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The small moments

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We are still snowbound. Not that that’s a bad thing – it’s still quite nice. The great thing about being snowed in is that it forces us to just slow down and be. There’s nowhere to go, nothing to get done, no housecleaning to stress about (because if we can’t get out, no one is going to be able to get in to want a showing). We just are. Just us hanging out at home with each other. And we do weird things, simple things, fun things together because of that.

Well, first I did make them go out and shovel the driveway again. But because they didn’t grow up in Alberta like I did, it wasn’t a feared and despised chore like it was for me. They were actually excited to go out and do it. Go figure. With the three of us working together it actually was, dare I say, fun!

Helps that it wasn’t -30 and there wasn’t ice.

We also had a small comedy break as we watched the mailman drive up the unploughed hill in his Jeep. I have no idea how he kept going, but he made it all the way up and down. Although he was stuck at our driveway for a good 5 minutes while we stood there and watched. He was laughing and laughing and when he got out next door he said this was “one of those slow days” and got back in, drove back down part way and then raced back up the hill. I think there may have been more fun than work for him today. Good day to have a Jeep. Good day to be out with a positive attitude.

Yesterday I talked about finding the small things, today was all about living in the small moments. All those small things that happen that don’t really seem like much, but that actually make up life, that ground and form our relationships, that give us memories. Those are what happens in the small moments of life. I feel sometimes like we get so focused on the big moments of life, or the worrisome moments of life, that we forget the small moments. That’s where the longterm bliss lives. We can have those big happy moments like going to Disneyland, but if you don’t have the grounding of the longterm small moments already, it won’t impact the same way.

Today we had small moment fun. Small moment joys. Small moment bliss.

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Shhh, don’t tell anyone, but we did a couple runs down the road before they ploughed it. They were the best runs of the day. 🙂

IMG_3052Tomorrow’s another snow day, but since the roads are now ploughed, I think we will likely venture out just for a small change of scenery (and to replenish groceries – my word these children eat a lot!)

Day 23 of 44 days of happiness comes from the joy of the small moments and the blessing of being able to slow down and live and breathe in those small moments.

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How to annoy a goose (and a heron)

IMG_1368I came across Henry Heron (on the far left) hanging out with the Canadian Geese this morning. My iphone photo does not do it justice – it was a really beautiful sight with the geese and the heron all in the water. I had to stop and watch them for a little bit (and then fumble with my phone while wearing my gloves to try and take this picture).

The better picture – or video really- would have come about 15 seconds after I took this picture. Henry Heron does not like it when I stop and watch him, it makes him irate actually. Suddenly he started making this terrible squawking sound and lifted his huge wings and started to fly out right over the geese. Well, this seriously pissed off the geese who started jumping up 3 of 4 feet in the air above the water – flapping wings out – and letting out a huge *honk* before bouncing back onto the water. So there was the squawwwwwwk from Henry and then honk (bounce) honk (bounce) honk (bounce).
I actually laughed out loud (making my own kind of honk I suppose) watching all this happen. Obviously I am easily entertained.
Day 17 of my 44 days of happiness comes courtesy of those crazy birds and from the wonderful feeling of unexpected laughter. *honk* *squawk* *honk*
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An odd duck (goose)

IMG_2945My path is covered with Canadian Geese. Apparently I’m the only one out walking who is kind of scared of them. The only reason I got as close as I did for the picture is because I had Dottie the Dotted Dog with me for protection. Other people walk right up to the geese saying “hi” or throwing breadcrumbs. And to be fair, these geese seem to be pretty harmless. I just keep thinking about the mean geese along the Bow River in Calgary who have chased me down honking (and pooping – man they poop everywhere).

I stood today on the path and looked at the Canadian Geese floating all over the place on the water. A Canadian Invasion (snicker). But, while as a fellow Canadian I probably should have been finding things in common with them, I was drawn to that odd goose – and the mate of the odd goose. I see this pair often floating along with the Canadians. It interests me how although they aren’t the same kind of geese, they seem to be completely accepted into the flock.

