Tag Archives: family

happiness

Grade 10 graduate

The boy wrote his last exam today and is officially on summer vacation. I can’t believe my baby is finished grade 10 – where did all that time go?

He laughed at me this morning and said I’m going to be just like you were in grade 11 mom. I hope you’re ready for that.

Grade 11 was not my finest moment. But I did remind him that I had to work like hell to make up for essentially doing nothing for an entire semester in order to graduate on time.

I am so proud of this kid. He has worked so hard and is such an amazing young man. That is happiness complete.

Standard
happiness

Playing in the tall grass

I drove in the yard today to find my boy walking through the tallest grass in the field – in the lane that we used to use to go from my parents’ house to the barn. It also goes to our house.

We used to walk and ride up this little lane when we were kids, although over the years it hasn’t been used much and now is just a tall jungle of grass, bluebells, and burrs (and the odd rhubarb plant).

I love that he lives here and now has the freedom to just hang outside in the field playing in the tall grass. This is the childhood I had always imagined for my kids. The fact that he’s almost 16 and still doing this makes my heart smile from the inside out. Happiness.

Standard
happiness

Walking again 

After what feels like a really long break due to bad weather and hangry bears, the girls and I went out for our evening walk/bike ride/dog walk. June in Alberta, and particularly at the ranch,  is absolutely stunning. I love where I live. And I don’t just say those words, my soul deeply loves being in this spot where our roots are, where my memories live, where my family is. That is happiness.

Standard
happiness

Building bonds 

This morning we had a walk in memory of my dad. Actually, it was supposed to be a flower walk in his memory, but the weather was terrible so we ended up doing a walk of a different kind. Not what I had expected, but very good and filling and exactly what it should have been. There were memories of dad, but new ones as well, and different old memories of this town – the weddings and family events that have happened here – and ones of the ranch around it. My kids and my niece and nephew ran around squealing and having fun; my mom, sister and I were together, my aunt told stories of the movie site, friends of my parents listened and asked questions. Life keeps moving on.

This evening we had a community potluck supper which was a bonding moment in itself. This time I was able to visit with a bunch of family who I normally don’t get a chance to chat with. It’s interesting coming from this large extended family – we have so much in common and yet in many ways live completely different lives. A real blessing since coming back home has been getting to know parts of the family that I didn’t really know all that well before.

We are part of a pretty amazing tribe. I think when I was a kid I just assumed everyone had families like mine, the older I get the more I appreciate the roots that have been planted here and where I come from. My immediate family, memories of my dad, my extended family – that is happiness.

 

Standard
happiness

Spring band concert 

Tonight the girl got to show off her mad clarinet skills at the school band concert. She missed the Christmas one due to her concussion so this was the first time we got to see her play. She really seemed like she knew what she was doing! It’s amazing how quickly they progress over the year. 

She goes to such a great school – it really has been a godsend and a safe place for her to land over the last couple of years. I couldn’t have imagined a more loving place for her to have had to hold her as she has healed and grown over the last two years. 

Seeing her there in her community, chatting with her principal who not only knows her, but the whole family so well, that is happiness. 

Standard
happiness

Transition and change

I had lunch today with a dear friend of mine – I’ve known her since the beginning of my time and my childhood memories are filled with visions of us tearing things up here at the ranch. We come together as often as we can now to break bread, share laughter, and hold space for each other.

There is something special about these lifelong friends – even more so is the fact that she is family – so we have shared experience, but also were raised with values and share a core understanding of who we are as part of this family. There is little background we ever have to explain to each other when we tell a story. This is a treasure and I am grateful all the time that God blessed me with this tribe.

Later today she texted me a quote that I have been pondering and feel is quite a profound way of describing the changes and transitions I have been going through over the last few years:

Without a transition, a change is just a rearrangement of the furniture. A change might be switching from one brand of detergent to the other. or it could be a shift in daily habits, such as going out to exercise first thing in the morning instead of waiting until the workday is finished. A transition, on the other hand, is more far-reaching. It involves an inner reorientation, a shift of focus that often requires a new understanding of self. A brand-new identity emerges..”

