness when we got home. Abu and Ella (the girl cats) were upstairs beating each other up. Aladdin (boy cat) was downstairs with me looking up at them. I could see the expression on his face and said it out to the kids “what do I do? What do I do? Girlfriend or sister, girlfriend or sister… whom do I save??”

From the tub, without missing a beat, comes Jenna’s voice. “Sister, you always pick the sister. Sisters are forever….”

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Cat and mouse games. 

With the unstructured life we lived in the summer, Ella the cat and I fell out of our routine of playing fetch in the morning. She also had stopped joining me in my morning yoga stretches  

Ella being very uncooperative as I try and take her picture.    
Aladdin being posing for the camera. He didn’t want to be left out. 

 The last couple of days as the kids have finally settled into their school routines, Ella has decided it is time to revive our old game. Fortunately for her, Abu and Aladdin don’t seem to care about her precious mice at all. Although Aladdin is starting to show some interest only because Ella is so obsessed with them. 

Playing fetch with Ella became part of our morning routine pretty much right after she adopted us last year. It is something I really enjoy- a good bonding time with her as well as a quiet mind time for me. 

I realized today that being back in our routines is a good thing. Because of new school times, Jacob and I have an hour in the morning together. We go to Tim Horton’s and order the cheapest drink we can get and sit together and visit. It’s quickly becoming a favourite part of the day. A chance to have quiet one on one time with my teen. 

Because we are eating at a better time we are cooking in a more structured manner. Tonight being Friday we had our traditional pizza night. It was wonderful all of us being in the kitchen together cooking the meal. 

We are getting to bed earlier and are better rested. Again a bonus to the routine. 

Before starting to study arurveda I was not as good about followijg a routine. Now that I am so used to following my Ayurvedic routine I find our whole household is a much happier and healthier place. 

My happiness moment today was when Ella dropped her toy mouse on my yoga mat and sat and stared at me until I sat up and threw it for her. She knew it was time to pick up our old habits and structure ourselves again. Much as I like to claim to be a free spirit, our house needs a certain amount of structure in order to thrive. 

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The good, the bad, the happiness in between….

Today I have been in a real pisser of a mood. I’m not sure what has made today any more spectacular in the bad mood department than any other day, but the feeling is here and it’s real.

There’s a couple of specific things that are irritating me, nothing that isn’t a first world problem, but irritating nonetheless. While I was away my cousin discovered that my furnace isn’t working – which means we have no heat. Perhaps not a big deal in some places, but it was snowing here when we landed on Saturday and it’s been cold and crappy since then. Today wasn’t bad, but the old house didn’t seem to know that and held onto the bone chilling cold of the past few days.

Because of this I’m tired, I need to sleep in my own bed, covered in purring cats. The purring cats and the lonely dog agree with me – they’re not happy that they’re alone at night.

Jenna was home sick today. While that’s really a poor Jenna thing, I managed to make it about me and was all I never ever get any time to do the things I need to do. My course work is so neglected because I’m always running around after people and I never have a freaking moment’s peace.

I had a massage today. I have found a wonderful woman who not only is working out all the tension and the anger and sad emotions that I’ve been storing in my hips (see where this is going?) but she knows how to release my jaw so that pretty soon I will actually be able to chew food on both sides – and maybe even not walk around with it clenched all the time. What a blessing that is!

I’m pretty sure she hit my anger button today as she was releasing things and it has just about sent me off the cranky deep end. The good thing is after all the work I’ve been doing I know this is just a feeling and that it will pass. Sometimes I can separate from that feeling and just allow it to work itself out of me – which is what it needs to do.

So, as I’ve been observing (and sometimes actively participating) in these pissy feelings I’ve come back to the intention of my blog. Happiness. Thank goodness I decided to follow 44 days of happiness last January when I turned 44, and I’m even more grateful that I decided to continue looking for a moment of happiness in every day since then. Because even with all the trials and tribulations of this year there has always been a moment of happiness in every day.

