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On top of the world. 

   

As I was finally getting dressed today (I can’t even say this morning. Don’t judge, slow mornings are awesome and too rare), the song on top of the world by Imagine Dragons came on my playlist. I love this song and know it only because of my continuous play of a Pandora station when we lived in VA. 

As the song was playing I felt my spirit begin to pick up a little bit. I hadn’t been in a bad mood, but joy wasn’t radiating out of me. While I listened to the lyrics I realized that if I’m not now on top of the world, I’m climbing those last few peaks. 

Even with all the heartache and trauma of these past few months, I really feel like big changes are happening to me. I feel like I’m finally starting to hit my stride. 

I have paid my dues to the dirt, been waiting to smile, been holding it in for a while, and absolutely been dreaming of this since I was a child. I feel like finally I’m starting to live the life I’ve dreamed of. The one that somehow I felt I never deserved. I deserve to be happy (we all do). 

My happiness moment began at 5 am when I woke up. I looked outside to see a giant, orange, glowing, full moon peering in the window at me. It was beautiful. I carried that image with me until I stood on my cousin’s deck and we stared west to the mountains – each taking a big contented sigh as we expressed gratitude for where we live and the lives we have. 

These sunset pictures I took when we were here at Christmas time. I live in a place filled with such beauty and flowing with such love. The fact that we have been able to come full circle and restart in the house where my family truly started here over a hundred years ago is a blessing I am thankful for every day. 

I keep wishing dad was here to share all this with me. I know he’s around in spirit, but I sure could have used him around for more of the journey. 

 Lyrics for On Top Of The World By Imagine Dragons

If you love somebody

Better tell them why they’re here ’cause

They just may run away from you

You’ll never know what went well

Then again it just depends on

How long of time is left for you

I’ve had the highest mountains

I’ve had the deepest rivers

You can have it all but not til you move it

Now take it in but don’t look down

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

Waiting on this for a while now

Paying my dues to the dirt

I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ey

Been holding it in for a while, ‘ey

Take it with me if I can

Been dreaming of this since a child

I’m on top of the world

I’ve tried to cut these corners

Try to take the easy way out

I kept on falling short of something

I coulda gave up then but

Then again I couldn’t have ’cause

I’ve traveled all this way for something

Now take it in but don’t look down

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

Waiting on this for a while now

Paying my dues to the dirt

I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ey

Been holding it in for a while, ‘ey

Take it with me if I can

Been dreaming of this since a child

I’m on top of the world

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

Waiting on this for a while now

Paying my dues to the dirt

I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ey

Been holding it in for a while, ‘ey

Take it with me if I can

Been dreaming of this since a child

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down

And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground

Get up now, get up, get up now

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down

And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground

Get up now, get up, get up now

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

I’m on top of the world, ‘ey

Waiting on this for a while now

Paying my dues to the dirt

I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ey

Been holding it in for a while, ‘ey

Take it with me if I can

Been dreaming of this since a child

I’m on top of the world

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Giggles 

Today’s happiness moment happened when I was upstairs doing yoga. I was lying  on my mat, stretching into good feelings when I heard thumping and banging and giggles coming from downstairs. Jenna and her cousin were playing together in the family room. We have so much smoke here from the Washington fires that going outside isn’t all that enjoyable. 

I heard them giggling and bouncing all the way through my practice and during my meditation. When I finally came downstairs I discovered they’d made a survival course made of cushions through the “lava” on the floor – yet another use for our indestructible red carpet. They pulled me in and I too was hopping from one cushion to another. Sadly I drowned when I failed to balance on the corner of Jenna’s blue yoga mat which was “water”. Fortunately they rescued me before continuing on the course. 

Having done so many quiet years when we were away – times where the kids didn’t have that strong core of friends to hang out with – I am so thankful and grateful that they both have BFF’s right across the yard. Their mom is one of mine as well – bonus happiness and gratitude. 

It is so important for me to keep reaching for these happiness feelings. I still have those punch in the gut moments that dad is really gone. I had another one today driving with Jenna. She mentioned how josh had wanted to share a video he had made with dad. They never had that chance, but josh won an award for the video. Jenna mentioned how proud dad would be of him and how he will he watching him get the award from heaven. Gut punch. Cry. Gratitude that I had him as a dad. 

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Like it used to be. 

Tonight we had a moment of life like it used to be. Which is kind of what life is becoming again now that we are home, but in a different way – life in the new normal. 

