Tag Archives: peace

happiness

Feed your relationship

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about relationships – the ones I have, the ones I want, the ones I dream about. A few years ago I did a kind of friend cleansing and with the exception of one (there’s always one) I got rid of my toxic or dysfunctional friendships. I work with intent now to build my tribe with people who will hold me up instead of bringing me down.

If you think of a relationship like a plant, then in order for it to grow the roots need to be well tended. Think of roots as things like: reliability, compassion, respect, trust, dependability, kindness, love, honour. If too many of those are neglected or disrespected the relationship plant dies. And because the plant is alive, there is pain that is felt as the roots are being damaged.

However if you look after the plant, nourish, and cherish it – it can grow and thrive. Every positive vibration that is sent out into the world has the ability to create more joy and love – and that is what it’s all about.

Love the people in your world, but make sure you’re really caring for them, for your relationships with them. They take work and time – but they are why we are here.

Mom used to tell me how when she was in the hospital with polio, my grandma worked hard to get to know the nurses and doctors who looked after her. Mom said that it was a win for everyone. The created genuine relationships, and because of that mom was well looked after – the staff cared about her. This was a lesson my parents taught me – they always built relationships with everyone, the plumber, the water guy, the dentist, my teachers (I hated that), the list goes on.

Today I had to go get my taxes done. This is always a source of stress for me. Math makes my head want to blow up, and the support non-payment issue is confusing to me. My tax man is awesome!! I found him at H&R Block two years ago and he’s done m taxes ever since. He could see pretty clearly what my situation was as soon as he opened my file – and he has always been so helpful about explaining how things work and what I need to do.

Today when I sat down he remembered me from last year and we caught up a little bit. That man made my life so much easier and I’m glad I also started building a relationship with him when we started working together.

We can get so impersonal sometimes, and I’m as bad as anyone for avoiding too much peopling – but we really need each other.

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happiness

Stand your ground

The boy and I had a really weird encounter downtown today. I’m not sure if downtown is always so colorful, but it made me glad I live in the country.

This man in his late 20s and seemingly high on something came up to my boy while we were walking and started trying to intimidate him and was trying to egg him into a fight. He got right up in his face and was yelling and pointing and swearing and threatening.

I was quietly crapping my pants, but my boy – bless him- didn’t flinch or give any acknowledgement of this man at all. Eventually he gave up and walked away.

After he left, my boy turned to me and said – he was trying to prove he was alpha male. But I stood tall and showed no fear. It made him realize I was being alpha and I did it all without any violence. I just stayed calm and held my ground. And it helps I have years of experience of a scary older man yelling at me.

I’m not happy this happened, but I was so proud of how my kid handled a scary situation. He’s got some good life skills that one.

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happiness

Softball and the Still Point

About a year ago my awesome massage therapist (who is a healer and a spiritual warrior) loaned me his Still Point Inducer to help relax my nervous system and being me some anxiety relief. After using it for a week and really enjoying it, I did a DYI version with tennis balls and have used that for the last year.

It helped, but not as much as the real Still Point Inducer. So about a week ago I ordered one of my own.

There actually is a still point I get to when I use this thing. It’s amazing. I can feel my whole nervous system reset and for hours after I can feel the space of calmness that has been created in my head. It calms the monkey mind. Miracle!!

It actually has me enjoying meditation again. Bigger miracle. Total happiness

The girl has started ball practice tonight (indoor due to the never ending winter we are experiencing). And talk about happiness. Much as my horse is my Spiritual Utility Vehicle – ball is hers. She gets right in the zone and glows.

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happiness

Long term change

I woke up feeling awful this morning. I’m sure it’s part stress, part exhaustion, but it was full on yuck today.

Since I wasn’t doing much with my body I decided to nourish my mind with some of the huge stack of reading I’ve got to do. I’m learning about long term behaviour change – how to rewire our brains for permanent results. As someone who has experienced the feeling of being stuck one too many times, I find this fascinating.

I’m right in the middle of this place of change and it’s super important I make decisions that will lead to the life I want, not the life I left behind. And my kids need to learn how to make good and happy life choices.

Lately even they have been saying they can feel the shift. The ugly is being left behind and new possibilities are opening up. It’s pretty awesome.

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happiness

The ring

My mom had a ring that I constantly saw on her finger. I remember as a kid noticing this ring that I thought was beautiful on her right hand – so I knew it was different from the wedding rings she also wore always (both of my parents never took their rings off for the entirety of their marriage, and this ring also didn’t come off until she died). But this ring was different.

One time she told me the story behind the ring. When she first started working, she saw this ring in a store and decided it was beautiful and that she needed to have it. She saved her pay check from that job and then went into the store and bought it for herself. She wore it constantly as a reminder that she could do anything she set her mind to.

Those of you who knew my mom know that she did in fact do anything she set her mind to and constantly defied the odds. She was fortunate that she had my dad standing firmly in her corner, loving and supporting her- but she achieved what she did because of sheer strength, willpower, and determination.