I had been telling her how I felt so strongly that if I walked away from the transition period I am in now I will forever lose all that I have gained. It is so important that I finish this journey to healing – so I can be better and so that the kids will as well. Every step I take they are right along with me – and sometimes they take the step and I follow. But, we MUST complete this journey.

My time today with her was more than happiness. It is pure and true – to the core of my soul happiness – that lasts the test of time.

Standard
happiness

I love this life

This was one of those days when I was reminded of how completely fantastic it is that we live here, with this tribe, in this place. It was branding day at the ranch and it draws family  from the community and friends from town. The sun was shining, there was a little bit of a breeze and people were smiling.

I talk about it all the time, but I firmly believe we were not meant to go through life as these individual units – we need our tribe, our people , our village. Being here with all of that has helped heal my life, and I an forever grateful that we had these people to come back to.

And June in Alberta is simply amazing. How can I not love this life? It is happiness.

Standard
happiness

Stop and reorganize

I decided the best way for me to find some balance in my life again was to stop everything and clean and reorganize the house. There’s still a way to go, there’s a lot of junk we have here that does not belong in this new life, but it was a start. It’s amazing how just tidying and scrubbing some counters can make the house feel more like home. My hope is to be able to paint a couple of rooms over the summer to give them a warmer, fresher feel.

Really the only way to keep moving forward is to bring in the light instead of focusing on the darkness. For me, the best way to do this is to make sure I’m taking care of myself – sleeping enough, eating healthy food, getting exercise, hugging Drishti. As long as I’m looked after, I can look after all the other details.

Although nothing is different from yesterday, it is completely changed as well – I feel stronger and more able to take on the world again. And that is happiness.

Standard
happiness

Healing balance

Today was a day the feelings decided to show up. I still figure I should see dad walking down the hall in the house, or wandering in the field, or sitting on the deck. I also am starting to understand that it’s real that he’s gone. It’s been two years.

Added to that has been the extra chaos so kindly added by he who shall not be named – that person who seems to want to make sure that finding peace is as difficult as possible. He feels more and more like a distant nightmare, but one that is constantly trying to stir up a storm. Exhausting and I’m done with that.

The balance though is the healing community I have around me – my family, my girlfriends, the healers in my life, the kids, Drishti, and even Dottie when she’s not being naughty.

You get to choose what you put your intention and focus on. I would be crazy not to keep mine on the wonderful gifts I have in my life. It keeps me balanced, and keeps me focused on the fact that there is always hope for things to get better and better. I am incredibly blessed that way.

As I’ve been working at growing my wellness business I have had incredible support from my mom and sister and I’m so grateful for that. One step at a time and I keep walking towards a better life. This family who comes together and lifts each other up – what a gift.

That is happiness.

Standard
happiness

Old memories, new memories 

Today was absolutely bursting with all kinds of different emotions. Before May 28, 2015; this date was just another day on the calendar. Now it is wrapped up with memories of Dad and the day he died. There was so much intensity those last few days, weeks, months… and then there are all the memories we cherish and carry with us of him and the light he shone in the world. To balance those intense feelings, we attended a huge family celebration for my uncle and aunt in honour of their 60th wedding anniversary. Life keeps on going, and there are always joyful moments and sad moments mixed in with each other.

Mom and I spent some quite time by “dad’s tree” in the garden. The last few days he was home the blossoms seemed to hang right over him, wrapping him and the rest of us up in the change of season. It seemed like a fitting place to sit for a while this morning and spend some quality time with memories of Dad.

Having a family party in the afternoon really brought perfect balance to the day. This tribe that we have – they are so amazing and we are so blessed to be part of such a group of people. The way this large family comes together is quite special an unique and I couldn’t imagine living life any differently – I love knowing that we are part of this huge tribe.

There is always happiness to be found if you remember to look for it. The happiness this afternoon was as clear and as loud as our laughter. The happiness this morning was more subdued, in the form of memories, and gratitude for a man we love so dearly.

Standard