Author Archives: Melissa

happiness

Gummy worms

I spent the day with a horsey friend – I’ve known her since we were in our teens. So aside from being able to chat for hours about horses, we have really funny old memories that we share. 

When I picked her up she had a bag full of gummy worms, coke, dill pickle chips and cheese sandwiches – because that was our  staple lunch in our youth. Thank God we were so active – how did we ever eat like that?

I brought my sandwich home (you have  to crush the chips inside the sandwich) and gave it to the boy who at first was horrified but then declared it the best thing he’d eaten in ages. He said how do I not know this side of you mom??? Ummm because we can’t live on dill pickle chip and cheese sandwiches. 

It was fun to spend the day catching up on horse things and to laugh with a friend I’ve had since forever. Happiness – horse happiness. 

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When they get along 

I had to leave the monsters unsupervised at the hair salon while I did some errands. I knew they would be fine because they’re basically good kids, they’re old enough, and our stylist would keep them in line (she’s awesome). 

When they were done they went to Tim’s for a snack and I stopped in at the salon to pay before getting them. 

I was greeted by Tiara, our stylist, who told me how awesome they were. She said it was amazing how well they got along, the deep level of affection they have for each other was obvious in the way they talked with each other. 

❤ Happy mom moment! They are really good friends, in part because of all the moves and some of the family issues. They have this amazing deep bond. They can also be known to wrestle each other to the  ground in the blink of an eye. But they have this amazing bond that they both cherish. 

Happiness moment- hearing how happy my kids are, how well they got along, and how Tiara enjoys their company. They are a huge blessing. 

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In our own way

We have been really struggling in our healing process the last couple of weeks in our little family. I’m not sure why it is now that these issues are here, but they most certainly are. 

The kids have had several memories pop up bringing with them lots of questions and it’s meant a serious dose of anxiety for all three of us. 

Interestingly, not long after they started coming to me with questions and memories I found an old journal. It was one I wrote during the time we had the fight that ended our family (as it is now called). Sometimes I feel like maybe I’ve over exaggerated some of the things that went on in ourbhome, like time has made them more extreme than they were. Well, let me tell you… that is not the case at all. It was incredibly painful to transport myself back in time and relive the hurt, fear, terror, confusion, and many other things that were swirling around at that time. And to know that it went on for years… that this is the childhood they look back on… breaks my heart. 

Sometimes (like all the time) I feel like we should be over it all ready. We are home, we are safe, we should be fine. And yet we are not. One little thing happens and someone is triggered and we have to hold on for our lives to keep our balance. 

And then I remember that this is our healing journey. No one else is living it besides us, no one else gets to determine the path it takes. I’m learning every day to have faith that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. It’s tiring and tearful and I want to just be done with it, but we need to honor the process and give thanks that we are in the healing part of it. 

Happiness tonight was watching the boy play his basketball game. Every time he’s out there I see his confidence grow. He is such an amazing young man and has incredible strength. It brings me such joy to see him finding himself, knowing that he is in a faith filled spiritual journey of his own. 

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Part of the community 

We had our community general meeting tonight and I volunteered to be on the board (or was elected or whatever the proper term is). I did this years ago, before we moved, and it was a great way to get to know our neighbours. I’m thinking it will again as we are settling back in. 

Our community is pretty special, given that we are almost all related or our t families have been here for well over 100 years. There’s a unique bond that comes with that and I’m so grateful to be a part of it. 

It was happiness getting to see some neighbours I haven’t seen in a while. It’s happiness knowing I can give a little back to the community that has been so good to me. It’s happiness knowing this is our tribe. 

It is where we are from 

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On the court 

Tonight I got to watch the boy run up and down the basketball court. Being one of the younger and more inexperienced players he often spends a great deal of time on the bench. Tonight was different though and he was in for most of the game. 

They didn’t win, it wasn’t even close, but man did he ever enjoy playing. That was happiness – watching someone I love experience the bliss of doing something they love. 

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Hippie chicks in the mountains 

Today I was treated to a morning in Canmore with a dear friend. We had business to do, but afterwards we had enough time to walk the streets and have lunch. How lucky am I to get to be in the mountains two days in a row? 

It was beautiful and clear and the only issue we had was being stuck in traffic 


Yep, we got stuck behind a zamboni while driving through town. If that doesn’t scream I’m in Canada, I don’t know what does. 

I treasure this friendship with this dear soul whose crazy lines up with my crazy. We have a lot of fun together, but we get each other on a really deep level and that’s pretty rare. It brings me happiness and gratitude. 

