Tag Archives: alberta

happiness

Bag of chips

I had coffee (or tea for me) with a couple of dear old friends this morning. I’ve known them since forever and our families are tied way back. I love these kinds of relationships – where the common bonds are so close it’s just easy.

We were laughing about how much different it is for kids learning how to drive now. One of them mentioned how bad it is now that texting exists. I said but when we were learning how to drive we had a coffee in one hand, and were usually waving the other one around doing something stupid. And one of them piped in and there was always a bag of chips stuck between our knees.

I laughed and told them a story of how I once almost ditched the suburban doing a turn while eating chips. The steering wheel got caught on the chip bag and for some reason my hand refused to let go of the bag almost sending me crashing into the ditch. They giggled and said the same thing had happened to them except they hit black ice and the driver had a hand in the chip bag. After doing a 360 and ending up in the ditch the chip bag was still intact – car needed a little help.

I love sharing these kinds of stories. Stupid, silly laughter stories of days gone by. That is happiness.

 

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Walking again 

After what feels like a really long break due to bad weather and hangry bears, the girls and I went out for our evening walk/bike ride/dog walk. June in Alberta, and particularly at the ranch,  is absolutely stunning. I love where I live. And I don’t just say those words, my soul deeply loves being in this spot where our roots are, where my memories live, where my family is. That is happiness.

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Spring band concert 

Tonight the girl got to show off her mad clarinet skills at the school band concert. She missed the Christmas one due to her concussion so this was the first time we got to see her play. She really seemed like she knew what she was doing! It’s amazing how quickly they progress over the year. 

She goes to such a great school – it really has been a godsend and a safe place for her to land over the last couple of years. I couldn’t have imagined a more loving place for her to have had to hold her as she has healed and grown over the last two years. 

Seeing her there in her community, chatting with her principal who not only knows her, but the whole family so well, that is happiness. 

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I love this life

This was one of those days when I was reminded of how completely fantastic it is that we live here, with this tribe, in this place. It was branding day at the ranch and it draws family  from the community and friends from town. The sun was shining, there was a little bit of a breeze and people were smiling.

I talk about it all the time, but I firmly believe we were not meant to go through life as these individual units – we need our tribe, our people , our village. Being here with all of that has helped heal my life, and I an forever grateful that we had these people to come back to.

And June in Alberta is simply amazing. How can I not love this life? It is happiness.

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Sunshine around the cloud

I have been pretty vocal about my feelings about the support issue that has been going on over the last few months, and because I have shared the bad I also want to share the good. I checked my bank account and two payments were deposited in the last couple of days. They are both less than the normal amount, but money was put in and I can buy groceries for the kids and I again without huge amounts of stress sitting in my gut.

I am so thankful and happy that this seems to have been resolved. I am thankful that Mr. X decided to make the payments and that maybe this will settle some things in all of our lives. It’s a big deal and I’m glad we are in this place where maybe things can calm again and we can get to a better place.

This is huge happiness.

I had happiness this morning as well when I took Drishti out for a ride – actually just schooled circles with him in the field. He’s paranoid of the electric fences and really feeling spunky from all the green grass so we had a “trot until you drop” kind of workout. I almost dropped first, but managed to outlast him.

He teaches me how to be brave. My desire to bond with him and ride beats any fear I have when he’s being a turd – so I keep moving ahead even when I get anxious feelings in my gut. It teaches me to do that in real life too.

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Building trust, watching fences, opening doors, dropping walls

Building trust is something I’ve been working on lately. I want to allow myself to trust more willingly again, and I want to be the kind of person who can be trusted  (I think I am already, but I need to have faith in that knowledge). Being able to trust again after the pain and damage of my marriage is a difficult thing, but it’s something I must work towards. It’s like love – you either live with an open heart and feel, which leaves you vulnerable to being hurt, or you close off entirely – saving yourself that heart pain, but living with an empty heart. To live the life I want, I must be able to trust those in inner circle. Drishti is a good learning tool for this exercise.

I finally had a chance to spend some time with my beloved Drishti this morning – life has been busy, or the weather has been cold and rainy and I haven’t been able to ride the much in the last week or so. He’s living with his buddies in an area that is blocked off by electric fence so that they don’t make big pigs of themselves on the green grass. It’s a good thing and usually works well, but my poor boy is terrified of the fence – thanks in part to a little mishap we had a couple of weeks ago.

