Today people continued to help me out by giving food asking if there was anything they could do and in the case of my kids cleaning the house.
The kids weren’t overly pleased about that part but they did a good job once they got going. I think it’s been good for all of us to have these roles switch up a little bit they appreciate what I do a whole bunch more and I sure appreciate everything they’re doing for me.
I am so grateful for this tribe. Such happiness.
School is officially over for the year. I went out for DQ with the girl and some of her friends before they went to an end of school party. The boy and I had an Indiana Jones night – finally full relaxation mode can happen for these kids. They’ve worked hard this year.
I loved watching the girl laughing with her friends, I adore quiet time with my boy. This is how memories are made – this is happiness.
It may be 20 years too late but the boy and I finally sat down and watched Happy Gilmore today
Adam Sandler movies have become our “vacation thing” and while they’re cheesy it’s fun to laugh at a movie with him.
Quiet, simple happiness.
When I was pregnant with the boy we joined a birth and baby class at the hospital. It was 8 weeks with half the focus on pregnancy and half on newborns. My kid was considerate and was born at exactly the half way mark.
For the first year a bunch of us did weekly playgroups which gave us overtired and overwhelmed moms an outing. There was a first birthday party, and a 10 birthday party (which we missed because we were living away).
Today we had the 16th birthday party for these babies. And all but three showed up which was pretty amazing.
And a shot of all the siblings
It was interesting how these kids who have no memory of each other, and us parents who have vague memories, were all able to come together and laugh and visit and share stories
I consider moments like this to be huge blessings. It’s a special kind of happiness. It comes from good old memories, love for our kids, and sharing of happy times.
The boy wrote his last exam today and is officially on summer vacation. I can’t believe my baby is finished grade 10 – where did all that time go?
He laughed at me this morning and said I’m going to be just like you were in grade 11 mom. I hope you’re ready for that.
Grade 11 was not my finest moment. But I did remind him that I had to work like hell to make up for essentially doing nothing for an entire semester in order to graduate on time.
I am so proud of this kid. He has worked so hard and is such an amazing young man. That is happiness complete.
Tonight the girl got to show off her mad clarinet skills at the school band concert. She missed the Christmas one due to her concussion so this was the first time we got to see her play. She really seemed like she knew what she was doing! It’s amazing how quickly they progress over the year.
She goes to such a great school – it really has been a godsend and a safe place for her to land over the last couple of years. I couldn’t have imagined a more loving place for her to have had to hold her as she has healed and grown over the last two years.
Seeing her there in her community, chatting with her principal who not only knows her, but the whole family so well, that is happiness.
The boy has taken an assistant position coaching flag football for his school and today, after a few weeks of early morning practice, was their first game. It was such a thrill to see him so involved and passionate about helping and guiding the players. Seeing my little boy who has so quickly grown into this amazing young man be so confident and excited about assisting coaching was such a thrill for me.
I can’t believe how grown up he is. He is way more together than I ever was at his age and I am so incredibly proud of this little human (not so little human). Seeing him thrive – that’s happiness.
Yesterday I was brought back to the words of my acupuncturist: that even when you are focused on and connected to the Divine, life can hit you out of nowhere and throw you off balance.
That was pretty much yesterday in a nutshell. One second I was thinking how great it was that I kinda had my crap together and things were under control and literally the next second full on, meltdown crisis in the parking lot. And it’s so much harder to deal with when the pain belongs to someone I love, but I can’t fix it. I know the cause of it, but not the cure. It breaks me. Maybe I need to be broken. I don’t know.
A couple of weeks ago my aunt emailed me a psalm reading because I was complaining that God wasn’t shining His flashlight brightly enough on my path.
Psalm 119:105
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
It wasn’t really the answer I wanted (I wanted to know what was ahead on the path), but the words have been sitting in my heart ever since.
Today I was doing some studies, trying to rebalance myself again, and came across something similar. A reminder that it’s a process, that endurance is needed and that the light is always there.
So, I got a little angry with God and went out and had my usual field temper tantrum asking why if the light was there it couldn’t be bright enough so I can see down the path and know that everything will be ok.
This is a lesson in faith, learning to surrender control. I don’t like it. I like the illusion I have control enough to keep us safe and looked after. I totally don’t.
I realized that maybe the light is only being shone brightly where I’m standing because I need to pay attention to what is happening now, not looking ahead down the path.
I also don’t like this. But I think it’s important. There are things happening that need my attention right now. And in this moment where the light shines we are safe. That should be enough. Should. It’s what I’m gong to focus on anyway – I’m letting g of all the other distractions and looking at what is important.
And for the moments when it’s not enough, I have Drishti. He forces me to have faith and trust when I’m scared, he makes me learn when to hold on and let go, he reminds me how to be in the moment. He’s helping fix my soul.
Tootling around the field with him, that is happiness.
I will tell everyone I know how much I resent routines. I don’t like getting up and doing the school morning rush, I especially hate making lunches, I grumble every day as I go meditate, I usually don’t want to exercise, I often look for excuses not to go to church Sunday…. all of these routines that keep our lives organized I complain about.
I want to be a free spirit and just do what moves me. Except that does not work so well and it turns out I do need a bedtime, consistent mealtimes, regular meditation, regular exercise, time set aside for spiritual practice. And so do my kids.
I’ve had some pretty big nudges from the universe lately that have left me feeling a little like this:
And yet what choice do I have? Well I do.. you either pay attention and answer or you stand on the edge of the cliff forever. It’s funny, because this meme actually shows exactly what I’ve been describing to my close people lately about how I’ve been feeling. Stand and ignore or leap in faith.
We had a bunch of activities happen today, all part of our routine – and the kids thrive doing these things. This lays the foundation for happiness. Breaking out of the routine and splashing in our massive puddle like the girl and her cousin did? That’s soul laughing happiness. It’s all part of the complete package.
