Tag Archives: love

happiness

Evening therapy

You know it’s funny, it seems like when life is in crisis I forget all my coping skills.

My dad and I used to talk about this on our walks along the ridge. He said that prayer and meditation were so important for him in the good times because they stored up love and hope that carried him through the bad times when he maybe wasn’t as consistent at his spiritual practice.

I feel the same way.

But I’ve been back out with my guy who brings balance and love to my life.

He’s my SUV – spiritual utility vehicle

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happiness

Start it up again

The boy just walked by me and asked why I haven’t been blogging lately. I said I felt like the fun has been kicked out of me and I just don’t want to.

In the elegant words of a teenager he told me to stop my whining and start appreciating all that I have.

I hate that he’s right, but he is. There are a lot of blessings in my life and I should remember to be grateful for each and every one of them. Even though I just couldn’t make myself do it for the last little while, I really missed finding a moment of happiness in every day. They’re still there, but I feel like I need to celebrate them more.

So, tonight I am happy and grateful for the sound of girl cousins giggling as they play games from their childhood. Balance is coming back to life and that is a wonderful blessing.

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How to deskunk the 🐕

A few days ago I read on Keystone Equine’s Facebook page that the best way to get the skunk smell out of a dog is Vagisil. Yeah.

I tucked that information away hoping I wouldn’t need it, but sure enough last night Bear got face to side with a stinky black and white

Omg the smell. I thought I’d pass out. I used some of the pet store skunk stuff I had but it didn’t really make a difference.

One sad night for our poor dog.

Today I left my pride at the house and went to Walmart asking for the largest container of Vagisil powder they had.

I’m glad I don’t have much pride because that stuff worked miracles. I now has a fresh, non skunk smelling happy dog.

That is a happiness moment.

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17 years ago tonight

17 years ago tonight I was in the process of a life changing event. Tomorrow at 3:06 am my baby boy made his grand entrance into the world. Becoming his mom changed me completely. I have learned to love harder, forgive more, be gentler, and find strength I didn’t know existed.

All of this I learned from him. He is one of the brightest stars in my sky and one of my greatest sources of happiness.

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happiness

Bringing community together

We had our second annual start of summer potluck at the community hall tonight.

I love this community we are part of. The roots are deep and the love is strong. It was so awesome to visit, laugh, eat, play cards, and share time with family and neighbors.

We are fairly unique these days in that we have so many families who have lived together for generations. Having flown solo for so many years in our gypsy era, I appreciate even more the grounding joy of our loved ones.

We are blessed.

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happiness

The little innocent part

I had an interesting conversation with a new friend this weekend. She had a similar marriage/divorce/being left alone to raise kids situation (we married the same kind of man) so we shared some of our stories with each other.

I really enjoy getting to know her, bad man choices aside she’s a really great person and we have a lot of fun laughing when we are together.

She said a couple of things that made me stop and think. The first was when she asked me why I’d started this happiness blog. I told her how unhappy and unsafe my life was and I had decided that for my 44th birthday I needed to do 44 days of happiness where I found something that made me happy/to be grateful for every single day. Some of those days were hard – some days it was oh, I saw Henry the Heron or I had someone smile at me at the grocery store. My life was pretty small and pretty sad back then.

I explained how it had made me so much more aware of how I wanted to be and that I needed to pray for major changes in my life. She said she totally understood, that she also had been in that black hole of fear and sadness, and that clinging onto any moment of happiness gave her hope that things would get better.

It made me realize that I need to get back to blogging again. I needed this break. We had some bad real life stuff come up and I just couldn’t deal. Given that I’ve blogged through the deaths of my parents and my divorce, just know it has been some really bad stuff that came up. But, I must keep looking for moments of joy, of laughter, of peace.

The other thing she said resonated with me so strongly it almost took my breath away. She asked if I was scared to allow myself to get really close to a man again. Then she said that she felt like that small, innocent, gentle part of her that was so precious had been killed in her marriage and divorce, and that she was afraid it wouldn’t come back.

That is exactly how I feel. I don’t know that the best part of me is available anymore. But it also made me determined that Mr X will not be successful in making that part of me die. I need to keep healing, I need to learn to be strong, I need to not be afraid that every man I meet will be Mr X, I need to stop allowing narcissists into my life.

Mostly I need to keep working towards a place of peace. This past month has made me aware how delicate a process this is. I have to be gentle with myself and with my kids. They have been through a lot, and they’re learning now what a normal family life without fear is like.

My moment of happiness over the weekend was 4H on parade with the kids and with our club. We have an awesome group of people, some are cousins, some are new people I’m getting to know. The kids are thriving in the club, they’re gaining self confidence, and we are all really enjoying the experience.

It’s so easy to get bogged down in fear. I just did. Granted, I had real life stuff happening to be scared of – scary stuff is still happening. But, I refuse to live my life in total fear anymore. Then Mr X wins. I want love to win.

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… and I’m back

I think I really needed a few days of just being quiet.. no blogging.. not much doing besides what was essential to life.

I needed to reconnect with the Divine, I needed to rebalance myself, I needed to remember that things work so much better when I come from a place of love instead of a place of fear. How he treats me is his Karma, how I react is mine. All I can do is work on how I react to things – really how I act in general.

I get anxiety when what I say and what I do don’t line up with how I feel. I also get anxiety when I don’t feel safe. But I also am learning that a lot of that is based on memories, and I am not going to be defined by those memories.

So, I’m taking a deep breath, dusting myself off yet again, and moving ahead on this path. With one very dark exception I have a very blessed life. I am going to spend more time focused on letting that light shine in instead of letting the dark take over.

Again, it goes back to my desire now for peace over all else. I want a happy life of course, but more than anything I want a peaceful life – that source of joy is eternal.

I’ve learned a lot about myself and those close to me in the last few days. So much love, strength, and power exists here. Not only with those around me, but I’m starting to realize that I have a lot of inner strength too. The strength and courage I see in my kids is almost overwhelming. They are the brightest stars in my sky and I will keep doing whatever it takes to help them heal and learn to shine their own lights into the world.

 

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Voted player of the game

My boy is playing soccer again – for the first time since he was a little. He’s second string goalie, but today the first string was absent- so he was goalie the entire game.

They lost, but man can my kid play! It was awesome to see how many blocks he made. At the end of the game, the other team voted him player of the game. He was flying high on that the whole way home.

There are always good moments of happiness, even when life is bumpy

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