Tag Archives: divorce

happiness

The value in the gifts

It seems as though the past couple of months have really been about spending time paying attention to the gifts I’ve been given, figuring out my personal power, and then learning how to own and walk into all of that. I remember weeks ago talking with Asrael and saying that I felt like I was on the edge of another big shift, but that for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what it was. I had already had so many huge life changes, I was really wanting some stability.

But, I jumped off that cliff into the unknown yet again and it’s been pretty amazing. I find it interesting how it took hearing someone whom I loved and trusted tell me how little they valued me to discover how much I had learned to value myself. Once I really could acknowledge that and own it it started to change everything for me. It didn’t matter what someone else thought about me because I know who I am and I know that I have great things to offer. Life changing.

I love how God brings me things just as I need them, and right as I was sitting in this discovery was when I was brought into this amazing group at church. I don’t think it was just coincidence that I was pulled into a group whose focus was on discovering the gifts that God gave us right at a time when I was finally ready to embrace my own.

One of the ladies in our group today gave a really inspiring talk about how she had come to the end of her rope and turned to God saying she needed help right then, and how suddenly things shifted and fell into place for her. It’s that surrender thing, if I can get to the point where I can just surrender then everything comes together. Once I allow that I’m not in charge and just doing what I’m guided to do things work. We went into service and it was the exact same message in the sermon. Ending with him yelling what is it you’re holding onto? What can’t you let go of that is getting in the way of you sharing your gifts?

It’s made me really crave some quiet time to sit and think about that. I’m at a really unique place in my life. For the first time in 20 years I don’t have to think of the dreams of anyone else (except for my kids – but I will always support whatever their dreams are anyway). I don’t have to worry about helping someone else build their career, find their dreams, meld my life plans with theirs. Right now in this space in time I can build my own dreams without having to worry about how they fit in with anyone else. It seems like the perfect time to really make those great inspirations soar doesn’t it? Right now, in this space there should be nothing that is getting in the way of me sharing my gifts. Everything is old baggage that I am happy to drop and leave behind.

Our group had a celebration this morning. Everyone brought something that represented some form of the gifts they had been given to share. It was a fantastic way to learn about who some of these women are. I love when strong, kind women come into my life. They’re the kind that I want to bring into my tribe.

Here’s a small sample of some of the gifts brought in. So much love and talent and support. I’ve needed this kind of group in my life – the fact that I’ve been guided to it is a happiness moment that will keep on giving.

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A down day

Today we had one of those magical quiet days. We stayed in our pajamas for as long as possible and did the bare minimum required. Which was a good thing as I think the hamburger I ate at the horse show last night was not my friend. I thought as I ate it how I didn’t think I could stomach horse show food in my 40s like I could in my 20s but I had no idea… none at all… it was bad. 

So thank goodness it was a quiet day to chill. 

My happiness moment was watching Jenna play happily all day with her bff from school. I’m so glad that this is now home and that she’s establishing her tribe. 

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That thing…

I’ve been searching for that thing, figuring out what the gifts are that I’ve been given and how best to use them.

I think I’ve had some divine inspiration today. I’m working on an idea that just may be able to use those gifts, share happiness, and bring me some joy as well. I’m kind of excited. I’ll share more later as things progress, but for now… this idea –  it’s my happiness moment.

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Sharing Kindness

Wednesdays are my favourite day of the week. It’s the day when we have enough after school activities that we stay in town until 6:30 (the boy stays later for his evening thing), so we have supper out. Every week we eat at the same place and having that familiar routine is something we look forward to. The owner knows us, knows our order, teases Jenna every week like she’s one of his kids, and always makes us feel welcome. It’s a nice break in the week where I don’t have to cook, we sit together at the table and share stories, and it’s super cheap.

I spend a lot of time with my kiddos so I think I usually know what’s going on in their lives, but in these quiet moments where there are no other distractions I always learn so much more.

My dear, sweet, kind-hearted little Jenna told me a story tonight that both warmed and broke my heart at the same time. She said that one of her friends at school had spent the morning very upset, almost in tears, refusing to participate in class, and didn’t want to tell anyone what was going on. When she finally broke down, she asked the teacher if Jenna could join her because she felt that Jenna was a friend who was safe, caring, and had some life experience dealing with the same issues that this girl was sorting through.

The friend unburdened herself of some difficult family issues with Jenna sitting right beside her holding her (the teacher was also there). Jenna said it was difficult and painful – hard to watch her friend suffer, hard to have some old memories of her own brought back up to the surface. But she stayed there and loved her friend through it.

I am *so* proud of her. She’s learned that when the people you love need you, you dig deep and help them, love them, stay with them, hold out your hand to them. It may be easier to turn tail and run, but bless those who stay, who don’t judge, who love. They are the ones who help with the healing.

It is a happiness moment that brings tears to my eyes. She sat in some incredibly uncomfortable emotions of her own today to help out her friend. Hopefully it helped her with some of her own healing as well.