I was thinking this morning that I very much relate to that odd goose. Trying to fit in and be part of the crowd, yet sticking out in ways that can’t be hidden. In ways that shouldn’t be hidden. Because that goose is the “odd goose” in this situation just by being. It can’t change who it is to fit in with the others no matter how badly it may want to (although I can guarantee that goose spends a lot less of its life thinking about how it fits in to a crowd than I do). It shouldn’t change who it is, and obviously (based on the fact that I see these geese all together often) it is accepted for who it is even though it’s a “bird of a different feather”.

I have spent a big chunk of my life thinking I was the only one who was insecure, had issues, felt like I didn’t fit in, didn’t belong. Everyone else always seemed to know what they were doing, had lots of friends, were happy in life, had confidence. Feeling that I was the only one with issues often left me feeling isolated, and often led me to make poor friend choices (ugh). Interesting how as I have gotten older and have talked to more people about this how I have discovered that pretty much everyone has all those same insecurities. Maybe some people just fake it better than others.

One of my favourite quotes is Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. So very true. Once I remember that it makes it so much easier to just let things go (like water off a goose’s back).

Today I celebrated this odd goose who reminded me that you just have to be yourself. Just be you and float along in life with those around you.

So, today for my 11th day of my 44 days of happiness I am happy that I’m settling into being ok with being myself. Celebrating that at times we all have to be the odd goose to stay true to who we truly are.

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Living with an open heart

Life with an open heart is life truly lived. I remember when I used to live with my heart completely open. Wore it on my sleeve you could say. When things hurt, they really hurt – but oh, when things were good they were amazing because I was able to breathe fully in that wonderful feeling with my heart open.

Things happened, and I made a conscious decision to try and close off parts of my heart (didn’t really work because it was still screaming at me, but I tried to ignore it). Then a few more things happened and I worked harder at blocking off more parts.

The problem with blocking off your heart so that you aren’t hurt by things is that it also means that you can’t experience all the joy and love and blissful happiness that exists through living. It kind of turns you into a shell. Like Pinocchio, not a real person.

Thank God for my animals and my children because they all live life with hearts fully open. They have guided me back towards a life of a full and open heart. I watch them and interact with them, and they are just so there. When things are good they’re fantastic, when things suck, they’re terrible. But, because their hearts are open, when things suck they also get over them quickly. The great thing about an open heart is that you can’t hold onto grudges and anger and resentment. You just move on into the next present moment. And trustingly breathe in love.

A few years ago I went to a workshop at Kripalu called Opening The Heart which was really difficult and also really fantastic. I’m not sure I really knew what I was getting into when I got there -which was a good thing because it was something I desperately needed but probably would have shied away from had I known how intense it was going to be. What I do remember from it is that the vice like grip that used to live around my chest lifted because I let some stuff go. Opened my heart a bit you might say.

I hope my children never have to go somewhere and learn how to open their hearts because right now their hearts are so beautifully and wonderfully open. I would be sad if something happened to their beautiful souls that lead them to a place where they decided to close up. They live so fully and purely and beautifully. It inspires me to take the chances to open up.

Because of course with opening there is always the chance of getting hurt. But, I think when you live open and freely and with love the fear of getting hurt is so much less because you are also reaping the rewards.

This morning I was reading my emails and my parents forwarded to me a tribute to Mrs. Mackay who recently passed away. The tribute was written by her daughter Robyn and while the entire thing was eye-leakingly touching this part really hit home for me given my intentions on living life with a free, loving, open heart:

Love, is one of the forces in life that leads all of us directly into suffering, 

because we will ultimately lose every person and everything that we love.  

After dad died,  MOM is the one who taught me to be fearless enough to love anyway,  

without conditions, and take the great risk that loving HER, would  break my heart.

That is exactly it! To be fearless enough to love anyway. What a gift to give someone. That is exactly what we all need to do. Because everyone we know eventually will die, nothing lasts forever. But to be fearless enough to love anyway, without conditions – that is kind of the point of life. Why else are we here if not to love fully and completely?

So, today on my 9th day of my 44 days of happiness – I am happy that I am learning to live life with an open heart again. And I am happy and so blessed that I have such wonderful teachers showing me how blissfully easy that is.

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The laughter of a child…

As they say in Mary Poppins “I love to laugh”. It’s fun, it’s funny, it lightens up the day, it makes me feel good from the inside out. Up until my late 20s I had friends that I used to have insane belly laughs with. I remember laughing and laughing and laughing until it hurt. Sometimes we didn’t have to even say anything, we’d just look at each other and laugh ourselves silly. It was a great way to live. I have those laughs now when I go home, with my sister and my cousins. Crazy, silly, fun, kid like laughter.

