Tonight for the first time since junior high I was treated to sponge toffee. There was a candy store near my junior high that made the stuff and I enjoyed it in those years but then completely forgot about it.
The stuff tonight was dipped in chocolate which made it that much better.
Life should be sweet like sponge toffee.
The girl and I took Bear for a walk by the rider today. It was the perfect fall day, and Bear ended up being a perfect gentleman (as our country boy we never know how happy he will be on a leash controlled walk).
That dog has quite literally been a godsend for my girl and I love watching them together. 
I’ve discovered that since the kids have gone back to school, I’ve gone back to crying in the car when I’m driving alone. It was pretty much how I spent 2015 after dad died, and I have to say I’m almost glad I’m processing mom’s death the same way finally. So much happened right after she died I had to put my grieving process on hold. Which was fine, but I do need to work through those feelings.
I was driving through town on my way to pick up the girl, still crying but trying desperately to stop. While I’m totally fine with my car crying grieving process, I’m not a huge fan of being the crazed bawling mama at school. As I was waiting for the lights to change I looked at the car across the intersection from me.
This car was a minivan, a little bit older but generally in good shape – except for the front. The entire front of the van was held together by huge strips of duct tape. Some of them looked like they were barely hanging on, others like they totally were keeping the car together.
I started laughing through my tears because omg, duct tape really does fix everything. The image of that car was enough to change my mood and I was smiling by the time I pulled into the school parking lot.
The girl and I spent most of the rest of the day driving around doing errands together. Teen life seems like it’s in constant change, but in this exact second it’s pretty good. It warmed my heart to see her smiling, and to share the deep conversations that we had while we laughed and sobbed together about the weirdness of life.
I am so grateful for this life.
There were some back to school nerves in our house tonight. I’m grateful we’ve got some coping strategies for stress and we made use of a few tonight.
One of my favorites is tapping. I found a Brad Yates clip on YouTube for back to school and the girl and I did it together. I’m always amazed at how powerful this tool is. I need to remember to use it more.
Here’s to a good year!
We went to Canmore this afternoon and watched the Highland Games. I’ve been wanting to go again for years – I think the last time I went was before kids. Now however, the monsters were at the perfect age to enjoy the Games. Teens are pretty easy in these situations. We checked out the booths, watched men and women do tug of war and throw giant logs, and enjoyed the beauty of the mountains. How lucky we are to live here.
I’ve not been good about doing my happiness moments lately. Part of it is me needing a break, part of it is me just being sad and trying to sort things out, part of it is the fact that there are some people who read my blog whom I would rather not have a window into my soul.
But at the end of the day, tracking my gratitude and finding moments of happiness no matter what life throws at me is so much more important than any of those reasons.
I went to Canmore with a friend this evening and we walked the town, walked the paths, and went for supper. It was so fun to laugh and relax and really enjoy the company of someone I care about.
There is a lot to be grateful for and even though there have been some dark times it’s so important to keep focused on the moment of sunshine.
We scattered some of mom’s ashes in her favorite places (the same spots where we scattered dads ashes three years ago).
When mom was a little girl she had “her” rock, her favorite place to sit on the hill and look over the creek to see the mountains in the background. After she got polio she was never able to go back to that spot again. In an odd way it felt really good to leave a little bit of her there at that rock.
While we were walking and crying and scattering we noticed that for the first time in weeks we could see the mountains. Like heaven was celebrating a little bit with us.
On Saturday when we were at the Cochrane Fair we had our auras read by a dear, old (not in age -she’s younger than I am) friend of mine. She read my aura in the winter of 2014 – just months before every single thing in my life started to change. It was amazing the difference between that snapshot of my energy vs. the one that was taken the other day. Granted, the auras can change in a matter of minutes; but my general energy, outlook on life, spiritual connection, and life is so different now from what it was then.
But the really interesting one was that of my daughter. Her aura was surrounded by bright red – my friend described it as a cloak of protection. Because it’s red it relates to her first chakra, the one that grounds us to the earth, that connects us, that makes us feel safe. Red isn’t the color my girl is normally drawn to, but when we were doing some back to school shopping it was the colour she picked out over and over. My friend (who knows we’ve been through the last few years, but not all the specifics of my daughter’s life) said it was like she had wrapped a cloak of protection around herself, but it also showed she was depleted in the very thing she was using as protection – her base chakra. She needs to ground herself to the earth, make herself remember that she is here of this earth and replenish the lost energy.
My girl left muttering she doesn’t know me at all, but smiling because she knew my friend was spot on with her analysis.
The next day we went to church and the sermon was pretty much given explicitly for her. It was the story of Passover, and as he talked of the houses that marked their doorway with the blood of the lamb it became clear that he was talking about the same type of cloak of protection that my girl was using. The pastor had a door frame put up at the front of the church, and he stood inside it and explained how as he stood in the door he was completely covered and protected by the cloak of God. Then he took out some red paint and covered the doorway with the red cloak of protection – that would save his life.
I was watching my girl as he was talking and I could feel her energy change. My friend had told her that however she was making the cloak to protect her was exactly what she needed at this time in her life. And as she listened to the sermon she began to see that the cloak that she had wrapped around her just may have come from a higher power.
I love it when God stuff happens like that.
We went to the Cochrane Fair today just in time to watch the mutton bustin’
It is by far my favorite rodeo event. I love barrels and poles and several of the other ones, but watching those kids hang on for dear life is the funniest thing to watch
It was still pretty smoky (by that I mean ridiculously so) but we all have a bit of cabin fever and went out anyway. No regrets. We needed the injection of fun.
Jasmine has learned not only how to climb higher, but how to play/bug Aladdin. He’s so tolerant and good with her.
It’s fun to watch a creature who knows nothing but love exist in the world. She doesn’t understand hurt or fear at all. I love it