As a bonus happiness moment, I caught up today with some very dear friends of mine. It’s been years since we have had a visit and I found it very grounding, loving, happy, heartwarming…. all those good things… to spend time with them. They have faith that I have always admired.

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The healing process

I read a fantastic article this morning on healing – it described perfectly how I’ve been feeling, what I’ve been sorting out. I wrote yesterday about how tired I’ve been, today I remembered how I need to honour the healing process. Instead of beating myself up for not being where I want to be on my journey, I want to celebrate how incredibly far I have come.

The article was in Elephant Journal – they have been a fantastic source of information for me not only in my healing, but in my learning of how bring balance to my life. The article is called Living with CPTSD Following an Abusive Relationship – read it. Read it if you feel like you have been or are in one, read it if you want to better understand how things were and are for me. She manages to put words to my feelings in a way I never have been able to, it’s always been too painful and too difficult to really sit in that place. It made me realize that it’s ok that I still feel overwhelmed and tired. I’ve been through a lot, and I try very often to pretend that it never happened at all. Especially the really painful parts. As much as I need to celebrate the good, it seems I need to acknowledge the bad. Not forever, but right now it seems to be part of the letting go process.

Along with that pain is the acknowledgement, gratitude, relief, joy that we are home, we are safe, we are happy, and we are building a totally new life. That is happiness, not just in a moment, but for a lifetime.

home, our roots, our grounding place

The girl and I watched a bit of The Peanuts movie tonight. Snoopy, Charlie Brown and the gang are happiness that stands the test of time. It was a wonderful happiness moment sharing that with her.

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Recharge

I’ve been noticing lately how incredibly tired I am. It’s like the long, drawn out tired that has been sitting inside my soul for years as I’ve struggled to get to this place – safe, happy, home. Now that I don’t have to struggle anymore I’ve discovered how completely exhausted I am. Those burdens aren’t as heavy, but I haven’t bounced back to where I was before either. I’m in a recharge process and I have to remember that.

Today was spent reorganizing the house a little bit. The season has changed, it was dark when we left for school this morning, the winter gear needed to be brought out. I’m thankful that I have the time to focus on building the safest, happiest home I can for my family. I’m grateful that I can be reminded of how to use my energy and how to recharge myself so I have enough to give.

It was a quiet happiness moment as I pulled out the winter things and hung them on the walls. I decided that come November 1 this year I am putting Christmas all over the house. We will celebrate the love and joy in this family! Plus, I have these really cool Yoda lights and I can’t wait to hang them.

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A Wrinkle in Time

Tonight Jenna and I cuddled up on the couch and started reading A Wrinkle in Time together. It was one of my favourite books when I was about her age and I am pretty excited to be able to share that story with her now. 

My time spent reading to my niece over the weekend was a good reminder that I should also be enjoying that kind of time with Jenna more often. I’m so thankful that I have the time to do that and that she wants to participate. 

Opening the book and beginning Meg’s story with my girl – happiness moment shared together. 

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Reading together 

Something very interesting happened tonight as I was reading a bedtime story to my 5 year old niece. 

My two older, too cool children snuggled up on either side of us and listened to the stories as well. Not only did they listen, but they really enjoyed it. 

It reminded me that no matter how big they get, they’re still kids and those quiet moments are important and precious. 

It was not only a moment of shared happiness but one of shared love as well. 

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Sharing your happiness

Life-is-about-Happiness.jpg

I’ve been on this happiness quest for sometime now. It amazes me to think how far I’ve come since I started from the broken mess I was a few years ago. Yet, there is so far yet to go – it will be a lifelong journey for sure.

I had a happiness fact driven home today for me. I’ve realized that my happiness cup is now full enough that I need to make a real, conscious effort to share the happiness instead of merely seek it. I’ve realized that happiness is done best when it is shared with others.

There’s this guy in Cochrane who in my opinion has one of the worst jobs I could imagine. The worst for me that is, not that it’s a terrible job. He’s one of those guys who stands on the street with a sign for a shop nearby and waves at potential customers. I’ve seen these guys (and gals) all over the place and they always look pretty miserable, bored, unhappy, lonely… just like how I would be if I were doing that job.

But this guy – the guy who carries the sign for Little Caesars in town – he has a blast doing his job. He puts in his earbuds and dances his entire shift. He waves his sign around, smiles, laughs, waves at drivers and pedestrians and genuinely seems to enjoy what he’s doing. And it’s infectious – I read about him on the local Facebook pages – other drivers are cheered up by his happiness dance as well.

Today we were driving by and he walked in front of the car at the light. He stopped mid cross and busted a little move, turned and gave Jenna and I a huge smile, then walked the rest of the way across. We both had huge grins on our faces as we drove away. It’s amazing how easy it is to share happiness when you are doing something you love.

It was a great happiness moment because not only did I find joy in it, but I realized how important it is to keep sharing that joy with others.

 

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