I understand the concept that while what happened to you may not be your fault,you are totally responsible for healing it. Sometimes though it feels like the healing process goes on and on while the person who caused the pain skips through life with no consequences
Today it was necessary to stop and take a few healing breaths. It feels like sometimes it is the only way to catch enough air and rest to continue on with the journey
Thank goodness we are able to stop and rebalance at times.
I’ve discovered that since the kids have gone back to school, I’ve gone back to crying in the car when I’m driving alone. It was pretty much how I spent 2015 after dad died, and I have to say I’m almost glad I’m processing mom’s death the same way finally. So much happened right after she died I had to put my grieving process on hold. Which was fine, but I do need to work through those feelings.
I was driving through town on my way to pick up the girl, still crying but trying desperately to stop. While I’m totally fine with my car crying grieving process, I’m not a huge fan of being the crazed bawling mama at school. As I was waiting for the lights to change I looked at the car across the intersection from me.
This car was a minivan, a little bit older but generally in good shape – except for the front. The entire front of the van was held together by huge strips of duct tape. Some of them looked like they were barely hanging on, others like they totally were keeping the car together.
I started laughing through my tears because omg, duct tape really does fix everything. The image of that car was enough to change my mood and I was smiling by the time I pulled into the school parking lot.
The girl and I spent most of the rest of the day driving around doing errands together. Teen life seems like it’s in constant change, but in this exact second it’s pretty good. It warmed my heart to see her smiling, and to share the deep conversations that we had while we laughed and sobbed together about the weirdness of life.
I am so grateful for this life.
We finished off our summer peaches tonight by making a crisp. Somehow it’s the first one I’ve made this year – although I plan on making a few Apple ones in the next few weeks.
It was a wonderful way to end a lovely weekend. I’m feeling very blessed.
We had our second annual fall party at the hall today. I love that building, it represents many happy childhood memories- so I was incredibly happy to hear a few people come in the doors and express to me how deeply they love our hall too. It’s holds the love and memories of generations of our community.
The boy and I took a turn at the games – connect4, tic tac toe, corn hole… we sampled pies for the contest and the auction, and we visited with friends and family – including my childhood riding instructor whom I haven’t seen in decades.
So grateful to be part of this tribe
We celebrated Friday by taking a road trip to the Italian Centre. For a long time it was our Friday tradition, and it was fun to get back to that.
Food should be yummy and fun and this place is always both.
The boy says that place rebalances his soul. That is happiness.
The boy passed his drivers test today and is finally a full fledged driver. It’s both extremely exciting and kind of sad.
I’m so happy for him, it’s a giant leap into adulthood and he’s growing up to be such an awesome man. It’s kind of sad because it feels like it’s all going too fast.
I had a lady in town come up to me in Tims today and ask where my son was. I said he was at school and she went on to tell me what a wonderful young man he was growing into. A good reminder how important it is to say kind words to people. I smiled all day.
We are at that time of the month when internet is about to run out. We are experimenting going without Bell satellite, so when the internet runs out there’s no tv either unless it’s DVD
We finished Fresh Prince and have moved to Family Ties. I loved this show as a child, and I love it just as much as an adult. The only thing I ever found weird as a kid was how they sat around eating ice cream out of the container – but that was due to my germaphobe upbringing. There are times now when we each have our own container in the freezer so we too can have a Keaton moment in the kitchen if the occasion calls for it.
So we watch the family before we go to bed. Happy with our own family, but enjoying stories of a perfect family. I can’t wait for Nick to show up!
We scattered some of mom’s ashes in her favorite places (the same spots where we scattered dads ashes three years ago).
When mom was a little girl she had “her” rock, her favorite place to sit on the hill and look over the creek to see the mountains in the background. After she got polio she was never able to go back to that spot again. In an odd way it felt really good to leave a little bit of her there at that rock.
While we were walking and crying and scattering we noticed that for the first time in weeks we could see the mountains. Like heaven was celebrating a little bit with us.
I was so grateful today we had some much needed rain. The smoke isn’t gone but it’s certainly lessened. I hope this means BC also had some rain to help put out fires.
Tonight for the first time in about 3 weeks I saw the moon. It’s the first time the sky has been clear enough from the smoke. It was so nice to look up and see it shining down at us.
Somehow we have never seen the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie – amazing since we are all huge Groot (and Marvel) fans.
I love that Friday night means a family movie together. I’m so grateful these teens want to spend time with me.
