Tag Archives: love

happiness

Expect less, accept more

One of my favorite sayings is when someone shows you who they really are, believe them. As someone who generally tries to see the best in someone it can be really be tempting to overlook the obvious and only see what I want.

But this week, I’ve had to expand on that idea. Sometimes someone can be exactly who you want them to be and it’s still not enough. I think this is where the issue of expectations come in. Either I’ll have unrealistic expectations or they will – sometimes it even falls somewhere in between in a weird area of poor communication and lack of understanding of what each other wants. All good friendships need lots of trust and good communication.

It’s confusing when people get upset with me for not behaving or feeling the way they want or expect me to. Especially when it’s a good friend and you feel there’s a certain level of trust where you should be free to be your true self. This happened to me this week, and as I was reflecting on this feeling, I realized I’ve done this to close friends myself. I too have wanted someone to be one way and when they ended up not being able to be that person I’ve been upset. Being on the receiving end of that didn’t feel very good, and I’ve actually apologized to someone that I’ve behaved that way to since. Fortunately my friend was very gracious and forgiving – another lesson to learn.

I think for me it’s a protective thing – I didn’t want to get hurt so I want to lash out first. I have no idea the intention of the person who got upset with me, and it doesn’t really matter. It did make me realize I need to expect less and accept more. I need to be more loving and accepting of the people in my lives and drop my expectations of who I think they should be. I don’t like it when people try and make me someone who I’m not – so why should I do it to them?

Personal growth – it’s no where near the rainbows and unicorns I was hoping for, it’s got a lot of tears and heartbreak mixed in that’s for sure. But it’s growth. Always moving forward, feet on the ground and face to the sun.

Standard
happiness

Deepening relationships

The boy competed again today with his speech for 4H and although he didn’t move on, I was so amazed and impressed with how well he did. I know that I look at my kids with mom goggles, but damn- he’s a good public speaker. And he just lets it flow – there are no notes he reads off of. So proud.

One of the great things about the kids being in 4H and me being on the Hall Board is it gets us knowing people in our community again – long time neighbors and extended family.

We were at a family party tonight and I was thinking how instead of just chatting now, we have deepened so many of our relationships and we are becoming closer to our people.

It’s important. My relationships and my people are the most important thing in my life – and I’m so glad we have this tribe here.

Standard
happiness

Happy girls

Being a teenage girl isn’t for the faint of heart. I think my grade 7-9 years were the most difficult of all my school years. It seems girls at that age when they turn on each other use emotional warfare that can be scarring for life.

But it is also a time when some of your best friends can be found. My girl is still seeking her tribe and adding to it as she can.

She had a friend over today who I think could be a member of her girl tribe. Those friendships are important. My girlfriends (including my sister and cousins) have carried me through all the ups and downs in my life.

It brought my heart great joy to listen to those girls giggle and share secrets. It’s happiness.

Standard
happiness

The road to happiness is filled with tears and heartache

I think about what my concept of happiness was 3 years ago when I started this blog and where I am at with my journey now and I never imagined there would have been so much heartbreak and loss involved on this path. I took the month of February “off” to grieve and cry and be sad – but an interesting thing happened in that month – I actually came to a completely different understanding of what happiness is.

I had planned on just feeling sorry for myself and absorbing all the loss I’ve had in the last few years, but what ended up happening was I ended up really working on my spiritual connection. What I have discovered is my soul happiness, my peace, is coming through my connection to the Divine. I can tell when I am truly happy now – when I am listening to my inner guidance, following my instinct, living my Dharma, using the gifts that God gave me to shine my light.

I mean, I’ve known for a long time that the new shirt, book, song, whatever isn’t the key to happiness. And although having good and kind people in my tribe is essential, it doesn’t guarantee happiness either. What is bringing me a more peaceful happiness is the fact that I am settling into myself, I am deepening my connection to Source, I am learning to trust myself.

It’s a whole different game.

I had a very deep discussion with the girl today who is on her own journey to find peace and self acceptance. Personal growth and healing really should be more unicorns and rainbows – but it turns out the road is filled with tears and heartache. I mean, there are some rainbows (no unicorns yet, but one Drishti and that’s good enough), but it’s sure a lot bumpier a road than I had imagined.

On the other hand, I feel more like myself – probably than I ever had. I spend less time worrying about what other people think of me and my journey (I mean, I still worry about it – I’m a work in progress after all), and I am so much more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have been.

In the first few weeks after mom died I really wanted to just quit this blog. I didn’t want to be happy I wanted to be sad. I am grateful I took the time to be sad – interestingly it is bringing me closer to the happiness and peace I have been seeking all along.