Of course, the best way to get a good dose of laughter medicine is to go to the “source”. In my case this would be my kids. Both of them are really funny people. They have incredible senses of humours, and because we spend so much time where it’s just us hanging out – we know each other well enough that it usually does not take much to make us laugh.

Sometimes though, there are faster ways of making one laugh.

This morning Jenna got up and came into my room. She lay on the end of my bed and watched me while I did my morning game of fetch with Ella the cat. As we were winding up, I turned quickly, ran a couple of steps and bellyflopped on top of Jenna on the bed. While I had her pinned down I tickled her until she turned into a squirming mess. Mean you say? Well, in my defense, the more she laughs from tickles the stronger she gets, while the more I laugh from tickles the weaker I get. And she gives back as good as she gets. It wasn’t long before we were both giggling hysterically on the bed – each trying to get away, but neither wanting the other to escape.

Every single day should begin like that. With a belly laugh with someone you love. Today for my 8th day of my 44 days of happiness I am happy because I got to have hysterical belly laughs with the best girl I know.

~Life is better when you are laughing ~

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Today we eat ice cream!

When I was a kid my parents had their law firm right beside Mackay’s Ice Cream in Cochrane. A dream come true for a kid I promise. I was always happy to have to go wait at their office for them to finish up some work because… well… ice cream. Sometimes Mr. Mackay would pop by the back door by holding a cone for my sister and me. It didn’t happen all the time, but it happened often enough that it was always worth taking the chance and going to the office.

Mrs. Mackay hit the mother lode for us one summer day. I was maybe 9 or 10 and we were driving somewhere when I got sick. Like run to the bathroom and hurl sick. We were near their office so Mom drove there and she and my sister waited outside while I was inside slowly dying from my guts. When I came back out there was a very excited Mrs. Mackay talking to my Mom. Apparently there were people there from Maclean’s magazine and they wanted to take a picture of some kids eating ice cream. Mom was saying no we couldn’t do it, I was sick. But then Mrs Mackay told us the most exciting part of all (for me anyway). We were to be pictured eating  triple scoop ice cream cones!!! Never in my life had I been allowed one of those. We were allowed a single scoop and that was it. So a triple was like winning the jackpot.

I don’t remember how it came to be, but the next thing I remember was standing out in a field holding my triple scoop, licking away, having my picture taken. I do remember finishing the whole cone later on (I had to get it dumped into a bowl because it was melting) so apparently my sickness was cured quite quickly by the temptation of ice cream.

My birthday parties always had their Smartie ice cream. It was a favourite of mine for years. I have wonderful memories of going to Mackay’s with my Grandma, my parents, and in later years with my children. I’m so happy they’re the fourth generation of my family who gets to enjoy the wonderful ritual of sitting out front on a bench enjoying a Mackay’s ice cream cone. In fact, the above picture is from Jacob’s birthday this summer. For the first time in 10 years he celebrated his birthday in Alberta and we finished it off with a Mackay’s Ice Cream pig out (so good).

My first job that was not horse related was at Mackay’s when I was a teenager. By that time she had retired (and Mr. Mackay had passed away) and the store was being run by their daughters. I had so much fun (and ate so much ice cream).

And of course now the third generation of Mackays are running Mackay’s Ice Cream just as the 4th generation of Copithorne/Ramsays are still enjoying eating the ice cream.

Often times through the years when we would stop by for a cone, Mrs. Mackay would be sitting on the bench or at one of the tables visiting and laughing with friends and customers. She was a small lady but she shone so brightly. She beamed happiness out of the core of her soul.

Today I honour the memory of a wonderful person who brought happiness to so many people over the years. She shared her joy with people with whom she was close and with thousands of those whom she never met, but whose lives she made happier because of their famous ice cream. Today they are celebrating her life while they mourn her death in Cochrane. I’m sure there will be many many people sharing happy and joyful memories of a beautiful spirit. So, my 6th day of happiness in my 44 days is because of her.

Do what you love, laugh, live, eat ice cream!

