We are home after a long and stressful day. The diffusers are full of lavender and we are unwinding. What a blessing it is to have a home where we are loved and safe.
Tag Archives: tribe
The choice
I woke up this morning tired after a difficult night with a sick kid. I sent Mr. X an email letting him know what was up, and the response I got essentially was a reminder he thinks I’m a bad mom and a useless waste of space. Lovely to hear on Mother’s Day, my first one without my mom, considering I raise the kids alone.
But then the kids got up and gave me their beautiful homemade presents, we talked about our cousin’s Mother’s Day supper, and headed to church. The sermon was on being the man of her dreams, and he spoke of how a woman should feel safe and heard and loved.
And I got to thinking – I have to choose right now how the day goes. I can focus on Mr. X – who was trying to gaslight and engage me in an argument – or I can focus on the love I have in my life.
The kids and I spent the afternoon in the garden, planning where things will go, chasing the dog, laughing, having a quick nap- and then we went to my cousin’s for supper. We sat at the table and told old stories and laughed and discussed current issues.
This tribe of mine is amazing. I feel so full of love and happiness.
Love wins.
On the eve of my first Mother’s Day without my mom
This is a hard weekend. I know I’ll get through it because I got through the first Father’s Day without my dad, my kids have done years of Father’s Day’s workout their dad, this too shall pass.
But it’s hard not to miss her on a weekend dedicated to mothers.
Lots of people stepped in to help me and the kids when our lives fell apart – but leading that charge was my mom. I don’t know what I’d have done without her. She helped me stand up to Mr. X, not just emotionally but financially as well. We held each other up after my dad died and we were both trying to adjust to a new kind of normal.
The boy, the Bear, and I went for a walk in town today while the girl played ball. Right where our creek meets the Bow, there were a ton of crocuses – I needed to see those today
Life goes on, life is sticky and complicated, but our lives are also full of love. The love will get us through.
Arrested development
Tonight I introduced the boy to Arrested Development. I see a binge watch in our near future. I love these quiet nights at home.
Cut the chaos
I was feeling a lot of anxiety and like I was totally overwhelmed today. There’s a lob going on, a lot that has gone on.
I decided instead of pushing thorough I’d reset myself instead – so I grabbed a book and sat in grandma’s kitchen and read for an hour or so. It’s amazing how that small act brought peace and balance back to my soul.
I love that kitchen
Heal yourself
I feel like in the last three years God has just kicked the shit out of my life. All the earthly foundations I had come to depend upon have been shattered with the deaths of my parents and a financially ruining divorce. But you know, maybe I needed my foundation to be destroyed so that I could build a new life from the ground up.
The thing about starting from 0 means that I get to recreate my life. I get to stop and think about who I really want to be for this next part of my life.
My experiences with my parents really helped me understand I need to strengthen my spiritual connection and that has become my mission.
I’m discovering that while most of the pain inflicted on me and the kids wasn’t my fault (and for a long time I believed him when he said it was), it’s my responsibility to heal from it. That has totally changed my perspective on things.
It helps me step out of being a victim, and into a role where I can actually make a change – not only for me but for the kids too.
I can’t change him, I don’t want to, and I don’t have to. But I have to change myself. I have to keep working at living from love instead of living from fear.
Who’s on first
It’s a beautiful evening and we get to enjoy it at ball in town. Not only is the girl playing the sport she loves, but her brother is umpiring the game – he really enjoys that.
I am grateful they’ve got these activities they thrive on, I’m grateful I am here with them.
House full of love
I had some of mom and dad’s old furniture hauled away today. It was ugly stuff from the 70s (why was everything orange back then?) but still, it was parts of my childhood – and reminders of the safety and security my parents provided for my sister and I.
Whatever else they did wrong – I mean we are human and no one is perfect – they both loved my sister and I so much. It was evident in the things they taught us, but mostly in the time they gave us. They were both busy, tired people – but they always made time for us and made sure we knew we were loved and important to them.
That’s what I try and pass on to my children as well. I may not have the things to give them like we had when I was married – but I can give them a house full of love and that is the best kind of happiness.
Highway cleanup
It was the annual 4h highway cleanup today – the more I do with our club the more I not only like 4H but appreciate how awesome our club is. We seem to have avoided the politics and bickering and just really work together and get along. That’s a huge gift – I’m grateful for all the friendships I’m making or deepening.
And today was absolutely beautiful and we had a great stretch of highway
I am Groot (again)
The girl and I went and saw Groot and Tony Stark – and whomever else is in the Avengers movie- tonight. My second time in a week since it worked out to take the kids separately. I actually liked that because it gave me some one on one time with each of them.
We have been watching these movies for a few years – Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, Captain America – so it is awesome that they’re tying together. Even if it was super sad – both times.
Family time. It’s important.