The flip side of my cranky feelings of today are these:

This wonderful, old, loving house we live in. I love it, the kids love it, it has been home since the moment we walked in the door. For some reason the past few days I’ve when been talking to people, I’ve told them the story of the miracle of how we returned home. This old house was empty and when I was home at Christmas time there were no appliances, the rooms were boarded off, there was no working toilet and it was just not in good shape. When I called on a Monday and said we were moving home I asked if it was possible for us to move into that house. By Sunday when we arrived, my cousins and aunt and uncle had cleaned the house, put in temporary furniture, bought some basic groceries (cheese and buns for that boy of mine), put appliances in, and even left a huge bar of chocolate. My Dad let me use his old car  so I was able to get around, and after he died my sister let me use her old car that she had been in the process of gifting to Dad.

If ever I doubted that miracles happen, the wings that lifted us up and brought us back home have convinced me that we are very much loved and very much supported and that with love absolutely anything can happen.

While my furnace isn’t working my mom has very graciously opened her doors to the kids and I to crash here. We can be messy and annoying and loud and she has been so kind about letting us stay here.

So, when you compare all that love and kindness and support to something as insignificant as the furnace not working – the scales are definitely tipped in favour of the happiness, loving, wonderful side.

Every time I have gotten frustrated today at being overly needed by kids and have groaned inside about it, they have either said something funny or come over and given me one of those awesome kid hugs followed by I love you mom. There is no better feeling in the world than that. I would never, ever trade being needed and loved for being alone and unnecessary. I consider those two my greatest blessings. Again, no contest – the happiness side of that coin is the winner.

As an aside, I spent a great part of the day angry about the fact that I’d lost my headphones. I had racked my brain trying to figure out where I had left then and finally I was forced to come to the conclusion that someone had broken into the house and stolen them (yes, only them – they had left everything of value and not messed anything up, but stolen them for certain). I found then in my backpack just a little while ago and did a little dance of happiness.

I’m so thankful for my happiness project and how it continues to steer me in the direction of joy, peace, bliss and happiness. I’m even thankful that these pissed off emotions are working their way through me, because the other option is that they stay stuffed in my hips forever and that’s not desirable.

My happiness moment today was watching Jenna walk across the room holding Aladdin. She holds him like a baby and from the front all you can see is a big ball of fur snuggled into her chest. She walked past me and he had his arm around her back giving her a huge hug. He loves that girl so much and spent most of the day cuddled up with her helping her feel better.

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Puppy love 

Today Dottie met Aladdin. She was not impressed. Really mom? Another cat? She seemed to say to me with her big brown eyes. Just wait until she finds out there is one more after that! 

Aladdin marched across the floor while Dottie danced around behind him trying to figure him out. Finally she decided to chase him away and came bounding up to him with the intention of scaring him. 

Except instead of being afraid or running away, he did this:

 Here doggie, let me roll over so you can scratch my belly

Talk about no fear. 

This was my happiness moment. Watching how Aladdin has won over Dottie and (slowly) Ella by kindness instead of through fear. A life lesson we could all learn from.  

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The Lion King

Today’s happiness moment was being treated by my mom to the Lion King. 

My favourite line 

  

When Jacob was a small child he lived and breathed the Lion King the way the little ones now do with Frozen. Hours were spent with him playing on the side of the couch with Scar and Moufassa (help me brother). 

I love those memories of little Jacob. He was such an awesome child (he’s a pretty sweet young adult too. No complaints there). It was pretty special to share that moment with my kids and my mom. Happiness. 