The kids and I figured the best way to honour her was to go out for ice cream. Because Mackay’s is 2,000 miles away from us we went to our local ice cream spot (that sells locally made ice cream) and laughed and played connect4 and really enjoyed each other.

Ice Cream Bliss

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Let’s play fetch!

This should be a blog about my dog and I playing fetch. But, no, the fetch player in our house is the cat Ella. And a very demanding fetch player she is at that! Every morning starting around 5:30 I hear mew, mew, meow, meeeooowwwwww, scratch, scratch, bang, bang on my bedroom door. I don’t really have to worry about my alarm not going off now that I have Ella there to wake me up. When I open the door I am generally met by her big eyes looking up at me and a little line of her toy mice set up at the door.

I grab one and hop back in bed and spend the next few minutes lying there doing my morning readings and throwing her mouse across the room for her to “fetch” back to me.

Then I have breakfast and then go sit in my chair in my room and for the next 20 minutes before the kids get up she and I play fetch.

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Today, on the 5th of my 44 days of happiness my happiness moment was brought by Ella. Not just because playing fetch with a cat is fun, but because she makes me stop whatever I’m doing and just focus on playing with her and having fun. Full attention, no distraction, living in the moment fun.

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Our sunrise

I love our backyard. We have such a lovely, quiet, peaceful yard. Complete with a koi pond, a view of our mountain, and a view of the most amazing sunrises. Usually the kids and I have to stop for a few minutes and take in the beauty of the morning. And it’s an important thing to do on groggy, funky school mornings when everyone would rather still be in bed. We say it’s God’s way of jumping up and down, looking for attention saying “look at what I did! Look at the beautiful day I have made for you! Go and enjoy it!”

Sometimes the sunrises are even a bit more fantastic than normal. The last time I saw one as pretty as the one we got this morning was on Jenna’s birthday back home in Alberta. I blogged about that here. This morning both kids and I had to run outside in the yard to get a better look at the beauty that was this daybreak. I got Jenna in her typical pose of praising the new day. What was extra amazing about these colours (and this iphone picture does not even come close to doing justice to how amazing it was) was the bright, clear, baby blue that was streaking through the middle of the reds, oranges and yellows. It was an explosion of beautiful colour.

I was lucky enough to also get to celebrate an amazing Alberta sunset on Facetime with my parents on my birthday. Those sunsets from my parents house have always been my favourite, although I must say these sunrises here come pretty close.

(my dad took this picture on Jan 14th, so its not the exact same sunset, but it’s still pretty amazing)

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That’s my happy moment today for day 4 of the 44 days of happiness. Our beautiful sunrise from our beautiful backyard with my beautiful children. IMG_0371

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Music for the spirit

I have always been a very musical person. To clarify, that means I’ve always been moved right to the core of my soul by music. Not that *I* can create that music. I love singing but the only one who likes listening to me sing is the dog (not the cat). The most entertainment my singing has ever brought me is watching the looks of mortification on the faces of my children while I sing and dance around the kitchen singing loudly to some 80s song. It actually brings me a lot more enjoyment than it should, doing that.

This morning I was driving to my walk after dropping the kids off when I started watching the lady at the red light across the intersection from me. She was maybe in her early 30s and was all dressed up so I assume she was going to work. Usually I pass people on their way to work and they already look so exhausted and unhappy. I often think what a miserable way to start the day off, big frown of stress, coffee in one hand, cigarette in the other, cell phone going (yes, I’m aware that that’s more hands than we have – you should see the drivers here, it’s insane). But back to this lady. I don’t know what she was listening to but oh man she must have loved it. She was full on car dancing. Hands waving up in the air, head flinging around, mouth singing. She was having a blast. She had an advance green while I was still waiting and I smiled as I watched her happily sing her way through the intersection. I don’t know where she was going or what is happening in her life – but for that moment in time she was radiating happiness. I was having kind of a groggy morning and she lifted me out of my fog and put a big smile on my face that I carried through my cold morning walk.

The power of music.

Music has always been able to enhance my moods. When I need to get myself up and moving, I have a song for that. When I’m feeling melancholy, I have a song for that. When I’m homesick, I have a song for that (Alberta Bound by Paul Brandt – I just had to stop and watch that 3 times – now I really am homesick. That is where my soul lives while the rest of me is stuck elsewhere). When I’m happy I, I have a song for that. Songs bring back memories of good times – every time I hear Billy Idol I see my badass little pony Pirate bouncing his head along to White Wedding.

