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New to the area. 

We have moved many times in the last 10 years and every time it’s been a struggle to meet new friends and develop some sort of feeling of belonging. For sure some places were easier than others, but in every case it was about two years before we felt like we were beginning to have some kind of sense of having a life there. Interestingly, in Quebec it happened faster and in Virginia it was  much slower. 

This move home is different from the other moves in that, well, it is home. But still we have been gone 10 years. I am lucky because I have family here and all my childhood friends. For the kids, it’s a little tougher. They’re still the new kids even though they see people they know all the time and have a strong sense of belonging. 

Today Jenna went to a birthday party and I was at the door talking to the mom. She leads Jenna’s VBS group so I’d chatted with her before but never really had a conversation. She welcomed Jenna in and after talking to me for a couple of minutes said she’d love to go out for coffee with me sometime because she knows what it’s like to be new in town and how difficult it is to meet people. I explained to her that this was our move home to where we belonged and that we had family and friends around, but that I would love to get together with her and get to know her better. She’s a horse person so you know it’s a friendship made in heaven.  

I was thinking after though, what an act of kindness. Having moved to an area where we were not welcomed at all and where no effort was made to get to know us (the onus in this area was on us to constantly be the ones reaching out), how lovely to have someone reach out because they know the feeling of being new. 

That was my happiness moment for the day. An act of kindness by hopefully a soon to be friend. 

This happiness moment was followed up by taking Jacob out for gelato and running into my cousin sitting kicking a fine with her kids. Impromptu visit. Awesome. And yes, we also went to Mackay’s for ice cream yesterday. It’s summer and 30C out. It was heart happy. 

Jacob told me on the way home how he feels so grounded and safe here. We all need to be safe and secure. 

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Jammin’ and the creek. 

I’m noticing that some of my happiness moments are also moments of sadness these days. The happiness outshines the sadness, but there is this bittersweet feeling that comes along with it. 

For example, today I had two happiness moments. I had bought flats of fruit yesterday. Blackberries (the best I’ve had in years), blueberries, strawberries, and cherries. So, today I had to deal with them. Dad always made the best freezer jam, my favorite being strawberry. He showed me how to make it, and I’ve made a few batches over the years. I’d kind of given up recently as it seemed every time I made a nice batch we would move and I’d have to give it all away. Last year I made what would end up being my last batch of jam with Dad while we were home for the summer. Today’s jam making was a happiness moment because I love jam and I love the memories of making jam with Dad. It was sad because it made me miss him oh so much. 

Since I was missing him, I kept on going down my emotional berry journey and made a blackberry pie. When my sister and I  were kids and we would go to Vancouver Island, Dad would go blackberry crazy and we would be out in ditches with buckets picking away. We then had to drive all the way back to Calgary with flats of blackberries in the back of the car (a 12 hour drive). One of the smells of my childhood is blackberries. Blackberries and horses…

  
It was over 30C here today. My car said 37C while I was driving around town. Hot hot hot. After we were done errands, I took the kids down to the creek. One of the best places on earth. 

  
Another happiness moment. One of the best summer moments is at the creek. We are so blessed that we can head down there when we want to cool down or just relax and enjoy the beauty. I have so many memories of being down at this spot. I used to ride my horse down there when I was a kid. Dad would take us swimming there, in the winter we’d skate down the creek. One of Dad’s favorite walking places is the ridge above, and we used to go look at wild flowers along the buffalo jumps. The last thing we did last summer before flying back to Virginia was go to the creek with Dad. I’m so grateful we had those creek moments last year. Again, bittersweet because it kicked me in the gut and made me miss him so. 

The kids were happily running towards the water while I stood there and bawled behind my sunglasses. 

But, the happiness outweighs the sadness. I’m thankful for all the fun memories and thankful we are still able to enjoy happiness. Dad embraced life so completely , I knew he spoke be happy to know that we were enjoying happiness moments that reminded me of him. 

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The Red Tent 

Today was a Red Tent kind of day. After Dad’s funeral, lifelong family friends came up to me and said that we needed to get together, all of us girls, and have a Red Tent moment. A time where we would join together in our sisterhood in a safe and comfortable conversation. These two ladies lost their mother a couple of months before we lost Dad, so we are all on the same journey.

I was thinking on my way to meet them today how interesting our family relationship is. These two families who have been so intertwined through the years. I can’t remember not knowing them, and they can’t remember not knowing our family. 

Dad was their go-to person when they had an issue they didn’t know how to deal with. They talk about Dad with mad respect, and I have always had mad respect for these two entrepreneurs who are also strong and kind women. 

But, mostly when we sat down today and talked it was just three ladies laughing and catching up on each others’ lives. We hadn’t really visited in years, yet because of our shared history, instead of it being awkward we ended up not wanting to leave and needing more time. 

There was a statement made by one of them near the beginning of our visit that this was a safe place and that we should be able to share anything we wanted with each other. What a great friendship rule! I said that in the last few years I’ve realized that I need to really work on surrounding myself with a good tribe of women friends. You should always be safe with your good friends. In that moment I felt so blessed to have these two friends re-enter my life. 