My cousin was home visiting from Rome with her family for the last few weeks. Tomorrow they head back to their other home, which is nice for them because they have a happy life there, and sad too because it’s so far from this home. 

We went over to my uncle and aunt’s house to hug and cry goodbye, and ended up sitting down and having a really enjoyable visit instead. It was a visit like it used to be.  Back before we moved, before everyone got busy doing all the things we do. A visit where we knocked on the door and when it wasn’t answered we just walked in. The feeling you have of being safely and securely at home. Even though things are different. 

One of the things we chatted about was how dad taught us to canoe on Scott Lake and how terrified we all were they the canoe would capsize. The bottom of that lake is covered in blood suckers and we all had a good healthy fear of becoming blood sucker supper. It was nice though, to bring a happy dad memory into the conversation and for that to be ok. I miss him, but I want to be able to keep sharing memories of who he was and things he did with us. 

My happiness moment today was sitting around visiting with family. We are blessed in our lives. 

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Being home. 

It has been a long ten year journey that brought us finally back home. I am grateful every day we are back here (sometimes fall down kiss the ground grateful), but we did get to see areas I had  only read about, or never even knew existed, in our travels. 

The last four years were spent in Roanoke, VA. While it never truly became home (we knew we were leaving after about two years and when I know I’m leaving I find it hard to put down roots), it was still a significant part of our lives. When we moved there, Jenna was only 6 and in kindergarten – still a little kid – Jacob was in grade 5. They grew up there in many ways. 

One of my favorite things about Roanoke was also one of the things that made it difficult to live there. People had deep roots. Most of the people we met had lived there their whole lives, their family was close by, they had childhood friends. All things that are wonderful, but things that make it difficult to be an introverted newcomer. Even more than that though, watching these settled people who belonged and had family made me so much more homesick. Because, at home we also have deep roots and lots of family and friendships that have lasted for generations. 

I felt sick this morning when I read about the lives that were taken there this morning. WDBJ7 was “my” news channel and I send love and prayers to everyone involved in the tragedy. There are many things that will be said about gun control among other things, and while I have my own opinions about that – I’m going to just offer up a moment of love and peace for that beautiful area we called home. 

  
My happiness moment today made me think of the deep roots so many have in Roanoke and that I have here. We had tea with my godmother, her daughter, and an old family friend. Back in the day in Cochrane, our families had the ice cream store, the lawyer’s office and the doctor’s  office – and they were all side by side on the Main Street. 

There were lovely old memories shared about past times. Friendships rekindled and strengthened. It is so good to be home. 

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Puppy love 

Today Dottie met Aladdin. She was not impressed. Really mom? Another cat? She seemed to say to me with her big brown eyes. Just wait until she finds out there is one more after that! 

Aladdin marched across the floor while Dottie danced around behind him trying to figure him out. Finally she decided to chase him away and came bounding up to him with the intention of scaring him. 

Except instead of being afraid or running away, he did this:

 Here doggie, let me roll over so you can scratch my belly

Talk about no fear. 

This was my happiness moment. Watching how Aladdin has won over Dottie and (slowly) Ella by kindness instead of through fear. A life lesson we could all learn from.  

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The Lion King

Today’s happiness moment was being treated by my mom to the Lion King. 

My favourite line 

  

When Jacob was a small child he lived and breathed the Lion King the way the little ones now do with Frozen. Hours were spent with him playing on the side of the couch with Scar and Moufassa (help me brother). 

I love those memories of little Jacob. He was such an awesome child (he’s a pretty sweet young adult too. No complaints there). It was pretty special to share that moment with my kids and my mom. Happiness. 

When we got home, Jenna went upstairs and started yelling for me. Today was the first day we had let Abu and Aladdin roam freely and I was afraid Ella had snapped and hurt one of them when we were away. But no….. my mom’s black and white cat Flower had climbed up into the roof of our mud room and was sitting on the outside of the second story window staring at Ella. Ella lost her mind. Too many black and white cats.  They’re everywhere. She ran full tilt at the window screaming and yowling. Flower casually hopped down onto the roof and somehow made it back to ground safely. Ella is still swearing and muttering too many black and white ones. I’m a fancy tail. Don’t they know I’m a fancy tail? I don’t hang with these plain tails…. Ah Ella. We love you. Abu and Aladdin are happily curled up on Jenna’s bed oblivious to all the commotion. Happy house. 

