happiness

I am

The last few days this song has been playing in the background of my mind noise. When I meditate and am more quiet it plays loudly in the forefront. Clearly I need to pay attention to it.

It’s simple and yet incredibly powerful. When I sat down and played it today immediately surrounded by animals and slowly surrounded by kids who just sat and listened.

I am.

We all are this.

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happiness

Luau

We saw the Lion King tonight. I have spent hundreds, maybe thousands of hours watching and acting out this movie with my monsters over the years. It was their number one most loved movie without a doubt.

The new version was good, but not as good. Probably because it doesn’t come with all the memories… and this song

Apparently we aren’t allowed to say fat anymore so it was switched out for chubby. Personally I think chubby is more insulting but what do I know? And Luau is my favourite part of the movie…

It was still a really good movie and we listened to, and sang loudly to, the soundtrack all the way home.

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happiness

Horsefly!

It was a girl day at the creek, well girls and horseflies. We are loving the summer weather and so grateful for the time to enjoy it.

Being by the creek is one of my soul happy places, I can feel myself relax and regain balance just by sitting beside it.

The horseflies made it a bit of a challenge, although they seemed more intent on biting the girls. I’d hear a scream horsefly then see them dive underwater.

Summer is magical

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happiness

How it is

I was driving with the girl today and we were talking about a cousin of mine and his family. I said how I thought he and his wife are such great parents, how they’ve worked really hard at creating their family.

I said you’d be lucky to have parents like them, I think they’re really great people.

And the girl said I love them, I love to visit them. But I really like how our family is. I like that you’re our only parent. I feel like I’m lucky to be in this family.

And I stopped and breathed.

So often I feel badly for the kids, I see the lack, I think of my dad and want that kind of parent for them. But she didn’t see a lack at all. She loves our family as it is. And you know what? I do too.

We finished off the day at the creek. The best part of summer. And filled with memories of my dad, so it was like he was there too.

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happiness

Laugh like you’re a kid

We had an awesome family fun day at the creek today. It’s one of my favorite places in the world to be, and I got to be there with the people I love.

And things like this happened

The girl and I went on an off-roading version of this that had me laughing for a good 20 minutes straight.

Not just happiness, but fun too!

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happiness

Line of integrity

I spent the day listening to Tony Robbins, Rachael Hollis, and many other motivational speakers. All of it was amazing, much of it transformational. I’ll be absorbing it for a while.

Before today I’d never heard of Erin Skye Kelly, but she altered my thinking about decisions I make, and made me question my own integrity. Not my integrity towards others so much as my integrity towards myself. Do I honour my promises to myself the way that I should be?

She showed us this chart and said that we are all behaving in one of these four ways

The first one is where we are all aiming to be. I nudged my friend and said I feel like I’m stuck too often in the third box – where we do things that feel good but aren’t good for us. Because box two is hard, and box one feels unobtainable so often.

Then Erin said that the red line we see dividing the boxes is the line of integrity. And I quietly muttered shit.

It’s the little things like having that extra piece of chocolate, not doing my morning readings, not meditating, not working out, not forcing our asses around the dinner table. They seem small, but out together they place me on the wrong side of the line of integrity. It makes it so my words (or intentions) and actions don’t line up.

Today was absolutely amazing. I am filled with gratitude that I was able to be there and experience the energy, the love, the knowledge, the struggles, the wisdom, the peace.

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happiness

Two years ago

Two years ago today I went out for a lovely evening ride with my niece and ended the evening in urgent care with a shattered shoulder.

I didn’t know then that I was entering one of the most difficult phases of my life.

And now here we are. On the other side. Or if not the other side, no longer stuck inside the hurricane.

I have learned to much about grace and love and forgiveness in these last two years. I’ve been humbled, helpless, strong, scared, brave, happy, sad. I’ve lived the deepest of any emotion and learned to embrace all of who I am.

It’s been intense. But so beautiful and sweet. 🦋

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