I lived on that friendship high all day, then tonight got to ride it a bit higher as we joined together to celebrate my cousin’s birthday. More strong and safe friendships, more laughs, more reasons to be grateful. 

My happiness moment today was the celebration of my women friends. Those who are family and those who feel like family. Having that tribe is so important for me – it holds me and makes me stronger. 

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VBS friend 

My happiness moment today was at the kids’ VBS. I dropped Jenna off with her older cousin and she wasn’t there 3 minutes before one of her friends from school showed up. Neither girl knew the other would be there, but what a nice surprise. Happiness in the fact that already when she goes places she has people she knows and isn’t the new kid. It’s good to be home. 

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Stampede breakfast at the Hall

Every year our community hall throws a stampede breakfast and all the neighbours (most of whom are related) come out and have a long overdue visit. The kids and I have been fortunate enough the last two years to have been able to attend this community function. 

Communities aren’t the same as they used to be, or maybe it’s that we have been the new people in so many communities over the past few years that we missed the sense of belonging. But in this community, our community, most of the families have been here forever (which in Alberta terms is just over a hundred years). So, even when there are faces I don’t recognize, I can still figure out who they are by asking a couple of questions. 

I had some lovely visits with family and neighbours today. I feel like some of these people I wait a whole year to see at the breakfasts. Sad since we now live so close (hopefully this changes and I will see them more often) but it shows how important these community events are because we need to see each other.

My happiness moment today was when my Mom arrived at the Hall. She came a little later than we did, so I was already sitting at a table when she came in. I was in a position that I could see not only her, but the expressions of people around her. The smiles and love and warmth that radiated out of the family and neighbours as they watched her come in was overwhelming. This community of tough and strong ranchers also has so much tender love to give. The love and support on their faces as they welcomed her into the crowd is exactly why we need to be around our tribes. 

I had a bonus happiness moment today. My cousin and her family from the Yukon came over for a visit this afternoon. I haven’t seen her since 2007 and I’d never met her kids.  I love the family tie that can bind you together even when years and time may keep you apart. 

We went out for a walk and I saw my favourite flower, the wood lily 

   
The lily on the right is actually a conjoined twin flower. There are two complete lillies on one stem. I’ve never seen anything like that. Pretty cool. 

 

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In the midst of a storm. 

We scattered Dad’s ashes today. We have some saved for one more area, but most of them went in his most beloved places around the ranch. 

How blessed Dad was that he had so many favourite spots all so close to his house. We live in a beautiful area and I have a lifetime of memories of walking over a hill or just glancing west and saying look at that view. Isn’t it amazing here?  

He’d told us a few places he wanted to be scattered and today we went out and tried to honour his wishes. 

Of course after days of 30C weather and a beautiful, sunny day; when we went out there were storm clouds blowing all around us and thunder crashing to the north and the west. But, in the midst of the storm where we stood together it was calm enough to do what we needed. 

There in the midst of the storm we quietly and lovingly said our prayers and sang our goodbyes and sent out our love to Dad. 

How lucky we are that we have each other. Blessed that we had Dad, blessed to have each other to walk through this with, blessed to have this beautiful area to walk our goodbye. I’m not doing so well with the goodbyes, but I’m  thankful I have these people to do the goodbyes with. The love and the shared memories will bind us together. 

I was thinking as we were doing this that its no wonder I and millions of people before me have stopped and dedicated life to figuring out the meaning of life, why are we here? Where do we go? What becomes of us? Because if all we are is just reduced to those ashes then it’s hard to see the point of it all. 

I am grateful for my faith because I believe that there is something after life. The curious and impatient human part of me would really appreciate knowing what that is. Again, a time when being able to call Dad up on the heaven phone would be useful. He could answer all those questions for me.  Is he still Dad and watching over us? Does he still know he’s Dad? Does he remember life here? 

Those are my questions, but I think I would also like to know for him – is he happy? Am I on the right path to discovering my spiritual truth? Was it scary? 

At the end of the day, for me, it all just comes back to faith. I have to believe that Dad is more than those ashes. That the part of Dad that made him Dad is still an energy being somehow and somewhere. Something that shines as brightly as Dad’s soul did can’t just cease to exist. 

The happiness moment was celebrating Dad’s life and remembering walking and talking with him in the areas we chose today. I miss him so deeply but I’m so thankful to have known him and to have had his unconditional love and strong guidance. 

One of Dad’s favourite places along the ridge. We walked there together many times.   

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The garden 

Today was a much quieter and more mellow day. Today’s happiness moment was this evening while I was tending to my (overgrown) garden. I haven’t had a garden like this in 10 years – the entire time we were away. I am so happy puttering around with my flowers and vegetables.  It brings me such peace and happiness.

Today it also brought me some delicious lettuce, and Jenna and I sampled the tiniest carrots that have ever existed. Tiny as they may have been, they still were excellent. And that lettuce. Oh man. What can I say. Fresh food grown with love is unlike anything else. 

Happiness comes in small moments like the one today and big moments like all of yesterday. Those big moments stand out more, and make for great memories, but life is made up of the little moments. So, I’m thankful for today’s little happiness moment as well as the entire day yesterday of big happiness moments. 