Standard
happiness

Building strong

The kids and I started week 4 of our transformation program today. It has been interesting doing this along with them – I hear them thinking out loud about some of the things we have discussed as they are searching out snacks. When we have been in the grocery store they look at food and see how it falls in line with the goals they have set out, and it has changed what they’re asking for.

The results are starting to roll in as well. We all have lost some weight and all are feeling a little better about the choices we are making. It’s all about changing habits and behaviours and we are learning how to do that.

There was a sign in my old chiropractor’s office in Virginia that said “It’s easier to build strong children than repair broken men”. It’s a gift I hope my kids carry with them into adulthood – they are learning to value themselves – to know that they matter and are worth looking after.

Standard
happiness

Another new normal

We had a family meal at the house tonight – moving into another new normal now that mom is gone. That house needs laughter and family in it, to me that is what our home is all about – a gathering place for our tribe. It was good to feel life in it again – good to have people who love us and love that old house together. We need to continue to build memories here, we need to continue coming together.

I spent some time this afternoon in gratitude for the tribe, for the family we have here. The kids and I are so blessed to be surrounded by these people who love us – whenever I feel like we are so alone all I have to do is look outside and see imprints of generations of our people, or I look at the walls of this family home, and I am almost overwhelmed with how lucky I feel that I have these roots.

Standard
happiness

Back on the ridge

It was finally decent enough I could get back out on the ridge with my Dotted Dog. I had forgotten how important it is for me to have that quiet time – it is when I connect to the Divine in a completely different way.

I actually feel much better now, I still have no idea how we will make things work, but I have faith that it will work out. I have been looked after every step of my journey and I can’t believe God will just stop now.

It felt good to get back out in the sunshine again – in the world and inside my soul.

Standard
happiness

It’s a small world

I had a parking lot goods exchange this morning that made me feel like I was doing a drug swap, but really I was just buying farm eggs from a lady I met on one of the Cochrane Facebook groups. After she contacted me to tell me she had some eggs I could purchase, I looked at her profile so I could recognize her and all of her photos included Mom’s Heather – the wonderful lady who looked after my mom for the last year and half. The “egg lady” is Heather’s best friend and we had no idea who each other was until I looked at her photos. There really is a small degree of separation between us all and I love it when the Universe randomly  brings us together like this. We chatted and laughed in the parking lot, and as I drove away I realized it had been a Happiness Moment, and that in fact I’ve been having Happiness Moments all along, I’ve just been too sad to see them.

Something awful happened to one of the members of my tribe earlier this week. Their poor family has literally been to hell and back over the last couple of years and the last thing they needed was another tragedy. I had a WTF moment with God wondering why they had to deal with yet more pain and I tried to figure out why it had happened to them. The best I could come up with was who knows, it was totally random. But, what I did realize was that I never once questioned whether or not they were being punished for something, or if God had forgotten them, or if He didn’t love them – I know this isn’t true – they are awesome people and live life being kind and honest.

And then I realized that if that was true about them, then it was likely true about me too. Sometimes I get really angry with God because I feel he’s forgotten me or is punishing me. But if I don’t feel that way about them – and the crap they’ve dealt with over the last few years is at least as bad as mine if not worse – then why should I feel that way about me and my kids?

And if you are dealing with a crappy situation in your own life the same thing is true – we can’t always understand the painful things that come our into our lives, but it in no way changes the value you have as a person.

Standard
happiness

Ginger chews

The boy and I tackled the sad job of returning some of mom’s things today – I keep thinking I can’t take these things back she needs them – but then I remember she’s gone. I was grateful he came along with me so at least I wasn’t crying alone.

When we were done we went to the grocery store (because I have teens and they eat all the time) when I paid the cashier gave us each a ginger chew to try. We got to the car, opened them up, and popped them in our mouths. They were so good, but so chewy and they made the grossest mouth chewing noises imaginable. Both of us hate the sound of loud chewing anyway, so we took the opportunity to try and see who could be the most disgusting. I can’t imagine how we must have looked sitting in the car, mouths wide open, laughing so hard.

Thank God for that kid and his weird sense of humour. It feels good to laugh – it was an actual happiness moment. Thank goodness.

Standard
happiness

Someone to talk to

One thing I discovered in my years living away from home was that I had kind of taken my built in tribe of people for granted. I hadn’t done this intentionally, but I’d always had a close group of people I could talk about the things closest to my heart and I didn’t realize how difficult it was to find that.

It’s important to have someone to share the ups and downs of your life with, to laugh with, but also to share your deepest secrets and dreams with – someone who is there in your corner to hold you up when you’re feeling down.

Something I’m beginning to realize is how very lonely a lot of people are out there. We seem to have set up our society in a way that isolates people more than it brings them together. It makes me realize how important it is to have people who are close and with whom I want to share laughter, tears, and heart secrets. I want to grow old with good friends who love and trust each other, and who will laugh about how badass we think we are.

Standard