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Sweet Sunday 

I took the girl and her friend up to Canmore today so they could go for a swim. I love being surrounded by the mountains and to me it’s a no brainer when they ask to go to the pool – Calgary or Canmore – the mountains will always win. 

I love that she’s building strong girl friendships, and that she’s very mindfully choosing her friends. There is a lot of thought that goes into the girls she builds her bonds with – and she makes really good choices. That is happiness. Building that tribe of women that walk you through life is huge. 

The girls earned money babysitting yesterday and couldn’t wait to spend some of it at the candy shop. It’s kind of a ritual. 

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Where we are at 

My mom, sister and I did a little house organizing today. In the midst of the not-fun part of the job, we discovered some old photographs. Photos of when mom was in her 20s, old photos of people at the ranch, golden forgotten memories. It was fun to see mom get excited about old times and to hear a few stories. 

It really hit me today we were looking at old family treasures how long and settled our family has been in this exact spot. I often still feel the effect of our gypsy life and I love those moments of grounding that remind me that I’m exactly where I am supposed to be. 

We had a family supper tonight – mom, me, my sister, and all the kids – sitting around the dining room table. The perfect place to be building new memories for the next generation. My sister recently had turned into quite the cook, and it was awesome to get to enjoy her creations. 

Happiness today was weird. It was happiness going through old family things. It was weird because there have been so many changes and I feel like I’m running to catch up. But there is huge joy and gratitude for being exactly where I am right now. 

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Birthday Boxing Day 

Some of you may know that Boxing Day is my favourite day of the year. I love it because all the stress of Christmas is over and you get to lie around and enjoy family time. 

Today was the Boxing Day of my birthday and it also was a favourite day. I went out for lunch with a cousin – and had the added bonus of running into another cousin and nephew who were at the same restaurant for a brief visit. 

We had a wonderful lunch, enjoyed great food – and more importantly enjoyed each other’s company. We are walking very similar paths, albeit in different ways, and I love sharing and learning with her. It’s sacred time. 

Supper tonight was with that other cousin and nephew and some of the extended family. The nephew has his birthday the day before mine and I love sharing life celebration with him. I was thinking tonight as we were sitting around the table how incredibly blessed I am.  God gifted me into an amazing tribe and if I ever took it for granted before, I certainly don’t now. 

Today was a day filled with big happiness moments. Lunch, laughs, cupcakes (really awesome ones from my sister), delicious food, home, family – this is all I need to make me happy. Because what all of that represents is love. And we have a lot of that here. 

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Another trip around the sun

Today is my birthday. Two years ago I started this happiness journey with 44 days of happiness. The life I was living was completely different from the one I have today. We were living in SW Virginia, I was so unhappy, scared, alone, fearful, anxious, and lost. I decided to start looking for something every single day that made me happy and since I was turning 44 I would do it for 44 days.

When I started it was really difficult. Some days the only thing that I could find that made me happy was seeing the heron on my morning walk. There was not a lot of joy in my life and I had to work really hard to find any kind of sunshine. After the 44 days I felt a lot better, but knew I had much more work to do to get to where I wanted to be. So, I kept up with my happiness seeking – looking for a moment of happiness in each and every day.

The last two years have seen huge changes in my life both externally and internally. The kids and I have come home, we are safely and happily living back in the middle of our tribe. We still have struggles, but we have a grounding that I could never manage to create before. It may be a slow pace, but I feel us all moving ahead on this journey of healing and discovering.

Every year I have set an intention for the upcoming year. For 46 my intention is to believe – to have faith and trust that what I am doing is the right thing, to listen to God to know that I am on the right path, to believe in myself.

Also to remember that I gave all of my fucks away in 2016 and that I no longer have any more fucks to give. I am not going to spend hours stressing over things that could happen, things that are happening, things that have happened. I’m just going to let it be (and if you know me in real life and are laughing hysterically right now – remember this is an intention. I am a work in progress).

My happiness moment today: I had supper with my kids and my mom which was special and I treasure that. I don’t mean that lightly, after 10 years of being away to spend my birthday supper in grandma’s kitchen with my family is a big freaking deal.  After, as we were munching on our cupcakes, we shared memories of my childhood and of the kids’ childhood. We seem to have broken into this space where they want to talk about happy childhood memories and that brings me a lot of pleasure. For a long time no one wanted to talk about anything from the past, I’m glad that we can bring back some of the happy times. It’s also the best day of the year to be on Facebook and I was humbled and flattered by all the friends who sent me well wishes. I am a very blessed person.

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