happiness

A new Easter

Easter has always been a big deal to me, my parents celebrated it in the true sense (not the Hallmark sense) and it was always a time where we embraced Christ as our Savior, looked forward to spring and the hope of new beginnings, and enjoyed family time.

This year it was going to be just me and the girl and we were kind of at loose ends. But family scooped us up and we spent the day visiting and eating and celebrating.

It was a different day, a new way of celebrating Easter – right down to a completely different kind of church service. But we are in a season of change in this house and I think it was good to celebrate a new Easter.

A new Easter, but with our tribe, with our family. It all comes down to love and the relationships we have in our lives. I feel so fortunate I come from the tribe I do, they hold me up constantly and remind me how important it is to have people to love.

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happiness

That 70s show

The kids and I have slowly been watching That 70s Show on Netflix- but since the internet rolls over tomorrow we have been binge watching today.

As I’ve mentioned, it’s kind of a weird Easter for me this year. And I need to make it special for the girl – it is such a season of hope and new growth – but I also kind of just want to cry and miss what was.

It’s the great thing about having kids – they force me to look forward and keep the sun shining in our family.

And part of fake it until you make it is made easier by watching silly shows that make us laugh.

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Easter break

We are heading into our Easter break. It’s kind of bittersweet- I love Easter – I love the meaning of hope and new life and the promise from God it reminds us of. I also love my childhood memories of Easter. We always went to Vancouver Island when I was a kid and celebrated with the flowers, the ocean, and the cathedral. The kids and I were so lucky to have spent Easter there last year.

It’s kind of weird going into Easter this year without mom and dad. But life goes on, there is always the promise of new hope. We are in a season of change and I need to embrace it not resist it. New and wonderful things are trying to grow and it’s important I tend to my soul garden.

I think it’s important to hold onto some of those good memories, but it’s time to let go of the ones that hold me back. They can serve as the fertilizer for the new chapter of my life. I’m looking forward to it

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happiness

Easter – a time for hope

We went to Easter service at the Anglican Cathedral in Victoia today. It was meaningful for a few reasons – obviously celebrating Christ was one, but also it’s the place my parents took us when we used to come to the Island for Easter and is filled with happy family memories. One reason I hadn’t thought about until we were sitting there was that Ansley who had been the priest at my parents’ church in Calgary and who walked with us in the last stages of dad’s life and after he passed away was preaching there. I knew she was there, but I wasn’t really ready for the emotional kick I got when I saw her. Interestingly although there was a sadness when I saw her, there was also a lot of peace, joy, and comfort – she was part of a very important event in our lives and one that brought about great change for me. 

I cried through most of her homily. One thing that I have really realized on this little vacation is that somewhere along the way I had lost hope, and over the last couple of weeks I’ve been finding it again. I had been saying I was feeling overwhelmed, but I think what I was really feeling was hopelessness. That’s a bad feeling. 

My meditations lately have been about finding hope during times of chaos, my readings have been about how chaos takes us away from our connection to God and He’s the one who gives us hope, my prayer time and  chats with God have been about finding hope and believing that anything is possible. So, it makes sense that we were here for Easter to hear her story of  being Easter  people and  of finding hope as well. 

She told her own  Easter story about her sister and as she was talking I kept thinking of the parallels in my own life – my story with dad and leaving Mr. X, and all that has come with it. She talked about how Easter is remembering and celebrating that even in dark times we know that God puts things back together in different, beautiful, and usually better ways – sometimes it’s just a matter of seeing that. How important it is that we always hold onto our hope that the sun will shine out of the storm. 

I have always felt that the kids and I coming back home and getting out of that abusive and scary environment was dad’s last gift to me. It came with a lot of pain and a lot of change, but I am  starting to see the hope shining out of the storm. Tears were streaming out of my eyes (I will be glad when I stop crying in public all the time, but I’m learning to embrace it more) as I sat and listened and really absorbed the miracles that have happened in my own life over the past two years. There have been a lot of storm clouds, but rainbows and sunshine along with them too. 

Happiness is hope, happiness is celebrating Christ, happiness is time here at the ocean with the two people I love most in the world. 

Happy Easter!

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Easter’s Boxing Day¬†

If you read my blog regularly or know me in real life, you’ll know that Boxing Day is my favourite day of the year. It’s the day after all the excitement and chaos of Christmas. The day when we can just sit around, eat leftovers, play with toys, and visit with each other. 

Today feels like the Boxing Day of Easter. After three days of family gatherings and meals, we are a smaller gathering today quietly hanging around the house. There’s nowhere to go and nothing to do besides visit and enjoy each other’s company. 

These small quiet moments are the ones that make some of the greatest memories in life. 

I’m lying here listening to Jacob and his uncle who are deeply involved in a conversation about Star Wars. People are flaked out in chairs and couches napping or visiting (I’m one of the couch people). This is what it means to be safely back home in the loving arms of the family. We have the security and comfort of being with people whom we love. 

More and more I’m feeling able to just have faith and trust that all will be looked after. I’m remembering that the kids and I are safe. I’m also realizing that I don’t have to live in fear and upset because of the disrespectful and pain-seeking choices of someone else. Every step I’m taking is in the direction of this new life which is filled with promises of love and hope and happiness. I just have to keep faith that I’m on the right path and remember that we will be ok because we are living honest, loving lives. 

The happiness moment today is flaked out family time. 

  

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The Easter table 

The house was full of family and laughter. We ate until it hurt and then ate some more. It was a great Easter. There is so much to rejoice in. 

It helps me put into perspective how small my issues are in comparison to the joy of being back here with the people who love us. Knowing that the kids and I are here, safe, loved, and where we can give love back – there’s something to be grateful for. 

Easter – remembering that Christ has risen. That we are loved and perfect children of God. My happiness moment. 

A beautiful, bright, ray of light shining on mom and Luke during church.    

Nana and her grandkids. Having cousins is awesome.


   Easter egg hunt 

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Pre-Easter

We had a family warm up to Easter supper here tonight. This is our last first holiday that we will celebrate without dad. It’s inconceivable that it has been so long. 

Yet, the house was filled with family laughing and that is exactly how it is supposed to be. There is the promise of new beginnings and hope for great things to come. 

The happiness moment today – laughing with family in grandma’s kitchen, and then watching their cool uncle play with my kiddos. Thank goodness we are home. 

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