Today I took him out of his part of the field and brought him over near my place to get him ready to ride. He was very nervous and spooking at everything. At the time I wasn’t totally sure what his problem was and thought maybe the ton of fresh green grass he had been eating, added to me not riding may have just made him a little crazy in the head. But, as I kept working with him, I realized that he was incredibly scared of anywhere that the electric fence had been put up.

I had to coax him and work quietly with him to get him to a part of the field where I could ride. We walked around quietly for quite some time, and eventually I felt all his muscles relax and his great, long neck stretch out. He was trusting me and accepting my guidance, understanding that I was telling him that I would keep him safe. He earned my trust a while ago and I believe (as much as he can being an animal) that he will work to keep me safe, and now I feel like he’s got the same trust in me.

It made my heart warm with joy. It totally changes a relationship when there is complete trust. Either one of us may make a mistake and hurt the other, but I think we both know that we will each do our best to look after each other. In any relationship this makes magic happen. With my horse there are many life and death situations we can get into, but it is equally important in my other relationships that I build or keep this kind of trust. Where we have each other’s back no matter what, but love and forgive, and understand that mistakes may happen.

Our exercise in trust with the fence today made me think of a quote by Rumi that I had read a while ago that came with a photo that I felt explained it brilliantly:

Why struggle to open a door between us when the whole wall is an illusion? ~ Rumi

Drishti for me is what happiness represents. He is saving my life, bringing me back to myself, but helping me become a better version of myself. He is truly a miracle in my life and I am so incredibly grateful for him.

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Old memories, new memories 

Today was absolutely bursting with all kinds of different emotions. Before May 28, 2015; this date was just another day on the calendar. Now it is wrapped up with memories of Dad and the day he died. There was so much intensity those last few days, weeks, months… and then there are all the memories we cherish and carry with us of him and the light he shone in the world. To balance those intense feelings, we attended a huge family celebration for my uncle and aunt in honour of their 60th wedding anniversary. Life keeps on going, and there are always joyful moments and sad moments mixed in with each other.

Mom and I spent some quite time by “dad’s tree” in the garden. The last few days he was home the blossoms seemed to hang right over him, wrapping him and the rest of us up in the change of season. It seemed like a fitting place to sit for a while this morning and spend some quality time with memories of Dad.

Having a family party in the afternoon really brought perfect balance to the day. This tribe that we have – they are so amazing and we are so blessed to be part of such a group of people. The way this large family comes together is quite special an unique and I couldn’t imagine living life any differently – I love knowing that we are part of this huge tribe.

There is always happiness to be found if you remember to look for it. The happiness this afternoon was as clear and as loud as our laughter. The happiness this morning was more subdued, in the form of memories, and gratitude for a man we love so dearly.

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Mucho Burrito

We have pretty exciting news in our house today. The boy went to drop off a resume at his favourite Mexican place – Mucho Burrito – that opened in town just yesterday. He expected to leave it and hopefully hear from them, but to his delight the owner was there and sat him down for an interview.

It looks like my boy has his first job! And his dream job at that. He is over the moon excited and I couldn’t be happier for him. What a fantastic way this will be for him to spend the summer.

Happiness moment extraordinaire!

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Reach out

This afternoon my boy spent some guy time with an old family friend. He does not get a lot of guy time – being that he is pretty much surrounded by women in his life – and this was a big deal to him. It’s a good reminder how these little acts of kindness can go a long way to making a big difference in the life of someone else. My kid talked about it all evening, just happy to have spent some time chatting and laughing with this man.

Happiness is best shared, and it was so heart warming to watch these two share happiness with each other. It’s little moments like this that make big changes.

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Apples to horses 

We spent Mother’s Day doing what seemed like a very appropriate activity to celebrate the mothers in our family. We were outside, cold, watching kids ride horses. I looked at my mom and realized how she had spent a huge part of my childhood sitting somewhere freezing at the side of an arena watching me soar around on my horse, and here she was still doing it – and smiling. As I’m shuttling kids from one place to another, I think often of the sacrifices that she made giving up so much of her time to take me and my sister places.

My niece wanted to ride Drishti, so we got him all ready and she walked him around the corral. I think she would still be out there walking and smiling on top of that horse if we had let her. That kid is a natural rider and it was awesome to see how much she enjoyed it.

I think the only thing better than doing something you love, is sharing something you love with someone else. 

After our afternoon ride we went to my cousin’s place for a family Mother’s Day supper with her family, my mom, and my aunt and uncle. Great visiting, incredible food, and a crazy game of Apples to Apples to finish the night off.

All of this incredible, heart centered happiness and we didn’t even have to leave the property to enjoy it! What a blessed person I am to have a family like this!

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