Tag Archives: horses

happiness

Never seen you so happy

Keeping with my commitment to look after myself, I got up early this morning and did my morning pages and meditated before the kids got up. For the last few months instead of getting up and doing my morning routine I’ve been lying in bed for an extra hour thinking about how tired I am.

It left me feeling really good and I had a very productive morning which felt amazing. I treated myself after by spending time with my boy

I feel like we are putting the pieces back together and hopefully in the next few days I’m riding again.

When I picked up the kids from school the girl looked at me and said

You know mom, I’ve never seen you so happy as you’ve been since you got Drishti.

I’ve realized this is the first time they’ve seen me like this. I’m not living the dream of someone else – I’m following my dharma, using the gifts that God gave me, doing things that make my soul sing.

I’ve made big changes in my life and the kids have supported me every step of the way. The happier I am, the more I give to myself, the more I have to give them and everyone else. And that’s the point of this happiness journey after all.

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Jump back on 

Today seemed like as good a day as any to face my fears. Given that I feel like my world is in an upside down shit storm and all. 

After exactly 16 weeks I got back on my naughty horse and went for a ride. 

If that sounds easy, it wasn’t. I brought him into the corral and tacked him up.  This was much easier than the last time I sat on him on September 30. Then I barely had any mobility and I just sat on his back for a couple of minutes   

The next part turned out to be much harder than I anticipated. It took me almost a half hour of standing beside him before I found the courage to climb back on. Remember he’s been off since I turfed myself the end of July – he had some energy. 

But I finally did. And as we walked we both relaxed a little bit. And I faced a fear. It reminded me I am strong enough to walk the scary paths. 

Oh this horse. He is happiness. Scary happiness but happiness. 

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Hell’s Kitchen 

The weather was absolutely beautiful today and I managed to get out for a walk and soak in some sunbeams. On my way home I noticed my horse had made a steer friend and they each stand on their side of the fence grazing side by side. It’s cute. The evening was spent watching Hell’s Kitchen with the girl. 

What does this mean? That even though I have days like yesterday where I feel like the entire universe is dumping on me, really life is pretty darn good. And it’s good because of all the simple things – pony faces, sunbeams, girl cuddles – that is what happiness is about. 

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Show me the way

I was having some serious issues with god today – to be honest I’ve been having them for a little while now. 

I’ve been feeling a lot of that’s not fair, and why are you shitting all over my life, and seriously???????

Mostly I’m just tired and overwhelmed. To say there’s a lot of crap going on is an understatement. And to put the icing on he cake I got my lawyer bill today. Another month where I have spent money fighting because he refuses to follow the court order.  I often feel like as soon as I decided I would ask God for help and admit I couldn’t do it myself he took a wrecking ball to my life and just keeps hammering away. 

I got a call from school that the girl was sick and I had to go get her and take her to urgent care. 

I was driving on the back road and swearing at God when I flew by one of the sloughs. I happened to look over and saw 4 swans peacefully floating on it. Something inside me snapped and I pulled off to the side and took a small moment of peaceful gratitude. 


It helped ground me a little and reminded me that God is everywhere. I had a couple of conversations with dear ones whose lives are also in the shitter. It reminded me that I’m not the center of the universe and that faith is all I have. 

So I went out and hugged my horse. He is proof that miracles happen. 

And I stood and watched the sunset – first the glow to the east and then over the mountains to the west – and that was happiness. 

To the east 



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Fall cleaning 

The house is a disaster. To give them credit, the kids have helped a lot over the last 3 months – but still – the house is a disaster. 

Today there was some space in life and strength in my arm and I was able to get a little bit of the chaos dealt with. We all do so much better when the clutter is cleared. I have no desire to live in a museum, but my brain can’t relax in a mess either. 

So there was a start to get order back in life. I like to think I am carefree and don’t need a schedule,  but I sadly have to say that I do bette when there is somewhat of a routine. 

The happiness for today was making space for more freedom, peace, and joy in our home. 

And him 

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Run to me

I went out this afternoon to share a treat with my pony. It’s been windy and I’ve not been feeling well, so he hasn’t had as much attention as I would have liked lately. 

He was out  in the middle of the field eating when he saw me walking towards him. He turned and galloped towards me. I know, it was mostly for the treats, but he did stop and give me a little head butt of affection before diving into his bucket. 

I prayed for this horse for so long, and by love and a miracle he’s in my yard. Happiness. 

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Back in the saddle 

September 20 I saw my doctor at the cast clinic and he told me that my bone had healed well, but was concerned because I had very little mobility still in my arm. 

As I left his office I realized two things. One was that I better get my arm moving and two that maybe I didn’t have to wait until spring to ride again. 

I set a goal to be on my horse by September 30. It was a laughable goal because I couldn’t move my arm barely at all and the pain was still keeping me up at night. 

So here we are 10 days later. I’m still up at night more than I’d like, but I’ve increased mobility a lot. And so, this happened this afternoon:


I managed to tack him up myself which was no small feat. Then I lunged the hell out of him 


And when he was finally tired I grabbed my mounting block and went to get on. 

As I stood there on the block  I got super nervous as I realized how totally vulnerable I was with only one dependable arm. 

I called the girl and forced her to come hold him – which she did. 

And I sat on his back. Didn’t even walk around, just sat there for a few minutes feeling the fear, feeling the calm. Both were there. It’s what I love most,  but I have to say I’m a little scared after my last unplanned dismount. 

But mostly I was just happy. Happy I was back on, happy am facing things that scare me, happy I have Drishti 

It was a good moment. 

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