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…and then this happened. 

Jenna finally wore me down. The end of May/beginning of June, Abu and Aladdin moved into Pet Valu and were waiting to be adopted. Jenna dragged me in there at least twice a week to play with them. She asked me every time to please apply to adopt them. I said no every time. 

After 2.5 months of this Jenna was going to the SPCA camp and I figured for sure she’d fall in love with every animal there and I wouldn’t have to worry. Nope. We would leave camp and go visit Abu and Aladdin. 

After almost 3 months they were still sitting in their cage waiting for a home. I think the problem was they needed to be adopted together and no one was taking two cats. 

Friday the weather changed here (did I mention it snowed here yesterday?) And Ella caught her first fall mouse – she left it proudly displayed in the kitchen. I figured she needed some extra help. And. Well….

Alladin on top, Abu on bottom. Alladin has an extra toe on each foot. Passed out elephant in the corner.  
I am officially the crazy cat lady. Ella is mad as can be, the kids are happy, the dog is in denial. 

A family happiness moment. Today we played with them and tried to make them comfortable in their new home. A heart expanding with love moment. 

As an aside, they are 1. If they live until 16-18 (which is pretty normal for my cats), I will be in my 60s and still have these cuties. 

Crazy, happy cat lady. 

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Doing the right thing. 

My happiness moment was this evening in Cochrane with the kids. We were in the parking lot and Jacob came to me and said we needed to go to the TD Bank. Since we don’t bank there I had no idea what he was talking about and said as much. 

He showed me someone’s bank card that he had found on the ground behind our car. He was insistent that it be returned safely to the bank for the owner to be notified. He took it over himself, explained what had happened and turned the card in. 

When he got back in the car he smiled and said that feels so good, having done the right thing and helped that person out. I bet they’ll be really upset that it’s lost and then relieved that the bank has it. What if they’d just deposited 10 million dollars and then they’d lost it?

Watching him know what the right thing to do is and act on it was a happiness moment and a proud parent moment. 

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Swinging

Today’s happiness moment was sitting with my mother in law watching the kids on the swings. 

Jenna’s joy leap in motion is how I feel this summer. Leaping towards happiness. Leaping into life.   

A secondary moment was walking the labyrinth with them. They actually took it pretty seriously and then went and sat quietly in the middle when they were done so I could finish. As soon as I told them it was like a waking mediation they were excited to try it. 

  

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The best days of my life 

Today was one of those big happiness days. We packed so much into the day, I’m kind of amazed I’m still upright- and it’s only 9pm. 

Jenna and I did a last hurrah road trip for the summer. We went to Waterton, which is one of my happiness places. 

On the way there we stopped in Pincher Creek and had lunch with one of my forever friends. I can’t remember meeting her, she’s just always kind of been there. I was probably around 6 though and we were on our ponies in Pony Club when we would have met. We have seen each other through almost every phase of life. 

This last phase (the holy crap we are adults one) has been a bit more challenging though, as we both have lived a bit of the gypsy lifestyle and moved all over the place – and usually in opposite directions. 

Thanks partially to social media but mostly to a solid foundation, we were able to sit down today after a 14 year absence and yack non stop the entire lunch – while Jenna sat there looking at is like we were aliens. Why are you guys speaking  in  two word sentences and then doubling  over in laughter? 

Because that’s how we have aways been. That lunch was a big happiness moment today. She was around for some of the best days of my life, and even with the difficult emotions of this year, I feel like I am back in the best days of my life. Happiness is growing all around. 

Jenna and I headed to Waterton after our walk. I’d read a blog by BettyLivin and took her advice about a trail towards Blakiston Falls. Of course, I hadn’t read her blog recently and thought I had a better memory than I actually do, so we ended up just walking to the Falls instead of the canyon I was searching for – which still was beautiful and a lot of fun. 

  

Then back to the town for some rock skipping at the lake. An important tradition. 

Bison paddock on the way home. They were only about 30 feet off the road. This was taken with my iPhone. It was a little too close for comfort. We were in our car and on the road, but I still sat there with my foot on the gas. I have no idea how the guy on a buffalo (who is a family friend) ever got on one of those. No thank you. 
   

I’m so grateful these best days of my life keep coming. I’m thankful for old friends I’m reconnecting with and new ones I’m making. For the feeling of stability and security. For the smiles of joy on my kids’ faces as they tell me how happy they are to be home. There is much that is right in the world. 

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