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Canada (boxing) Day in Waterton

Boxing Day is generally my favourite day of the year. It’s the day after Christmas, when we get to just relax and hang with family and enjoy everything we weren’t able to during the chaos of Christmas. 

I feel today like we took a Boxing Day for Canada’s birthday. A day just for the enjoyment of each other. 

The kids and I headed to Waterton – one of the most beautiful places on earth in my opinion. 

I woke up at 5:30 to this view from my bedroom window. When a day starts like this, you just know it’s going to be a good one.  By the way, that’s the moon hanging over the mountains. An amazing full moon.   

We arrived in Waterton and went through the bison paddock. There aren’t any shown in this picture, but the view….

Then off to the town to skip rocks. Part of our routine from last year. I love this lake.  

  

Next up: flower hunting. Last year we were too late, but this year was perfect. 

Here’s our provincial flower the wild rose. 
  

A stop on the way to Red Rock Canyon. I was looking for flowers, they were looking for the water to play in at the end. 

  

Yellow Paintbrish, it’s rare to find, but it was all over this meadow. Beauty. My spirit sings here. 

More of them. I got obsessed.   

  

Monsters still waiting to get to the canyon. 

At last the canyon and some water to cool off in. It was almost 30C and there was no wind. A big deal in a place where the trees grow sideways from the blowing! 

We had to drive up to Cameron Lake which was unfortunately very busy and we couldn’t rent boats. Fortunately though we came across tons of Bear Grass which is unique to this area. 

 A long drive home chasing the sunset (and being chased by the moon) and I feel like my soul has been strengthened and cleansed. I need these kind of days where we just stop and enjoy each other’s company and marvel at the beauty that is in the world. 

  
The great thing about it being light from 4:30 am until 11:00 pm is that we sure can pack a lot into a day. 

This was a much needed break.  I’m so thankful that I had this day to nourish my soul and fill up my heart with happiness. 

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Canada Day

This is the  second  year in a row that we have been home to celebrate Canada Day. Already we have started making new traditions. My sister and her kids, me and my kids, and my cousin’s kids start the day off by driving up to Canmore to watch the parade. I hadn’t been right in the mountains since last summer and it felt so good to be in the warmth of them and receive a mountain hug. My spirit is drawn to those mountains. I find peace by being in them. Today we also found candy, clowns, and water guns in them.  It was awesome. 

  
After the parade we go to the annual Canada Day party at my great aunt’s house. Here I got to visit with old aunts and uncles that I don’t get to see often enough. Today I had a long visit with my uncle Harvey. He and my aunt held the Pony Club at their place when I was a kid and a lot of my best childhood memories are from that era. It was also the place where I learned to be courageous and brave even when I was terrified. Amazing the bravery you can find trying to keep up with those really brave big kids. We did everything from sleep in silos to jump terrifying cross country jumps. Loved every minute of it. It absolutely helped shape me into who I am today. 

Of course before we left, the kids and I had to run out in the field and take out annual weird picture at aunt Irene’s. 

 
I am so glad incredibly thankful to be back in the fold of our tribe. I am even more thankful for the fact that we have this tribe. My happiness moment s for today was celebrating Canada’s birthday with my family. 

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Summer vacation. 

I have the best job in the world (for me). Ten and a half years ago when I gave birth to Jenna I left my career as a teacher and became a full time mom. My husband and I made an agreement that he would pursue his career (and he’s got a great one that  provides wonderfully for us) and I would be the full time parent. It’s certainly been a job full of challenges – babies crying, sleepless nights, having a single income family, supporting kids emotionally through many moves – but I truly believe it was the job I was put on the planet to do. Being their full time mom has without a doubt made me a better person. 

Full time motherhood has led me to search for who I really am as well as what I am here to do (my dharma). The kids still look to me for Love, for answers, for support, and guidance. Being able to fulfill those needs for them has lead me to have to have a much better understanding of what my core values are and how I want to help guide them as they become adults. 

Perhaps the biggest drawback of my job is the financial insecurity. As in the fact that my paycheck each month is a big fat zero. Even though if you asked me what I want to do or be when I grow up (ha!) it would be exactly what I am doing, there is huge financial risk involved. Then I think about my spirit and how this job that I’m doing is making me a better person, a kinder, more loving, and deeply spiritual person. And how at the end of the day that’s a huge reward in itself. I tell myself to continue to have faith in the knowledge that I’m doing what I was put here to do in this moment and time, and to be grateful that I can do it. 

We have finally started summer vacation and in my opinion this is when the rewards of my job are the greatest. I get to just hang with the kids instead of rushing to school or some activity. I get to see how funny and kind they are as they relax into summer mode. 

This is the time when I get to see who they really are. And I have to say, I love hanging with these monsters. Even when they drive me bananas. I love being with them.  

Dual monster happiness moments today: went to town with Jacob for his haircut. We rarely get time where it is just us so I really cherish those moments. Jenna and I cooked dinner together. She made her famous vegetable smiley face tray. Happiness. I am blessed and so thankful this is what I get to do. 

  
There’s carrot eyeballs under those long pepper eyelashes 🙂

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