After she had polio they told her she wouldn’t walk, so she walked.

On her crutches, with no stomach, back, or right leg muscles thanks to polio, she went to high school by herself in Florida, then to Stanford (including a semester in France), she went to law school, she gave birth twice. I mean it goes on.

And she said when she needed a boost, a reminder that she could do it, she looked at that ring and found the strength to keep going.

I now have that ring. And it comes to me at at time when I need to remember my strength, and when I need to believe in my ability to defy the odds and realize my own dreams.

It’s weird clearing out their house. It’s weird they aren’t here anymore. But it’s apparent that they left us a huge legacy of love. We always felt safe and loved in that house. That’s what home is supposed to be – your safe place. Thank God for home.

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happiness

Back in the groove

It was so nice to have some time last week to spend with my girl – and especially to be in Victoria and have some spring like weather – and the boy had a great time in Iceland, but it’s really good to have us all back together and getting back to real life.

I am thankful that even though I get too stressed out, and I still have issues I am working on with forgiveness and grief and all the other emotions, we have a really good life here. I mean really good. We are so blessed to live where we do and be surrounded by this family, our tribe.

I was telling a friend today about how lonely the away years were when it was usually just the three of us, trying to make friends and create a home, but we were missing our family and our home. It’s weird now that I had just accepted that was how life was going to be, and I’m so grateful that life now is surrounded by friends and family again.

Their spring sports are starting up, eventually the ice will go away and I’ll get more Drishti time, the sun is staying up later, it is time for regrowth and new life.

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happiness

Rain walls and the triangle

I met my old friend today and we went for a walk in the rain by the water. When I say old friend, I won’t just mean I’ve known her forever, I mean she’s older than I am. Much older. Two weeks older. Old. ( this upsets her so I’m putting it in a whole bunch).

I’m so grateful for that friendship

I am sitting on a plane flying back to the frozen tundra that is Calgary. I have no desire to be in the snow and -20C in April. But it’s home and it’s where I need to be.

At the airport our family triangle will he reunited as the boy arrives at the same time we do from his Iceland adventure. I can’t wait to lay eyes on him again, to hear his stories, to have us all together again.

I come back from this mini vacation feeling so relaxed and happy. I really needed this time to ground myself and to live in some happy memories of my parents and to make new ones with my girl. Life is good.

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Flowers and tea and friends

We made it to the Butchart Gardens today to take in some flowers and enjoy high tea. I used to love coming here with my parents when I was a kid and I love that I get to share it with my girl now.

this is what it’s like trying to take a selfie with a teen.

Then we went to supper with one of my oldest bestest friends. When we are together I still feel like a badass 15 year old even though we talk about how weird it is to be adulting now. Good friend are special and to be cherished. I’m so glad she’s in my life.

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Totem Poles and beach walks

It was another rainy day here, but the flowers are blooming and the blossoms are on the tree and I love this place so it didn’t matter.

I dragged the girl to the museum – I haven’t been to the museum in Victoria since I was a kid but I remember being fascinated by totem poles.

The girl is at that teenage age where nothing I do is cool so I am not sure how much she enjoined the afternoon, but I remembered why it is I have a history degree. I love this stuff.

I went for a solo walk along the beach by the hotel this evening. I really needed that quiet space to be with myself and with God. I am so glad we are here, but even the good memories now have sadness attached to them. It made me realize how much more mourning I have to do.

But even in the mourning there are silver linings. I’m here with my girl – and much as my parents gave me experiences that I cherish and that shaped me- I’m doing that for my kids now.

I had a 5 minute visit with one of my old time forever friends this afternoon – a longer one to follow tomorrow. I so appreciate and love all of the people in my tribe.

I love this place. I am so thankful for these spaces that ground me.

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happiness

Murchie’s, Munro’s, Memories

My soul was called back out to Sidney and I had to follow. The girl and I are spending a few days on Vancouver Island to be near the ocean, renew our souls, visit old memories, and make new ones.

This place has always felt like my second home, we spent so much time here when I was a kid. My parents had a house we all loved here for a few years, but before and after that we would come and stay in the exact same hotel the girl and I are in now.

There are memory imprints of us walking on the logs along the water with grandma, of Easter egg hunts in the courtyard, of lunch at Lunns, and of trips into Victoria.

Victoria for me always centers around the triangle of Murchie’s, Munro’s, and Roger’s – and today we hit all three of them. Mom used to spend hours in the bookstore gathering a new stash of reading material, and dad and my sister and I would run between the other stores.

I needed to touch base with some different family memories. Mom and Dad were never sick here, this place doesn’t hold divorce pain or death pain. It holds memories of us riding bikes, gathering seashells, and running free.

As I watched the girl pick shells in the rain while grinning from ear to ear, I remembered we are not only visiting old memories but making new ones.

Life does always go on. I need to hold onto these happy memories, remember when mom and dad were alive, when they weren’t sick, when life was easier. But I need to hold onto this moment when I’m here with my girl and we are alive and healthy. And I need to embrace the changes the future will bring.

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