A few years ago I was lucky enough to go to a JourneyDance at Kripalu which was probably the first time I spent 3 whole days dancing – in public – to the rhythm of my soul. I remember Toni Bergins saying something to the effect that she didn’t need therapy as long as she could dance. Very true. I loved it – and I’m not really one usually to be shaking my moves in public. I could tell things were going the wrong direction for me when I was back a couple of years later and couldn’t do the lunch time dance because I could feel there was so much sadness in my body and I couldn’t stop and deal with it then. I’m dancing again now though!

Every morning the kids and I listen to Deva Premal  on Pandora. Every once in a while the ipad is missing or I forget to turn it on and always the kids say “mom, don’t forget to turn on your yoga music. It makes me feel so relaxed and ready for the day.” The morning whining and fighting has all but disappeared since we started listening to her to begin our day.

I was first introduced to her music 8 years ago in Quebec at my first yoga class. The Gayatri Mantra affected me in a way that no other piece of music ever has. Without being able to understand a single word of it, it reached right into the core of my soul and shone some light. It made me feel safe, happy, warm, relaxed and at peace.

GAYATRI MANTRA (from Deva Premal’s website)

Om bhur bhuvaha svaha

Tat savitur varenyam

Bhargo devasya dhimahi

Dhiyo yonah prachodayat

Translation:

Praise to the source of
all things.

It is due to you that we attain

true happiness on the planes
of earth, astral, causal.
It is due to your transcendent
nature that you are worthy of
being worshipped and adored.
Ignite us with your all
pervading light

I listen to that song at least once – and often many more times – a day. It lightens my soul and makes me a happier person. Day 3 of my 44 days of happiness was brought to me by that lady car dancing at the light. I’m thankful she gave me the opportunity to reflect on what joy music brings to my life.

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The history of love

A few years ago I read the book The History of Love by Nicole Krauss. I enjoyed the book, and it’s probably time to read it again because I can’t remember most of what happened in it. But, there was one character who stood out for me – Leo Gursky – as someone I already am, or someone I could see myself turning into. Leo is an elderly man who has moved from Poland to New York. He spends his days terrified that he will die and that no one will notice him gone. He does things like make sure he goes out for a cup of coffee and then “accidentally” dropping his change all over the place. His goal is to make sure that someone notices him every day. That way if something happens to him, at least someone would be able to say – yes, I saw Leo, he was out getting coffee.

At the heart of his issue is loneliness. I think that’s why his character spoke so loudly to me. With all the moving we have done over the past 10 years, loneliness has been a common theme in my life. There have absolutely been days where I have felt like Leo. Where I felt like at least if I went out and did something to make people notice my existence (like dropping my change all over the place), people would know that I was alive.

I think this is also why the candy man at church speaks so loudly to me. He is out every Sunday passing out his candy and making friends at the church. If he’s absent one week there are 20 kids who are upset that he’s not there, and asking him if he’s ok the next week when he returns.

Believe it or not this actually fits in to my 44 days of happiness.

It was cold this morning. We are far enough south that we didn’t get any of that New England snow storm, but it was still cold. And I was feeling lazy. And I didn’t really want to walk. Even though I know that walk is so important for my spiritual wellbeing. Fortunately, Dottie ran and jumped in the car before I could break her heart, so we ended up heading out on the path anyway.

I have my regulars that I see on the path. There are a lot of seniors, but they’re all in Florida now – so it’s mostly other moms like me.  There is one other lady who is there walking no matter the weather. We laugh because I’m from Canada and she’s from Hawaii and we are the only people who can bear the heat and the cold all year to do our walks. The walk is as spiritually important for her as it is for me. We always stop and have a little chat when we run into each other. Sometimes we walk together, but we both have said how the quiet morning walk is what sets us up for the day -so often we just chat and then head on our separate ways.

Some days when I see my regulars on the path I think of Leo. Things aren’t as lonely now as they used to be but I’m still always so happy to see my regular people. The other ones who know how important that morning walk is.

So, today my moment of happiness comes from acknowledging that sometimes life is lonely, and like Leo it’s important to have those people who notice you. My happiness comes from having those people on my daily walk.

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