When we got home, Jenna went upstairs and started yelling for me. Today was the first day we had let Abu and Aladdin roam freely and I was afraid Ella had snapped and hurt one of them when we were away. But no….. my mom’s black and white cat Flower had climbed up into the roof of our mud room and was sitting on the outside of the second story window staring at Ella. Ella lost her mind. Too many black and white cats.  They’re everywhere. She ran full tilt at the window screaming and yowling. Flower casually hopped down onto the roof and somehow made it back to ground safely. Ella is still swearing and muttering too many black and white ones. I’m a fancy tail. Don’t they know I’m a fancy tail? I don’t hang with these plain tails…. Ah Ella. We love you. Abu and Aladdin are happily curled up on Jenna’s bed oblivious to all the commotion. Happy house. 

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…and then this happened. 

Jenna finally wore me down. The end of May/beginning of June, Abu and Aladdin moved into Pet Valu and were waiting to be adopted. Jenna dragged me in there at least twice a week to play with them. She asked me every time to please apply to adopt them. I said no every time. 

After 2.5 months of this Jenna was going to the SPCA camp and I figured for sure she’d fall in love with every animal there and I wouldn’t have to worry. Nope. We would leave camp and go visit Abu and Aladdin. 

After almost 3 months they were still sitting in their cage waiting for a home. I think the problem was they needed to be adopted together and no one was taking two cats. 

Friday the weather changed here (did I mention it snowed here yesterday?) And Ella caught her first fall mouse – she left it proudly displayed in the kitchen. I figured she needed some extra help. And. Well….

Alladin on top, Abu on bottom. Alladin has an extra toe on each foot. Passed out elephant in the corner.  
I am officially the crazy cat lady. Ella is mad as can be, the kids are happy, the dog is in denial. 

A family happiness moment. Today we played with them and tried to make them comfortable in their new home. A heart expanding with love moment. 

As an aside, they are 1. If they live until 16-18 (which is pretty normal for my cats), I will be in my 60s and still have these cuties. 

Crazy, happy cat lady. 

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Table talk

Tonight after supper the original four sat around the table sharing memories. Some from our childhood. Some – like the story of my parents and our most awesome cat Torts almost tipping in the canoe during a storm (Torts was so awesome he was game for such things) – predated their life with kids. When they were just two plus cat. 

The opportunity to just sit and visit and remember does not happen often enough. The opportunity to share love and appreciation for others is not grabbed often enough. 

My happiness moment for today was sharing those little moments. 

As a bonus funny moment, this morning Jenna came running around the corner saying you should see what Ella just did! Apparently Dottie the Dotted Dog was lying down and Ella the Cat walked over, walked on top of her, and lay down on Dottie’s bum. Jenna said Dottie just lay there wide eyed not sure wait to do about it! 

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Glamping

Today ends our Glamping (glam camping) trip. For the past few weeks we’ve had a whole house set up with borrowed furniture (some of it lawn) from family. Which has been so kind and actually sort of fun. But today our stuff cleared customs and tomorrow it gets filled (somehow) into the house. We are so excited. 

But today we made use of the empty space. Ella started climbing up the dog kennel and scratching at her kennel this morning. This was odd behavior because it was just bought for her flight here and isn’t a safe place for her to go. I went over to see what she was doing and found a mouse that my husband had snuck inside for her to play with. Almost 3 weeks go by and she decides to find the mouse. 

So we played fetch across the red carpet 

  

See the Glamping style chairs? They’re actually very comfortable. 

  

I am so jealous because while I was out at customs the kids built a huge fort city in the open rooms and are going to have the sleepover to end all sleepovers with their cousins tonight. 

A happiness moment. 

  

However, my happiness moment today was out on my morning walk when the swans flew honking along with me. I love them. 

 

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Happy Dottie

this is what the happiest dog in the world looks like

   

I don’t think her tail stopped wagging the entire walk.  She’s as happy to be here as I am to have her. 

Even though she would never admit it , Ella is happy too. She is helping me blog right now

  

So happy they are safely here after such a long flight. Almost 2,000 miles they travelled yesterday. So grateful for all the love and kindness of my husband who worked so hard getting them here 💗💗. 

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